CHAPTER 14

Cillian

It's been five days since I first fucked Renner and I still can't get enough of her. I don't eat dinner and work in The Hibernian anymore, because that was just so I could have the opportunity to stalk her and get her to relent to me. Now that's she done that, I don't have to sit at that uncomfortable table all night, hoping that I can have a few scraps of time with her.

But it doesn't stop me from heading there each night, waiting outside for when she gets off. We walk home, making small talk, holding hands. But the minute we get inside her apartment, it's always a race to see how fast we can get our clothes off. One night, just as I'd imagined would happen, we dropped right there to the floor, so eager to be wrapped up in each other.

Every time seems to be better.

Last night, though, I'm not sure it can be topped. I met her outside of the pub, with a brown paper bag in my hand.

She eyed it curiously. "Is that a surprise for me?"

"Sort of. It's a box of condoms. Surprise!"

She started laughing, taking the bag from me, and peeking inside. When she confirmed the contents were nothing more than a box of rubbers, she handed it back to me. "Seems like I've become a bit of a sure bet with you, huh?"

Fuck... the fact that she so easily joked around with me had something clawing on the inside of my chest. I've never had such an easy time talking to a woman. I've never been so delighted by one... inside and outside of the bed.

When we got to her apartment, we kissed, pulled, and clawed our way at each other as we stumbled back to her bedroom. I pulled the box out of the bag and opened her nightstand drawer, intent on tossing them in there.

But something caught my eye. Opening the drawer further, I grinned to myself. Reaching in, I pulled out a hot pink vibrator. I held it out for her to see, cocking my eyebrow. And just as I expected, she blushed beet red.

"Seems like I'm not doing my job properly," I told her. "Not if you have this beside your bed."

She started stammering, and then denying that she had used it since we'd been together.

I twisted the bottom of it so it turned on, enjoying the thrum against my palm. I turned to her and said deviously, "Get your clothes off and get on the bed. I feel like playing with you tonight."

Renner swallowed hard, but then she whipped her clothes off and crawled onto the mattress.

Fuck... the things I did to her last night practically had me blushing, and I thought I had seen and done it all. I made her come four times before I finally allowed myself to sink inside of her, but I didn't put the vibrator aside.

No... I held it against her while I fucked her hard, relishing the scream that tore out of her throat as we came together.

I'm not sure how to top that, really. But I'm sure I can think of something by the time we get to her flat. I plan on keeping her up all night because she thankfully has the next day and night off, and we'll use part of that to sleep in a bit and I know we'll need it.

"Whatcha thinking?" she asks as she takes my hand.

I squeeze her back and we take off down the street. "Only something that would make that pretty face of yours blush like the setting sun."

She snorts at my words. "You have such a way with words, Cillian."

"Hey. I'm a lyricist after all. Cut me some slack."

She laughs at me and that clawing feeling is settled back inside my chest. I don't over analyze it, instead thinking ahead to what I'm going to do to her when I get her home.

***

So much for sleeping in the next morning. Renner has me up bright and early, excited to have the next day and a half off. She crawls over on top of me, tickling me awake. I have to quickly subdue her because I've never been tickled before and I've just found out that I'm very sensitive.

Pinning her on her back, I hold her hands above her head and proceed to kiss her entire body. I move lower, intent on licking her to a quick orgasm. She's like putty in my hands when I put my mouth on her, and I'm sure I could get her to agree to murder if I wanted. She's so responsive to me, and I realize I could do this for days on end, the erotic sight of her squirming underneath of me probably one of my favorite things to behold.

My brain barely processes my phone ringing but I let it go to voice mail. There's no way I'm answering it and leaving my girl wanting.

After she explodes against my mouth, I flip her over and take her quickly from behind, shouting out her name when I come. Even as I'm pulling out of her, I'm calculating the next time I can be inside of her.

***

We're walking to my apartment, which isn't too far from Renner's. Since we're going to spend the day together, I want to get a shower and a change of clothes. This will be the first time I've taken Renner—or any woman for that matter—to my apartment. Even Maeve never spent the night there, and I think it says something about the bond I'm forming with this girl.

I check my phone as we walk, and see the call was from Dr. Madden. We've spoken twice since my last call from Maeve, and he assured me that it was okay to put boundaries in place with her. He made me feel infinitely better that I didn't have to lead a double life with Maeve, and that I could support her but still pursue my own happiness which didn't include her. And right now...that happiness was Renner.

I feel terrible however, that I'm relieved that Maeve hasn't called me back. I'm so afraid of saying the wrong thing that I'm constantly on edge every time my phone rings.

I quickly call Dr. Madden back, but it rings straight to his voice mail. I leave a message and hang up.

"So... I'm like really excited to see how a rock star lives. I'm going to take surreptitious photos and post them all over the internet. Maybe I can even sell a few," Renner says.

"You're cute," I tell her, as I lean over to kiss her while we're walking. It's awkward maneuvering but I manage to steal a quick one. "You should take that comedy act on the road."

"Nah. No way it pays me better than The Hibernian does."

She links her arm through mine as we continue to walk and it feels... good.

We take the lift up to my floor and as the doors open, I motion for her to exit before me. I'm watching her ass as we walk out, thinking that I should convince her to hop in the shower with me, when she comes to a dead stop. I'm not ready for the sudden change in her momentum, and I crash into her back.

Laughing, I wrap my arms around her and snuggle into her neck. "That was a shameless move on your part to get me to touch you," I tease her.

She doesn't laugh or respond with a smart-ass quip, and in fact, I notice that she's sort of stiff in my arms.

When I look up, I see why. Maeve is standing outside of my apartment door with her arms crossed over her chest and bloody murder in her eyes. Said murder directed right at Renner.

I cautiously stand straight and drop my arms away. It's not a move I make for Maeve's benefit, but rather Renner's. I don't want any more of Maeve's ire directed at her, as I can see it written all over her face that she's angry over my display of affection.

"Maeve. What the fuck are you doing out of rehab?"

My voice comes out hard and I half expect her to flinch, but she continues glaring at Renner.

"Now I get why you're never at home at night. I get why you can't take my calls."

"Come on, Maeve. That's not fair. You have my cell phone number."

"As if you would have answered. You clearly have more important things than to worry about than me."

I start shaking my head and take a step toward her. "So you leave rehab because I wasn't at home last night? Un-fucking-believable!"

I feel Renner's hand on my back and I look over my shoulder at her.

"I think I better go," she says, her eyes swimming with uncertainty.

I want to pull her into my arms and reassure her, but I don't want to give fuel for Maeve to attack. "That's probably best."

My voice is dismissive.

I don't offer anything further and I hope she understands why I can't. But it doesn't escape my notice the brief flash of hurt that crosses her face before she turns around and gets back on the lift. I wait until the elevator doors close until I turn back to Maeve.

When I do, she's standing in front of me and throws her arms around my neck. "I missed you."

I immediately take her arms and peel them off. Taking a step back, I turn toward the stairwell. "Come on, Maeve. We're going back to Dublin Mind Wellness."

"No," she says adamantly. "I won't do it."

I turn back and look at her incredulously. "Tell me you're kidding. Tell me you are fucking kidding me?"

She shakes her head. "That place is terrible and I don't need it. I'm good, really. I have no desire to drink and I can do this on my own. I just can't take it there anymore, Cillian."

"That's not how it works. You don't just go and spend a few days and get better all of a sudden."

"Honestly," she says in a firm tone. "I'm fine. Seriously, Cillian. What I did that night... you have to know that was a silly cry for attention. But I saw how much that wigged you out. I won't do it again. I swear it."

God, I want to grab her by the shoulders and shake some common sense into her head. Maeve isn't a stupid girl. She knows this is wrong, but she's deluded herself into thinking she can do this on her own.

"You promised me you'd try," I remind her.

"Just like you promised me that you'd support me," she shoots back.

I rake my hand through my hair and let out a breath of frustration. "I do support you, Maeve. But I have my life to lead, too. You can't expect me to give that up, can you?"

She doesn't respond but just stares down at the tips of her shoes. "I don't expect that of you. I may want it, but I don't expect it."

She looks up at me and takes a step closer. Reaching for my hand, she links her fingers with mine. "Look... I swear to you, I can do this. I just can't go back to that place. I need my freedom. And I'm sorry if I got weird on you. It was just so stressful being in there on my own that I sort of freaked out a bit that you weren't at home. But I know you're right. You have your life to live and I have mine. I just want to do it on my own terms."

I watch her with uncertainty. She certainly sounds like she means it, the part about letting me live my life.

Sighing, I pull my keys out and open my apartment door. "Come on in and let's talk about it."

***

I sit on my couch, my legs propped up on my coffee table. Maeve just left and I have a throbbing headache.

I had called Dr. Madden first and let him know that Maeve was at my apartment. He basically told me there was no way to force her back, but just reiterated to me that I should try to encourage her to do so. He also reminded me that her promises to do this on her own were probably empty, and that without therapy, it was likely that she would relapse.

Armed with that information, I talked to Maeve for over three hours, trying to get her to go back. She was having none of it, even after I threatened to kick her out of the band. Whether I was bluffing or not, I have no clue, but she called me on it. She told me to do it, and that she would sue me and the boys for all we had.

That was an empty threat, because she didn't have a leg to stand on, but at the end of the three hours I was sick and tired of dealing with it. I finally told her I would give her one chance, and if she fucked up again, it was either rehab or she had to leave OTE.

She gladly accepted my ultimatum and sounded positive that she could do it. But in my heart of hearts, I knew the chances were not good, given what Dr. Madden said.

Pulling my phone out, I make a quick call to Sean and fill him in on what's going on. He said he'd call Daniel and let him know.

There's only one thing left that I want to do today, and I head out the door to see Renner.