Chapter 14
Leo
I tried to find her, but Celia was a hard woman to find, especially when she went out of her way to make sure that I couldn’t find her. All I had left of her was a pair of underwear that she had left behind that I found a week later under the bed. I swear it was like it was just there to remind me of what I had lost and I wasn’t too happy about it. I didn’t tell Grey what was going on, but he finally figured it out. I blew up after another late night strumpet was picked up from his place. His life was getting in the way of mine, but no amount of being upset seemed to help. I just had to get it through my head that she was gone.
One night a few months later I was playing a Christmas special down at the bar, but I wasn’t feeling so cheery. The lights and the cheer weren’t there for me. Nothing was looking like it was going to be okay. I wanted Celia back and if I could have one thing, it would have been her. Because she wasn’t in my life, I didn’t want Christmas. Usually I dressed up and tried to bring cheer, but there was none of it this time around. I had lost the very thing that made the holiday great.
I saw a familiar face that I hadn’t seen in a while and even that wasn’t enough to get me out of my Christmas funk. Carlos was a regular, but then he dropped off the face of the earth for a couple of months. I was happy to see him and waved during the first set when I saw him in the crowd. It wasn’t long before it was clear that he wasn’t as happy to see me as I was to see him though. He had a look in his eyes that I didn’t quite understand. We had always been friendly, if not friends, but something had changed.
I didn’t get a chance to ask him about it because he was walking up to me before I could go to him.
“Hey Carlos. What have you been up to?”
He didn’t share my grin and I tempered my own, trying to figure out what his deal was.
“I have been better. I got some news last night that I don’t really like to hear.”
It had to be serious for the free-spirited man to look so upset. I asked him what was going on as I ordered us a couple of drinks. It didn’t look like he was too keen to share, so I was going to have to be patient if I wanted to know. The fact that it was me he was eying told me that maybe I did need to know what it was that had him upset. Why did I get the feeling that it was because of me somehow?
“So what is going on man? Why are you looking so down?”
“I got some bad news from my girlfriend and I don’t know what to do about it.”
“I didn’t know you were dating anyone special. Good on you.”
“Yeah, Celia is great. I think you know her.”
My heart stopped beating for a minute so that I could hear what he was saying. Was he talking about my Celia?
“Celia?”
Carlos chuckled and I knew that he was talking about my Celia. I hadn’t seen her in months and we had only had a few conversations, but as soon as I met her in the bar I had thought of her as mine.
“Yeah.”
“So the two of you are seeing each other?”
He nodded his head and took a drink of his beer. What was his problem and why was he looking at me like he wanted to rip my head off? I just didn’t get it really. I was the one that should be mad. I had been looking all over for her, unable to get her off of my mind and now I come to find out that she had moved on and with a guy like Carlos. He was nice as a friend, always good for a laugh, but there was also the rumors of how he really was with women. He had worked through all of the pretty girls at the bar. I didn’t like the idea of him with Celia and I was afraid he was going to hurt her.
“Yeah we have been seeing each other for a couple of months now, about three.”
“I don’t think I have ever heard of you dating anyone.”
“Yeah, well she is different, isn’t she?”
I couldn’t have agreed more. There was something with Celia and the more I thought about her now, the more I missed her and the more I wanted to punch the smiling man in front of me. I had no choice but to make comparisons between us. We were alike in many ways, but why had she chosen Carlos? It just didn’t make any sense to me really.
“Yeah she is something else. I am glad to hear that she is doing well. I haven’t seen her in quite some time.”
“I know.”
Carlos had this smug look on his face and I wasn’t sure what to say to it. He seemed to know too much and I was aching to ask him what the hell had happened. Why had she disappeared like she did? But pride stood in the way and I wasn’t sure what to say. This was not what I had expected when I came in here this afternoon. I figured that I would jam out and go home to miss my Celia. Was this some kind of sign and did it mean that I was going to get to see her again?
“So what can I do for you Carlos? You seem to have something on your mind that you want to say to me.”
“I do actually. I wanted to talk to you about Celia.”
“Well like you say, I haven’t seen her in quite some time so I am not sure how I can help.”
Carlos nodded and I could tell he was trying to find the right way to say something. I don’t know what was going on in his mind, but the way he was acting did bother me a little bit. I don’t know what is going on and I don’t like this feeling one bit.
“I came here to give you some news. She is afraid to tell you, but I want to know how you are going to react and if it was me, I would want to know, so I am trying to do you a solid.”
He was setting it up and it was making me even more nervous. I don’t know what he is talking about, but I knew that I was going to have to let it work itself out one way or another.
“Okay…”
“She is pregnant Leo and since we are about to move in together, I need to know what that means to you.”
I was taken aback and I had to have showed it because Carlos kind of chuckled again. I didn’t think it was a laughing matter, but at the same time I was glad he told me. I wanted it to be Celia that had told me, but it was better to know than not to know. Would she have told me eventually?
“Um, she’s pregnant?” Was this the Christmas miracle that I had been hoping for? I couldn’t help the smile that crossed my face and even with the scowling man next to me, I was unable to temper it. Was this really happening?
“Yes and it is yours, obviously. She is several months along and you are the only one that it could be. I can’t say that I am really happy about this. I wish it was mine, but I suppose that is not meant to be.”
I could tell that Carlos was not happy about any of this. I wouldn’t be either, but I had no idea what I was supposed to say or do. I had never been in a position like this before. I was usually really good with condoms, but there had been so much going on with Celia, I had been so happy to be with her that it had been the last thing on my mind. It was strange now that I thought about it. I was going to be a father? What did that mean to me?
“So?”
It took a second time for Carlos asking for me to realize that I was supposed to answer him. “So?”
“Well I don’t know what to say Carlos. This is a shock.” A great shock that I found hard to hold in.
“Are you going to do the right thing? I know you work for Grey and you make good money, so I want to make sure that you are going to do the right thing by her. If you aren’t, I need to know now and I will step up in all ways.”
I didn’t like the idea of that at all and I told him of course I was going to step up. This was my child and I was going to make sure that they were taken care of.
“I want to see her.” God, I wanted to see her so badly.
He frowned and sat back in is chair. “What for?”
I could tell where this was going, but I wasn’t going to back down. I wasn’t going to go away, no matter how much Carlos wanted me to. This was my sign that it was all going to be okay. The holidays weren’t looking so dark anymore.
“How much did she tell you about me?”
“She said that you made her not trust men. I had to wait months before she would open up and you are something that she still won’t really open up about. I don’t know what happened between the two of you and I don’t really care, but I know that I don’t want her upset. She didn’t even want me to come here and tell you but I thought it was the right thing to do.”
I was full of mixed emotions and I wasn’t sure what to say. I know that there had been a misunderstanding, but that didn’t mean that I had done anything wrong. I would have explained it to her if she had made it possible, but Celia had made it impossible for me to see her. The more I thought about it, the more upset I became. It was hard to know what to say to her or to him. I didn’t really have anything to say to Carlos, not really. I wanted to know what was going on, but I wasn’t going to tell him. He wanted to know, I could see it in his eyes, but I didn’t want to say a word. I wanted him to get out of it. I didn’t like Carlos now and I knew it was because he had gotten the girl. The girl with which I wanted to be mine and I had thought was going to change my life forever. Now it looked like she was still going to do just that, but how was still not clear.
“It is not for me to say. It was a while ago and if we are going to have a kid together, then I should talk to her. While I appreciate you telling me Carlos, I really do, you have to see that I should want more than to talk to you. I haven’t seen Celia in a long time and if what you say is true, then I will have to see her.”
Carlos still wasn’t happy with my explanation, that much was clear but I really didn’t care if he was. I felt like if we were having a kid together, he didn’t really have much to say about it. He was the one that had come to me and I was trying to fight the urge to physically assault him, but I wasn’t going to talk to him about plans of our kid.
“We are going to be living together Leo. I am going to be a part of her life and your child’s life. We might as well come to terms with this now.”
I made a face and took another drink of the beer in front of me. I needed something stronger and I called the bartender over. I needed a real drink and so much more. What was I supposed to say to all of this? I was speechless if I was honest and the last thing that I wanted to do was have this discussion with him. It was hard to fathom what it was that he was saying to me. I needed to see Celia and get to the bottom of this.
“I am going to give you my number Carlos. Have her call me so we can set something up. It appears that we have a lot to talk about.”
My hand shook a little as I gave him the number. I wasn’t sure how it was all going to work out, but all of the angst was gone. Celia was going to be mine and the more I thought about it, the more I knew that this was all going to work out. It was going to be a good Christmas after all.
Chapter 15
Celia
When Carlos came back, I knew that it hadn’t gone well. He didn’t look happy at all and I thought it was going to be what I thought. Leo wasn’t going to want to have anything to do with me or the baby, but I had already steeled myself to the eventuality. I pretty much knew what it was going to be and I tried to tell Carlos that, but he was sure that I was wrong.
“So how did it go?”
He had a snarl to his face and I tried not to laugh about it. It was going to be okay. I knew that I was going to be okay with or without him to help me. It wasn’t something that I wanted to do alone, but it wasn’t like I had another choice. I can’t make him do the right thing, right?
“Leo is not what I expected. I have met him many times before, but not like this.”
“Where was he?”
“He was at the club. He still plays in there a couple of times a week.”
“Oh, well Carlos, don’t worry about it. I told you that he was going to be rude about it. I am not going to worry about it and you shouldn’t either. That is why I wasn’t going to tell him.”
“It would have been easier if that was the way it was, but it’s not. He actually seemed thrilled about it and said he wants to see you.”
I was too shocked for words and I didn’t know what to say. I think it would have been easier if he would have just said it wasn’t his and walked away. My heart started to race and I knew that it was going to be hard to face him. It was one of the reasons I had made sure that he couldn’t find me before.
“What?”
“Yeah, I think he is still in love with you. I didn’t know that you were together that long Celia.”
“We weren’t.”
“Well I can’t blame him really. I fell for you not long after I met you.”
I didn’t know what to say, but I covered his hand with mine. He was not at all what I had expected. For a man with such a reputation, Carlos really was sweet.
“I don’t know what to say about it all. When you came home all upset, I thought it was going to be bad news.”
“I just don’t want to lose you Celia.”
I told him that he wouldn’t, but at the same time I worried about it as well. I worried about facing Leo, knowing how I felt about him. It wasn’t going to be easy to pretend that I didn’t care. I did and I couldn’t help it. It was why I was so worried about it. I didn’t want to care. I didn’t want to feel anything for him, but it felt impossible to turn it all off.
“Are you going to see him?”
I shrugged like I didn’t care, but we both knew that I was going to have to. I had to talk to him if he wanted to be part of the baby’s life. It was going to be hard to convince him that I didn’t want to be, at the same time I was trying to assure him that he had nothing to worry about. All I could think about at the moment was why he thought Leo was in love with me. Had he said something to that effect and why did I care if he had? I was over him, right?
I cared about Carlos, I really did. He was a good man and treated me well, but there had always been something missing that I couldn’t quite put my finger on. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that his fears may not be that unfounded.
He wanted to talk about moving in after he gave me Leo’s number, but I told him that I was tired and I had a lot to think about. It was going to be hard to imagine seeing him again and I wasn’t sure what I was going to say or how it was all going to go. There was a part of me that wished I knew, but the feeling I had didn’t sit well with me. I was too tired to think about it and once Carlos left a little deflated, I stayed up too long thinking about calling Leo. I was nervous at the prospect of hearing his voice, let alone the rest of it. How could I meet up with him if the idea of talking to him on the phone made me feel so crazy? It didn’t make much sense to me, it really didn’t.
The next morning I had the day off and I felt like I was going to sit there and ruminate about it too much, so the best thing for me to do was to figure something out. I had to just call him and get it over with, like a bandage, it just needed to be ripped off.
I stared at the piece of paper in front of me with the number scrawled on it and I knew that I was going to have to figure something out. I was going to have to call him and I finally dialed the number and waited for it to ring. I half wanted him to let it go to voicemail. I thought it would be easier that way.
“Hello?”
Hearing his voice made my heart sink a little and I tried not to let it bother me or change the sound of my voice. I was afraid that it was going to start quivering if I let it.
“Hi, Leo?”
“Celia?”
“Yeah, I got your number from Carlos. I thought I would give you a ring. He told me that you wanted to talk.”
“Merry Christmas, Celia. I have been trying to find you for months. Where are you and I will pick you up? I want to see you Celia, not just talk. It has been a while and I can’t believe you are finally calling. It has been too long.”
He had a tone to his voice that bothered me. He sounded like he missed me and I had to wonder again if Carlos was right. Did this man really love me like Carlos thought he did? I knew that I had too strong of feelings, but to think that Leo too did was hard because he was not that type of guy. He was the type of guy that had many women and I was just one of a slew, I was sure. Why was he acting like he missed me so much?
“Happy holidays to you too. It has been a while Leo. We can meet somewhere for lunch if you want. I guess we do have a few things to talk about.” My heart was fluttering and I wasn’t too sure why. I knew that I was feeling this way because of our one night together, but there had to be more to it. Carlos was pretty good in bed, but he had never made me feel the way that Leo did. It was hard to imagine anyone making me feel the same way as I did about him. Now that I was pregnant with his baby, it was even harder. I was just going to blame it on the hormones though.
“Just tell me a place and a time Celia and I will be there.”
“Don’t you have to work?”
“I will be there whether I have to work or not. My boss won’t mind.”
I wasn’t sure what to say. I don’t know why I was thinking that it would be a while, maybe after the holidays. I was thinking of next week or something. I hadn’t been prepared for him wanting to do it right away. I mean, what was I going to wear?
Giving him the name of a restaurant down the street, I figured it was a nice day for a walk and it would give me time to clear my head before I got there. I didn’t want to have all of this anxiety inside of me, but I didn’t know how to get rid of it. I was convinced that I wasn’t going to be able to face him again, but I was going to have to. It was silly after all of the trouble I had gone to so I didn’t have to. Now circumstances made it where I had to see him and now, whether I liked it or not, I was going to have to have Leo in my life.
But I didn’t have to fall for him again. I didn’t have to be with him. We were just meeting to discuss the baby. That’s it…