CHAPTER 4

Cillian

I step into The Hibernian and do a quick look around. I don't see Renner but I know she's working because Keefe casually mentioned it when I called him earlier today to check in.

It's been two days since I've seen her and I can't stand it anymore. I need to step up my game if I'm going to wear her down.

I'm not sure what this obsession is with Renner. Sure...she's beautiful with her red hair and pale skin...like fire and cream. But that's not it because let's face it... there are plenty of red-haired beauties in Ireland. Maybe it's the challenge she presents—particularly because she's trying her damnedest to show she's not interested. Or maybe it's simply unfinished business I feel I have with her. Even after five years, I remember how soft her lips were against mine. I remember how she was too shy to touch me, so she just grabbed a hold of my t-shirt and hung on. And I certainly remember how hard that kiss made me.

Out of the corner of my eye, I see Renner clearing off a table and make my way toward her. She doesn't see me, which is just fine for now. I slip into a booth and wait patiently for her to notice me.

After she returns from the kitchen and serves an older couple, her eyes make contact with mine and she actually grimaces.

Yup. I definitely need to step up my game. I flash her a smile that she does not return, but she does walk my way.

"What are you doing here, Cillian?"

"I'm just here as a paying customer. I'd like to order some dinner if it's all the same to you."

I just stare at her for a few moments, taking in the way she has her long hair pulled up in ponytail, displaying her slender neck. She's wearing a pair of dark jeans and a Hibernian t-shirt, along with a pair of running shoes that look like they've seen better days.

"Fine, what do you want?"

"You know what I want, Renner."

And there it is... the cherry red blush staining those cheeks. That's what I wanted to see.

"I mean... what do you want to eat?" She grits each word out, trying to maintain some level of civility, but on the verge of absolute failure. My goal is not to piss her off too badly so I take a step back.

"Actually, could I see a menu? It's been awhile since I've had a meal here and I'd like to see what Keefe has to offer."

She rewards me with a long-winded sigh and turns her back on me, walking up to the bar. Rather than walk around, she merely steps up on the ledge and leans over to grab a menu. I'm treated to a phenomenal view of her ass when she does this and I have to bite a hole in my tongue not to groan out loud.

Returning to me, she drops the menu on the table and says, "What do you want to drink and I'll go get that?"

I open the menu and peruse it. Not looking up, I say, "A Guinness will be fine, darlin'."

She moves off and I lift my eyes to watch her walk away.

My brow crinkles in consternation. I don't get her aversion to me. She certainly found me pleasant enough five years ago. The staring contest we had the night I played at Mac's told me all I needed to know. She was attracted to me as much as I was attracted to her.

She said she's not mad at me, and that makes sense... since I don't think I did anything to piss her off. I mean... things started to get a little hot and heavy between us that night, but she told me to stop and I stopped. I respect a woman's right to say no when things go beyond her comfort level.

So it comes back to what she told me the other night. I'm apparently not... what did she call it? Professionally balanced? I'm not sure what the hell that means but I'm dying for her to explain it to me. That is, if I can get her to actually have a conversation with me.

When Renner returns with my Guinness, she just waits patiently for me to tell her my order. I look up at her and say, "I'll have the cheeseburger with a side of chips."

She quirks an eyebrow at me. "Seriously?"

"Uh... yeah, seriously. What's wrong with the cheeseburger?"

She shrugs her shoulders and mumbles, "I just figured you'd want something more traditional."

Chuckling, I give her a mischievous grin. "Why? Because I'm Irish I can only eat corned beef and cabbage or something?"

I'm surprised when I see just the tiniest uplifting at the corners of her mouth, and I hold my breath, hoping she'll reward me with a full-blown smile but it never comes. She merely grabs the menu and turns her back on me again.

Sighing, I reach into my backpack and pull out my laptop. My intent today is to stalk Renner and hopefully force some conversation, but I know I'm in for the long haul so I came prepared to do some work. Besides, I find I write some of my best lyrics while sitting in a pub and enjoying a beer.

After I boot up my laptop, I pull up a blank document and stare at it for a while. I've had an idea brewing in my head about a new song. One that has to do with the whole concept of risk and reward. Thinking of Renner, and how buttoned up she is, an idea immediately comes to mind and I start typing.

***

I'm so absorbed in my work, I barely notice when Renner sets my food down. I don't want to lose my train of thought so I barely give her a glance and mutter a thanks. I let the cheeseburger sit there, and continue typing.

After about twenty minutes, Renner returns. "Aren't you going to eat your food?"

I look up at her and rub my eyes, then glance at my plate. Shit... I completely forgot about the burger, which is weird because I actually came into The Hibernian hungry and wanting a meal.

"Sorry... I got caught up and forgot about it."

Pushing my laptop aside, I reach toward the plate but she beats me to it. She picks it up, sighing. "Let me go at least heat it up for you."

Without another word, she turns on her heel and heads off to the kitchen. I can't help the smile that comes to my face. That's major progress, in my humble opinion.

When she returns, my nose is again glued to my laptop and I'm not paying attention to my surroundings. I know this because she merely takes my laptop and pulls it away from me, right while I was in the middle of typing a line of lyrics.

"Hey," I say, a little irked that she would disturb my work.

Setting my plate down in front of me with a little more force than necessary, she just glares at me. "Eat your damn food. I don't have time to run back and forth to the kitchen all night heating it up."

I give her an appraising look after I pick the burger up from the plate. "My apologies. And thank you for warming this up for me. I think you might like me a little bit, after all."

Renner just snorts. "Hardly. I'd do it for any customer. Besides...I couldn't remember if I spit in your food the first time I brought it out."

She says this with such a serious look on her face, my hands freeze just before the burger reaches my mouth. I start to lower it back to the plate, when she breaks out into a full-fledged grin. "I'm just kidding, Cillian. I wouldn't be so crass as to spit in your food. Rat poison, maybe... but I'd never lower myself to spit."

Reassured, I take a huge bite and sigh with pleasure. Keefe does know how to make great food. While chewing, it doesn't escape my notice that she's not leaving and this heartens me a bit. I quickly swallow and wipe my mouth.

"Take a break and join me for a bit."

My statement seems to shake her and she looks startled, as if she's just realized that she's staring at me.

"Um... no thanks. I'm not due for a break."

"Well, if you are due one soon, I'd love for you to come sit with me a bit and let's catch up."

She contemplates my request, I know, because I can practically see the wheels spinning in her head. She continues to stare at me, neither accepting my offer to join me, nor turning away to get back to work.

I decide to wait her out, and just return her look. Finally, she blurts, "Your tongue's pierced."

My eyebrows rise involuntarily, so surprised I am by her statement. "Yes."

"I just saw it... just now when you took a bite of your food."

"Uh-huh." I have no clue where she's going with this.

"You didn't have it five years ago. Or the rings in your lip."

"No, you'd definitely remember my piercings if I had them when we kissed, no doubt. Are you interested in seeing what it's like to kiss me now that I have some metal involved?"

Her face stains red again, and I mentally clap myself on the back for getting to her. She just shakes her head and turns around to leave me again.

The rest of the night is uneventful. I sit in my booth and nurse one more Guinness. Renner checks on me a few times, but I shoo her away, absorbed in my writing. The lyrics seem to be flowing, and I'm able to pen three songs over the course of the night. They are very rough, and will go through several edits, but I think the bones are good enough that they'll eventually be recorded.

Glancing at my watch, I curse to myself. I've been sitting here for almost four hours and my goal of getting to talk to Renner was completely sidelined by my work. I stretch my arms up and glance around. The pub is deserted and it's no wonder... it's about time for it to close. I notice the check is on the table so I pull my credit card out of my wallet and throw it down.

Sliding out from the booth, I head to the bathroom to take a piss. When I return, I find Renner has already ran my credit card and the slip is there for me to sign. I take a moment to calculate the tip and make it super generous because... well, because I can.

And then I wait...patiently. Because if Renner thinks I'm just going to leave without saying goodbye, she has another thing coming.

Within fifteen minutes, she's back and picks up her copy, without even looking at the tip I gave her. I'm ready for her though and reach out to snatch her wrist, rubbing my thumb along her beating pulse point. "I'm walking you home tonight, so don't think about dashing out of here without me."

Her green eyes go wide, and I’m absolutely triumphant when I realize it's not disdain, but rather wonderment. But then she quickly puts her mask back in place. "No, thanks. I'm perfectly able to walk myself home."

"You can walk out of here, and walk yourself home, Renner, but I'm coming with you."

"Why?" she demands.

"To make sure you get home safe. And hopefully, to get you to talk to me."

She pulls her wrist away from me and I release it. I don't want to antagonize her. "Why can't you just leave me alone, Cillian?"

She's frustrated, and I just don't get it. I'm not a bad guy, I've been told by more than one woman I'm pleasing to look at, and I'm successful. I don't understand her reticence.

"Because I don't want to leave you alone, Renner. You're under my skin, and it's an itch I mean to scratch."

Renner surprises me when she sits down across the table from me. "Look, Cillian. I don’t understand why you’re pursuing me. There’s plenty of other women out there. You certainly had no problem finding someone else to kiss after me five years ago, I’m sure you can do it again.”

Bells go off in my head. “You saw me kissing someone else after I kissed you, did you? And you’re mad about it.”

She scoffs at me. “Of course, I’m not mad about that. I barely remember your kiss.”

“Then why bring it up at all?”

“Because I’m trying to make the point that there’s nothing special about me. Move on.”

I lean forward across the table. “Aaaahhh. But there is something special about you, Renner. Five years ago, you told me no. No girl had ever done that before, nor since. It sort of makes you stand out.”

Her eyes narrow at me. “Shouldn’t this be the part where you tell me that kissing that other girl didn’t mean anything, that I was the only one on your mind the entire time?”

My insides squirm a bit because it’s truth time and I hope it doesn’t hurt too much when I lay it on her. “Renner...I was nineteen years old then. I was young, stupid and perpetually horny. I’d be lying to you if I told you I hesitated before moving on to that girl. But hold these words as true...I’ve thought about you plenty over the years, and you’re all that’s on my mind now.”

Her face goes a little pale at my admission and I’m sure I’ve harmed my own cause by telling her that. I expect her to get up from the table and storm off. Instead, she takes a deep breath and looks at me with such seriousness, my breath catches. “Maybe we got off on the wrong foot. I'd be more than happy to be your friend, but that's all it will be. I'm just not interested in you in any other way."

I lean forward a bit closer, my face just as serious. "And I'm not interested in being your friend. You have Cady for that. No... I want something a bit different from you. And don't expect me to stop trying to get it."

She sighs and stands back up. "Whatever. I'm done trying to talk sense into you."

"Good. Because it's an absolute waste of your time to try to deter me. So, I'm ready to go whenever you are. And I'll see you home, safe and sound."

She wavers just a minute, and I can see that she's probably trying to come up with a really good curse to let loose. Then she deflates and turns away, stomping off to grab her purse from behind the bar.