Chapter 20 – Heavy?
Grady –
Never in my life have I been as anxious about the outcome of my actions as now.
Not when I joined the Army, not when I was recruited, not on my first assignment. Not even the first time I ever put a bullet through someone’s head, officially making me an assassin. Even though that day didn’t officially make me a killer—I’d been one for years at that point.
I especially wasn’t anxious the day I made sure my dad would never fuck with us again. That day was nothing but a relief.
But now, standing in front of her, having to explain my actions, yet prove to her it’s her choice? That it’ll only ever be what she wants?
I’m fucking anxious.
In a short time, this woman has stirred emotions in me I never knew existed, and before that, she just plain saved me.
It’s not helping that her face is a mix of wonder, fear, and fuck me, I think she’s got tears in her eyes. She has no idea what that does to me.
I bought that ring with only one intention—to make her mine. I knew I’d use it if I needed to make a statement. I had no idea what to expect from her family or that asshole ex of hers. I knew I’d be taking a chance if I was forced to put it into play. It’s not too soon for me, but I can see how it might be for her.
Throw all that in a pot and stir it up along with what just happened at dinner, it’s a lot of shit for her to deal with. That makes me even more anxious.
“What just happened?” she repeats, more forcefully.
Never good with words, I hope like hell I don’t fuck this up.
“I’m curious.” It’s a lame start, but I’m buying time. I shift my weight and cross my arms, but I really need to know, so I jerk my chin toward her. “How does it feel?”
Her brows instantly pucker. “How does it feel?”
“Yeah,” I confirm. “I know it fits, but how does it feel?”
She spreads her fingers out in front of her, and her other hand comes up to touch the diamond I just slid on her finger. She doesn’t look away from her ring as she shakes her head. “I’m not sure.”
“You’ve gotta feel something, Maya,” I insist, dropping my arms and taking a step. I don’t like all this space between us.
“I mean.” She twists it back and forth a bit, not looking away from her hand. “I don’t know. It feels,” she looks up at me, confusion still clouding her features, “heavy?”
I frown, wondering what the hell that means. “Heavy?”
She nods, looking back to her hand. “Yes. Heavy.”
“Heavy…” I let the word hang on my tongue, not sure if I want to know what that means. “Like I bought a big enough diamond-heavy? Or oppressive-heavy?”
“No,” she says quickly, shaking her head. “It’s plenty big. I mean, yes, it’s heavy-big. It’s beautiful—perfect. I can’t believe it fits.” She looks back up to me, bewildered. “How did you get it to fit?”
Well, fuck. If that’s not the heavy she was talking about, that’s not good. I take another step and lower my voice. “It wasn’t hard. I’d memorize every inch of you if you let me, baby.”
Looking up to me, her eyes are definitely wet.
“Tell me what heavy means, Maya,” I demand.
I see her swallow and she drops her arms to her sides. “Significant?”
I tip my head. “Is that a question or an answer?”
She changes the subject to one I don’t like. “I’ve only known you for a matter of weeks, Grady.”
I narrow my eyes, not liking where this is going, but quickly say, “I’ve known you longer.”
She ignores me. “You know how my last relationship ended. It took me twelve years to realize it was bad and wrap that misery up, finally putting an end to it. It makes me question my judgment.”
I counter, “I’ve only ever questioned my judgment once, and that was after the fact—when I almost got myself killed. Besides that one time, I never once regretted a decision in my life.”
“So tell me then, Grady.” Her voice insistent and strong now, holding her hand out to me. “What does this mean?”
I take another breath and ask one more time, needing only one answer from her. We can figure the rest out later. “Don’t think about your past and don’t overthink this. Just answer one question. Do you want me?”
She shakes her head slowly as a tear falls, and I swear, she might as well have turned a knife in my gut. All that pain I experienced months ago—the rope, the pipe, the broken bones, dislocated joints, and concussion? Nothing compares to now.
Now, it’s crippling.
Until she knocks the wind out of me when she utters, “Yes.”
I take a moment to let that sink in. But a moment is all I need. Right now, it’s the sweetest word in the world.
*****
Maya –
I said yes and I meant it.
But I think I might be losing it.
What the hell am I doing? I have no business wearing a man’s ring after only knowing him for such a short time. Not after knowing the last one for so many years and it turning out as badly as it did.
But something in me doesn’t care, because this feels different. I’m different. And it doesn’t have anything to do with taking a chance on Grady. He’s Grady, after all—solid, sweet, protective, and loving. He is who he is, and there’s not a single disingenuous bone in his body. I don’t know how I know this to be a fact, but I do. I feel it.
This is different because of me. Finally, after twenty-eight years, I’m in a place where I feel comfortable in my own skin. After living my life being told what I should want, what I should do, and who I should do it with because of some status that needed to be upheld, I’ve finally found my place.
Who knew it would be in the middle-of-nowhere-Virginia and with a bruised, battered, and irritable man, who underneath it all is none of those things.
But I barely have a second to process this, because just a moment ago when I admitted I want him, Grady was many strides away from me. The next instant, my face is being held in his big hands with his mouth on mine.
His kiss is bruising and desperate as he holds me tight.
He tears his face away but stays close when he questions, “Yes?”
Loving his eyes, especially the way they’re looking at me now, I don’t hesitate. “Yes.”
“Fuck,” he clips, and his hands move low on my hips.
Digging his fingers into my skin through the thin material of my dress, he fists and pulls. The next thing I know, my dress is being yanked up and over my head. Standing here in my strapless bra and panties, I reach for his shirt, wanting to touch him—really touch him. Not like when I’m working on his shoulder or snuggled up to him before sleep. I want all of him.
I rip a button off his shirt trying to get them undone. After taking his time to run his hands along my bare skin, my hips and ass, he cups my breasts lightly before one hand reaches around, nimbly unhooking my bra with one single flick of his fingers. It instantly falls to the floor.
I keep at his shirt, wanting nothing between us. The second I push it down his arms, I lift, pressing my bare breasts into his muscled chest. His light dusting of chest hair rubbing against my sensitive nipples radiates pleasure through my body.
“Never wanted anything more than you,” he says as his hands move on my bare back, gliding down to my ass. “Never let myself want anything before.”
His words only cement what I already know.
I need him, but even more, I want to give him everything he needs.
“I want you, Grady. All of you,” I confess.
I feel his thumbs dip in my panties at my hips and he pushes. When I’m standing bare in front of him, he rocks back a half-step to take a look at me. His hungry gaze rakes over my body, leaving me warm and tingly all at the same time.
His eyes come back to mine, his hands go to my ass, and I’m up. My legs circle his waist and I wrap my arms around his shoulders to hang on. Holding me with one arm, I feel his fingers drag through my wet pussy right before he fills me with two fingers, and I can’t help but press down on his hand.
“Do anything for you, Maya. You’ll never know how you saved me from myself. I was at my lowest, had no one. Just watching you on those fucking cameras was the only thing that got me through. To have you here, like this? Never thought this would happen.”
As I let his words sink in, he carries me into the bedroom, coming down with me as my back hits the bed. Kissing me one more time before letting go, he runs his hands down the front of my body. Teasing my breasts on his way, his eyes never stray from his touch, his fingertips rough on my overly sensitive skin.
“Wouldn’t even let my mind want you like this in the beginning. That would’ve been too painful, to think of you like this, you giving yourself to me. If I allowed myself those thoughts and this didn’t happen? I’d come undone.”
“Grady,” I moan. He’s killing me with his words.
His hands go to his waist and he swiftly undresses, standing over me bare. His cock—hard, thick, and veined—is as beautiful as the rest of him. He drags his eyes over my body while holding his erection, and slowly, methodically running his fist up and down his length. My breath catches, watching him hungrily take me in, as if he can’t decide where to start.
When his eyes settle between my legs, without looking away, he murmurs, “Spread for me, baby.”
Holy shit.
I pull my knees up slowly before letting them drop to my sides, doing exactly what he asked, spreading myself for him. For my Grady.
Without looking away from his target, he bends and his mouth is on me. There’s nothing slow or sweet about his touch.
He’s hungry.
It seems all the time he said I was his before I even knew it, and all the time I spent being a creeper, fascinated with everything Grady, has come to fruition. Not to mention the tension that’s been building between us. The culmination of it all is too much for me, and I can tell it is for him, as well.
There’s no control.
His lips and tongue devour me. Sucking, licking, and kissing. He’s absolutely consuming me.
I can’t get enough. Putting my feet to the bed, I push up to get more, and he gives it to me. Squeezing my ass with one hand to hold me to his face, he slips his thumb inside my pussy as his tongue teases my clit right before his lips encompass it and he sucks.
I throw my arms out to the side to fist the bed, needing something to hold onto. Lightning shoots through me and I lose my grasp on reality. All I’ve dealt with—my family, my worries, threats made against me, it all disappears. Everything.
As my body shakes with my orgasm, I realize I can’t move. Grady’s easily holding me to his mouth in his strong arms, still sucking, teasing, and gently grazing his teeth over my clit, not giving me any reprieve.
Just when I think I’m spent and can’t take another second, Grady lets me go.
“Maya,” he whispers, and I feel his hand at the back of my knee, pulling my leg up.
When I drag my eyes open, he looks into mine and slides into me. Slow, smooth, and perfect. And inch by inch, I see it spread across his features.
If his eyes speak the truth, he just made me his.
“You feel that?” he asks, his voice rough and gravely.
With his forearm bent to the bed above my head, his other hand travels my body and down my arm. When he reaches my hand, he pulls it above my head, and cupping it in his, he holds the ring he just slipped on my finger between his forefinger and thumb.
“Yes,” I breathe, feeling him pull out, just to slide back in as slowly as he did the first time.
I’m still sensitive from my orgasm and feel it every time he fills me. Wanting more, I try and arch my back, but he gives me his weight and takes over.
“Fuck, baby.” He starts to move, giving me what I want, but doing it on his terms. “Even if I thought I knew before, now I know. Don’t want anyone else besides you for the rest of my days.”
He picks up his pace. Holding my hand and the diamond on my left ring finger, staring intensely into my eyes—Grady is solely focused on me.
Focused. On. Me.
I’ve never had that—ever. Sex has always been sex. To have it focused on me, but be about us?
It’s never been so good.
Staring into my eyes, he starts to move. Really move, as if he’s losing control and can’t help himself. His eyes close and his breath comes across my face, short and labored, all the while he never lets go of my left hand. Never takes his fingers off the ring.
He angles his hips with every thrust, hitting my sensitive clit. I do my best to move with him, to arch, to do anything I can for more.
Just when I thought he’d already lost control, I was wrong. With each strong thrust, every muscle in his body tenses. Running my free hand over his shoulder I’ve worked on so many times, I move down his back to his ass, loving the feel of his body. He’s like a work of art I can’t get enough of.
When it comes over me again, that heat feeling better with Grady moving inside me, it unfurls, consuming me.
He bows his back, thrusting into me two last times, and groans, coming right after me.
Breathing hard, he gives me most of his weight, pressing into me one more time.
Taking my mouth, his kiss lingers before he rolls to his back where I end up on top, my knees to his sides. I snuggle my face into his neck as he strokes the outsides of my thighs from my knees to my ass, and back again.
After our long day—dealing with my mother, the stress of dinner, and now having the most amazing sex of my life—I’m spent.
“This is new.” He doesn’t stop stroking my skin. “But you give it time, baby, I promise I’ll make this good.”
Without moving, I close my eyes, feeling as if I could sleep here, with his light touch, and filled with his cock.
I’m almost startled when his hands stop abruptly, grabbing my ass. I swear I feel him tense underneath me, as well.
I try to move but one hand comes to my head and he holds me to him, murmuring, “Shh.”
I’m so tired, I relax again, and Grady goes back to stroking. This goes on for many minutes when he finally calls for me softly. “Baby?”
“Hmm?” I answer, pressing my face deeper into his neck.
“I meant what I said.”
“About what?” I ask sleepily, without moving.
“You know I want you. I’ll do everything in my power to make this good. As soon as the shit settles with your ex, and the FBI hopefully does their job faster than slower, we can focus on the future. You’ve got that ring on your finger to prove it. You know that, right?”
“Yes. You don’t have to prove anything to me.”
“Good.” I feel him take a breath before he keeps talking. “That didn’t go the way I wanted it to. It was fast. I mean it when I say, I’m okay either way. But, baby, are you on birth control?”
What?
My eyes fly open.
He must feel the change in my body, because his arms come around me like a steel cage, holding me where I am.
“Maya?”
“Oh, fuck.” I try to push up, but he won’t let me.
With a hand on my ass, and one angled up my back, he keeps me where I am. “Hey—”
“I didn’t even think.” I struggle against him. “Who does that? I’m a grown, responsible woman.”
“Maya,” he raises his voice to get my attention and I push up enough to look at him. “After my accident, I was tested for everything under the sun because of where I was and what happened to me. I’m clean. Don’t worry about that.”
“Holy shit.” I freak out even more. “I didn’t even think about that. What’s wrong with me? And I work in health care for fuck’s sake.”
He puts a foot to the bed and rolls. I struggle, but I can’t get out from under him. He pulls out of me when he’s on top again and looks at me with a frown playing on his face. “Don’t ruin this.”
“Ruin it?” I exclaim. “Grady, I had myself tested back when Weston cheated on me. I’m good, and I told you I haven’t been with anyone else. But I’m not on birth control. I left Weston well over a year ago, there was no reason.”
His face softens and he leans down to kiss me. I don’t have much of a choice since he has me pinned where I can’t move. But where I was exhausted and sated just moments ago, now I’m very much awake and tense. And have Grady leaking out of me. And very possibly, could be on my way to being pregnant.
Oh, fuck.
He pulls his head up to look at me again and smiles.
What the hell is he smiling about?
“Don’t worry.” He looks happy as he tries to calm me, but there’s no way I’m not going to worry. “I told you I’m good either way.”
“Please move,” I almost beg. “I need to clean up.”
He leans down to kiss me one more time, then finally rolls off. I scurry from the bed, not even noticing Grady getting up to follow me.
When I finish, I open the door and there he is. He’s leaning against the vanity with his arms and feet crossed waiting on me. He’s also still naked.
Naked and beautiful.
Even though I am too, I can’t help but stop and take him in. After being his physical therapist, I now have a whole new appreciation for his body.
His arms fall to his side and he holds a hand out low for me. “Come here.”
Feeling self-conscious for the first time, I go to him fast so I’m not standing here bare. Pressing myself to him, his arms come around me and I bury my face in his neck.
I feel his lips at the side of my head. “I’ll use a condom next time.”
I sigh, but melt into him, resigned. “What’s done is done.”
I feel him shrug. “Okay, then, I won’t use a condom next time.”
I look up at him quickly and shake my head. “No, no. You’ll use a condom.”
He smirks, reaches for my hand, and plays with the diamond on my finger. “Like I said, I didn’t mean for that to happen, but I told you I’m good.”
I gesture to the ring. “Seriously, does this mean we’re officially engaged? Because as much as I want you and you want me, you have to know this is more than a little crazy.”
He drops my hand and wraps me up tight. “Leave it on. Let’s just see how it feels.”
I sigh. “You keep saying that.”
He leans in close, but doesn’t kiss me. Against my lips, he murmurs, “We’ll take it day-to-day. Now, let’s go to bed. I’ll bring a condom this time.”
“Grady.” I shake my head and give him a small smile. “You’re practically impossible to resist.”
He smiles back, proving he’s irresistible. “Good for me.”