‘Did you see Luke?’ Stefano asks, when we’re barely through the door. ‘He should have been back from his break ten minutes ago.’
I feel my face flame, but Leonie cuddles me again and says, ‘Let’s go upstairs for a minute.’
‘We passed him on the way back,’ Elyse tells Stefano.
Stefano rolls his eyes. ‘Was he with his girl? Always sneaking out for …’ He makes a kissing noise.
‘Come on,’ Leonie says, pulling at my arm.
I let myself be steered out of the restaurant and up the stairs to our room. Leonie shuts the door behind us and I drop face-down on my bed. I feel Leonie’s hand rubbing circles into my back.
‘Fuck,’ I say into the quilt.
‘Oh wow,’ Leonie says. ‘It must be bad if you’re dropping F-bombs.’
I turn my head to one side so she’ll hear me more clearly. ‘Fuck off.’
She drops down next to me, face close to mine, eyes wide. ‘It doesn’t mean she’s his girlfriend.’
‘Stefano said she was,’ I mumble.
Leonie wrinkles her nose. ‘Stefano probably just mean a girl. A girl he kisses.’
‘Please don’t remind me,’ I say, turning my face into the quilt again.
‘Did you think he’d been waiting for you?’ Leonie says gently.
‘Ugh.’ I roll onto my back. ‘Of course not. But I just … I hoped that he maybe wasn’t seeing anyone. Okay? I know it’s embarrassing.’
It’s not as embarrassing as what I’d really hoped for, but I’m not telling Leonie that.
‘That’s not embarrassing,’ Leonie says. ‘That’s perfectly reasonable. You like him. You’ve liked him for a long time. And he likes you too –’
‘Yeah,’ I say, rolling onto my side again. ‘Looked like it.’
‘Oh, come on,’ Leonie says. ‘You’ve kissed other boys. Since you met Luke. You and Jake –’
‘I don’t want to talk about Jake.’
‘I know. You never want to talk about Jake. Or Jules. Or the band.’ She blows out a breath. ‘You kissed that boy at that party –’
‘Oh my god!’ I say, shoving at her shoulder. ‘I did not kiss him. He kissed me. And grabbed my boob. And stuck his tongue halfway down my throat. And blew smoke in my face.’
‘And that doesn’t work for you?’ Leonie says, grinning. ‘I just mean … Just because Luke was kissing someone else, doesn’t mean he doesn’t like you.’
‘He’s always kissing someone else,’ I mumble.
Leonie doesn’t take me seriously. Instead she sits up and says, ‘Yes, darling, he’s always kissing someone else. All the time. Literally never see him without a girl stuck to his face. Next time it could be you!’
‘Yeah,’ I say. ‘Dream big.’
‘Get up. Wash your face. Put on some red lipstick. Go downstairs and make him regret every minute of his life he has spent not kissing you.’
I sit up. ‘I’ll wash my face.’
‘That’s a start,’ Leonie says.
She waits outside the bathroom while I splash cold water on my face, put on lipstick – pink, not red – and blot most of it off again.
‘There you go!’ she says when I come out, as if she’s talking to a child. ‘Much better.’
I do feel better. Not much. But a bit.
Leonie grabs my hand and pulls me towards the door. ‘I tell you one thing we’ve learned tonight,’ she says, as we step out onto the landing. ‘That Luke knows his way around a tit.’
Even though the restaurant is theoretically closed now, there are still plenty of stragglers. A few people have stayed to have a pre-wedding drink with Stefano and Alice, but it’s still a lot calmer than when we left earlier. It’s such a warm, fun place, I’m not surprised people find it hard to leave.
My stomach flutters with nerves at the idea of seeing Luke, but I keep my eyes straight ahead and tell myself Leonie’s right. Him kissing someone doesn’t change a single thing: nothing was going to happen between us anyway.
Alice waves us through to the garden where a large table is already groaning under the amount of food piled on it. Gia, one of the waitresses, is setting the table around it and Leonie immediately goes over to help.
‘Stefano says you must all start to eat,’ Gia says. ‘No waiting for the rest to be ready.’
Me, Mum and Elyse sit down and Gia says, ‘I’ll just go and get some wine.’
‘Are you joining us, Giancarla?’ Mum asks.
Gia smiles. ‘Is that okay? Stefano said I could …’
‘Of course,’ Mum says.
Gia had just started working here when we came last year. We didn’t get to know her very well, but she seems nice enough.
‘She goes by Gia,’ Leonie reminds Mum, as Gia goes inside for the wine.
I tip my head back and close my eyes – they’re gritty with tiredness. When I open them I see that there’s a full moon. Hazy clouds are just drifting away and there’s a blueish glow around it.
‘Look.’ I point up.
Mum and my sisters look and Mum says, ‘La Luna. Want to wish on it?’
We all close our eyes. I think about wishing for Luke to like me. To want me. For me to somehow be the kind of person who can work out how to be with him. But instead I wish for Mum to be happy again. I don’t know, but I bet Elyse and Leonie are wishing for the same. I can’t begin to imagine what Mum’s wishing for.
Toby’s the first to come out and join us and, unlike me, he’s not embarrassed to start on the food.
‘Go on!’ he says, shoving what look like deep-fried mozzarella balls into his mouth. ‘Dig in. You know Stefano won’t be impressed if you don’t.’
I pile some bruschetta and prosciutto onto my plate and then Gia appears with the wine and a few bottles of water.
‘I’m under instructions not to go back in there,’ she says, smiling. ‘They shouldn’t be too long – they’re saying goodbye to a couple of jokers who can’t stop wishing them “in bocca al lupo”.’
I look at her blankly.
‘It means “in the mouth of the wolf” for, you know, good luck.’ She smiles at me. ‘It’s not serious.’
I’ve just stuck a chunk of bread in my mouth when Luke comes out. He stands at the head of the table and asks, ‘Anyone need anything?’
I shake my head – my mouth’s too full to speak – and then wipe some oil off my chin.
‘Great,’ Luke says, sitting down. ‘Cos I’m knackered.’
‘I bet,’ Leonie whispers to me and I elbow her.
‘Busy night?’ Elyse asks. I’d elbow her too, but she’s on the other side of the table and I can’t reach.
Luke nods. He’s already pouring himself a glass of wine.
‘It’s always busy,’ Toby says. ‘But tonight was a bit crazy. Everyone’s so excited about the wedding.’
‘It’s going to be amazing,’ Elyse says.
‘It had better be,’ Alice says, coming out from the restaurant, carrying yet more food: pasta, fish and a plate of something in batter. ‘It’s put years on me,’ she says.
Mum smiles at her. ‘Don’t give me that, you’ve loved every minute of it! And you look beautiful.’
Alice does a little curtsey and then flops down onto a chair. ‘Well, thank you. But I feel about a hundred.’
Mum’s right, she does look beautiful. She looks a bit like Mum but where Mum’s tall and fair, Alice is shorter and darker. Mum doesn’t really tan either, but Alice seems to go brown as soon as she gets to Italy. When we were little she had the longest hair I’d ever seen – she could almost sit on it – but it’s been getting shorter and shorter over the years and now it’s in a kind of pixieish bob and it really suits her, shows off her cheekbones.
Eventually Stefano comes outside. He looks his usual gorgeous self, despite the fact that he’s literally been slaving over a hot stove for hours. He sits down, pours himself a glass of wine and tops up everyone else’s glasses, including mine, then says, ‘To family. And to friends.’
We all clink glasses and as I sip my wine, I notice Luke is looking at me. One of his eyebrows flickers up and then he smiles at me. I smile back, ignoring the flip in my stomach.
‘And I just wanted to say,’ Stefano says, ‘while it’s just us, before everything goes completely crazy …’ He holds his glass up towards the moon and for a second I think I see the moonlight reflected in his glass. ‘Dominic, you are very much missed.’
My throat is too tight to speak, but some of the others say, ‘To Dominic.’
I want to look at my sisters, Mum, my family, but I can’t make myself do it. I stare down at my plate until the food blurs in front of my eyes.
He’s not here. He’ll never be here again. And nothing’s ever going to be the same.