He holds my hand as we rush through LAX. Dark glasses cover both our eyes, and even though he said he wouldn’t wear a hat, he is today, but I get it. Now I understand why he suggested we take the red-eye flight. Not only were we alone and not bothered, but everyone is in a rush to exit the airport and get to their early morning appointments. That means no one is stopping and asking for an autograph.
The car I arranged for us is waiting by the curb, as planned. I sigh heavily, thanking whoever is listening. The last thing I need is to screw this up. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking, and I’m not sure I’m cut out to be their manager, especially since things with Harrison and me have developed into what they are now. I don’t want him to give me special treatment, nor would I expect it. Liam already does that to an extent, and I’m afraid there will be too much strain if I was to screw up again. I don’t want the band to be in a position where they have to fire me, yet I’ll still be hanging around. Maybe I’ll become their fanclub President or something equally as demeaning. I don’t know what I’ll do, but I’ll manage. 4225 West is far too important to me to do them wrong.
The driver opens the door when Harrison nods at him. I slide in first, with Harrison’s hand on the small of my back, guiding me. He sits next to me and reaches for my hand. He hasn’t stopped touching me since we boarded our plane late last night. I’m happy, even though I’d never admit this to Josie, that they took a different flight. Harrison and I got to be a couple without those two making faces or gawking at us.
The way he holds me, the way his fingers dance along my cheek, he makes me feel like I’m the only one he’s ever seen. Many stolen kisses and falling asleep in the most awkward position made our flight very memorable, at least for me. I don’t know how many women he’s flown with and honestly, I’m afraid to know, but I promised myself I’d ask the questions that have been plaguing my mind for a while now. Harrison knows more about me than I do him and that needs to change. If we are going to make this work, we need to be open and honest with each other about everything.
The car lurches through traffic. Harrison points out different landmarks and promises to take me on a hike to show me the famous Hollywood sign.
“You don’t live in Hollywood?” I ask. I knew Liam did and assumed Harrison does as well.
“I live in Beaumont,” he says, catching me off guard. “I have an apartment here. My sister has been living in it, but she’s in New York right now.”
Sister? This is exactly what I’m talking about. I don’t know him and I want to. What’s his favorite color or food? Does he like to sleep in on Saturdays or does he get up with Quinn and watch cartoons?
“But you don’t live in Hollywood?”
Harrison shakes his head. He cups my face and presses his lips to mine. “I live in Beaumont,” he says again. I understand the meaning behind his words. “But I have a place in Hermosa Beach. There’s something about living in the city that doesn’t appeal to me.”
“How far are you from the ocean?” It’s been years since I’ve seen the ocean and played in the sand.
Harrison pushes his ball cap back and forth and lets out a sigh. “Ms. Powell, are you using me for my beach access?”
I punch him lightly and fall into him. He holds me as the car travels down the highway to his place. A slight sense of dread washes over me. I hope he knows I’m not using him. He’s not a rebound or anything like that. I truly enjoy being with him and value what we’re building. “I’m not using you.”
“I know,” he says quietly with his lips pressed to top of my head. “If you walk out the sliding glass door and off the deck, you’ll be in the sand. Not sure how many steps it is until you reach the water, but I could text Quinn and ask him.”
“That’s okay,” I say. I play with the ties from his hoodie and think about having him partially naked and wet in the ocean. “We can count our own steps.”
“Yeah, I’d like that, Katelyn.”
Harrison starts humming the melody from the song he wrote for me. It lulls me into a blissful state. We’re existing in this cocoon, neither of us willing to punch through and discuss where we’re heading. I’m not sure I can say I’m in this for the long haul, it’s far too soon for me to even think about where I’ll be next year, but I don’t want a fling and I don’t want to introduce him as someone special, only for him to bail days or weeks later. Not that I think he would, but there’s a lingering fear that I’m not what he wants out of life. I’m a widow with two children and he can have his pick of any woman he wants, why would he want me and my baggage?
“Hey,” he says. “We’re here.” He points, but all I see is a tall apartment complex looming in front of me. I know I’m tired, but I swear he said sand and ocean.
“Um…”
“It’s out back. Come on.” He takes my hand in his and we slide out of the car. Harrison gives the driver a tip and takes our bags from him. “Follow me,” he says as he winks. I have no problem walking behind him, I like to stare at his backside more than I care to admit. I like to stare at him in general. I never thought I’d find him attractive with all this tattoos, but I do. They excite me, and each time we’re together, I learn something about one of them. He’s a story waiting to be told.
Harrison leads us down cobblestone walkways and through palm trees and shade created by stockade fencing. Most have flower arrangements hanging off of them, creating a nice oasis of tranquility. I try to picture myself walking down this path with a bag of groceries and coming home to Harrison. I can see myself here, but I can’t leave Mason. I know he’s gone, but in my heart, he’s still my Beaumont and I’m not ready to give that up yet.
Before I can catch myself, I’m stumbling into Harrison’s back as he’s trying to open the door. He turns and shakes his head.
“Here, let me.” I take the key from his hand and unlock the door. I push down on the lever and open it. My gasp is loud and unexpected. Harrison chuckles behind me. I don’t know what I was expecting, but this isn’t it. Everything is white with black and red furniture and fixtures. I take tentative steps in and survey my surroundings. Everyday this man does something to wow me, but I think this really sets him apart. On his back wall – with white curtains billowing in the wind – are large doors that are open to the ocean. The sound of waves crashing onto the beach is so soothing that I could crawl up on his black sofa and sleep for days.
Harrison stands behind me with his hands on my waist. “Would you like a tour?” I nod, unable to find the right words. To think there’s more of this beauty wrapped up in an apartment is unthinkable.
He pulls my hand into his and kisses my palm, my wrist. The look he’s giving me tells me that he wants to do so much more, and I’m powerless to stop him. We step farther into his place and he shows me the kitchen and small bathroom. Down the hall is Quinn’s room, which is decorated in primary colors with a drum set sitting in the corner.
“Does he play?”
“Yeah, and the guitar,” Harrison says proudly as he shuts the door.
He shows me another bathroom that he claims is Quinn’s and never goes in there. The next is his sister’s, he doesn’t open her door, and I respect that he’s keeping her privacy when she’s not home. The last door is his. I know this before he even says anything.
He opens the door wide and steps aside, giving me all the access I need to see another side of him. His bedroom in Beaumont is really no different from what Josie had. He hasn’t painted the walls or rearranged the furniture she kept there. But this room, it’s all Harrison.
Three of the walls are painted in a mural much like you’d see on his arms. The other wall opens up to the beach. His bed is large and done in white and blue patterns that you’d find yourself staring at for hours to try and figure out. I close my eyes and imagine myself on this bed, nestled deep in the comforter with Harrison’s arms wrapped around me. The windows are open with the wind blowing, bringing in the smell of sea salt.
I step in and trail my fingers along the large oak dresser that is stained perfectly. The mirror that sits on top shows my tired reflection, but also shows the bed. My imagination runs wild with Harrison standing before me, getting dressed for practice. I can watch myself trace his tattoos, burning each one into memory.
“This is beautiful,” I say, clearly stating my thoughts.
“It’s empty.” He steps behind me, but doesn’t touch me. My skin awaits his caress, yearns for it. Demands it.
“Why?”
“I haven’t found someone to fill it until now.”
“Yeah?” My voice breaks. If I was curious about where his head is, I’m not now. I turn, brushing against him. I take a deep breath before peering into his smoldering green eyes. He’s taken his hat off, much to my enjoyment.
He pulls his lower lip into his mouth and places his hands on my hips. “I’ve had this whole speech planned for when we got here and were alone, but I’ve forgotten it all. Seeing you in my room, my house where Quinn and I have lived until we moved to Beaumont, you have no idea what it means to me, or what it does to me.”
I push against him and smile. “I know what it does.”
He shakes his head and picks up my hand, placing it over his heart. “I want to share this with you and the girls. I know you’re thinking it’s too soon and maybe it is, but I don’t want lines crossed here, Katelyn. I want you to know how I feel. How Quinn feels.”
“I can’t move.” The words break my heart, but if he’s expecting me to leave Beaumont, I can’t.
“I’m not asking you to move. We could come here for the summer. Let the girls run on the beach until they’re so tired we have to carry them in. You can sit on the deck and read a book. I’ll cook our dinner on the grill. Life here is quiet with no expectations.”
“And Quinn, what will he do?”
“He’ll show the girls how to make the biggest sand castle and teach them to body surf. Everything that we have here, we want to share with you and the girls.”
“What about your sister? The one I didn’t know you had?”
Harrison moves my hair behind my ear and kisses my nose. “There’s a lot we don’t know about each other, but can learn. Yvie is a ballet dancer in New York City. She stays here when she’s home because I’m not here, but wouldn’t be here when we come back.”
The James family is beyond talented, and here they are mixing with my mundane family. The only talent I have is for screwing up something as simple as a tour. I know I’m not cut out for the showbiz life, but I’d like to fit into his.
“Can I think about it? I’d like to properly introduce you to the girls if we’re going to be serious — ” Harrison interrupts me with a deep searing kiss.
“You don’t know what those words do to me, baby,” he whispers as he grinds into me.
“Yeah, well I think you should show me.”
“My pleasure.”
Harrison picks me up and sets me down gently on his bed. He hovers over me and just when I think this is going to be wild and unadulterated, he surprises me by taking his time.