I hardly slept. Elyse slept in my room and I don’t think she slept much either. Whenever I was awake, she seemed to be turning over or turning her pillow over, but we didn’t really talk. But we both got up before it was properly light.
Leonie hasn’t been in touch and Mum says she was awake for much of the night. We’ve all left messages for Leonie again this morning, but she hasn’t been on WhatsApp since the last time we looked.
‘There’s a flight,’ Stefano tells Mum. ‘Takes less than an hour.’
‘Yes, but then you have to drive at the other end,’ Aunt Alice says. ‘You’d need to hire a car.’
‘Would it be easier to drive the whole way?’ Elyse asks.
Mum shakes her head. ‘I’m not happy about you driving that far. I should go.’
Her hair is held back from her face with a headband, there are dark smudges under her bloodshot eyes and she keeps picking up and putting down the same mug of coffee.
She looks at Alice and says, ‘I’ll be back for the wedding.’
Alice nods. ‘I know.’
Mum frowns. ‘Oh god, I don’t know.’ She starts to cry. ‘I don’t know how I’ve messed everything up so badly.’ She wipes her face with the heels of her hands. ‘I know I’ve been useless. I know how badly I’ve handled everything …’
‘Mum,’ Elyse says. ‘Me and Milly are both old enough to go on our own.’
Mum shakes her head. ‘I know you are. I do. I just … I couldn’t bear it if …’ She bites her lips and I see Elyse reach for her hand.
‘I could go,’ Luke says from behind me. I hadn’t even realised he was there. I half turn around to look at him, but he’s looking from Mum to Aunt Alice. ‘If that’s okay with Stefano, I mean,’ he adds.
‘I’m sure that would be okay,’ Alice says. ‘You don’t mind?’
‘Of course not,’ Luke says. ‘If we go now, we can be back this evening.’
I see some of the tension drain out of Mum, her shoulders relaxing, her forehead smoothing out. ‘Luke, that would be such a relief, honestly.’
‘You can take my car,’ Stefano says. ‘I have Gia’s parents’ address.’
‘I’m going too,’ I say.
‘Milly …’ Mum starts to say.
I shake my head. ‘I need to. I can’t stay here worrying about her. I need to go too.’
‘Is that okay with you?’ Mum asks Luke.
And I can’t even look at him, because what if he says no?
‘It’s fine,’ I hear him say.
‘I need to check the car,’ Stefano says, standing up and stretching. ‘Make sure it will get you there.’
‘Stefano!’ Aunt Alice says, pouring more coffee into Mum’s mug.
‘It’s fine!’ he says, holding his hands up. ‘I just mean to make sure it’s completely safe. Oil and water and tyres.’
Alice shakes her head, but Stefano wraps his arms around her and pulls her against him, pressing his lips to the top of her head. ‘It will be fine,’ I hear him say.
‘The car is all good,’ Stefano says, coming out of the door behind Mum and Alice.
I see Mum look over at me and I can tell she’d been half-hoping the car wouldn’t be drivable, that we’d have to find some other way to get to Positano, to Leonie.
‘Where’s Luke?’ she asks Stefano.
‘Just gone to pack a bag,’ Stefano says. ‘And then you should probably go,’ he tells me.
I follow him inside and grab my bag and Toby comes out of the kitchen with a box of food and puts it down on the table next to me. I can smell garlic and tomatoes and something else, something sweeter – cinnamon maybe.
Alice hands me a square of card with a phone number and address written on it in Stefano’s neat, square handwriting.
‘Stefano’s cousin,’ she says. ‘In case you need to stay over. You need to call to get the keys for the flat, but otherwise it should all just be there and ready. It’s nice. We’ve stayed there.’
I look out past the terrace, over the square. The market is setting up: the tiny vans buzzing about with their crates of fruit and veg in the back, the squeak of the metal as they put up the frames, people shouting and laughing. I just want to go.
‘Promise me,’ Mum says, leaning against Alice. ‘You’ll call if anything goes wrong?’
‘Of course,’ I say.
‘And as soon as you hear from Leonie?’
‘Yes.’ I rub the back of my neck. Even though it’s early, it’s already hot and my hair is heavy.
‘And we’ll call you if we hear from her,’ Alice says. ‘And drive really carefully,’ she tells Luke.
‘I will,’ he says. ‘I’m a good driver. I promise.’
‘And if you hear from her –’ she says again.
‘Mum,’ I say. ‘I know. We’ve been through this. It’ll be fine. Don’t worry.’
We walk around the corner, Mum clutching at me and Stefano talking to Luke about the car and Toby carrying the box of food and Aunt Alice and Elyse trying to pull Mum away from me.
‘You will get back in time for the wedding?’ Alice says, as we stop next to the car. It looks fairly new. Not big. Bright blue.
‘I’m sure we will,’ I say. It’s the day after tomorrow. ‘I’ll make sure we are.’
Aunt Alice nods and pulls me into a hug. ‘I just want everyone to be here,’ she says into my hair.
‘I know,’ I say. ‘We’ll be back. I promise.’
She squeezes me and then pushes me away. ‘Now go before I start crying.’
Mum hugs me again. She’s crying and Elyse has to pull her away. I feel awful getting into the car, leaving her standing there, but Luke gets in, so I get in and we close the doors, immediately buzzing down the windows because the air inside is hot and still.
‘Don’t go yet,’ I tell Luke.
I look out of the window at my family: Mum, Elyse, Aunt Alice, Toby, Stefano. Dad’s gone and now Leonie’s gone and now I’m leaving.
‘What if something happens?’ I say quietly.
‘Like what?’ Luke says, putting the key in the ignition.
What if we can’t find Leonie, I think but don’t say.
‘What if we die?’ I say. ‘What if you crash the car and we die?’
Luke frowns and tips his head to one side as he thinks. ‘I don’t know that there’s anything we can do about that. But I’ll try really hard not to crash the car and kill us both. How’s that?’
‘Shit,’ I say.
‘I know,’ he says. ‘Sorry, but it’s the best I can do.’
‘Can we go now?’ I say. ‘I think we should go. Look at their faces.’
Mum and Aunt Alice are both crying and I wave at them as Luke turns the key and the engine starts. Mum blows a kiss and I blow one back, but Luke’s already pulling away and I’m not sure if she sees.