Chapter 13
Celia
When I heard the woman talking in the background, I should have known what was going on. I should have known that he was that type of guy. The sad part was that I did know, but I didn’t want to believe it. I had gone to him after he came to the restaurant because I wanted to believe that I was wrong. Now I know that I wasn’t and after what we had done a couple of hours before, I was more devastated than I cared to admit. It was always going to be this way, but now it hurt even more because of how much pleasure he had given me. Leo had made me feel loved or at least wanted for a few moments and I don’t know why I needed it so much.
I felt devastated and I couldn’t get out of his place fast enough. I couldn’t find my underwear, but I gave up after a few minutes, afraid that he would somehow show up before I left. I couldn’t meet his gaze and I didn’t want to talk to him. It was literally the last thing that I wanted to do was say a word to him.
So I left the undies and made sure that I was out of there as soon as possible. The last thing I wanted was to be there when he got back or to ever see him again. He had left me at his house to be with another woman. I couldn’t believe that I had been so stupid and the more I thought about it, the more I realized that I had brought it on myself. I was the idiot and I wasn’t going to be that moron again, not for Leo or any other man.
I told myself that I wasn’t going to cry. I had only known him a short time, but when I give my body away like that, it was hard for me to detach from feelings I didn’t want to think about what happened next. I just wanted to take a shower and wash the man away. It was a mistake that I was going to regret for some time, but it wasn’t the end of the world. I had to keep repeating that to myself. I was now Betty.
***
The next day I quit my job and made sure that my boss and the people I worked with knew that I didn’t want my address given out. It was the only way he knew how to reach me and it was the last thing that I wanted. I never wanted to see Leo again and I was going to do everything in my power to make sure that I didn’t. A stronger woman would have just told him off, but Leo had some kind of power over me that I couldn’t really deal with at the moment and the last thing that I wanted to do was slide back into it. I needed to keep myself away from him. To me, it was the only way and I was angry at myself for the weakness.
After losing my job, I figured that I was going to have to find another one. The restaurant was a newer job, so it wasn’t going to be too hard to replace. There were a lot of places to work in the city and after a couple of hours, I had another job secured and I could breathe again. Knowing that I wasn’t going to see him anymore was all that I needed and I was starting to feel better about everything. My only regret now was that I had caved before and went home with Leo. It was a mistake that I wasn’t going to make again.
***
Months went by and I thought about Leo less and less. It was all a bad dream or a lesson learned whichever way I was leaning for the day. I even got back into dating. I had run into Carlos and though at first I wasn’t sure how it would work out, I was surprised at how nice he was. He had dated a co-worker of mine in the past, but not everything works out.
Carlos was good to me and we went slowly because my heart was in pieces from Leo. I had my guard up from all men and the more I tried to fight it, the more I realized that I didn’t want to be alone. I was more emotional nowadays, but still I made sure that I was careful. I knew what men like Carlos and Leo could do to me. I was too trusting, but now that part of me had changed.
We were talking about moving in together when I realized that everything was not as it was supposed to be. I hadn’t had a time of month in months, which wasn’t unusual for me, but when I heard a comment that my boobs were getting bigger it got me thinking about something that I didn’t want to think about. I wasn’t promiscuous, so if for some reason I was pregnant, I knew whose it would be.
I didn’t tell Carlos about it because I didn’t know how to tell him. I went to the doctor and got the news that I was dreading to hear. I was almost four months along and the extra little pooch of my stomach was not too many nights out to dinner, it was actually something more.
Now I had to tell Carlos because it was only fair to him and I found it hard to deal with. It didn’t even occur to me to tell Leo about it. Not yet anyways. I had a feeling I knew how he was going to respond and I wanted to get things squared away with Carlos first. We had built something on trust and I had to hold on to that. I just hoped that he would understand, but I really didn’t know what he was going to do or say about it when I told him. I just needed everything out in the open before all of this came out. It wasn’t going to be long before I could hide the secret no more, so I had to say something now.
Carlos was getting off of work and I was trying to figure out how I was going to tell him. We were talking about moving in together, but I didn’t know if this was going to change things. I felt like it might because of the fact that I was pregnant with another man’s baby. It wasn’t ideal, not by a long shot and I was getting nervous as I waited for him to come by when I decided that I had to tell him.
When he did show up, he kissed me on the cheek and then on the lips, telling me how he had missed me. I had seen him this morning, but a lot had changed since then and it wasn’t for the good. It was all moving too fast, like a snowball gaining speed and getting bigger as it went. How was he going to react when he found out? I tried to gauge how I would react and I can’t say that I really knew what I would do if the tables were turned.
“Carlos, we need to talk…”
He groaned and told me that it didn’t sound good. I didn’t know what to say, but I finally just came out with it in a blurting fashion and watched his face change. It wasn’t at all what I had hoped for, but I knew that it was a lot to take on and I figured that it would be best if I let him absorb it all before I did anything else.
“Are you sure?”
I nodded that I was and I told him how far along I was. It was obviously not his and I wanted him to understand that right off the bat. It was another man’s child and even though we were getting serious, I knew that all of that might change. I almost expected it to.
He wanted to know who it was and I told him that it was Leo. Carlos knew about Leo from when we first got together and he just kind of stared off into space for a while. I was making dinner and I finished before he said much of anything else. He was shocked, as was I when I first found out, so I knew that I was going to have to wait it out.
“Have you told him yet?”
I told him that I hadn’t. “No, I don’t think he will want to know honestly. He really isn’t that kind of guy to want a family.”
“I want to talk to him Celia.”
I agreed because I knew that he was going to do it one way or another, but I wasn’t too happy about it. It was all just one big mess.