My first day back in the store feels strangely like any other Wednesday. Craig is also working, and other than a basket of fruit and a sympathy card from Zach, he acts as if nothing has changed. Meanwhile, I’m in total turmoil, and I’m not sure how well I’m hiding it.

The rest of my time in California was absolute torture. When I wasn’t thinking about Dylan, I was obsessing over Kieran and what, if any, kind of relationship I was coming back to. The only decent part was getting to know Cameron. He kept to himself, but every once in a while, stories of him and Dylan would pour out, like he needed to release some of the misery he was holding in.

He told me about how he met Dylan when he was still in college, and that although they had been together for over nine years, Dylan felt like moving in together would be giving up his freedom. That’s why Cameron had been jealous of me.

“When Dylan talked about you and Fort Collins, it sounded like he was talking about home,” he said. “It made me feel like this diversion that he was entertaining himself with until he went back to his real life.”

It still confused the fuck out of me. “He had to know that his old life was going on without him. Even at the very beginning, I had no thought that he might ever come back. I never expected to see him again. And, fuck, I guess I was right.”

I couldn’t stay in California any longer, so once Dylan’s apartment was empty, I focused the rest of my time on boxing up and shipping the paperwork to my house so I could come back home. We returned so late last night that I haven’t had a chance to see Kieran yet.

What was I thinking, inviting Cameron to stay in my guest bedroom? I need to sort things out with Kieran, and him being here seriously puts a crimp in that plan. But Cameron kept talking about needing a break from all of the reminders of Dylan everywhere he turned, and the offer just slipped out.

The store is quiet today, so I make Craig leave early. Everyone put in extra hours, including Jonathan – who has finals this week – so that I could go to California. I’m sure it will be a while before I pay them all back, but I’m going to pick up as much slack as I can around here. Elijah won’t be in until five, which means I have no excuses when bank-teller Arthur comes into the store as he has so often threatened.

“Hi Ted,” he says without a single flirt to be found. “Is it just you today?”

“Yeah,” I say, fumbling with stacks of returns and re-shelves that have appeared throughout the day. I’m not used to this side of Arthur. “It’s a slow day. What can I help you with?” I ask because he’s lingering at the counter instead of looking around the store. He must be there for a reason.

“My brother’s birthday. I think I mentioned it to you before. But the party’s this weekend, and I haven’t gotten him anything yet.”

We go over his age and his hobbies, as well as what kind of system he has, and I come up with a few good options for Arthur. He picks two for his brother and we head back to the register.

“I wanted to apologize,” Arthur says, twisting the plastic bag with his purchase into a tight cord before letting go and twisting it again. “I shouldn’t have flirted with you when you came in to the bank. I did it at first because I found you attractive, but once I noticed that it made you uncomfortable, I should have stopped.”

“You knew it freaked me out?”

He nods and looks contrite. “It was written all over your face. At first, I thought maybe you were shy and didn’t know how to react, but when it became obvious that it was because you weren’t interested, I thought you were just being homophobic, and so I tried to make you uncomfortable on purpose.”

That’s new. And unexpected. “Uh, no. Definitely not homophobic.”

“After meeting Dave, I figured.”

My confusion must be written on my face, because he says, “He didn’t tell you?”

“About what?”

If possible, Arthur looks even more disappointed than when he first entered the store and discovered that it was only me working.

“Me. Never mind. Do you know when he works? I was hoping to talk to him. I thought …” The poor bag is never going to make it through the day. “I thought we were friends. But I haven’t heard from him lately.”

“He works tomorrow,” I say before I think better of it. Maybe there’s a reason Dave isn’t talking to Arthur. Kind of like there’s a reason I haven’t been talking to Kieran much lately. But that doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt.

I pull out my phone after Arthur heads out the door, looking only slightly improved with the knowledge of Dave’s work schedule. Arthur’s visit made me think, and I have a man to see. We’re going to put all this crap behind us, because I do not want to lose Kieran. Even if it means I don’t get to act like his friend, only his lover.

Ted: Do you want to go out to dinner tonight?

Kieran: Yes please!

His eagerness brings a smile to my face, until I remember that I can’t just leave Cameron to his own devices.

Ted: Cameron came back with me to continue going through Dylan’s stuff. Is it okay if he comes too?

There’s a longer wait this time, and Kieran’s hesitation has my anxiety ratcheted up to full panic when he finally texts back.

Kieran: Of course. Gardentop?

It helps my anxiety a little that he suggested my favorite restaurant.

Ted: Why don’t you come to the house and we can all walk? It’s a beautiful day.

Kieran responds with a thumbs-up emoji. It really is beautiful weather, and Gardentop is only a ten-minute walk from my house. We’d spend that much time trying to find a decent parking spot. Plus, then at the end of the night, Kieran has to return to my house. I’m not too proud to admit I have ulterior motives.

Jonathan got home early after finishing up two finals. He has another one tomorrow evening before his undergraduate career is over. The hardest final was apparently today, though, so he was all smiles when he got home and crashed for a couple of hours.

The lights flash in the house when the doorbell rings, and Jonathan makes it to the door faster than I can from my room. Kieran and Jonathan are already in full ASL mode by the time I get to the front. It warms my heart so much that Kieran has tried to learn ASL so that he can better know my nephew. That he makes the people who are important to me important to him means so damn much, and it only reaffirms that I’ll do whatever it takes to keep him in my life.

Kieran’s smile is stunning and he melts into my hug, until we both seem to remember that things between us are awkward at the moment, and we stiffen and pull away from each other.

I search for my shoes and find them in the living room, and Kieran follows me, taking a seat next to Jonathan on the couch while I sit on the ottoman and pull on my boots. Kieran watches, and I notice his eyes darken at the (fake) leather. Fuck.

He shakes himself out of his daze and his attention catches on the stacks of papers lining the living room walls. I tried to get started on Dylan’s paperwork, but pile after pile is all I have so far to show for it.

“What’s all that?” he asks with a nod toward the wall.

“The extent of my organizational skills.”

“Ah.” He turns to look at me. “I could help. I’m good at that kind of thing.”

“You would do that?”

Kieran shrugs. “I’ve always been good at organizing and I used to have to fix the accounting at the office when their office manager screwed it up. Why they didn’t hire a professional, I have no idea.”

I nod and start to say “Yes, please. Anything to keep you here in my home and get things back to normal,” but Cameron chooses that moment to descend the stairs.

“Are you coming to dinner too?” Kieran asks Jonathan in ASL.

“No. Final tomorrow. I have to study,” Jonathan responds.

“Good luck,” Kieran tells him, not knowing the signs for the words, but Jonathan quickly demonstrates and Kieran repeats his sentiment, this time in sign.

I hold the door open for Cameron and Kieran, when suddenly the back of my head smarts where Jonathan smacks me. I turn to stare at him with astonished eyes.

“What?” I sign.

“Why are you such an idiot?” Jonathan signs back, and my mouth falls open. Before I can respond, he rolls his eyes and shuts the door in my face.

“Thank you for letting me crash your dinner,” Cameron says to Kieran as we walk down the sidewalk. The leaves rustle in the soft spring breeze, and I walk behind the two of them, not wanting to crowd Kieran.

“Of course,” Kieran responds. “How are you doing?”

“I guess about as good as can be expected.” Cameron shrugs. “It was really nice of Ted to let me stay with him. I thought I was going to lose my mind if I had to sleep in that bed alone one more night.”

“Yeah,” is all Kieran says in response, but the look shared between them is one of compassion and understanding.

Dinner passes in a blur of pleasantries and politeness. I don’t get much emotion, good or bad, from Kieran until Cameron mentions Jonathan’s graduation.

“Are you nervous to be meeting Ted’s family?” Cameron asks Kieran before turning to me. “They’re all coming, right?”

“Yep. The whole crew. It’s going to be chaos.” Jonathan has two little sisters and a younger brother. My brother and his wife thankfully decided to stay at a hotel this time or else I think I’d be begging Kieran to let me share his bed for the weekend, awkward or not.

It’s only then that I realize Kieran’s fork has stopped in its path to his mouth. “Oh, don’t worry. I’ve already told them all about you, and they love you already.”

I refrain from admitting the same, especially since my words haven’t seemed to do anything to help put him at ease.

Kieran’s fork remains suspended in midair. “You told your brother about me?”

I pretend not to notice the way his hand shakes when he finally resumes his bite. Or the jittery breath he releases after I respond, “Of course. We don’t talk much, but I do tell him the important stuff.”

That’s when Kieran hits me with “the look.” Part of it I recognize from the lust-filled haze of the leather bar, some of it is reminiscent of the emotional aftermath of the first time I took him, and all of it has a tint of something new – more than fondness and tenderness and something I’m hesitant to name. But damn, it packs a wallop. I feel the absurd need to rub over my chest, just to make sure my heart is still in one piece.

The feeling remains after dinner, and this time it’s Cameron who lags behind, while Kieran and I walk side by side. We don’t touch or hold hands, but I can feel the warmth of him, and I’m oblivious to anything else but his presence.

“You little shit,” hisses a voice, and I don’t realize it’s directed to anyone in our group until I no longer feel Kieran by my side. “You cost me my job.”

It feels like time slows, as I recognize Alexander as the one who has Kieran against a brick wall, the side of his arm pressed across his chest, holding him in place. His face pales as Alexander continues his threats.

“If I lose my license, I will make you–”

My body springs into action before I even give it permission. I rip him away from Kieran, then slam him, face first, into the wall nearby. My arms tighten around his in a lock, and my whole body grinds him into the brick. The blood pulsing in my ears makes it hard for me to hear my own voice, but I can tell I’m growling at him as it claws its way out of my throat.

“You will never lay a hand on Kieran again. You will never breathe on him again. If you ever set eyes on him again, you will not approach him. You will run the other way.”

Alexander seems to grasp the situation and begins to struggle against me. He might be fit, but I’ve probably got close to seventy-five pounds and the element of surprise on him. Fool isn’t going anywhere. I lean a little and hear his breath crush out of him.

“If I find out you stalked him here tonight, I will go to The Cave and get some of my friends to make sure you never run, or see, or breathe again. Not because I can’t take you myself, but because they’re much more inventive and experienced when it comes to pain and torture, and I’d hate to make my friends miss out on the fun. Do you understand?”

Alexander only grunts, so I let up briefly, then shove him into the brick again.

“Do you understand?”

His nod scrapes his face against the brick, I note with satisfaction, and he slips out a “Yes.”

When I reluctantly release him, he backs away until there’s enough space between us for him to make a quick getaway. “Enjoy my sloppy seconds. Cheap slut isn’t worth it anyway.” My roar isn’t even halfway out of my chest, and he’s bolted around the corner.

Slowly, sounds and light re-enter my consciousness. It’s like the world around me completely disappeared when I zoned in on someone hurting Kieran, and my entire existence narrowed to one single thing. Make Alexander stop. I straighten my back and blink at the street around me, the cars zooming past, the laughter and music from the nearby bar, and finally, to my beautiful redhead cradled in Cameron’s arms.

I don’t realize I’m snarling at him until I see Cameron’s eyes widen and he quickly drops his arm from Kieran’s shoulder.

Damn it. This is exactly what Kieran said he didn’t want. For me to always “save” him. Things were already awkward at dinner, and now I’m afraid he’s going to pull away even more.

He takes a step toward me and I let my shoulders slump in defeat. “I’m sorry. I–”

Warm lips meet mine and gentle hands cup my face.

“Don’t you fucking dare apologize for that,” he whispers against my lips when he finally pulls away.

“Oh.”

I’m really quite the linguistic charmer.

“Look, I know we have some things to work out, but that was the hottest thing anyone has ever done for me, and I can’t wait to get back to your place and thank you properly.”

“Oh.”