Chapter 13
Sarah
I feel terrible as I change into my scrubs. There’s hardly anyone here. I got in so early today because I couldn’t sleep. Tossing and turning wasn’t getting me anywhere, so I decided to cut my losses and get going.
I can’t believe it. Cory and Ash are friends. And now Ash knows I’ve been seeing Cory as well as him.
The moment Ash realized that Cory had dropped by to see me, everything fell apart. There was nothing I could do about it at the time. Nothing I could say to explain, not right there in the crowded waiting room with so many people that could overhear anything I had to say.
And then I couldn’t tell Cory over lunch. Not after he’d just been so nice to me. And on top of that, there wasn’t enough time.
The rest of the afternoon at the clinic was awful. Ash made sure to keep distance between us. Not that I minded that. There was nothing I could say while we were surrounded with other patients and our coworkers.
I wanted to stay late and talk to him after everyone left, but he slipped out without even saying goodbye. That hurt. He always makes a point of saying goodbye to me. He did that even before we started seeing each other.
I sent Ash so many texts last night to see if he was able to get together or at least talk on the phone. He didn’t reply to any of them.
And today is his day off. I couldn’t function last night. I could hardly study. As hard as I tried, the words on the pages all blurred together. I found myself reading things over and over again, just to try to get their basic meaning.
I hope I haven’t screwed things up permanently. And now I still have to tell Cory as well. How did everything turn out this way?
Dating two men at once didn’t seem like a bad idea. Not until now. Of course I never expected them to know each other, or be friends. Let alone best friends from back in college.
This is not good.
Somehow I get through the day. How I pull it off, I don’t even know. I can’t get my mind off what I’m going to say to Ash. Or how I’m going to tell Cory.
When I grab my lunch for a quick break, Jill comes along with me.
“What’s up with you? You’ve been distracted all day.”
“Oh, I don’t know. I’ve just got a lot on my mind.”
It would be such a relief to be able to talk about it with her. But there’s no way that I can. Ash and I both agreed to keep everything secret, and that hasn’t changed. I can’t break that promise to him, especially not now. He’s very hesitant about mixing work with relationships, and I can understand why a lot better now.
“I don’t know how you do it,” Jill says. “Going to school and working here so much. No wonder you don’t have time for much of a social life.”
“What do you mean?” I already know what she means. If she only knew.
“You haven’t said much about Cory, not since your first date. You should make an effort with him. Or at least get out there once in a while with another guy, if it’s not going anywhere with him. You don’t want to wait too long.”
“Wait too long for what?” Did I zone out on something that Jill said? Because I don’t know what she’s talking about.
“You know. To meet the right guy. Settle down. Get married.”
I can’t help it. A snort of laughter bursts out of me. Jill tilts her head at me quizzically.
That couldn’t be further from anything I’m thinking about right now. “I’m not nearly ready to get married. Maybe someday. But that’s way off in the future.”
“Don’t wait too long. Time has a way of going by fast.”
If only. It’s sure not going by fast today. I’m dying to work things out with Ash and figure out what to do about Cory. If only the day would go by faster.
When my shift finally ends, I hurry to get home. I’m hoping Ash will agree to see me. The conversation we have to have isn’t something to be done over a phone call. And certainly not by text.
I curl up on the sofa and scroll to his number on my phone. I hope he’ll answer, but my call goes straight to voicemail.
I’m ending the call when a text comes through. My heart pounds with excitement and joy. At least he’s not ignoring me anymore.
But then I see that it’s not from Ash. It’s from Cory.
He’s asking if we can get together tonight. Saying he doesn’t want to wait until our date on the weekend.
Usually I’d jump at the chance to see him sooner. But now my heart sinks. Now I won’t be able to put off telling Cory that I’ve been seeing his best friend at the same time as him.
But I suppose it’ll be better to get this over with now. Quickly I text him back to say that I’ll meet him. He offers to pick me up, but I tell him I’ll meet him at his place. I need some time to think first about how I can tell him in the best possible way.
I don’t know if it’s possible to not be hurtful about this, but I have to try. And I’m really, really nervous. At the same time, I’m also excited about seeing Cory. I can’t help it. Even though this might not go how I want it to. Actually, I don’t even know how I want this to go.
As much as I’ve thought about trying to choose between him and Ash, I haven’t been able to. I’m afraid to admit it, but I’ve been developing strong feelings for both men. I can’t quite believe it. I never thought anything like this would happen.
But try as I might, I can’t find anything to tip the scales in the favour of either man. I’m falling for them both. I can’t imagine how this is going to work out at all. I don’t want to lose either one of them. Although of course it’s not possible to keep this going the way it is. Not now. Not with them being friends and all.
Fuck.
I change quickly into a nice outfit, choosing a skirt that I know Cory likes. And a pretty top. I hope this won’t be the end of us.
It doesn’t take nearly as long to get to Cory’s place as I thought it would. It’s just a quick subway ride away. I didn’t realize how close it was because last time we went there, he was driving us from a restaurant. It’s not been nearly enough time for me to come up with the right words to say.
At this point, I’d actually settle for any words. I have no idea what I’m going to say even as I arrive at his place.
“Sarah.” Cory’s all smiles as he opens the door to let me in. “It’s so good to see you. I’ve missed you.”
He’s leading me into the living room and I know I can’t wait or I’ll lose my nerve. “Cory, there’s something I need to talk to you about.”
We round the corner and I stop in my tracks. We aren’t alone.
There’s Ash, sitting right on the sofa and gazing at me.