Chapter 11 - Regrets
Maya –
Grady has me wrapped up in his arms, and the way he kissed me left me wanting more. Way more. My insides churn, leaving my skin tingly with anticipation, eager for his touch. And his lips. And his tongue. A combination of the three would be ideal, but honestly, the way he has me humming, I’ll take anything at this point.
He had me so comfortable, the words came rushing out. Maybe it’s the way he’s been with me the last few days. Maybe it’s because I’ve hidden who I am from everyone for so long. Or maybe it’s because he told me he contracted with the government. That seems legitimate. But then again, most anything would be compared to the MacLachlans.
When he pushed for a reason why Weston would threaten me—I caved, but now I regret it. His body which was warm and comforting just moments ago, is now tense, and his expression is strained.
“Grady?” I call for him, suddenly equally desperate to take my words back.
Grady’s brow pinches and his dark blue eyes narrow. “You sure about that?”
“Yes.” I try and wiggle to get out of his hold, but his arms cinch around me tighter, so I try to explain further. “He and his father both tried to deny it, but there was no mistaking what I heard. I sort of went apeshit, causing a scene. That was the day my life went from exasperating, trying to ward off his advances, to downright scary because of what I found out.”
Grady tips his head minutely, and his voice comes at me harsh, even if controlled. I don’t like either when he asks, “What exactly did you find out?”
I ignore his question and ask my own. “Why are you all of a sudden acting like this?”
Grady takes a big breath. When he exhales, I feel his body relax, but from the look on his face, I’m pretty sure it was forced. “I’m sorry. You surprised me. Tell me what you learned.”
I guess it would be surprising to hear someone killed another person. I sigh, grateful to have his relaxed demeanor back. “Basically, I learned their family business isn’t what it seems. They’re in shipping. They own a fleet of cargo ships, but it’s not only used for legitimate business. They were talking about smuggling, and I do know Weston killed someone. He practically admitted it that day by insisting I keep my mouth shut. Who knows, he’s probably killed more.”
Grady doesn’t say anything for a moment, but his eyes drag over my face before his voice softens. “How did he threaten you?”
“Weston didn’t really do anything. It was his boss, the guy with him today at the Ranch, who does all the dirty work for Weston’s father. His name is Byron Murray—he’s basically a lackey. He told me—word for word—that it was time I got on board and married Weston,” I pause to stress my next words, “or else.”
His brows knit. “Or else?”
“Or else,” I confirm. “Because I knew too much. And given what he said and how he threatened me, I knew what or else meant. Their business is a cover for organized crime—or whatever the modern-day terminology is for the mob. I had no choice but to play along, act like I was considering taking Weston back while still keeping him at arm’s length until I figured out what to do. My only choice was to leave, but I still don’t know how they found me. I’ve been so careful. I used cash for everything, got rid of my phone the minute I left town, and sold my car once I hit Pennsylvania, buying another down the street with cash and never registered it. I don’t understand how they found me.”
He takes another big breath and simply responds, “I see.”
I grip his shirt at his shoulders where I’m hanging on and tell him what I’m really worried about. “I need to call my brother. I’ve been afraid to. Everyone there would know the way to find me would be through Joe, I have no idea what means they might have to track me. I wanted to call him with my prepaid cell, but I was too nervous to try. They know where I am now, so I guess it doesn’t matter.”
“If it makes you feel better, I have a phone you could use and you won’t have to worry, even though they know where you are.”
“You do?”
I see a shadow of a smile, but it’s so faint, it almost looks like a regret. “I do.”
I bite my lip when I feel the tears well in my eyes instantly. I’ve been riddled with regret and guilt over not contacting Joe. It’s impossible to blink my tears away and they spill over, running down the sides of my face when I whisper, “Thank you.”
His thumb comes up and swipes my temple. “No problem. Let me get it for you, you can talk as long as you want. I promise it’ll be safe.”
Relief and hope sweep through me, craving the chance to talk to my brother, let him know I’m safe, but most importantly, I need to know if he’s okay. I don’t know how I’m going to explain leaving like I did, but I’ll figure that out. I do know I can’t do anything to jeopardize him by telling the truth about the MacLachlans.
Grady leans down to kiss me. This kiss is soft like a few minutes ago, but this time I feel a bit of anxiety surrounding him. He’s holding himself back, not kissing me the way he wants to.
When we stand, he puts a hand in back of my head one more time, pulling me to him where he puts his lips to my temple. Pressing his lips there, he says, “Stay here. I’ll get you a phone and you can talk as long as you want.”
With that, he starts to leave. He’s about to turn the corner when I call for him. “Grady?”
He turns and looks at me.
“Thank you,” I say. “It feels good to get all that off my chest. I hate keeping secrets. It’s been a long and lonely few months.”
He says nothing, but gives me another ghost of a smile with a nod before turning to leave.
I wipe my tears away and try to get it together. I get to talk to Joe. I’m not sure there’s a sweeter gift than that right now, and getting it from Grady is even better.
*****
Grady –
Standing in the clearing of the forest between the house and the biggest of the barns, I don’t look away from the house when I say to Crew, “Could this be any more fucked up?”
“I don’t know what to say.” Crew is standing next to me, but facing the barn where Asa is in the doorway while the recruits battle it out on the mats. I haven’t paid any attention to them since we got back. Crew told me to take as much time as I needed and I have.
Before what happened on the job from hell, I never would’ve taken time off. Idle time and I don’t do well. For almost a decade, the most time I took off was to swing by and see my sisters for a couple days at most—then I was on the move again to my next job.
“You want her?”
When I glance over, Crew is turned to me.
I look back to the house, almost desperate not to take my eyes off it since she’s there. Not that anything could happen to her, Crew’s property is surrounded with surveillance and security. Still, it was hard for me to leave her to make her phone call in private. This must be a new low of obsession for me because even though I know she’s safe, leaving her didn’t feel right.
I shake my head and sigh. “It might not matter.”
“You never know. Give it a chance.”
Still not looking away from the house, I ask, “Addy ever balk?”
“She was surprised—probably more like shocked. Once I explained it to her, she was fine, especially when I explained my need to do it. It’s not like you’re a made man like her ex. Fuck, it’s different and you know it.”
“Just because I think it’s different, doesn’t mean she will. I can’t even think about her finding out what happened with my dad.”
“Hey,” Crew calls for me and I look over. His face is hard when he stresses his words. “You don’t want to be with anyone who’d hold that against you.”
I look back to the house, not knowing if I want her to come look for me or hope she doesn’t. “You didn’t see her face. It was nothing but disgust.”
“It should be,” he says and I hear him shift on the gravel and brush, then he adds, “You should know that Asa called Bennett this morning.”
This gets my attention. Bennett is our contact at the FBI. Even though we never work stateside, sometimes our cases are connected to activity here, especially since our focus has shifted to terrorism. Even though the sun is bright and winter has settled, I can see my own breath when I ask, “What did he find out?”
“Since Asa and Bennett have a good rapport, he asked what they had on him. The FBI have been working on the MacLachlans for a while. Found out they’re closing in with RICO charges. First degree has only been a suspicion, they haven’t gained solid evidence on anyone. Asa did find out the organization is wide and deep. You think she has any clue she almost married into the mob?”
Even though I’m grateful to have Weston’s background confirmed. I’m not happy to learn it’s worse than we thought to begin with.
“She does now, but it wasn’t always that way,” I confirm. “I don’t think she knows all of it. She assumes, but that’s it. Did Bennett say if they’re close to pressing charges?”
“Not close enough, but she doesn’t need to worry if she’s here. You need to find a way to explain that to her.”
“I’m not worried about her here, though I’ve gotta find a way to keep her safe at the assisted living center. I don’t think I’ll be able to convince her to let that job go, not after seeing her there this morning. What I’m more concerned about is her wanting to go home.”
“Why would she do that?”
“Her brother. She’s inside talking to him now. They’re close and he’s got health issues. I have a feeling if he’s not good, she’s gonna want to see him. I’m not sure how to keep her from doing that.”
“They’re the mob, not ISIS,” Crew states. “They’ve imported bananas for years to cover their drug operation. They don’t seem creative or overly-smart. If she needs to see her brother, you should take her, but don’t leave her side.”
“I thought the same thing. I don’t want her near MacLachlan, and if we go, that could happen. I’ll just have to deal with it.”
“You think you can convince her to let you go?” Crew asks.
Turning back to him, I’m serious as shit when I say, “I promise you, she’s not going anywhere alone. I’ll make sure she does what she needs to do, but only with me by her side.”
I hear a door and when I look back to Crew’s house, she’s standing on the patio. Even from here, I see her send me a small smile with a little wave. I turn back to Crew one last time. “Do me a favor, tell Addy she won’t be in for a while. And from here on out, I’ll cover her rent.”
Crew smirks and shakes his head. “Been there, done that. Maya’s not gonna like it.”
Since I don’t care, I turn and start for the house where she’s waiting for me. I don’t give a shit what Crew thinks. In fact, for my entire life I haven’t cared what anyone thinks of me.
Until now.
As I approach Maya, my insides tighten, wondering how I’m going to win her over. I can’t keep who I am a secret forever. Eventually, she’ll want details of my life—my past. I fucking hate secrets. I was raised keeping everything a secret—every bruise, cut, and wound. When my organization approached me with an offer, choosing to be a contract assassin was an easy decision. It was no different from what I’d done for my country. I’ve never had a regret.
But as I walk up the steps to my physical therapist, I might not feel guilty, but I am apprehensive. Because the woman who started to possess my mind over security cameras has turned into an addiction I can’t turn away from.
When I get to her, I can’t help myself, and reach for her hip. Pulling her to me, I ask, “You had a good talk?”
Hell if her eyes don’t fill with tears again, something I could barely handle seeing the first time. She nods and swallows hard. “Weston was being honest for once—Joe’s having seizures again. I made the excuse that I couldn’t take the pressure from Weston or our mother any longer. My family has no clue what the MacLachlans are really about. I feel so guilty for not keeping in touch with him. He insists he’s fine, his doctors are getting his meds evened out, but still, I’m worried and want to see him.”
“I’ll take you,” I say, wrapping my arm around her back, pulling her flush to me.
She shakes her head and bites her lip. “I don’t want you to have to deal with my family.”
“I’ll be fine. You should know that while you were on the phone, I read your background, and just for fun, I read MacLachlan’s. You’re not going anywhere near him or his family on your own. When do you want to see your brother?”
She’s surprised, her watery blue eyes go big. “You read my background?”
“I told you I was going to. Don’t worry, you told me everything important—other than the fact you played the flute.” I can’t keep the grin off my face. “This means you’re good with your mouth. Bonus.”
She rolls her eyes and gives me a little push, but I don’t let go of her. “I don’t know when I can get off work. I’m sure I’ll have to give a little notice so Addy and the Ranch can plan for it. It’ll have to be a quick trip, I can’t afford to be off for too long. I’m already missing a few hours today.”
I give her a squeeze before turning her toward the back door so I can get her inside where it’s warm. “It’ll work out. I can go anytime—I told Crew I’m taking you. I’m sure Addy will understand, and the old folks will be fine without you for a couple days.” When we get inside I’m anxious to change the subject and feel the need for some therapy. “Since you’ve already electrocuted me today, we might as well see if it worked. I’m ready to get back to my weights and I need full motion for that. You feel like torturing me before going back to work?”
She smiles. “You’re a quick healer. You already have a lot of your motion back, but you shouldn’t be lifting for a while.”
I shrug. “We’ll see. I can run though, right?”
She nods, smiling bigger.
“Then get your running shoes. Tonight, we have a date.”
She raises a brow. “A date?”
I tip my head, challenging her. “Or a race. Your choice.”
She surprises me and narrows her eyes, showing me she has a competitive side. “Do you run for distance or time?”
I reach out, hooking my finger inside the waist of her jeans, and give her a good yank. “Both.”
She catches herself by grasping my biceps, but doesn’t try to push away. “I was All-State in track four years in a row and ran for Cornell on scholarship.”
I lean into her, my addiction growing stronger by the second. “Told you I read your background, Maya. You’re telling me things I already know.”
She narrows her eyes farther, and I can’t tell if she’s annoyed or surprised that I know as much as I do. After thinking it over for a second, she squares her shoulders. “Then it’s a race—an even 10K.”
“You’re competitive,” I reply, my grin growing bigger. “How about a wager?” She instantly frowns, and I can’t help but tease her. “What, I thought you ran for Cornell?”
She sighs. “Fine. I picked the race, you name the wager.”
“A first date. A real date, planned by me if I win. Should you happen to win,” I shrug and try not to grimace, “I’ll eat a salad.”
She tries to hide a smirk as she agrees, “It’s on.”
I lean in and kiss her quickly, sealing the deal, even though I want nothing more than to peel her clothes off and seal it a different way.
All in due time.
Until then, I pull away and say, “Should I take my shirt off for the torture? I’m more than willing to undress for you. If you’d like to torture something else, I can take my pants off, too.”
So far today, I’ve seen her scared, nervous, apprehensive, and even having fun hula-hooping with an old guy. But when she bursts out laughing and slaps my chest, saying, “Stop it,” it feels like I’ve accomplished a task so big and challenging, I almost forget about having to explain to her one day that I was a hired assassin.
Almost, but not quite.
Still, this doesn’t stop her from torturing me.