Despite the disaster that was dinner on Saturday, Ted still invited me to his place for dinner on Monday after work. Yes, please god, after the day I’ve had, I need some alone Ted time.

Today I had made the mistake of telling Maureen I had dinner plans.

“Do these dinner plans involve the gorgeous man I met last week? Because, yes please,” she had said, and I had ducked my head, but whispered, “Yes.”

I love that Maureen is a kind and considerate boss, and she was amazing with my sister last Friday. But the woman loves to gossip, and with Alexander around, there are things I’d like to keep private.

Too late. All Alexander had to hear was the word “date” in conjunction with me, and he couldn’t help but butt in.

“Did I hear you have plans for this evening, Kieran?” he had said, coming over to my desk with a sneer. “I’m afraid you’ll have to cancel them. I need you to have the proposal finished and to Maureen by this evening.”

Maureen’s eyes had narrowed, though Alexander couldn’t see.

“There’s no need, Alex. Tonight is my daughter’s dance recital, and I can assure you, I will not even be thinking of work. Why don’t you and I plan to meet here an hour early tomorrow morning, Kieran. Boss’s orders.”

Not many of the other architects at the firm would be brave enough to contradict an order from Alexander, but Maureen’s not like the others. Alexander had retreated, and Maureen had leaned forward to me with a low voice.

“You know, Kieran, if you ever feel like there’s anything you need to report …”

“That’s okay, Maureen. Thank you, though. I’m fine.”

“Well, if you ever need to talk, you know where to find me.”

I doubt that will ever happen, but it’s nice to feel like someone is on my side. It eased a little of the tension in my chest, and pulling my car up to the curb outside Ted’s house does the rest.

Ted answers the door in relaxed jeans, bare feet, and worn t-shirt from an old rock band. I came straight from work, because alone Ted time, so not only does he help me out of my jacket, but watches with amusement as I undo my tie, kick off my shoes, untuck my shirt, and roll up the sleeves.

“Make yourself comfortable,” he says with a chuckle.

“Hey, you don’t know the torture that is a daily suit and tie.”

“Ah, I know it all too well. It’s why I now own my own business and never have to suit up again.”

“Lucky,” I mutter under my breath, but he still hears and laughs even louder as he leads me back to the kitchen.

“I’d let you borrow something if I thought it would have half a chance of fitting you. Sorry.” His fist rises to his chest with the word, and he looks back at me.

I sign, “It’s okay” and he grins. I’ve been watching YouTube videos in my spare time, trying to be able to communicate better with Jonathan. I have a long way to go to get to their level of proficiency.

Normally Ted’s kitchen is filled with inviting aromas, but not this time. “What’s for dinner?”

Ted pads over to the refrigerator and pulls out a platter of sandwiches in one hand and a platter of fresh veggies in the other, closing the refrigerator door with a bump of his butt.

“I thought maybe we could find a movie to watch and eat and relax in front of the TV.”

I sigh. “Interstellar.”

Ted beams, then says, “If you could grab a water for me and whatever you want to drink …”

Watching his easy walk to the living room has me thinking about all the ways this thing between us is turning out differently than I had imagined. I had pictured my first time with a man to be fire and intensity and physical but hadn’t really thought about the emotional part. With Ted, I feel both. Where I had imagined electrical currents that I would grasp for a momentary jolt of sensation, Ted is a fluffy cloud that I can relax and envelop myself into for hours, maybe days. I think there’s got to be something said for that level of instinctual trust.

“Are you lost in there?” Ted calls from the living room, and I realize I’ve been staring at his open fridge while picking apart my love life.

“Sorry,” I say, bringing in two bottles of water with me. “Mind wandered.”

Ted sits on the couch with enough space left over that I don’t have to sit close, but I want to. His arm is slung across the back while he thumbs the remote control through the menu. God, this really is perfect. A cozy evening, relaxing together. I’m so glad we’re on the same page.

“I’m really glad you texted me. I was afraid my sister might have scared you off.”

I take a quick inhale at the brushing of our thighs when I set the waters onto the table near the food. The platters of food look deceptively simple, but I can tell by the little details that Ted took just as much time on these sandwiches, vegetables, flatbread triangles, and variety of dips as he would have any other meal.

“She wasn’t that bad,” he says, then adjusts his answer at my look of disbelief. “Okay, yeah, having her assume I was your Daddy kink was not my best life moment. But at least she’s trying. It sounds like all of your family is pretty supportive, and that’s nothing to sneer at.”

I pick up a cucumber with hummus and relax back into the couch. “Yeah, I was surprised. I guess I shouldn’t have been. They’re great parents. But you just never know. I came out to them at Christmas, and Mom was like, ‘And in other news, the sky is blue. Now go set the table.’”

I laugh around my bite, remembering how strange it was – my non-event.

“What do you want to watch?”

“Something sci-fi?” I ask, remembering his username. “I’m not sure what’s out right now.”

Ted clicks open Netflix. The first category that pops up is “Continue Watching” and first in the list is one of the “young adult” high school dramas that Carly might have watched a few years ago.

“Really?”

Ted’s face turns the brightest red I’ve ever seen it. “It was Jonathan. I swear.”

“And the Disney musical next to it?”

“I can’t help it that my nephew has the taste of a teenage girl.”

“But there were two different accounts when you opened up Netflix. One for you and one for Jonathan,” I tease, enjoying watching him squirm.

“Shut up.”

When he finally looks at me, we both burst into laughter.

“You will never speak of this to anyone again,” he says, waving a hand in front of his face like he’s trying to use the Force on me.

I start to repeat in the same hypnotized tone, “I will never speak of your love of high school dramas and Disney musicals to anyone other than Craig, Ben, ah–” Ted’s fingers dig into my sides and I squirm onto the couch, unable to do anything but laugh and wriggle. “No tickling,” I pant out. “Not fair.”

Ted pulls back his hands enough for me to get relief. “Let’s try this again. What shows were in my Netflix queue?”

“Only the manliest of shows involving sports and blood and boobs.”

“I almost think that’s worse,” he says, digging the remote out from between the cushions where it got wedged during our tickle fight.

“Oh, I know it is. Wait, I hear that’s good.” I point to the screen when he clicks over Altered Carbon.

We agree to try it out, and before long, I forget my work drama and get lost in the pleasure of science fiction, good food, and a warm body next to me.

By episode two, we’ve stopped picking at the food and naturally relax further into each other. I’m no longer paying the show any attention, no matter how good it is. Every molecule of my being is focused on the fingers trailing absentmindedly along my upper arm. The strong shoulder under my cheek. The warm breath tickling my face, smelling of sweet onion and fresh dill, like the clean dirt scent of a vegetable market, which shouldn’t be a turn-on, but it is.

My cock comes alive, slowly filling along with my awareness of Ted enveloping my surroundings. He’ll notice if I squirm, but I’m stuck with my dick at an awkward angle down my pants leg. I tilt my hips toward Ted, resting an arm comfortably across his chest as my cover, but also allowing for my pants to loosen around my thigh so my freed dick can spring up toward my waistband. Ah, the relief.

Ted’s hand traps mine against his chest, and my breath catches in my throat.

“Kieran,” he says, his voice hoarse and so shaky that I look to him in surprise. “Watch the show.”

“I’d rather watch you,” I answer before my brain can censor my mouth.

“I promised you that we’d wait.” He says the words like a plea.

No idea where my courage is coming from, but I keep pressing. “There are things we can do besides sex.”

“If your hands are anywhere on me when I come, I’m considering that sex.”

I consider his words carefully until I’ve found the loophole. It takes all sorts of willpower I didn’t know I had to stand up from the couch and move away from Ted’s arms, but somehow, I manage. I find my way to a nearby armchair that still manages to skirt his reach. I dig the heel of my palm into my crotch, trying anything to relieve the pressure.

“Then we won’t touch.” That the words carried on shaky breaths are even audible is astonishing. My heart feels like it’s going to pound right out of my chest, yet Ted hasn’t moved since I left his side. A fire lights behind his eyes at my next words.

“We’ll watch.”

After studying me for what feels like hours, Ted gives in to my idea and springs into action. He peels his shirt up and off, while my eyes are glued to his body. His curve of his stomach protrudes just a little past his rounded pecs, but when married with his height and build, it makes him appear strong, not soft. The curls covering his pecs hide silver hoops through pebbled nipples that beg to be touched, but I promised, so I pull up my legs until they are crossed in the chair and sit on my hands. The hair continues down his torso and under his waistband, where my eyes get stuck, trying to remove his jeans with the Force.

He stretches one arm back behind his head and rubs lazy circles on his chest with the other. If it weren’t for the heat in his eyes, you might think he was relaxed. I, on the other hand, have a hard-on so stiff that it is surely going to leak a spot onto my tented work pants. My hips slowly roll of their own accord as I tighten the muscles in my thighs and ass. Anything to get some sort of relief.

“Your shirt too.”

I hesitate, but only for a second. I know I have flaws, but I’ve also learned lately that the things that made me nervous in a heterosexual relationship can be a plus in the gay world. Yes, I have a slightly feminine build. I’m thin and I rarely show muscle, and I used to be so self-conscious of it. I would eat until I felt sick and work out until my muscles turned to Jell-O, and still I wouldn’t put on weight. But guys seem to really like that. Or at least Ted does, and right now, that’s all that matters.

I drag it out, one button after another, until finally my shirt is open and I shrug it from my shoulders.

I can hear Ted’s exhale all the way over here.

“God, Kieran, do you have any idea how gorgeous you are?” I fidget in my chair under his praise. “Take off your pants.”

“You too,” I manage to squeak out.

It’s like a flip has been switched, now that Ted is on board with the idea of us masturbating, but not touching. And the fucker is planning to torment me.

He pops the button of his jeans and I strain to hear the scritch of the zipper. His hand slowly wanders to the front of his pants, teasing the elastic band of his briefs barely visible through the open vee of his pants. His sigh stretches between us, content and peaceful, as if he has no need to take this further.

Meanwhile, I feel like the electricity zinging behind my skin is two seconds from bursting through my pores and lighting up the whole room. I’m dying here, on the cusp of something real and great and finally, finally about to happen. “Ted!”

He hums and I whine.

“Please.”

He stands from the couch and drags his jeans and briefs down in a single swift movement. I see leg hair and bulging calves and tree-trunk thighs and then, when he stands back up, his glistening purple cock tipped with silver proudly saluting.

An explosion on the television from the movie we didn’t bother to pause coincides with the fireworks going off inside me.

It’s the first cock I’ve ever seen. At least that’s not mine or that I didn’t immediately redirect my attention from in a bathroom or locker room. It’s the siren song of a mermaid reaching out from its spot perched atop rocks in the ocean, only in this case, the rocks are the low-hanging boulders he has for testicles. I want to go to it, kiss it, lick it. Flick the piercing with my tongue until he’s driven half as mad as he’s made me. Hell, at this point I could just snuggle up to the damn thing and still be ready to blow.

I didn’t think it could get worse, or better as it were, but then Ted takes his strong hand and gently swipes it down his length, pressing it toward his thighs and releasing, causing it to bounce back to his stomach. My breath hitches with each and every reverberation.

“Kieran,” he says, the impatience evident in his voice if not his face.

Oh. Right. Me.

There’s no seduction in my movements. I’d feel like an idiot to even try. Still, I stand so I can work my belt out of the loops and gravity does the rest of the work. My worn green boxer briefs are now on display, the start of a few small holes at the crotch that he thankfully can’t see, but I’ve never had to worry about the condition of my underwear before this very moment.

“Am I going to have to punish you if can’t follow directions?”

Ted returns to his seat and leans back, legs spread, and arms crossed. The show is over until I comply.

“I thought you said you don’t like to play Daddy?”

“I don’t,” he says, his voice deeper than I’ve heard it yet. “But sometimes I think you must be begging for it.”

I have no verbal response for that. The thick swallow that I manage is enough. I shake myself out of my stupor and jerk down my boxers. Ted’s sharp intake of air fills the room and lets me know how much I’m affecting him.

“Good. Now sit and spread your legs. Show me how you touched yourself the other night.”

I follow his orders, but my hand hesitates over my cock. I’ve never done anything like this before, and I’m so afraid of looking ridiculous.

“You can close your eyes if it helps,” he says with a soft voice. “But then you won’t be able to see me do this.”

Ted pulls his knee up and places his left foot onto the couch cushion next to him. With one hand, he cups his balls and lets his fingers drag along his taint. A taint that is decorated with four silver balls, two on each side. Jesus fucking Christ.

Sparkles in my vision remind me to breathe.

His other hand pinches at the liquid that has dripped from the tip and smears it between his fingers before dragging it down his cock. I’m pretty sure when this night is over all that’s left of me will be a puddle of drool.

He starts with slow strokes that match the gentle squeezes he gives his own sac. My hand grips my own dick with parallel motions, though I don’t realize I’m imitating him at first. I’m so overwhelmed with the show, imagining it’s my hand on his shaft, that it isn’t until my balls start to tighten that I realize I’ve been jacking myself this whole time.

He releases his sac to run his index finger through the mess of liquid coming from his slit. So much liquid, his hand squelches with each stroke and his piercing drips with it. The finger returns between his legs, but ventures farther. I can’t see his pucker, but I can see his finger enter his crease and it’s enough. Lightning starts at my spine and erupts through my dick, sending sparks of cum out in a milky white fireworks display.

Seeing me covered in my own release, flushed and sticky from the exertion, sends Ted spiraling into a release of his own. He’s quiet, soft grunts of pleasure as he tugs every last drop onto his belly.

We stare at each other from across the room. I’m so relaxed I might drift off despite the mess, and it hasn’t yet occurred to me to get embarrassed about everything we just did. Ted collects himself more quickly than I manage, and before I know it, he stands before me with a towel.

I want to ask if he liked it, but that sounds needy. And embarrassment is catching up to me, until he bends down and captures my lips.

“So beautiful. I don’t know how I’m going to wait for May,” he says after breaking away from my lips. I chase after them, but he stands and I’m faced with a still-very-naked Ted who has drops of cum clinging to his belly hair. Up close like this, I can smell it on him, and I think it will be a smell I forever associate with Ted and contentment.