I slip William’s ring back onto my finger as the doors to the elevator close, trapping me inside and carrying me at once toward the man I don’t want to be with and farther from the man I need.
My phone vibrates in my clutch. I pull it out.
William: Where did you go?
I suppose I’ve been gone a pretty long time. It was a fifteen-minute walk to get here, and then I spent some time here—not to mention the fact that I ran out of the ballroom to find Carson but ended up bonding with his brother by the pool.
Me: Sorry. I’m on my way. Got tied up talking to some people.
It’s not a lie, exactly—just not the whole truth.
I grab a cab back. I don’t have time for another fifteen-minute walk, and my feet can’t take it anyway. I collapse into the back of the cab for all of two minutes before we pull up in front of the hotel. William is in there, and my parents are in there. People I barely know who we touched with our engagement are in there.
I’m terrified to face any of them. I want the quiet solitude of Carson’s hotel room. I want his arms back around me. I want his heat warming me and his fingertips on my skin. I want his lips back on my neck and my hands on that strong, sexy jaw.
I’ll have all that, I will, I just need to do this first. I need to set right everything I so royally screwed up tonight.
I pay the cab driver with a generous tip. At least one person here deserves a good night.
I stand in front of the hotel and draw in a deep, strengthening breath, and then I allow my legs to carry me toward William.
I walk into the room and immediately spot him at our table. It’s empty except for him, and he’s scrolling on his phone. The crowd has thinned. I glance toward the table where Carson sat tonight, and it’s empty, too.
“There you are,” he says with a smile when I walk in and sit beside him. He barely glances up from his phone to greet me. “Did you hear them call your name for the raffle? You won a prize.”
“I did?”
He nods.
“What did I win?”
He sets his phone down on the table and looks at me. “Where were you?”
“I told you, I was talking to some people. I guess I lost track of time.”
“Who were you talking to?” His tone is accusatory.
My eyes dart around looking for the right answer. Good Lord, I could never actually have an affair. Thank God I’ve done all of this the honest way, because truthfully this one minute of him putting me on the spot has me feeling dizzy with anxiety.
“I was talking to Carson King.”
His eyes narrow in my direction. “I didn’t even realize he was here.”
“He was, along with several other members of the King family.”
“You’ve spent an awful lot of time talking to Carson King recently.”
I nod. “He’s about to be our boss, William.”
“He isn’t yet.”
“You’re right, he isn’t.” But I think I love him.
I leave that last bit out.
“What’s going on between the two of you?”
“Nothing,” I mutter.
“You’re wearing a ring that says you’re going to marry me. This isn’t the time to lie.” His voice is harder than I’ve ever heard it.
“Can we please not have this discussion here?”
“I need to ask you a question.”
I so badly want to respond with sarcasm: Didn’t you already ask me one tonight? I refrain and just look at him with my eyebrows raised to prompt his question.
“Are you cheating on me with him?”
“No. I haven’t cheated on you.” Not because I didn’t want to, but because it wouldn’t be right to start a relationship with Carson when I’m still with you. I did it for him, not for you. “Can we please go home?”
He taps out something on his phone, presumably calling our ride to the front of the hotel, and then he stands. “Say goodbye to your parents. They’re still here somewhere.”
Yes sir.
I glance around and find them by the bar chatting with Hoffman Lindor. William and I walk over to them together. He places his hand on the small of my back as if he owns me, and I bet he just wishes Carson were still here to witness it.
Well I wish Carson were still here, too.
“We’re taking off,” I say to my mom.
“Look at the parents outlasting the lovebirds,” she says with a smile.
I lean in to give her a hug so I don’t have to respond.
“Thanks for a lovely evening,” I say to Hoffman. “Your events are always top notch.”
“Thanks for saying that, and don’t forget to claim your prize at the raffle table before you leave.” He leans in for a hug. “Congratulations to both of you.”
I want to scream as loud as I can. I want to yell and tell everyone they all misunderstood what happened. I NEVER SAID YES, and now I have to figure out how to break that to William—though after our little heart-to-heart at the table, I’m not entirely convinced he’ll be surprised.
I hug my dad next, and I unexpectedly feel tears threaten. I’m a daddy’s girl through and through, and I think how disappointed he’ll be when I break up with William, never mind the fact that I’ll be sleeping with the enemy…coupled with the fact that his health could start declining rapidly at any given moment. It’s all a little overwhelming, and it all hits me as he hugs me. This man right here, this man hugging me, he’s a great reminder that we never know what’s going to happen tomorrow, and we can’t waste time in this life. It’s too short.
I pull away and swipe at a tear.
“What’s wrong, honey?” he asks.
I shake my head and force a smile. “We’ll talk soon.” He looks at me with concern, and I wave to both my parents. “You kids have fun.”
William leads me to the raffle table, where I discover I’ve won, out of all the fucking prizes in the entire world that were offered at this event, a luxury, first-class trip for two to New York City.
* * *
When the limo drops us off at the home we share, I can’t help but think I should be the one to move out. I’m the one ending it, so I’m the one who should be forced to start over. I’ll sell my half of the house to William and he can have it…or maybe I won’t. Maybe he can just have it with no strings attached.
I don’t really care at this point. I don’t know where I’ll go, but I do know it won’t be here for much longer.
William lets us into the house and heads right for the staircase.
“Can we talk?” I ask.
He stops and turns back toward me. “I’m tired. Let’s make love now and talk tomorrow.”
I shake my head. “I have some things I need to say now.”
He looks surprised at my assertiveness, and frankly, before I met Carson, I’m not convinced I’d have had the guts to talk to William like this.
He sits on a step about halfway up the staircase, and I’m at the bottom looking up at him. It’s another power play, but I hold more cards in this game.
“Talk,” he says. It’s reminiscent of Carson’s blunt tone when I showed up unannounced at his hotel room, but for some reason, it just sounds funny coming from the much softer William. It’s ironic that William is the controlling one when he’s so much weaker than Carson. Carson is tenacious and difficult, and he sets me free in a way William could never understand.
I rest my hand on the bannister. “We haven’t been communicating well, and I accept responsibility for that.”
“I’m glad you can admit it.”
What a jerk.
“I moved into the guest room because I was mad at you. I’m still mad, William. I know tonight was supposed to be about a restart, but you took it a whole hell of a lot further than a restart. It’s like you restarted with your foot already on the gas and accelerated to six hundred miles an hour.”
“Is that a metaphor?”
I close my eyes and press my lips together, intent on being mature about this. “I just mean you’re moving fast—too fast.”
“I thought this was what you wanted. We talked about it.”
“So you proposed as a way of apologizing?”
“I apologized a hundred different times.”
“You’re right, you did, and I still can’t get past it.”
“So what does that mean?”
I walk up four steps until I’m within distance of reaching out to him. I slide his ring off my finger. “It means I can’t marry you.”
He looks hurt, but I’m not sure he looks sad. He stares at the ring in his palm for a long moment, and then he whispers, “Then why did you say yes?”
I DIDN’T SAY YES. I take a deep breath and control the volume of my voice. “I didn’t say yes.”
“You nodded.”
“You trapped me by asking me publicly, in front of friends, colleagues, my parents…and I made a decision in that moment. My nod wasn’t in response to your question. It was an outward sign of my inner assertiveness.”
“And what decision was that?”
“That I don’t want to be with you.”
“This all started when you went to New York. It’s King, isn’t it?”
“It’s coincidental timing, William. You fucked up around the same time I met him.”
He looks shocked at my choice of words, and I want to tell him he can fuck the fuck off all fucking night.
“I made a mistake. Surely you can’t hold that against me forever.”
“You’re right. I don’t hold one mistake against you. I hold a whole lot of mistakes against you. You’ve forced me to be your happy little lady who’s subservient to you and I didn’t even notice.”
“I did no such thing. That’s how we are. You want a future with me, and I want to protect you. I respect you, Sylvie. How can you say you’re subservient to me when you hold a higher position than me at work?”
“We don’t even work in the same realm, William. That’s meaningless to the way you treat me. I’ve always given up what I want to keep you happy. I watch my language in front of you. I’m not me half the time. I’m not allowed to speak in metaphors, which is the stupidest fucking thing I’ve ever heard, by the way. I can’t leave a fucking fork on the counter for fear that you’ll have a heart attack.”
“My God, Sylvie. I didn’t realize you were this unhappy.”
“I didn’t either.”
“What changed?”
The answer is as simple as it is complicated. “I did.”