Chapter 14
Cory
I feel bad for Sarah. She looks pretty ambushed. And now I realize that’s just exactly what we’ve done. It’s not how Ash and I meant for this to come across. But there are things that we all need to discuss.
Ash called me up last night and we got together for a beer. When he told me that he was seeing Sarah too, I have to say I was stunned.
That explains why he was acting so strangely in the clinic yesterday.
I always thought this kind of thing would be a big deal if it ever happened to me. The competitive side I have would normally have come right out and I would’ve done what it takes to crush the other guy. And win the prize.
But this is Ash. My best friend. We don’t do that kind of thing to each other.
What was even more shocking was when he told me something else he’d been thinking about too. He brought up our college days. Specifically when he and I used to fool around together.
I have to admit that once I saw Ash again after I first moved back to New York, those memories came rushing back pretty quickly for me. Somehow he’s gotten even better looking then he was back then. Of course I thought about what it would be like to hook up with him again. Then I met Sarah and I pushed that idea even further away.
I haven’t stopped thinking that Sarah’s the one for me. But when Ash told me that he’d been considering bringing our past up so we could start up again, that was something I couldn’t ignore. The fact that he’s into it too is pretty mind-blowing, especially after all this time. It was something we did back at school. Never something I thought we’d get back into in our real adult life.
It was all a lot to take in. After more than a few beers, Ash and I came up with a solution to everything. Both of us seeing Sarah. Him and I sexing it up again. The next day, thinking more clearly, it still seems like a good idea. And our plan definitely involves Sarah.
Sarah, who’s sitting in a chair by herself looking freaked out. “Would you like something to drink?” I offer her.
She nods. “Yes. Anything with alcohol in it would be fine.”
Okay, so maybe this wasn’t the best way to approach this, surprising her with both of us here at the same time. But once Ash and I talked it out, neither one of us wanted to wait any longer. Bringing it up separately is just a waste of time.
I mix up some whiskey drinks for all of us and carry them back to the living room. Ash must’ve been talking to Sarah, since she’s looking a little more relaxed than she was before.
I hand around the drinks. “So, Sarah. Did Ash tell you he mentioned that we’ve both been dating you?”
“Yes. He told me. Cory, I was going to come clean with both of you. I’m really sorry I didn’t.” She glances between us. “I didn’t know you two even knew each other. I wouldn’t have gone out with you both if I’d known. I would never want to come between a couple of friends, not in any way.”
Sarah takes a long drink, then continues on. “But aside from that, I didn’t want to hurt either one of you. I’ve been seeing both of you, yes. And since we haven’t talked about being exclusive yet, not any of us, I didn’t think it would be a big deal. But now I feel terrible about it. I should have told you sooner.”
“Don’t feel bad, Sarah.” Ash reaches out to pat her on the arm. “It’s true. We never talked about being exclusive. And we’ve only just recently started going out.”
“Same,” I add. “Don’t torture yourself. There’s no need to waste time with that. What Ash and I have been wondering, though, is if you have strong feelings for either one of us. Or if you see either relationship going anywhere in the future.”
Her expression drops. Again Sarah glances between us before she speaks up. “I do. I do have growing feelings and I definitely want a future.”
“With who?” Ash asks.
She doesn’t meet his gaze. “I have strong feelings for both of you. I don’t know what to say. I’ve tried to choose, to shift my focus to just one of you, but I can’t do it. That’s the main reason that I’ve still been seeing you both without saying anything. This sounds awful to say, I know. But I’m falling for both of you.”
I break into a big grin and Ash does the same. Sarah frowns at us. This is clearly not the reaction she expected us to have.
So now it’s time for our confession.
“That’s great.” Ash squeezes her arm.
“How could that possibly be great?
I take a drink and then begin. “Ash and I have known each other since college, like I told you.” This could go really well. Or really badly. There’s no way to tell, so I dive in.
“He and I also used to have sex with each other. And other women too. I’m bisexual.”
Sarah’s eyes widen. She takes another drink.
Ash takes up the story. “I guess you could say I am too. I never really gave much thought to it. I haven’t been dating lately. And the last relationship I had was with a woman. As short as it was. Since college, I’ve only been with women. But lately I’ve been thinking a lot about my time with Cory.”
I swirl my drink around in my glass as Ash continues. “I was thinking that our relationship could really go somewhere, Sarah. But frankly, I miss having sex with men. And so I was thinking of starting something up with Cory again, just to get that out of my system. Before things got serious between you and I, and we decided to be exclusive. Because that’s where I saw us going, Sarah. Towards a serious, long-term relationship.”
Sarah’s looking shocked. No surprise there. This isn’t an everyday conversation to have. But she hasn’t gotten up and stormed out.
Not yet.
That’s a good sign. At least she’s hearing us out.
I speak up. “Ash hadn’t brought that up with me yet. The sex with me part. But if he had, I would’ve gone for it with him. It was a great time back in college. Like I said, I never forgot about it and I’ve been thinking about it lately too.”
“So you guys were going to hook up with each other? And then what? Be done with me?”
“No. I guess we were going to test it out. The sex part. That’s all it would have been. Not a relationship thing.”
Even I can see the torrent of emotions she’s experiencing. They’re so clear on her face. I can only imagine what that must feel like.
“I guess that’s fair enough,” Sarah says. “Since I was seeing both of you, there’s no reason for you to not be seeing other people as well. I just never expected men to be in the equation. Especially the men I’ve been seeing as well.”
“I don’t think either one of us expected that either.” Ash polishes off his drink. “And I was only going to reignite the sex thing. I’ve never thought about being in a relationship with a man. Never even crossed my mind.”
“I have.” I take a deep breath. This isn’t going to be as easy as I thought it would be. But now is the time for total honesty. “I have. I haven’t really been involved with a man that way, but I’m open to it. Especially with Ash. We’re already friends. Adding sex to that would pretty much make it a relationship by default, whether we wanted it to be or not.”
Ash leans forward, his hands on his knees. “Yeah, I was surprised when Cory talked about it like that. So I guess we all had our worlds shaken yesterday. And it got me to thinking. Just because I haven’t considered it, before doesn’t mean it’s not possibility. A relationship with a man, I mean.”
“Are you talking about having a relationship with Cory, Ash? Is this why you both wanted to see me? To break up with me at the same time, and to tell me that you two are going to be together from now on?”
“No. Just the opposite.” Is that the opposite? I don’t know. Who cares. “Ash and I spent a lot of time talking over a lot of beers last night. And everything that seemed like a great idea last night, seems like an even better idea today. But it depends on you.”
“I want to give it a shot with Cory,” Ash says. “And with you, Sarah.”
“Me too,” I add in. “We’re both on the same page about this.”
“What do you mean?” Sarah sets her empty glass down on the coffee table. I’d refill it, but I don’t want to interrupt what we’re talking about. Not now. It feels too important and we’re too close to a breakthrough now. I don’t want it to get disrupted. This is a big moment. Everything’s going to change, for better or for worse. I can’t stop it now.
“What we mean is that we want to be involved with each other. We already get along really well as friends. We always have. And I’ve opened Ash’s mind up to the possibility that things could be even better if we took them further.”
Ash snorts. But he’s smiling too. He’ll never admit it, but that’s how it happened. Truth be told, it was massive shot in the dark and huge risk. To tell him how I feel about him. Because that’s the thing. I never really admitted it to myself and definitely not him. But I’ve always had feelings for him. Even back in college, I think. When he and I were together, it was the most fun I ever had. I was never as concerned about being with someone else as I was with him.
But I figured Ash was just a straight guy fooling around. At the time, that’s what I thought about myself too. It wasn’t until much later on that I realized I was bi. And that it’s not always just about the sex with men for me. I could have a relationship with a guy just like I could with a woman.
And it wasn’t like I even had to really convince Ash. I was fully ready for him to flip out, walk out and end our friendship right then and there. But I had to take the chance. It’s like I said. You get to the point where full honesty is necessary. And I’m at the point now. So is he. We laid all our cards on the table. And here we are. About to propose something crazy to Sarah.
“And we want the same with you, Sarah.”
She looks as confused as ever. “I don’t understand. Do you want us to keep on like we are? With me dating both of you, and you guys being together as well?”
“No. Not exactly. What Ash and I want is all three of us together. In a relationship at the same time. All of us involved with each other. All of us going out together and sleeping together. A threesome.”
She blinks. I think now’s the time to refill everyone’s drinks.
“I know it’s not exactly conventional.” Ash starts to talk to Sarah as I walk out of the room.
I hurry to mix the drinks so I can get back as quickly as I can.
Sarah accepts the glass from me gratefully. I know how she feels. I down about half my whiskey all at once. At least it’s out there. However it goes down with her, at least Ash and I tried.
I swirl the ice around in my glass. The silence is slowly killing me, but I know Sarah needs time to think about this. I don’t want to rush her. But it’s not easy. I can tell that Ash is in the same place as I am. He wants to know what she thinks, but he doesn’t want to push her too hard.
She takes a thoughtful sip of her drink. “So how would that work exactly?”
“Just like with two people, I expect,” Ash says. “I mean, I’ve never done anything like this before either.” He glances over at me.
I shake my head. “I haven’t either. But yeah. Just like with two. We’d go out, have fun. And have sex too. Just like any other couple.”
It sounds simple, and I want it all. But right now, the sex part is at the top of my mind. I had a threesome once. Just after college. And it was the best sex I’ve ever had. I never really tried to make it happen again. I’m not sure why. Except maybe because it was so intense, I didn’t think I could handle it.
I won’t make that mistake again. The thought of being with Ash again, and with Sarah at the same time is all I want right now. It’s all I can think about. I know Ash wants it too.
“So what do you think, Sarah?” Ash finally asks her.
I’m leaning forward, nearly at the edge of my seat. I thought I’d be okay with it if her answer is no. That she would never do something crazy like this. But I won’t be. I want both her and Ash. I need them in my life. If Sarah walks out now, it’ll be terrible.