"Are you nervous?” he asks as his lips find my now bare shoulder. The dress I chose for tonight is champagne in color with barely off the shoulder straps. I fell in love with the sweetheart neckline, but it was the back – cut low and swooping – that sold me.
We stand in front of his bedroom mirror. I’m trying to put in my earring and he’s trying to take off my dress. If we don’t hurry, we’ll be late. I know it’s expected to be fashionably late for Hollywood events, but the long drive into L.A., together with the traffic will make things worse. I had suggested we leave earlier and get ready at the hotel, but he had other plans for us. I conceded once he showed me what he was talking about.
“Harrison,” I say, quietly. I want to look good for him, but he’s making it difficult. I don’t think he understands the magnitude that tonight holds. The red carpet is something he’s accustomed to. For me, it’s a night of firsts, and with those firsts come the jitters and extreme anxiety. What if I fall or trip for all of national TV to see?
Harrison sighs heavily and replaces my strap. He takes a step back. I watch him candidly through the mirror, as he looks me up and down. I want to shake my head, but rather like the idea that I turn him on.
“My hand is staying right here all night,” he says as he places it on my back, his fingers inching themselves under the fabric. “Yeah, I do believe this dress was made for me.”
“Incorrigible,” I murmur, adding a wink. He kisses the top of my head before disappearing into the closet. I watch his backside as long as I can, secretly hoping that he’ll come back out and hypnotize me once more. It seems that I can’t get enough of him and part of me dreads returning to Beaumont and to our lives. In one short day, I learned so much about him and us, maybe this is what we needed from the get-go.
When Harrison steps out, he’s dressed in a black and white pin-striped suit. I honestly didn’t know what he’d wear. I’ve never seen him out of his shorts and classic t-shirts and felt incredibly awkward asking him, but figured it wouldn’t matter, because he’s beautiful enough to pull anything off. I am pleasantly surprised, however, to find out he isn’t wearing a tux. I know he’ll be wearing one for Liam and Josie’s wedding; and as stupid as it may sound, I want that to be the first time I see him in one.
He comes over and stands next to me. I watch him do up his tie, and can’t help but think of Mason and the countless times I tied his. He never could grasp how to make the knot look just right. I didn’t mind and I’m hoping that Harrison has some trouble so I can help him. Sadly for me, he masters it perfectly on the first try.
I slide in front of Harrison and brush some imaginary lint off his shoulders, anything to touch him to straighten out his already straight tie. I’m being sentimental, I know. I can’t help myself. I miss this part of Mason. Harrison stands there, I can feel him staring as I pinch the silk. I sweep my hands over his chest and shoulders, clasping his hands with mine.
“There, now you’re perfect,” I whisper for my own benefit.
He leans down and crushes his lips to mine, pushing me hard against the dresser. His hands slide down my sides and over to my ass as he picks me up. He sets me down on the dresser, urgently. My dress pushes up as he pulls me the edge where he stands. My legs are spread, welcoming him. He moves against me, rubbing up and down.
Teasing me.
Testing me.
He knows the decision is up to me. He doesn’t care if he walks the red carpet, but I care enough for him and the band. I won’t be the Yoko Ono of 4425 West.
“The car… shortly.” I can barely speak, let alone string together a complete sentence. Harrison smiles against my mouth, enjoying the torment he’s bestowed upon me. I try to push him away, but my fingers have a different idea and find themselves entwined in his hair. It’s already been styled with wax, so I can’t do any damage.
He grinds against me, making it impossible for me to say no. My fingers seek out the buttons on his vest, then his shirt. I start at the bottom and work my way up. I throw his tie over his shoulder and unbutton the rest of his shirt. My lips are blazing a trail down his chest. I pull hard on his nipple ring just as he pushes up my dress and rips my panties off, the ones I bought especially for tonight.
“I’ll go fast,” he says, dropping his pants. He slams into me once before pulling out. His green eyes are blazing, a fiery pit of lust. I hitch my knees over his hips, holding onto him as he thrusts again. I moan as he fills me instantly. He grips my ass as his knees bang into the drawers. The dresser has become our own earthquake as we shake the contents onto the floor. The mirror bangs, loudly, against the wall.
“Harrison,” I say breathlessly, as he moves with such fluidity. He pulls away from my neck, his hand coming up under my knee. His other hand pushes my dress up more. I watch his eyes as they bear down on us. He watches himself as he rocks, working to reach his peak.
“Fuck, baby,” he grits out. His head falls back. His movements are faster, harder. I lean back, my head rubbing against the wall and let out a sound I didn’t know I had in me. He looks at me and smiles, pulling me up to his chest. I meet his thrusts eagerly as we ride out our orgasms together.
He kisses me deeply, cupping my face. I love that he holds me to him when he kisses me, afraid that I’ll disappear if I’m not in his hands. The doorbell sounds, causing me to pull back. I’m afraid of what I look like now. Ripped panties, a bunched up dress and hair that is surely messed up. I don’t want to look, but know I’ll need a few minutes to get ready.
He kisses me again before stepping away. He pulls up his pants, but doesn’t bother with the buttons on his shirt as he leaves the room. I slide off the dresser, tentatively. My legs are shaky, my knees locked. I take a deep breath and turn around. My mouth drops as I lean forward and observe my red swollen lips. My mascara is smudged from the light sheen of sweat on my face. My hair – I want to cry – but thankfully it’s fixable. I stand back and look at myself, shaking my head.
“I guess I know what it means to be thoroughly fucked.”
“I say we stay home and do it again.”
I follow his voice and realize I want to cry out in agony. He stands there with his hand in his pocket, leaning against the door jam. His shirt is still unbuttoned and now his tie is undone as well. He looks delicious, edible.
I have to tear my eyes away, demand that I focus on anything but him. He’s a temptation. A risk.
He’s my reward.
I bypass him without a second glance. He chuckles and even though I smile, it frustrates me that he has that much power over me. When did I let this happen? I shouldn’t question myself. I’m done doing that. I’m where I want to be.
The car door finally opens. The screams are deafening. We are in between Liam and Jimmy’s cars. I understand why we couldn’t ride together, something about making an entrance. Harrison kisses me quickly before he steps out. He stands by the door and extends his hand, waiting for me to grab hold of it. His name, along with Liam and Jimmy’s are yelled loudly. The guys stand together and chat, pointing at some of the fans. When they do that, they erupt. Josie and I stand behind them, both of us mocking Jimmy’s date. She looks bored and only half dressed, and leaves no doubt in my mind that what Harrison I did before we left, they did in the car on the way here.
The guys walk over to the fans that are barricaded by a steel fence, each one of them starting in a different location and moving down the line as phones and pens are shoved in their faces. They sign everything and pose in the most awkward ways, but do so with a permanent grin.
“You know, I’m surprised you’re not at the hotel with us.” Josie moves closer, away from Jimmy’s date so we can talk. Even in my four-inch heels I have to look up to see her.
“Harrison has a place on the beach. I’m staying there.”
Josie nods and tries to hide her grin. She looks at the guys, then back at me. “Are things good?”
“Things are great.” I never thought I’d be in a position to say that about my life, but I can, especially with how I feel about Harrison. If having a little bit of bliss can make me feel good about things, then so be it. I’m going to embrace it. Soak it in and hopefully share it with my children.
“Harrison looks really happy, Katelyn. That’s because of you.” I give him a once over and smile when he leans in for a picture with a fan. If things hadn’t changed with us, I’d be wondering which one he’d want to take back to his place tonight. But I know after everything that has happened since we arrived in Los Angeles, that he only has eyes for me.
“We’ll see,” I say. “I’m trying not to get my hopes up. Everything, right now, seems too good to be true.”
Josie nods. “I felt the same way about Liam, but you have to let your heart lead you. No one is saying that you need to run off to Vegas and get married, just be happy and have fun.”
“Speaking of… What’s our plan?”
Josie’s eyes light up. We’re now going to talk about her favorite subject. “Tonight we have a music industry party to go to, and tomorrow we’re going to just hang out and sightsee, but tomorrow night is when the fun will begin.”
“What kind of fun?” I ask, but Josie’s not paying attention to me. She’s watching the guys as they walk across the road to where the red carpet starts. Liam veers toward us, but Harrison doesn’t. I try not to let it hurt my feelings. It’s not like we can hold hands or anything, the kids are watching.
Harrison turns just as I step forward to follow Josie and Liam. His expression is unreadable. I can’t really tell if he’s happy or not right now, even though he’s grinning from ear to ear. I surmise that it’s an act and that he really wants to be someplace else right now and I’m going to agree with my assumption, because I’d give anything to have his hand in mine.
The moment the guys reach the media section, they are ushered to a radio station. Microphones are pushed into their faces and questions are fired off.
“How was your tour, Liam?” A sense of dread washes over me. Josie grabs my hand and gives me a squeeze. I lean a little closer to hear his answer.
“The tour was great. We took the kids and made it a vacation.” I exhale heavily, thankful that he didn’t tell the disc jockey what a colossal fuck up the tour was.
“How’s the new album?”
“It’s coming together nicely. It should be out by Christmas.”
“I hear you’re debuting a new song tonight?”
“We are, Harrison wrote it.”
“What’s it about, Harrison?”
He looks around everywhere except at me. I wait with bated breath for his answer. He runs his hand through his hair twice before he opens his mouth to answer. “I met someone and she’s very special to me. I wrote it for her.”
“Well, we’re looking forward to hearing it. Thanks, guys.”
Just like that, they’re dismissed. The guys step away and maneuver through the crowd. The flashes are instant. Their names are yelled. It’s very disorientating. I don’t even know how they know where to start. I have a feeling this was supposed to be my job. Yet, another reason why I can’t be their manager. I don’t know what I’m doing.
Josie and I stand in the middle of the red carpet, watching the guys as they go from photographer to photographer. They pose for individual pictures and group photos. We follow behind, content with being observers.
Harrison brushes by me and gives me a look. I’m not sure if I should follow or stay where I am. He steps up to a reporter and kisses her on the cheek. I instinctively step toward them and try to hear what they’re saying. I know I shouldn’t, but I can’t help myself.
“Harrison, you’re looking good,” she says this in a tone that I don’t like. She’s too sugary for me when she should be professional.
“Thanks, Emily, so are you.”
They’re on a first name basis and it makes me wonder how well they know each other. I know I have no right to be jealous, but I am. All these people know this Harrison better than I do. She’s not asking him any questions and whatever he just said to her made her laugh. I roll my eyes when she throws her head back and her hand lands on his chest.
“Who finally captured your heart?”
Harrison looks at me. I try to smile, but I don’t succeed. He looks down at ground as he puts his hands in his pocket. I want to know what he’s thinking, but don’t dare step forward and ask him. “She’s someone special.”
I step away as quickly as I can. I don’t want to hear what else he has to say. This was a mistake. I should’ve stayed back at the hotel and let him do his thing tonight. This scene is not for me and I don’t know how Josie can handle it.
Easily, I decide when I see her. She’s standing with Liam and giving an interview while I stand in the middle of this big production with Jimmy’s one-night stand.