I can hear Gabriel revving the Mercedes outside, but I can’t close the front door without one last look in each room. We’ve left the furniture for the new tenants, but taken all of our toiletries and personal belongings, together with a few odds and ends we may need to save us having to dash out to the shops when we first arrive at our new flat.
I haven’t said anything to Gabriel, but London is one hell of a move for me, and I can’t imagine not being able to pop in and see Mum and Dad whenever I choose. Saying that, Mum’s been great, and she knows me well enough to understand how I’m feeling. Even though she said they’ll come down to see us every other weekend, I still can’t put this overriding apprehension to the back of my mind. But I know for us to work as a family we need to make this move, we need our own space.
I check the kitchen cupboards and believe I’ve remembered everything we need. I unfold the piece of paper that I jotted some notes on last night. This morning, as I placed each item into a bag or case, I ticked it off and got Gabriel to do the same. I take a deep breath as I close the door on the lounge and take one final look up the stairs. Then, holding onto the door handle, I take a step into the porch.
Jason spoke to Gabriel on the phone and said he would give us a hand. He’s turned up in his transit van and parked up just in front of our Mercedes. I watch him rushing around, picking our belongings up off the drive and piling them into the back of the van. I walk down the drive and look into the rear, and am quite surprised how much we’re taking with us.
I walk round to the front of the van to check Jason has put my breakables on the front seat. I knock on the window at Larry, who turns his head with his mouth open, as though he’s smiling up at me. My eyes wander past him to a small brown pet carrier, and can just make out two small amber eyes.
“I didn’t think I’d see the day Gabriel would go out and get himself another cat,” Jase pipes up.
“That makes two of us. You know, he shut himself away for an entire weekend and worked on Mr. Pooch’s portrait. She’s been gone a good few years, but I guess it’s his way of finally accepting that she’s never coming home, and the portrait is perhaps his way of saying goodbye.”
Jase smiles. “I think Belley will be a nice addition to your family.”
“Yeah, me too.”
“So, are you about ready?” he asks, wiping sweat off his face.
I nod and hear him slam the van door. He locks it and then gives Gabriel a thumbs-up, who has wound his window down and is beckoning towards me. I thank Jase for his help and then slide onto the seat next to Gabriel.
“This is it then.” He grins, placing his hand on my knee.
He glances through the windscreen and flashes his headlights at his brother. Jason waves, then indicates and manoeuvres the van away from the kerb, joining the traffic. I twist round and glance at the girls wrapped in their pink teddy-bear blankets and strapped in their seats.
I can’t help thinking about Adrianna and our meeting in the café last week. She was offish from the word go. I bought both of the coffees and two packets of shortcake biscuits while she sat down on a wooden bench next to the window and never even offered to pay. She just looked at me and waited. Her auburn hair fell forward, covering her eyes, as she sat continually rotating the white plastic spoon in her latte. She asked after the girls, and I showed her some pictures I’d taken on my phone. Seeing her smiling and a little more upbeat, I pushed the parenting order I’d filled in across the table.
“I hope we can sort this. It must be far easier for you now you have Logan back.”
Our fingers had met briefly in the middle of the table and I jumped, spilling my coffee as she snatched the form from me.
She looked up and frowned. “Whatever I have to do I will, but believe me, Natasha, it’s only because I’ve been left with no other option.”
She left her spoon standing up in her coffee and bowed her head.
“I thought I’d be able to give birth and hand the girls over to you.” Still peering down, she shook her head. “If only it had been that simple, but it wasn’t. I loved them; I think I loved them from the first moment I felt them move inside me, and over the months that followed, I don’t know…” She shrugged her shoulders. “They just felt like mine.”
I sat up straight, leaning against the hard-backed chair, and stared past Adrianna out of the window as she talked.
“I know I should have bottle fed them, but at every feed it was just second nature for me to hold them to my breasts, to feel them suckle from me.” She paused. “I know this isn’t what you want to hear, but it’s the truth, it’s the way I feel. I guess I never considered my hormones and the overwhelming bond I’d feel after giving birth, and when I saw them so helpless, their tiny faces…”
I couldn’t stop myself rolling my eyes.
“You say all this, yet you’re going ahead with the parenting order.” I frowned as she lifted her head.
“I’ve got no other choice. If I were to bring the girls up as my own, Danielle has already told me that’s us over and she’ll move out. I haven’t got nearly enough money to afford the house on my own.” She raised her eyebrows. “So where would that leave me? Homeless, with my son and two babies in tow. I can’t even move back home with Mum and Dad, as if I do keep the girls, Mum has already said she’ll disown me, and I think she’s speaking for Dad as well. So you see, Tash, whichever way I turn, I’m being backed into a corner, and whichever corner that is, I can’t win.”
Nudged by Gabriel’s arm, I’m pulled from my thoughts as he changes gear from neutral into first. We pull away from the kerb and both jump at the loud blast of a horn. Gabriel steps on the brakes, stopping the car. I pull the visor down in front of my eyes and angle it so that I can see what’s behind us. It’s Danielle’s car.
“Drive on!” I shout, seeing Adrianna jump out of the passenger-side door.
Wailing, she begins to run towards us.
I grab the steering wheel.
“Gabriel, what the hell are you waiting for?”
He pushes my hand away. “I’m not racing off like a fucking lunatic with the girls in the car. For God’s sake, go and say goodbye to your sister.”
Before I have chance to reply, Adrianna’s standing next to the window, panting and tapping on the glass. She grabs the handle and opens the door.
“I couldn’t let you go, not without saying goodbye.”
She stands bent forward with her hands on her waist as she tries to get her breath back. I open my arms to hug her, but she bypasses me and peers past the headrest at the girls.
“I’m going to miss you,” she says through her sobs. “You’ve no idea how much.”
Five minutes later, Gabriel pipes up, “I’m not trying to be rude, I’m really not, it’s just that the new tenants are due to arrive anytime now, and when they do, I want to be gone.”
“Please, Tash, let me have one last cuddle?”
“But they’re both asleep.”
Her teary eyes widen. “With the motion of the car they’ll soon go back off.”
I glance at the car seats, trying to decide who to unfasten first.
“Sorry,” Gabriel butts in, “but no, we’ve got to get off.”
I grab Adrianna’s hand as she ducks her head and backs out of the car.
“Look, you can come and see us and the girls any time you want. The flat, it’s not very big, but there’s a decent hotel not far from us, so you can always stay there. I’ve texted you our new address, you know where we are.”
“Yeah, two fucking hours away, too fucking far.”
Snatching her arm away, she slams the door.
Gabriel squeezes my hand. “She’s upset, and nothing you can say is going to change that. I wouldn’t take it to heart; I’m sure in time she’ll come round.”
I glance down, refasten my seatbelt and again there’s a knock at my window. I look up and, seeing Adrianna’s face, I wind it down. She’s sobbing, and tears slip from my eyes.
“Tash, I’m sorry, I’m sorry for everything. Put it down to hormones, whatever.”
She reaches into the car and squeezes my hand.
“We’re sisters, remember?” Between her tears, she attempts a smile. “The way I’ve acted I can understand why you’re moving away. To be honest, I think we both need a break. I don’t expect you to believe me, but I’m glad I had the girls for you and Gabriel.”
I reach through the window to hug her, but she steps back and shakes her head.
“No, Tash, I can’t hug you, because if I do, I don’t think I’ll ever let go.”
She smiles, squeezes my fingers and walks away. I turn and peer behind, watching my sister as she gets back into the car with Danielle. Gabriel flicks the indicator switch and for the second time we move away from the kerb. Our destination is London, where we’re heading as a family to begin our new life.
Continue Reading for a Preview of Book Three,
A Perfect Ending
It does contain a teaser!