CHAPTER 21

Renner

"So what are you going to wear tonight on the big Double D?" Cady asks.

She's sitting at my kitchen table, flipping through a magazine. In typical Cady fashion, she barged in about an hour ago, helped herself to a cup of tea, and hasn't shown any signs of leaving.

Although I will have to give her credit. When the door flew open and she stepped inside, she had her hand clapped over her eyes, and called out, "Is anyone naked in here?"

I'm actually kind of glad she came over. It's nice to have someone to talk to, and I've been so absorbed in Cillian the last few weeks, I could use a nice girly chat.

"I'm not sure what to wear. We're meeting up at this nice restaurant in Bray... so maybe a little black dress?"

"Classic," she says, not even bothering to look up from the glossy pages of Elle.

The Big Double D she is referencing is a double date with Maeve and her new boyfriend. A prospect that fills me with anxiety and has me itching to pick up the phone and cancel on Cillian.

He had broached the subject with me a few nights ago.

"So, Maeve called today," he said.

It seems he starts many of our conversations that way and I had to restrain myself from grinding my teeth. "How's she doing?"

"Fine," he said. "She actually wanted to invite you and me to go on a double date with her Thursday night." The expression on his face was guarded, which told me that he also doubted that this was a good idea. I had been very careful to keep my feelings about Maeve to myself and outwardly support Cillian in his friendship with her.

"She's dating someone?"

He nodded. "This guy she used to date in secondary school. They've apparently hooked back up. She wants me to meet him."

I remember thinking to myself, She probably wants to try to make you jealous, but I immediately chastised myself for thinking so horribly. But I can't help those thoughts...the girl told me she would play dirty and now I read dirty actions into everything she does.

I've debated time and again about telling Cillian of the conversation we had in the bathroom. But I've held off, my gut instinct telling me to let it go. That it would do nothing but muddy the waters and it wouldn't be very supportive to Cillian.

So, of course I told Cillian I would love to go out with Maeve and her friend, all the while thinking that I would rather be submerged in a pit of snakes.

"So how are things going with Cillian? I swear in a million years, I never pictured you with someone like him," Cady asks as she closes the magazine and pushes it away.

I shrug my shoulders at her, refusing to meet her eyes. Cady is like a starving dog with a bone once she latches onto something. But part of me wants her to push, because I need to share some of my frustrations with her.

Things have settled into a routine with Cillian but by that, I don't mean anything is in the slightest bit boring. It's just that the relationship I have with Cillian is stable.

Funny word...stable. Because it's what I looked for all of my adult life and what I never thought Cillian would be.

I switched most of my shifts at The Hibernian to days so I could have the evenings free to be with him. We're also trying to plan another trip to Oughterard, which I'm hoping will go off without a hitch and without Maeve having a meltdown.

And Maeve seems to be the only problem with how things are going.

She hasn't overtly disrupted our evenings together with another cry for help, although she does seem to be very needy of his time. She constantly texts or calls him, and he'll patiently respond to her with words of encouragement. He told me that he's trying to get her into some type of therapy but she's bucking against it and insists she's fine.

I can't help feeling like she's a big powder keg on the verge of explosion.

"Pay attention, Renner," Cady says to me, snapping her fingers. "Why the long face? What's going on?"

Shaken back to reality, I ask her a question instead. "Why don't you picture me with someone like Cillian?"

Her gaze is shrewd when she looks at me. "He's just not your type. At least, as much as you've always talked about your ideal man... you know, the buttoned-up, dull as shit, come home every night and peck you on the cheek kind of guy you always fantasized about."

I huff a little, because she did just describe what I thought had been my ideal man. My fantasies certainly had never centered around a tattooed and pierced Irish rocker.

At least... not until now.

"People change. I guess I've changed."

"Well, try not to sound so glum about it. Aren't things going well with Cillian?"

I can't help the smile that comes to my face at just the mention of his name. He makes me happy in so many ways... happier than I've ever been with another man. "Things are going great with Cillian. That is... when he's not off trying to save Maeve from herself."

Cady snorts. She's never liked Maeve I've recently come to find out. It seems Maeve was never fond of Cady and Teagan hanging with the band over the years. It was Cady's personal opinion that she didn't like anyone taking the attention from herself.

"There's something not right about that girl," she remarks.

Trying to take the high road, I say, "She has a drinking problem and she tried to kill herself. She needs Cillian's support."

"Oh, bollocks," Cady sneers. "She needs to get herself in rehab and spend the time she lays on her back on a shrink's couch. It's not Cillian's job to get her through this."

My heart swells with love for Cady, because she's saying the things I want to say but don't feel comfortable or secure enough with Cillian to tell him. I still feel guilty for thinking them, because I'm probably only thinking them because she interferes with my relationship with Cillian.

"You really believe that?"

"I sure do and I told him that."

"When?" I ask, startled.

"When we had lunch the other day and Maeve called him three times. I told him it was ridiculous and he should set boundaries with her."

"What did he say?"

"He told me to mind my own fucking business, so I let it go."

My heart sinks hearing that. It's probably what he would say to me then, so I vow to keep my mouth shut around Cillian. But it doesn't mean I can't confide in Cady.

"I had a run in with Maeve a while back. That night they performed at The Hibernian."

Cady's eyes go wide. "It was when you went to the bathroom, wasn't it? I knew something was wrong when you came out."

I nod and tell her the entire story, ending with a promise that she can't tell Cillian. That it's not something he needs to worry about right now.

"I don't trust her," Cady affirms. "She's playing Cillian, I just know it."

"Yeah, but she does have a problem. She's not faking that."

"True. But I think she's taking advantage of Cillian's kindness. And I don't think her end goal is to get better. I think it's to get Cillian back. Are you sure you shouldn't tell him about this?"

I shake my head. "I'm sure. Besides... they seem to be getting some great work done and I don't want to jeopardize that."

Cillian and the band have been working every day on new music, hoping to start recording next month. They all meet at his apartment and work throughout the day.

It's the main reason I switched to day shifts. Uncle Keefe eyed me strangely when I asked him for the change and then asked me slyly, "Does this have anything to do with a certain young man?"

I played stupid, which I knew ultimately would never work. "No clue what you mean?"

"Perhaps you want to spend more time with Cillian?"

I was helping to stock beer and looked up at him, trying to wipe any evidence off my face. He was looking at me with a grin, and I couldn't help but let one loose back at him.

Busted.

I didn't even bother responding and went back to laying bottles in the cooler.

"He's a good boy," Keefe said.

"Man," I amended. "He's a good man."

Keefe chuckled. "He'll always be a boy to me in some respects. Just like Cady will always be my little girl."

I pulled my body out of the cooler, as I had to lean halfway in to reach the bottom row. Wiping my hands on my jeans, I tell him, "He told me about his parents...what happened to them."

Keefe's eyebrows rocketed upward. "Did he now?"

I nodded. "I'm amazed at how well he's coped with it."

A sage look came over Keefe's face and he tweaked me under the chin. "He has, Renner, darling. But I'm not sure you ever really get over something like that. You just try to handle it the best way you can. Be respectful of that. I love that boy as if he's my own, but there's still an unsettled quality about him that drives a lot of what he does. Just be aware, okay?"

I wasn't sure what he was trying to tell me at the time, but the more I thought about it, I think it has everything to do with this insatiable need he has to keep Maeve on the straight and narrow. But him telling me to be respectful of Cillian's past has me more certain than ever I shouldn't stir the pot about Maeve.

Cady's voice breaks into my thoughts. "So, anyway... like I was saying, I think the best thing we can do is poison her. There are a ton of ways we can play it. I bet we can even get her to come eat at The Hibernian and slip some rat poison in her food."

"What?" I say, stunned by her words.

"Aha! I knew you weren't listening to me. You had that faraway look in your eyes. Dreaming about some naked Cillian, were you?"

"Of course not. I was thinking about your dad."

Mock disgust overtakes her face and her nose crinkles. "Not naked, I hope."

"You're a pervert of the extraordinary variety," I tell her laughing. "No, I was just thinking about some advice your dad gave me about Cillian the other day."

"I love my Da," she says. "He gives the best advice. So impart to me."

"He just warned me not to forget that Cillian's past dictates a lot of who he is, and that I shouldn't forget it."

Cady nods in agreement. "So you know what happened to his parents?"

"Yeah," I say quietly. "He told me... all about his childhood, and what happened later."

"He doesn't talk about it. I tried to once, after the funerals, but he shut me down quick. Da told me to let him be and if he wanted to talk, he would. But he never has and I've let it go."

Surely, the fact that Cillian shared those painful memories meant something. It doesn't appear that he's really told anyone else these details. But sometimes, that knowledge feels like a burden because it dictates a lot of the way I am handling my relationship with him.

Glancing at my watch, I see I only have an hour to get ready before Cillian arrives so I shoo Cady out the door and head to the bathroom so I can take a shower.