When Carlo and I get back to San Georgio, the first person I see is Luke. He’s serving customers sitting right at the front on the edge of the square and he looks up and sees me. And then his eyes flicker to Carlo. And back to me.
I want to tell him no, it’s not what it looks like. But we’re not a couple. And I just kissed Carlo. And by the time we actually reach the restaurant, Luke’s gone inside anyway.
I don’t know what to say to Carlo, but I don’t have to say anything because Mum is sitting just under the awning and calls me over. Carlo waves and goes inside and I sit down opposite Mum.
‘Is Leonie with you?’ she says.
I shake my head. ‘I thought she was with you?’
‘She was. But we had a row and she left and … I just don’t know where she’s gone.’
‘By herself? Where’s Elyse?’
Mum glances over her shoulder into the restaurant. ‘In the garden. She says I’m worrying over nothing, that she’ll be back soon. I just feel … we both said some things.’
I pull my phone out of my pocket. There’s nothing from Leonie.
‘I’ve been texting her,’ Mum says. ‘She hasn’t replied.’
Elyse comes outside and sits between me and Mum. ‘She’ll have gone off to calm down. Like Milly did.’
Mum nods, but her face is tight with worry. ‘She was so upset. And angry.’
I’m still holding my phone, so I open WhatsApp to see if she’s been online. She hasn’t. ‘I’ll try her,’ Elyse says, taking out her own phone and tapping off a message that I hope was at least a little bit sympathetic.
‘She’ll be back soon,’ Elyse tells Mum. ‘She never stays angry for long.’
That’s true. It’s one of the nicest things about her. But I can’t help picturing her running out into the road in tears and getting knocked down. Or just being lost. Lost and upset and alone.
‘Can I ask you something?’ Elyse says.
‘Me?’ Mum says, picking up her glass of wine and turning it in her fingers. ‘Of course.’
‘Are you okay with Leonie being gay?’
‘God, of course I am!’ Mum says, looking genuinely shocked. ‘How can you even –’
‘I know,’ Elyse says. ‘I mean, I assumed you would be.’
‘It wasn’t that. I mean … it was a bit of a shock. I hadn’t really thought about it, but I don’t have a problem with it at all.’
‘What, then?’ Elyse asks.
Mum drinks some of her wine and then says, ‘Your dad … he would’ve been so proud of her.’ She smiles, even though she’s looking down at the table. ‘He would have thrown her a coming-out party! He’d take her to Pride.’ She shakes her head.
‘You can do all of that,’ Elyse says.
‘I could,’ Mum says, looking up, finally. ‘I could. But I just … I can’t stand that he’s not going to get the chance to do it. I can’t bear that he’s never going to know. I can’t bear that I’m finding this out on my own, just me, and I’ve made such a mess of it. I can’t bear any of it.’
My nails are so deeply embedded in my palms that it hurts to uncurl my hands.
‘Dominic would have been incredible. And without him …’ Mum wipes her face with the shredded napkin. ‘She flew out here … On her own. To see her girlfriend. And she didn’t tell me. And I didn’t know.’
‘So why didn’t you just, you know, tell her that?’ Elyse says.
Mum shakes her head. ‘I know. I should have. I just … It was hard. And she assumed that meant that I didn’t care. Or wasn’t proud of her. But we could’ve talked about it. We –’
Elyse shakes her head. ‘You haven’t talked about anything. To any of us. You didn’t know I was thinking of moving in with Robbie, did you? Did you know that Leonie wants to be a doctor? Or that Milly hasn’t actually sent her acceptance back because she doesn’t think she can leave us? Because we’re such a fucking mess?’
‘Elyse,’ Mum says. ‘I can’t …’
‘You haven’t seen any of us for a year,’ Elyse says. ‘It’s like we lost you too.’
‘Are you worried?’ I ask Elyse. Mum’s gone inside to talk to Alice, who’s been trying to phone Gia, but getting her voicemail.
My sister stretches her arms up over her head. ‘Nah. She’s probably with Gia. And she’s not an idiot. Well, she is an idiot. But I think she can take care of herself. And it’s not like this is the first time.’
‘That’s what I was just thinking,’ I say. ‘That time me and Dad found her in Starbucks when she was, like, twelve …’
‘Oh, I was thinking about when she went to the Olympics.’
I blink. ‘She did what?’
Elyse looks back at me and wrinkles her nose, before dropping her sunglasses down from where they’ve been sitting on her head like a headband. ‘Shit. I forgot you didn’t know about that.’
‘What happened? Why didn’t you tell me?’
‘It was fine. She made me promise not to tell you. She’d arranged to meet some friends in Hyde Park to watch the cycling, I think. Or maybe the swimming? Anyway. She couldn’t find her friends and her phone got nicked. She ended up ringing me using some stranger’s phone and begging me to come and get her. And it was chaos.’
‘I can’t believe you didn’t tell me!’
Elyse shrugs. ‘She thought you’d wang on about it. And you probably would’ve done, to be fair.’
I roll my eyes. But I know she’s right.
‘You baby her,’ Elyse says. ‘You always have.’
‘Well,’ I say, looking down at the table. ‘She’s the baby.’
‘Not any more.’
No. Not any more.
‘She said she wanted an adventure,’ I say.
‘What?’ Elyse says, looking at me across the table.
‘Leonie,’ I say. ‘When we first got here. She said she wanted an adventure.’
‘Well,’ my sister says. ‘I guess this counts.’
Campo de’ Fiori is busy with the evening clean-up: the market stalls packing away, the street-sweeper driving around, the tourists and locals wandering out for the passeggiata. The air is warm and scented with garlic and roasting tomatoes and a group of children are shrieking with laughter, chasing bouncy balls that light up and flash.
Someone has pulled two tables together right at the edge of the terrace, underneath the awning, and I sit next to Elyse with Aunt Alice and Mum opposite. Mum looks tired, the evening sun shining through the red awning throwing shadows under her eyes.
I look around for Luke and see him on the far side of the terrace, pouring wine and smiling as a customer talks to him. I will him to glance up, to look over at me, and as he puts the wine bottle down he does. I try to make myself smile, but nothing happens. He doesn’t smile at me either.
Stefano brings some antipasti out, but I can’t eat anything, even though my stomach feels hollow.
‘She’ll be back before bed,’ Elyse says.
‘I hope so,’ Mum says. She’s twisting a napkin between her fingers, torn bits falling onto the table.
I wonder what we’ll do if Leonie doesn’t come back tonight. Do we call the police? Or is it too soon? Does she have to be missing for twenty-four hours or is it different for tourists? I start picturing the headlines and I have to shake my head to try to get rid of them.
‘Is it starting to rain?’ Elyse says, peering out over the square. Someone on the opposite side has an umbrella.
‘It’ll just be a shower,’ Alice says, pouring wine for all of us.
The rain gets heavier and heavier. I can see it in the yellow light of the streetlights. The owners of the one market stall that had stayed open run around throwing plastic sheeting over everything, knocking over a stand of touristy mugs in the process. They smash on the cobbles and suddenly I can’t catch my breath.
‘Are you okay?’ Elyse says, peering at me.
I shake my head. I feel like I need to get up and run, but the rain is hammering down and there’s a flash of lightning.
‘Is it the storm?’ Alice says. ‘Drink some water.’
I reach for the glass, but my hand’s shaking and I knock it over, the chilled water spreading across the table and dripping down onto my legs.
‘I’ll get a cloth,’ Alice says, going inside.
There’s a loud crack of thunder and the three of us jump.
‘Fucking hell, Leonie,’ Elyse mutters. She picks up her phone and starts texting again.
‘What are you saying?’ Mum asks her.
‘I’m telling her to fucking ring me right fucking now.’ Elyse puts her phone down on the table and we all stare at it. When, after just a few seconds, it buzzes with a text, Elyse picks it up.
‘I am going to kill her,’ Elyse says again, staring at the screen.
‘Where is she?’ Mum says. ‘Is she all right?’
‘She’s fine,’ Elyse says. ‘She’s in Positano.’