“I can’t wait,” I say, but I wait until he’s out of the room and out of earshot before the whispered words escape my lips.
I’m playing with fire.
I’m trying to get my shit together with William, I really am…but I can’t stop thinking about Carson.
I know what his sister-in-law said about him. I know that should send me screaming for the hills, and it does. Dinner with Carson King is a terrible idea, but the second I spotted him in our reception area, I knew I needed more time with him.
William and I “made love” three nights ago, and it was fair at best. I don’t feel for him what I once did. And then Carson…well, I’m feeling things I have no business feeling for someone I hardly know.
I was shocked to see him. When Ingrid called me up to meet with someone, I had no idea who it would be. When I saw who it was, my traitorous body had an intense physical reaction. My heart raced and my face heated and my legs turned to jelly. And the ache…oh, God, the ache between my legs…
I can’t believe he’s here in town, and so soon again. It was a mirage seeing him there; I’d been thirsty in the desert, and he was my drink. I suddenly felt like my world tilted a few degrees back to where it was supposed to be.
I don’t even know this man, this person who’s supposed to be my bitter enemy, but he’s played in my mind constantly in the days since I first met him in New York. He looms painfully in my head, shadowing everything I do with his presence.
He was so excruciatingly handsome sitting in the chair by reception that he actually took my breath away.
He’s persistent, and he has this way of drawing me in that I can’t explain. Of course I want to have dinner with him, but I’m still in a relationship with another man. I had to object, had to protest. It’s the right thing to do. But, just as I knew he’d keep asking, I also knew I’d eventually give in. I’m a strong woman, and I don’t understand the weakness Carson brings out in me. It’s mystifying and terrifying, but at the same time, it’s also exhilarating and satisfying.
He confuses every rational thought I have.
But this is just a business dinner, nothing more. I’ve made that clear with my words, but it’s the feelings gnawing at my gut that tell me this is much, much more than a business dinner.
I should be with William. He’s the right choice. He’s secure, solid. He’ll give me a good future. My parents love him.
But I’m still so pissed off at him for keeping secrets from me, even after trying to get over it. I’m still trying to determine whether I’m holding a grudge because what he did was wrong or if I’m holding a grudge because I’m looking for an out.
I want it to be the first one. I want him to be wrong, and I want to find a way to get over it and get our lives back to normal. I want that because it seems like it should be the right answer.
But then Carson King walked into my office—into my life—and I’m starting to wonder if I’ve been phoning it in with William all this time. Whether or not anything happens with Carson—I mean, nothing is going to happen, because I’m with William—but regardless, meeting someone who sets my passions on fire the way Carson does has thrown me for a loop. Even though I spend nearly all my time in Carson’s presence wanting to nut-kick him, I know passion when I feel it. What I’ve felt for Carson in the short span of time we’ve spent together seems somehow stronger than what I’ve felt for William for the past two years.
If I can feel something this explosive in just a week, I can’t imagine what sort of feelings could grow over time.
My office phone rings, and the little screen on my phone tells me it’s Ingrid. “Yes?”
“Sylvie, Davis Huckabee is here for your four o’clock meeting.”
“Send him back. And can you tell Amber to make a reservation for two at Pink Agave tonight at seven?”
“I’ll have her confirm with you when it’s done.”
“Thanks Ingrid.”
I text Carson while I wait for Davis to walk back to my office.
Me: Pink Agave tonight at 7:00. Business dinner.
Carson: Of course, a business dinner—what else would it be?
I hate that I can’t wipe this silly smile off my face.
* * *
William is home earlier than normal from the gym. I hear the garage door open as I stand in my closet, giving myself a final onceover. My heart thuds in my chest as I listen to that door. It’s not a happy thud, and it’s certainly not the thud I felt when I spotted Carson in reception earlier today. This one is a little annoyed, a little fearful. I was hoping to get out the door before William came in it.
Pink Agave isn’t super formal, and tonight I want comfort. I pulled on my favorite pair of jeans, a black top with white polka dots that carefully hugs my curves, and black boots with heels. I hate heels, to be honest, but I have to wear them, tonight especially. Without them, I only stand about five feet, four inches. With heels, though, I feel taller, and that gives me confidence. Plus, heels make me feel powerful and sexy. I’d prefer my Nikes for added comfort, but I need something to at least make me feel like I’m in a power position. Carson tends to strip that from me.
I grab my handbag and make my way downstairs. William is in the kitchen chugging water from his sports bottle.
He narrows his eyes at me. “Where are you going?”
“Out.”
“Can we talk?”
I glance at the clock on our oven. “I’m running late.”
“For what?”
“A business dinner.”
“With who?”
“None of your business.”
He sighs. “I thought we moved past the anger thing. Are you mad at me again?”
“Still.”
“Sylvie, we can’t keep on like this.”
I shrug. “Should have thought of that before you lied to me.”
“I didn’t lie. I never lied. I was trying to protect you.”
“Bullshit.”
He flinches backward like I physically slapped him, and I want to roll my eyes at his dramatics.
“Are we over?” he asks. His voice is hard—harder than I’ve ever heard from him.
“I honestly don’t know, William. I’m angry, and even though I’ve really tried, the anger hasn’t diminished at all.”
“Even after we made love the other day?”
I almost roll my eyes. “Yeah, even after that.”
“What can I do? I can’t live in limbo like this.”
“I don’t know.”
“That can’t be your answer.”
“But it is. I don’t know how you can fix this, and I don’t know if we belong together. I don’t know if I can marry someone who keeps important things from me.”
He nods. He looks like a wounded puppy dog, and I feel like a royal bitch. “I understand.”
“Do you?” I ask.
“Yes. I’m so, so sorry, Sylvie. I handled everything wrong, but I love you, and I want to work this out with you. I can’t keep living in fear that you might end things with me at any second.”
I sigh. He’s right. I haven’t been fair to him, and we both deserve to either move forward together or move on.
It’s not that simple, though. We’ve merged our lives together. The thought of leaving him terrifies me, but the thought of staying with him is equally scary.
I don’t know what to do, and I don’t even know who to talk to about it. I usually confide in Raquel. We could Skype, I guess, but our schedules are opposite, and while I know she would always, always side with me, she loves William. I don’t know that she could remain impartial, and I’m not ready to confess to her what’s going on with my dad.
I can’t believe I told Carson. It just sort of slipped out. I don’t know why I trust him. I shouldn’t.
But I do.
He’s a magnet and I’m a piece of metal. I’m drawn to him, and I have no idea how to fight against it.
William is still waiting for a response, but before I can give him one, he presses forward. “Are we still attending the Lindor-Hodge Ball tomorrow together?” It’s a black-tie charity event for a company we work closely with. “Say yes, and I promise I will continue to try to make it up to you.”
I don’t have a good reason to tell him no, even though that’s my first inclination. I just want to get out the door. “Fine.”
“Really?” he asks.
I shrug. “Sure. I have to get to dinner.”
I rush out the door before he can stop me with a kiss, because I don’t want William’s breath mingling with mine during my business dinner with Carson.