No.
No, no, no, no.
Fuck.
My eyes are glued to hers as I wait with baited breath for her response. I didn’t hear the question, but from the lawyer’s position on the floor, it’s pretty obvious.
She breaks her eye contact from me to look at the man asking her to marry him.
My heart sinks into my stomach. In the split second it takes for her to give her answer, a million thoughts run through my mind.
If she says yes, it’s over. I have no last chance with her. I have no hope left. Like Lauren said that day in my office, if there’s a ring on her finger, that’s a big, fat no.
But if she says no…
Then maybe I do have a shot.
I wish I could’ve spoken with her tonight before this moment, before he got down on his knee and asked her to spend his life with her.
He’s an idiot—that much I know. She deserves a better proposal than in the middle of a damn business event. She deserves better than some lawyer she doesn’t even trust enough to tell about her father’s condition.
Maybe I don’t know her very well, but in that split second, I feel like I know her better than William does.
She has to say no. She needs to say no.
My heart can’t take it. Everything aches again. I was better off outside, seething with anger at Courtney and Emme. I was better off not seeing the shit show in front of me.
“Oh, shit,” Carter mutters beside me.
I can’t be bothered to look over at him. I know he’s seeing what I’m seeing.
She nods her head, and William slides the ring onto her finger. He stands, and they hug while I break.
Everything inside me breaks. I’m broken. Irreparable. Done.
I turn and head for the door I just stepped through a few seconds ago. I want to leave. I want to go home, back to New York, away from all that has broken me. I never want to return to San Diego again.
Shit like this is why I prefer my life the way it has always been. When you take a random girl home to fuck and send her on her way before morning, feelings don’t get involved.
Feelings are such bullshit.
My life was fine before Sylvie Baker stepped foot into my boardroom. I wish she never had. I wish I’d never met her, because then I’d never have this heaving sorrow spearing my chest. I’d still be floating from one woman to the next without a care in the world.
Instead I’m standing in the middle of a hotel lobby feeling like I want to cry. Heat presses unfamiliarly behind my eyes. Are you fucking kidding me? I move blindly toward the front doors of the hotel.
I can only remember crying once in my entire life, and it was at my grandmother’s funeral. I was eleven and she was my best friend. She was my mother’s best friend, my brother’s best friend. I still miss her every day.
“You okay, man?” Carter’s hand is suddenly on my shoulder.
I draw in a deep breath, which helps that weird stinging in my face subside a bit. “No.”
I pull out my phone and text Lauren.
Me: I need the next flight back to NY. Text me when it’s done.
I slip my phone back into my pocket. It vibrates with a reply, but I know she hasn’t booked it that fast and I’m certain she’s going to try to change my mind.
There’s only one thing that could change my mind, but she just agreed to marry another man.
“I need to be alone,” I spit at Carter.
“Too fucking bad.”
I rub my forehead.
“Just go, Carter.” I go for a hard tone, but my voice sounds weak even to my own ears. “Go back and have fun with your girl. I’m leaving.”
Carter sighs heavily and claps my shoulder. “Don’t give up, man. She was looking across the room at you when he was down on his knee asking her to marry him.”
He turns and walks back into the hotel, leaving me with that final thought.
He’s wrong. I have to give up now. She has a ring on her finger that says she’s going to spend her life with another man. I have no fight left in me.
I pace in front of the hotel. I could leave—I should leave. My own hotel is less than a mile away. I came here in a chauffeured car with my family, but a walk might do me some good, might help clear my head. Besides, I don’t want to go back in that room to see his arms around her, to see them kissing in celebration, to watch their happiness as they look toward the rest of their lives together.
But, as hurt and sad as I feel, Carter’s right about one thing: she was looking at me. Our eyes locked, and there was definite heat that traveled the length of the space between us.
I’m just not sure if that actually means anything.