“You okay?” William asked me, concern dripping off his words.
I nod. “Fine,” I mumble, refusing to take my eyes off the red velvet cake in front of me. My eyes are brimming with tears and if I look over at him, he’ll know I’m about to cry. I close my eyes and draw in a deep breath through my nose. It doesn’t help the pain in my stomach, but it does help the tears. I refuse to cry in the middle of a charity event.
Their words hurt more than they should. I should be focusing on the nice things they said—he’s different because of me, he’s into me, blah blah blah—but all I can think about is the fact that he’s never had a serious relationship. He’s always with a different woman.
Tigers don’t change their stripes.
He doesn’t want me for me. He wants me because he can’t have me. That much is obvious, and now that I know the truth about him, he will never have me.
Never mind the fact that he came here alone tonight—that doesn’t mean he’ll go home alone. He knew I’d be here, so he came alone in the hopes of continuing his relentless pursuing. I remember mentioning Lindor-Hodge at dinner last night. I wonder if he’d planned to come all along. It’s been sold out for months, so I have to believe he planned to be here…yet last night he asked me to dinner tonight, and he has enough connections and money and strings to pull to get a ticket to any event he wants.
My chest aches again when William finishes his dessert and tosses his arm casually around my shoulders. It’s some strange mix between annoying and comforting. This man beside me wants me for me. He doesn’t want me because of the company I’m associated with or because I’m involved with someone else or because I’m a challenge. He loves me. He knows me, and I know him. He’s comfortable. He’s home. He’s the man I’ve given two years of my life to, the man I planned to spend my life with—the man I still plan to spend my life with.
Sure, I’m angry with him, but all of that has just been exacerbated because of my crush on Carson. This whole crush will eventually become a thing of the past; I just need to find a way to get over him—and I will get over him. I do my best to convince myself that Courtney and Emme’s words about him helped set me on that track, yet I find myself glancing at the door every few minutes just to see if he’s walking through it.
The emcee gets back on the stage and says a few words. I glance back at the door for the hundredth time, but I still haven’t seen Carson walk through it.
Good, what a relief.
Maybe he left.
Perfect.
I hope he did.
I think the words, but even in my mind I don’t believe them for one hot second.
The emcee introduces the keynote speaker, who talks to us about having a giving attitude tonight, but I’m not really listening. I wonder where Carson went, if he’s still here, if he’s still staring at the back of my head…if he still has hearts in his eyes.
I shake my head to get him out of it. I try to focus on what the keynote speaker is saying, but my mind wanders. He’s talking about all the children who will benefit from tonight’s funds raised, giving specific cases from last year’s beneficiaries. I should be listening with rapt attention. I should be tearing up because of the kids who were helped. Instead, I’m selfishly focusing on my own issues, which actually pale in comparison to those of the very children he’s discussing.
Our dessert plates are cleared, mine still holding a full piece of cake. I glance over at my parents. They’re happy together even after thirty years, but it hasn’t been an easy road. My dad’s arm is slung around my mom’s shoulder in much the same way William’s is around mine, but for them, it’s sweet. For us…I don’t know.
The keynote speaker finishes and Hoffman Lindor takes the stage. I can’t help but wonder if Carson is the type of person who would really take this guy’s wife right up on the stage. I know it was a joke, but would he really sleep with a married woman? He’s been after me without a care that I have a boyfriend, but I’m not married. I don’t know that I could be with someone who thinks it’s okay to sleep with someone who is, though.
Not that it matters. I won’t ever be with him. I’m with William, and I’ll be happy with him again just like I was before Carson stepped into my life and fucked it all up.
William goes to get me another glass of wine, and then the dancing begins.
William seems off tonight. I know he’s trying, and I know this is his big effort to fix things between us, but he’s almost too over the top. He’s constantly touching me, and it’s all a little overwhelming—especially when I’m still reeling from my bathroom encounter with Carson’s in-laws.
The music starts, and it’s a slower song. “You want to dance?” William asks me.
I glance behind me automatically. Courtney and Emme are staring at me along with a man I can only assume is Emme’s husband, and all three look away when I glance back. Carson’s chair and the seat next to Courtney are vacant.
“Sure,” I murmur, and I push back from the table.
William helps me up and leads me to the dance floor. My parents stand as well and follow us.
“You having fun?” he asks.
I shrug. I still can’t really look him in the eye.
He’s not the best dancer in the world, and we’re moving slowly in a circle. When he positions me in that circle so I’m facing the door, I happen to see Carson walk through it. His eyes immediately find mine, and my chest burns.
“I love you, Sylvie,” William says. I hear his voice somewhere in my periphery. I’m sure he expects me to say it back, but right now I can’t open my mouth to respond.
My eyes are locked onto Carson’s across the room. William turns me as we dance, but my eyes remain locked in place until they can’t anymore because I’d have to twist my neck to see him. As soon as we turn a bit more, I’m able to see him again. He’s glued to his spot near the doorway, his eyes still on me. I recognize Carter, his brother, from that article I read. He stands beside Carson. He says something to Carson, and Carson nods. He starts to step toward me.
William stops his dancing, stops moving in a circle. “I wanted to wait until later to do this, but I can’t wait anymore.”
He backs slowly away from me. I force my eyes away from Carson to see what the hell William is doing.
To my utter horror, he kneels down. One knee is on the ground, and the other is bent to support his position.
He pulls something out of his pocket.
Oh my God.
I feel like I’m going to pass out.
I think I might throw up.
It’s that same panicked feeling that rushed over me at The Port. I feel like I’m suffocating even though there is plenty of space around me.
All eyes are on me. Somewhere in the distance, I hear my mother gasp, so I know my parents are watching. People are turning toward us as they notice what’s happening, and I feel all eyes in the room turn directly to me. Heat rushes up my body and into my face.
I know what he’s about to ask, and I don’t know what to say. I don’t know what to do.
I know how I want to answer and I know how I should answer, and those answers don’t match.
People are watching.
Carson is watching.
My eyes find Carson’s again, and the horror I feel exploding in my chest is reflected on his face.
“Will you marry me?”