Chapter 17
Cory
We’re about to play our pre-season showcase. I really enjoy this kind of game. As competitive as hockey usually is, which I really like too, I like these exhibition games. The competition is more friendly. It’s there, but it’s more laid-back.
I’m especially happy tonight because it’s the first game that Sarah and Ash’ll be at. It’s not the first time Ash has seen me play, but it’s the first time since I’ve gone pro. And it’ll be Sarah’s first time.
I’m really hoping she has a good time tonight. She hasn’t been very happy since we talked about continuing to keep our relationship under wraps. I get where she’s coming from, sort of. She doesn’t have quite as high stakes as I do. Pro sports is a macho world. I expect that most of my teammates would be on my side if our relationship got out. But not all of them. And certainly not any players who don’t know me and who aren’t on the same team with me.
And it’s not just about being in a threesome. Being with another man isn’t exactly okay in this world. As much as they talk about acceptance these days, the reality is pretty different. I think it’d be easier to come out about being in a threesome than being with another man. Not that that’d be a walk in the park either.
Ash gets it. He has a professional standing to maintain as well. But I know he feels bad about Sarah too. I don’t know what we can do about it. This is just what we have to do, at least for now.
But I have to wonder at the same time. Will this be forever? Because my concerns and Ash’s won’t go away. I can’t imagine how they will. I don’t see it as being acceptable in the near future, or ever really. So what could really change?
And Sarah does have a point about not living a lie. I don’t like to be dishonest, even by omission. If I could, I’d like to be completely open about being involved with her and Ash. But how will that ever be possible? It’s not like there are so many people in threesomes that it could eventually tip the scale to making it more socially acceptable. I don’t want to be the one to have to take a stand about it. Not when my whole career could be on the line.
Everything seems better once the game starts. Once I hit the ice, my world makes sense. I like it out here. Knowing that Ash and Sarah are up in the stands watching makes it even more of a special night. It’s great to be back with my team.
I’m so happy that my injury didn’t ruin my career. That especially is why I don’t want to take any other risks with it. Anything can change in a moment. Like an injury. Something you can’t come back from. I don’t want to make the wrong choice. I don’t want to do something to hurt my chances. I came close to that happening with my leg injury. I can’t take the chance again. I hope Sarah can understand.
The game goes really well. We beat the other team in an easy victory. After it’s over, I change quickly and go to meet them outside of the locker room.
There’s a small group of fans milling around. I can’t see Ash and Sarah yet.
“Cory.” I turn around to find a couple of women that I recognize. I recognize them because I’ve slept with both of them. Looks like they came with each other tonight. I didn’t know they were friends. I guess eventually all the hockey groupies get to know each other.
“Cory, it’s been a while.” I can’t remember their names. The taller one with the long blonde hair comes right up to me and gives me a hug. And a kiss on the cheek.
I grip her shoulders and move her away for me gently but quickly. I make sure her friend doesn’t do the same thong.
“It sure has.” Again I glance around to see if Sarah and Ash are here yet. Still no sign of them.
“We’ve missed you,” the shorter brunette says. “So, what are you up to tonight?”
“Yeah, Cory. You know, we’re both free. We’re roommates now. Why don’t you come back with us and check out our new place?”
“Thanks, but I won’t be able to make it.” The hallway’s getting busier now. There are lots of people crowding around.
Both of the women pout. “Okay. But if you change your mind, here’s our address.” She scrawls it out on a scrap of paper and presses it into my hand. “We’d love it if you can come by. Anytime.”
Before I can stop her, the brunette comes in and wraps her arms around me. I disengage right away.
“Great. I’ve got to go.” I turn around to step away so I can text Ash and Sarah to see where they’re at.
But there they are. Just a few feet away, coming towards me.
“Hey guys,” I say. “What took you so long?”
“The crowds were pretty crazy getting out of the stands,” Ash tells me. “And then Sarah had to use the bathroom. The line to get in there was insane.”
“I bet it was.”
Sarah hasn’t said a word. I reach out for her, but she pulls back. “What’s wrong?”
“Who was that woman hugging you? She seemed pretty friendly.”
Oh, hell. She saw. Ash must’ve seen it too, but he doesn’t look bothered. I didn’t think he would be. Clearly Sarah’s another story though.
“She’s no one.” I shake my head. “Just someone I used to know.”
But Sarah’s sharp. “Someone you were involved with in some way?”
I gesture for her and Ash to come over to the side with me, so we can get away from the crowd. “No. We were never involved. It was more of a one-time thing.”
I don’t want to say flat out that I slept with her. That’ll only make things worse.
“So what was she giving you?”
I already forgot about the piece of paper I have in my hand. I shake my head. “It’s nothing. She slipped me her address. They wanted me to stop by their place, but I told them no. There’s nothing going on between me and them.”
“Them?”
I wince. Why did I have to say that? My mind goes into overdrive to try to figure out how I can make this better.
I can’t come up with a single thing.
“You slept with them. Both of them.” Sarah’s voice is flat. She’s upset. I try to backtrack. But I can’t. So I tell her the truth. “Yes, I did. Not at the same time. I met them separately, after different games. I didn’t even know they knew each other. Not that it matters. It was a long time ago, Sarah. It was last season. Long before I met you. I haven’t seen either one of them since then, I promise you.”
“I believe you, Cory. But the thing is.” She pauses. “You were fine with her hugging you. Right out here in front of everyone in this crowd. In front of some of your teammates too. But would you be so fine with hugging Ash the same way? Will we walk into the player’s lounge now with you holding both of our hands? Will you be so open in public with us as you were with a stranger?”
“Sarah.” I don’t know what to say. “We talked about this. You agreed we’d keep our relationship a secret for now.”
“Until when, Cory? What’s going to change? Will you ever want to introduce both of us to your teammates? Will you ever act like that in public with both Ash and I?”
I shift from foot to foot. “I don’t know, Sarah. We have to see what happens in the future. See where we’re at.”
“Where we’re at?” Her eyes widen with incredulity. “I thought we were in a good place right now. It’s not us and where we’re at that’s a problem. Is it? Because from what you said before, it’s not about us. It’s the sports world that isn’t ready for a threesome. Or for you to be involved with another man. How’s that ever going to change?”
I can’t answer her, because I have no idea.
And because she’s right.
“Sarah. It’s the same for me,” Ash adds.
“Is that why you barely speak to me at work these days? You’re less friendly to me now than before we got involved.” She looks between us. “It’s never going to change, is it. This is how it’s going to be for us. Always a secret, isn’t it?
I swallow hard. I can’t speak. Ash frowns. I can tell he’s thinking hard, but he can’t come up with anything either. Neither one of us can make this better.
Sarah exhales. “You know what? I thought I could do this. But I can’t. I can’t live a lie. I can’t not let people I care about know about us, and I don’t want to hide from strangers either. It’s just too much. Always having to watch what we say or do? Always when we’re out in public? For the rest of our lives? I can’t do it. It makes me feel like you’re ashamed of me too.”
Ash clears his throat. “Sarah, that couldn’t be further from the truth.”
“Ash’s right. We’re not ashamed of you. No way. But if he and I both act affectionate with you in public, that’ll raise a lot of questions. How do you think people will view you, if they think you’re with both of us?”
I feel terrible as soon as the question comes out of my mouth. I’m not trying to put this on her. But that’s how it sounds.
“Well. I guess that’s the difference for me, Cory. I don’t care how people judge me. Especially not when they’re wrong. Because any judgement about the best relationship I’ve ever had, anyone who judges us negatively is wrong. Because love can’t be wrong.”
She turns to walk away. “I can’t do this. I need to get out of here.”
“Sarah, wait.” Ash catches her arm. “Don’t go.”
“Yeah, Sarah. Stay here. Let’s go into the lounge and have a drink. Just relax, we’ll figure this out.”
She gives her head a firm shake. “I just need to go right now.”
I start to follow her, but Ash catches my arm. “I think she needs some space.”
He’s right. But as Sarah disappears into the crowd, I can’t help but feel like the wind’s been knocked out of me.
She’s gone.
How can this be happening?