One is to fall in love with someone. But it’s completely another thing to feel someone else fall in love with you and then feel the responsibility toward that love.
He had just told me that he loved me.
Blake—the guy I yearned to admit my feelings to but haven’t, fearing that he’d laugh in my face—had just confessed his feelings for me. I was happy to know that the feeling of love between us was mutual, but the speed he told me that with left me too stunned and speechless that I didn’t know how to deal with it except to remain silent and stare at him, my eyes wide.
I love you, Kaley Evansville.
I replayed his words in my head over and over again, hope spreading through my mind while warmth spread through my heart knowing his feelings. I thought he hated me. His behavior told me so. I didn’t know what to do, so I decided to set him free from the responsibility of having to take care of our child and me.
I firmly believed that it was what he wanted and was burdening him, yet he only told me that he loved me in return.
Of course, I was stunned. I expected him to celebrate, to smile and go partying the moment those words left my lips, yet he hugged me and did completely another thing. I didn’t know how to respond to his words, yet I knew that my feeling mirrored his as I wanted to scream, ‘I love you too,’ in his face, but my lips trembled as I forgot how to speak. It was the first time he had left me speechless like that.
“I…” couldn’t voice out my feelings. Why I felt like that, I did not know. Doubt that I actually didn’t love him passed my mind, yet I shook it away as soon as it came. No, I knew that all the things I did proved that I loved him.
However, I still couldn’t voice it out. Why was it so hard to convey those feelings back? They weren’t something terrible I was supposed to be ashamed of. They weren’t hateful emotions I should hide from the light of this world, yet I was unable to reveal them. I couldn’t.
It’s the way I destroyed everything I cared for. I kept silent when I was supposed to speak and spoke when I was supposed to have kept silent.
“It’s alright. You don’t have to say that back, and I’m fine with that,” his voice whispered. His eyes held unknown fear to me. I was never met with such sad and fearful eyes like I did at the moment, not even Ayden’s when our car got hit, and he didn’t know what was going around.
“But I…” I tried to reason but failed. I couldn’t. I was still unable to say it back.
“Even I wouldn’t be able to love someone like me back,” he continued, his smile forced. My eyes widened as I fought tears that threatened to fall. No, that was not true. You’re a wonderful person, Blake. You helped me, and you’re helping people all around the world with your company and projects.
“Just please don’t leave me alone. Please.” His voice sounded so desperate, his look held true fear of losing someone. And I already told him that I would be leaving only if he wanted me to.
“I won’t,” I replied as I finally moved my arms and engulfed him in a tight hug. Never. I was never going to leave him.
“And you’re not stupid. If someone’s stupid here, it would be me,” he said. My tears resumed. We were not stupid; we were just confused. We’re young, and we didn’t understand many things, but we loved and feared that love at the same time. We were slowly growing together. We didn’t start out healthy. Our relationship was so twisted that we were bound to suffer and feel happiness at the oddest moments.
“You managed to start a company at eighteen while all I managed to do at the same age was end up getting pregnant.” Seriously, Blake, why would you even think of it?
“It takes two to tango, munchkin. If someone was stupid here, then it’s me with my twenty-six-year-old ass for not being careful on that night.” I smiled. His words did that to me. “Besides, you skipped a whole two grades, so I seriously doubt that you can call yourself stupid. That’s it. Once everything settles down, I’m sending you to university. Deal?” Did my ears hear him well? Me? Going to a university and he was going to support me?
“I…” I was once again at a loss for words that day. I never thought about going there, but the more I did, the more I came to realize that I had perfect opportunities. “I…” A huge smile crept up my face. “Yes!”
Of course, I wanted to start it. My life finally seemed to settle down in its place. I accepted that change gratefully. Smiling at Blake who only smiled back at me, I took my pinky finger before he took it with his own.
“It’s a promise then,” he spoke, and I nodded. “I will help you any way I can. Even if it’s something as simple as a math equation,” he added, making me grin.
“Aww, just look at them.” We heard a voice interrupt us, making us immediately move away from each other.
“Max,” Blake groaned as I moved my gaze toward Max hiding behind the doors and blushed, for a second being grateful that I hadn’t confessed back.
I stopped. That was not the right way to go with it. Tell Blake. Tell Blake. I needed to tell Blake that I loved him back!
“Oh, don’t mind me. Just continue with what you were on before you have noticed my sexy self.” He now leaned on the doors, making me smile.
So much from going downstairs on his side, huh?
“For the time being, I forgot all my ideas about killing you, but they are coming back to me in a much brighter light, Maximilian,” I threatened, and he gulped. I don’t think I ever used his full name when threatening to kill him, so I guess that he took it rather serious this time. Before I had a chance to tell him that I was just joking, he interrupted me, defending himself.
“You’ll get a husband soon, so think of killing him instead, you know, for the pain he’s going to put you through the labor.” More like avert my attention to someone else, though, I had to admit that it actually sounded like a great idea.
I glanced at Blake before shaking my head. Just a minute ago I was crying my heart, facing the future where I lost him, and now I could see it again.
“I’ll drug her so that she can go through the c-section, so I won’t have to go bother her about anything. You know, like pain, Max,” Blake added unsympathetically. He was mocking me. My lips parted, gone was scared Blake as playful one came back in full glory. I decided to go along with it for the time being.
“No way. I don’t want to get my baby addicted to drugs before it’s even born!” I yelled at him, hiding a smile that threatened to come. As long as we could joke around with smiles on our faces, we’re okay.
“Are you trying to make me deaf, woman?” he yelled back, crossing his arms before raising that eyebrow the way only he could do, as I only raised both of mine in defense.
“Nope, but it sure as hell sounds inviting!”
“Why do I have to marry you? I’ll be better off selling you on the black market,” he said before frowning. “But then again, knowing you, you’ll probably kill whoever bought you and come back for me,” he mumbled, and I laughed. That had actually sounded like me. Like me… Love me…I had to say those words back to him.
“Blake,” I started as he glanced at me. “I…” Just as I was about to confess my love, I remembered that Max was still around preventing me from doing so. “Umm…” Quickly, think of something, anything. “Am hungry?” It sounded more like a question than a statement as I wondered if that was the best I could’ve come up with. Thinking back on it, I was really starting to get hungry. Food now, love later.
“Let’s go down then,” he said before lifting me up as if I weighed nothing. A rather odd combination of confusion and exhaustion reflected on my face as I contemplated about arguing with him. I was going to.
Clear as that.
“Put me down!” I yelled and tried to thrash, but the point was on “tried,” because Blake held me so tight that I couldn’t escape. “Let go of me!”
“Nope,” he said as I glared at him. “You’re so small and clumsy that you’ll probably miss a step on the stairs and kill yourself, so no. I’m not taking any risks anymore!” he said. Possessive much? What happened to his love he just told me of? Do you woo someone by literally sweeping them off their feet? Well, I was lying on the bed, not really standing on my feet, but yeah. It still counted.
“I’m not that stupid. I wouldn’t simply trip.” I shut my mouth as he raised his eyebrow. Alright, I might have tripped once. Fine, a few times here and there, but that didn’t mean it could happen again.
“Fine.” I huffed and averted my head, choosing to let him be. Let him tire himself as I rest while being carried. Soon he started moving out of the room with Max leading our way to the kitchen.
Who was I lying to? I had to admit I actually liked being in his arms; it was so comfortable. And he smelled like my favorite cologne among those of his, so not being able to resist, I wrapped my arms around his neck.
This seemed okay. It seemed like home.
“Easy there. I’d start thinking that you actually like being carried around.” He chuckled, and I just mmm-ed, not being able to say anything else. Like? More like love.
I was happy, truly happy. It almost felt like our argument from earlier never happened. Was I moving on too soon?
Food came, as usual, made by Blake’s perfect skills. Max left the moment he made sure that we were fine and wouldn’t behead each other, which wasn’t that hard to prove. Blake was fine. He seemed like he was back to his old, normal self—as much as that applied to him. I chose to believe that he was fine with his confession, that he was going to love me in his own way, without putting enormous pressure on me. He never spoke of it again for that day, and before I realized, night had already fallen.
Blake had been in his study for the last two hours or so, which I found unusual for him. His usual routine consisted of:
- Waking up at five in the morning
- Showering and breakfast
- Going to the company at six in morning
- Coming back at seven
- And then spending the rest of the day with me until ten or eleven when we would go to sleep
Except for weekdays, he’d stay at work only until noon and then spend the day with me and do some work in his study. During that time, I would always go to my old workplace and help Ryan in the kitchen. I might have no longer work there, but Ryan would always teach me some cooking techniques on my own while preparing food there, or I would go and help as a waitress. Then I would go home around six and play on Blake’s laptop or research some things about painting because I had a heavy addiction toward it. Sure, there were days Blake would stay at home, but rarely, so I was more than surprised to see him right there, on Monday at that, which was why I decided to stay too and do some cleaning, being the nice girl I was. There were three other women that worked here with Bridget, but they weren’t here 24/7 like her who lived here with old Al.
As I had nothing else to do anymore, I decided to make Blake some dinner. It was almost seven, and he still hadn’t gotten out of that study. I guess that it was not easy to lead Sway & Stray at all. Who would’ve given their company such an odd name, anyway?
It did sound inviting and cool, though.
Thinking back to dinner, I wondered what to make. Most of the meals I could cook would take me a few hours to finish, so I had to go with something fast and simple. Sandwich! And with that, I threw myself on the job.
Ten minutes later as I went to his study, I gently knocked on the doors before I heard him tell me to come in.
“I brought you some dinner,” I said as I got in and closed the door behind me.
“Is it already that late?” he asked, getting up before sitting on one of the sofas in the room in front of which was a little glassy table. I put the plate with various sandwiches on it as I sat next to Blake. I counted myself while making them.
“Is everything alright with your business?” I asked him, and he sighed.
“A company we were partners with decided to stop working with us, so we’re dealing with problems of a company we both invested together. They want it all for themselves while we need it as well.” That sounded troublesome. “And the worst thing is that the company we were partners with is the one Regina’s father is leading. That bitch!” He groaned, and I brushed his hair with my fingers.
“Don’t worry. Everything will be alright. I don’t know much about your business, but I believe I heard that you’re having a huge part in many, so you’re the one that is probably going to get it.” I smiled reassuringly, not knowing if it meant something before I started massaging his shoulders. He only thanked me as he grabbed one sandwich before taking a bite.
“Holly shit, this is so good,” he complimented me with his mouth full. Maybe that was my chance to tell him I loved him.
“Well, it’s been made by my hand after all,” I joked, and suddenly Max came on my mind. “Blake, how come Max is still single and unmarried?” I asked curiously.
“That—” he sighed “—isn’t really my story to tell. But if you ask him, it is only going to hurt him more.”
“What—” I started, but he interrupted me.
“He was engaged once, but it didn’t end well because of my father.” What did Lucas have to do with Max?
“But what does—” And he interrupted me again with an answer that shocked me more than Blake confessing to me.
“Years ago, he was engaged to Melissa.”
I wanted to know. I thought I was ready to know. I thought I could handle everything just because I had Blake by my side. Love indeed makes one blind, but that’s because we forget to look at the present, having set our minds only on future.
But little do people know that it’s precisely the present where the future begins.