I’m afraid.

I’m not going to admit that.

But the truth is, what we’re about to do, absolutely terrifies me. Because it means that I’m going to risk everything, to try and close a huge gaping door in my life, and get rid of the monster who has haunted me for so long. So many things could go wrong, just like Slater said, but I have to trust Malakai and the guys, and know that they’re going to get me through. No matter what.

That they won’t let me disappear again.

Slater told me everything last night. From our relationship, to him getting into the wrong side of things when he tried to fix everything for Lincoln, to stuffing up and stealing money, to breaking up with me in hopes it would protect me. He told me all of it, and I won’t lie, hearing some of it hurt, even if I don’t remember it. He went into detail, to make sure nothing would surprise me if my memory came back. Of course I already knew some of it, but not to this extent.

He was worried I’d hate him for what came out, but of course that isn’t the case. How could I hate him? It seems to me everything he did was to protect someone else. And even though it sounds like him breaking my heart was an incredibly awful experience, I know why he did it. He also told me about some of his time with Shanks, the man who promised to help him find me.

Turns out Shanks knew where I was all along.

He just didn’t want Slater to leave his side, because over the years, he eventually fell into place and became loyal. Slater said he didn’t bother trying to push, because life with Shanks is where he felt he deserved to be. It was easy. And he was broken. So, he just stayed there. Hanging onto some hope that he’d find me eventually.

He also told me that it meant losing his family. It meant not seeing Lincoln, Damon and Finn. It meant his dad passed away, and he wasn’t there. All of these things caused a big problem, a problem that is still festering under the surface. Even though they understand why he did what he did, and they’re back in each other’s lives now, the fact is one day, it’s all going to come out. There’s just simply no way it can’t.

There is a lot of built up anger, sadness, hurt and questions.

And the day it explodes, it’s going to be a big old mess.

But, I’m glad to hear that at least now, they’re all back together. From what Slater has told me, they’re close, and they’re all each other has.

That’s got to be worth something.

Now some of my questions have been answered, I feel a little more confident that I’m making the right choice letting Slater into my world, and trusting my gut. I’m not so afraid of my memories coming back, and flooding me with things I didn’t know, causing me to turn away from him. He was brutally honest with me, but that’s been a good thing, because I know that I’m doing the right thing now.

Slater and I, we have something.

Now he’s told me about us, I can see why.

I can feel it now, and I don’t even remember him.

I can only imagine how he made me feel back then.

My body knows him, my mind knows him, and if I’m being honest, my heart knows him.

So, I’m going to let whatever happens, happen.

I, too, desire happiness.

Especially after the storm I’ve endured.

“So, we’re clear on the plan,” Malakai says, coming into the room I’m sitting in, deep in my thoughts.

I look up, and see him appear with Maverick, Boston, Koda, Mason, Slater, Lincoln and Finn. I don’t know where Damon is, but I know he’ll be part of the plan, too.

“Ellie,” Maverick nods. “Glad you’re in here, we’re ready to go over everything.”

“Okay,” I say, meeting Slater’s eyes.

He doesn’t look happy about it, but he’s working with me, because he knows if he doesn’t, I’ll be out there doing it alone. He’s not okay with that idea. Not at all. So, he’s sucking it up and making sure he’s basically running the show, so he can ensure that I come home safely. I’m grateful he didn’t put up any more of a protest. Because I need him. I really really need him.

“We’ve gone over what’s going to look most real,” Malakai says, sitting beside me, his big body huge next to mine. But I don’t mind. I like Malakai. Probably the most out of all the club members.

He’s a good man.

I can see why Slater likes being part of this club, after everything he’s been through.

“I’m listening, hit me,” I say, crossing my legs.

“He didn’t hesitate to grab hold of you when you ran out of Slater’s place, which means he was watching. Chances are, he’s watching now. Possibly the club. We’re goin’ to take you back to Slater’s place, and leave it a few days, go on with life as normal as possible. Give it time for him to show up. Then, you’re goin’ to basically do the same thing, out on the front lawn this time. Have it out with Slater about a memory that comes back, or something along those lines. Then you’re going to take off. Only this time you’re going to go somewhere he can easily take you. We’re goin’ to put a tracking chip in your shoe, but we’re goin’ to have eyes on you one hundred percent of the time, that much I can promise you.”

I swallow, feeling my stomach coil with anxiety, but I nod. “What about once he has me?”

“Wherever he takes you, we’ll follow, but we won’t go in right away. If he thinks it’s a trap, he’s more likely to hurt you, and we won’t let that happen. That unfortunately means leaving you for one full night. Now, we won’t do this if you think he’ll hurt you in any way. Will he, Ellie?”

I think on it. It’s unlikely he’ll hurt me for no reason. Mostly, he only hurt me if I made him angry. He never abused me sexually. Which I’m thankful for. Though, I was abused when I first got taken, at least I think it was then, because it was before he had me. Those memories didn’t decide to disappear, and haunt me often. But with a lot of therapy, I’ve been able to stop them from becoming an issue, especially when I’m with Slater.

Though I must say, I never even had a doubt when Slater put his hands on me.

Once again, my body knew something my mind hadn’t quite caught up on.

“He never abused me sexually, that I can remember, anyway. So, we’re safe there. But, if I made him mad, he was more than happy to hurt me. But, it was only if I tried to escape, or fought him, things like that. I’m not afraid of one night, I spent ten years in his grasps. If it means he gets taken out forever, one night isn’t the end of the world.”

I’m saying that, but inside, I’m terrified.

“I don’t fuckin’ like her bein’ in his hands for a night,” Slater growls. “Fuck, can’t we just take the asshole out straight away?”

“We could, Slater,” Malakai says, meeting his eyes, “but if we fuck it up, it would be the end of her. We need to be a hundred percent sure when we go in, not just go off halfcocked. If we do that, she’s more likely to get hurt.”

Slater grits his teeth, tenses his jaw, but nods.

“Now, Ellie, try and do everything you can not to aggravate him. Withdraw if you have to. If you feel him getting aggravated, back down. We’ll come in as soon as we’re sure he thinks he’s safe. He’s a smart man, he didn’t keep you for that long without great thought. Which means if he even suspects it’s a set-up, anything could go wrong. So, you need to act as closely to what you did before.”

I nod. I feel sick, so sick. But I’m keeping it together.

I’m also strong.

I know that now.

These people have taught me that.

Which means I need to take this with everything I’ve got left, so I can make sure this part of my life is sealed firmly shut.

“When you do come in...what if he freaks out and does something to hurt me?” I ask.

“When we come in, he won’t get a chance,” Malakai says, his voice hard, his eyes locked on mine.

A promise.

He won’t let anything happen to me.

“Slater is fuckin’ top with a gun,” Koda says, grinning. “Can promise you one quick shot at the sign of danger, and that piece of shit won’t get the chance to lay a hand on you. We don’t have to be close to take him out.”

I swallow.

I didn’t know Slater was good with a gun, hell, I don’t really know anyone who is that good with a gun.

“Have my eyes on you the whole time, Ellie. Won’t fuckin’ turn them away for a second,” Slater says, his voice gruff but determined.

“Okay,” I say. “Well...then I guess it’s time to end this...finally.”

Malakai nods, and stands. “Will be in touch with more. You can go home with Slater today, but try not to talk about it with anyone, just in case he’s listening.”

He starts exiting the room, followed by everyone else except Slater.

“Malakai,” I call.

He turns and stares at me.

“Thank you.”

He nods. “You’re family now, darlin’. We die for family.”

My heart expands so much I can’t even manage a smile.

But he knows how grateful I am.

He knows.

When they’re gone, Slater comes and sits beside me. I turn towards him and he stares at me, and the look in his eyes tells me he’s worried. It’s written all over his face.

And I don’t blame him.

I’m worried, too.

“If I lose you again, Ellie, I won’t fuckin’ deal...”

“You’re not going to lose me, Slater. I won’t let that happen. Neither will Malakai. But mostly, neither will you.”

His jaw clenches, and he nods, sharply.

“When this is over, takin’ you to a cabin we used to enjoy going to. I want to spend one moment of my life with you, just like we used to. Without all of this hangin’ over our heads. Will you come with me?”

I smile at him. “Of course I’ll come with you. If it wasn’t for you, I never would have found my family.”

He wants to say something, but he doesn’t. I know it’s because he wants to tell me if it wasn’t for him, I wouldn’t have ever lost my family.

But I don’t want him to say that.

Because that isn’t how I feel.

And he shouldn’t have to live another moment of his life suffering because of a silly mistake that paved the road to hell, for both of us.

“Just think,” I tease. “We get to have another fight. Those are always fun.”

His mouth twitches, and one day, damn, one day...he’s going to smile at me.

And he’s going to mean it.

God knows, we both deserve it.

~*~*~*~