Sabrina

I love my family, but right now they’re driving me crazy. If anyone asks me another question about Dan, I think I’ll scream.

Coming home seemed like a great alternative to staying cooped up with Dan, but now I’m not so sure. In honor of my homecoming—like I never travel the whopping sixty miles to visit—my mother invited some people over for a barbecue. Within half an hour, everyone knew about my working with Dan, and within an hour, they were aware of our past relationship.

Of course, my family and close friends had already known, but my mother’s neighbors were awestruck by the fact. The funny thing is that some of them had met Dan back then, they just hadn’t taken notice of him. I wasn’t going to tell them that, though. My mother, however, had no qualms about doing just that.

“You remember John, he was here for Kevin’s graduation party. You yelled at him for parking in front of your house.”

John Roberts, my parent’s neighbor of umpteen years, and possibly the most tactless and annoying man I’ve ever met, perked up at that piece of information. “Oh yeah,” he said as he nodded slowly. “Now I remember. He was a great kid. Really down to earth.” John turned his attention to me. “Don’t take it personally that he didn’t stick with ya, Sabrina. With so many babes throwing themselves at him, you can’t expect a guy to stick with just one. Especially someone like you.”

See what I mean? No tact.

I forced a smile, excused myself to freshen my drink, and took the opportunity to sneak into the house. I didn’t realize I’d been followed until my brother, Kevin, put his two cents into the conversation I’d been having with myself.

“What the hell was I thinking?” I asked myself, out loud.

“You were probably thinking that you could run away from Dan again.” Kevin’s voice startled me so much I actually jumped. My heart threatened to pound out of my chest.

“Kevin!” I screeched. “You scared the crap out of me.”

“Did I intrude on a private conversation?” His eyes twinkled.

“As a matter of fact, you did.”

“Sorry,” he said, looking anything but.

He sat at the kitchen table and pushed the chair across from him out with his foot, inviting me to sit. I looked at him for the space of several heartbeats before obliging.

“You okay?” he asked, his brow furrowed.

I attempted to swallow the lump that had formed in my throat so I could give him a verbal answer. It wasn’t working, so I simply nodded.

“Sure?”

My shrug said all that I couldn’t. Kevin is the only person who knows the whole ugly story. Being two years older, he has always been my confidante and protector. He even offered to “pound the shit out of the bastard” ten years ago, which I found really touching, because they had become good friends while Dan and I were together. Although the offer was greatly appreciated, I declined.

“You know, my offer still stands,” he said, only half-teasing.

“I don’t know, Kevin, he’s bigger than he used to be.”

Dan tops off at six foot two and Kevin stands half an inch taller. Physically, their bodies are similar, broad shoulders, narrow hips, powerful arms and legs; if anyone could “pound the shit” out of Dan, it would be Kevin. But for some reason, I don’t want Dan hurt. Sometimes it kills me to watch him work through the pain in therapy, a reality I don’t want to explore.

“Yeah, but I have rage on my side.”

“Rage?” I laughed. “I like that.”

Kevin ran a hand through his blond hair and sighed. “Talk to me, Sabrina. You’re obviously upset.”

“It’s just all the questions, the comments. I had to get away from them.” I looked toward the door.

Kevin wasn’t buying it. “What’s going on with Dan?”

“Nothing,” I answered, perhaps a bit too quickly.

“Are you two back together?”

“God no!”

“Then what’s wrong?” His blue eyes, a shade lighter than my own, cast me a warning glare. “And don’t tell me nothing, because I know it’s something.”

Sometimes it really stinks when people know you so well.

“He kissed me.” I cast him an are-you-satisfied-now look, hoping he’d drop the whole subject.

“Anything else?” I shook my head. “Just a kiss?”

“Just a kiss.” I didn’t feel the need to tell him about the heavy petting that had been going on, nor the fact that I don’t know how far things would have gone if Lexi didn’t appear.

“So what’s the problem?”

I wanted to tell him that there wasn’t a problem, but (a) he wouldn’t believe me and (b) I really need to talk to someone. I sucked in a deep breath and let it out slowly.

“I just don’t want to go there.” I averted my gaze from his. “I wouldn’t be able to survive it again.”

“You never got over him, did you?”

Tears burned at the back of my eyes. I didn’t answer, couldn’t answer, but Kevin knew. “Talk to me, Sabrina.”

“Did you know he has a daughter?” Kevin shook his head, but remained silent. “She’s adorable and Dan is absolutely wonderful with her. I’ve been watching them together and sometimes I’m almost convinced…” I couldn’t continue.

“Convinced of what?”

“That he’s changed,” I confessed.

“Maybe he has.”

“Do you really think that’s possible?”

“I’m not the one who has to believe it. You are.” He stared into my eyes, driving his point home. “Do you think he’s capable of change?”

I thought about that for a minute. “We all change to some extent. We grow up, our thoughts and ideas change, but I think that fundamentally we remain the same.” Kevin arched a brow, silently asking where I was going with my little speech. “Kevin, he screwed around on me during our entire relationship and thought nothing of it. I mean, that line he threw at me when I confronted him still pisses me off.”

The last time Kevin and I had discussed this was ten years ago, just after the fact. I was too busy being consoled to ask Kevin’s opinion. Better late than never. “Do you believe that?”

“Believe what?” Kevin asked, warily. I could tell he knew what I was talking about, he was just hoping he was wrong.

“That there are girls you fuck and girls you marry,” I answered, matter-of-factly.

Kevin flinched, but I’m not sure if it was because I dropped the F-bomb or that he dreaded answering the question. He stared at the tablecloth, seemingly fascinated with its pattern. It was taking him forever to speak, and I started to wonder if he was going to answer at all. Finally, he lifted his head and looked me in the eye.

“To a point, yes, I believe that.” I couldn’t hide my shock at his words. He raised his hand in a “slow down” gesture. “Hold on, Sabrina. Hear me out before you freak out.” I sat back in my chair and crossed by arms across my chest. My toe tapped a rapid tattoo against the tile floor as I awaited his explanation.

“Of course there are girls out there a guy would fool around with but not marry, but generally they’re the girls who wouldn’t want to get married anyway. I’m sure it’s the same for women. Haven’t you ever dated someone who you would never think of getting serious about?”

Since Dan, I haven’t really thought of getting serious with anyone, but I chose not to mention that fact at this point in time. Plus I don’t really want to discuss my sex life with my brother.

“Sure I have, and I understand that. But tell me, would you commit yourself to a ‘girl you marry’ and then fool around with ‘a girl you fuck’? I mean, before you married Maggie, did you fool around behind her back?”

“No, I’ve never been unfaithful to Maggie, before or after our wedding. I haven’t even looked at another woman since the day I met her. But that’s just me. I could never look Maggie in the eye—or myself in the eye, for that matter—if I cheated on her.” Kevin straightened and cleared his throat. “Some guys think it’s okay to fool around, especially before marriage.”

My heart felt like it was trapped in a vise and my stomach flip-flopped. I suppose part of me had wanted Kevin’s reassurance that Dan could change, but the opposite had happened. His words only served to point out the fact that some men have scruples while others are morally bankrupt. Unfortunately for me, Dan falls into the latter category.

“Talk to him,” Kevin said. “To give you closure, if nothing else. We both know you’ve never dealt with the whole mess. One minute you were comatose in your room and the next you were back to normal. It just doesn’t happen that way.” He reached across the table and took my hand in his. “Talk to him. Find out why he did it.” Squeezing my hand to emphasize his point, he added, “I’m not sticking up for him here, but you never gave him a chance to explain.”

“What is there to explain?”

He shrugged. “Maybe nothing. Maybe everything. I don’t know and neither do you until you speak to him. I was here all those times he called and showed up begging to see you. Seems to me like he had something to say.”

Footsteps sounded on the front porch, alerting us to someone’s imminent arrival. “That’s my best advice, but you have to do what’s right for you.”

“Thanks, Kev,” I said, just as the screen door screeched open and my mother entered the kitchen.

Kevin leaned forward and whispered, “Call if you need me.”