The three of us were sprawled on my couch, all tired, but not wanting to end the night. We’d talked about nothing of consequence, and I couldn’t have loved it more. I’d realized that I was the kind of person who needed other people around me to be really happy. My friend Frannie needed to hibernate in order to regroup. I needed to laugh and talk well into the night to feel sane.

We’d gotten through Thor, Black Panther, and a pan of brownies by the time Avi came home with another guy—his cousin, I assumed. They stopped at the edge of the living room and I paused the episode of Jessica Jones we’d just started.

I looked up at the two tall men standing in my living room, one grumpy, the other amused.

“Hey, I’m Laurel,” I said to the amused one.

His smile grew, the family resemblance becoming even more clear. “What’s up? I’m Yo.”

“Yo?” giggled Valentina.

“It’s Josef. He thinks he sounds cooler if he tells people to call him Yo,” said Avi, dodging his cousin’s backhand to the chest.

“I don’t need to sound cooler. I’m cool as hell, and that’s obvious to everyone.”

Avi raised his eyebrows. “Is it?”

Nidhi stood from the couch. “I think I’d better get home. It’s later than I realized.”

“Me too. I just need a little help getting up,” said Valentina. Laughing, Nidhi grabbed her hands while I pushed her bum with my feet.

“You don’t have to leave. Josef just wanted to see my place before he headed home,” said Avi.

Yo turned in a circle, taking in my house. “It’s nice. I pictured this guy living in a slovenly cave.”

“You haven’t seen where I make him sleep in the basement. Lots of slime and cobwebs down there.” I lifted myself off the couch, stretching my arms over my head.

He laughed. “Ah, no wonder he likes it here. That’s exactly his decorating style.”

This time Yo had to dodge Avi’s slap.

As I walked my friends to the door, Valentina whispered, “I’m jealous you get to spend time with two hot men.”

I rolled my eyes. “While objectively attractive, neither are my type.” Lies. “Besides, getting involved with a roommate or his cousin wouldn’t be a great move.”

“But you can admire from afar,” said Nidhi.

“True. If I found him attractive. But who goes for that tall, dark, and handsome look?”

The three of us dissolved into one last fit of giggles before I pushed them out the door with promises to grab brunch on Sunday.

When I turned, Avi and Yo were lounging on the couch, flipping through Netflix. “Tall, dark, and handsome?” Avi said with a smirk.

I sat down on the arm of the couch, as far from Avi as I could get. “I was talking about your cousin.”

Yo held his hand up, and I gave him a high five. He really was handsome, and looked a lot like Avi, but I wasn’t interested. His smile was lovely, but it wasn’t life changing like Avi’s. Everything about him screamed friend.

Because the new me was a consummate hostess, I asked, “Can I get you anything to drink?”

Yo leaned back on the couch, his hands clasped on his stomach. “Nah, I’m good. We just had a massive Shabbat dinner at my mom’s.”

“You just got done with dinner? It’s almost midnight!”

He chuckled. “My mom would make her dinners last for years if she could keep us there. I swear she’s not even that religious, but she says every prayer she can think of to extend it.”

Avi laughed lightly. “She makes them up. I have never heard of some of the ones she says.”

I snorted. “We didn’t pray, but Friday dinners were always big in my house too. My mom would murder us with her eyes if we ever asked to go out with our friends instead of having dinner with the family.”

Avi smiled at me. “It’s good to be close to family.”

“I agree. I’m lucky to have a family that’s easy to be close with. Sometimes I wish I lived physically closer, but then one of my brothers will tell me my mom stopped off at his house at six in the morning with donuts and I’m good right where I am.”

I looked over at Yo. With his height and my perch on the armrest, we were almost eye to eye. We traded grins. “Are you a hairstylist too?” I asked.

“Yep. Family trade. Can’t get out of it.”

I arched an eyebrow and examined his hands with my eyes. “With those long fingers, I bet you give an excellent shampoo.”

He wiggled his eyebrows back at me. “I can do a lot of excellent things with my fingers.”

I giggled. “I bet. Do you have a girlfriend?”

“Nope. I’m one hundred percent single. And yourself?”

“I’m so single it’s not even funny.”

Avi groaned and mumbled under his breath.

“Speak up, bro! Can’t hear you,” Yo said.

“I said go see my room in the basement, then go home!”

I stiffened at Avi’s gruff tone, but Yo laughed it off. He seemed used to it, but I didn’t like it.

Yo sauntered down to the basement, but Avi stayed behind. I wasn’t sure I wanted to talk to him right that second, so I brushed past him, heading upstairs.

He caught my wrist. “Not my cousin.”

I whipped around. “What?”

“Just...anyone but him.”

“I’m not sure what you’re saying. I’m not interested in your cousin. Not that it would be any of your business if I was.”

He stood, his fingers still circling my wrist. “Laurel, we should talk.”

I sighed. “Should we? We kissed, it happened, it doesn’t have to happen again. There, we talked.”

But he didn’t let go. Instead, he pulled me closer. “That’s it?”

My breath caught in my throat. Being this close to Avi wasn’t conducive to making the right choices. He smelled like wine and spice, and his deep brown eyes had captured mine. I grabbed his tie, unsure whether I wanted to use it to yank him closer or strangle him.

“Why do you ask so many questions?”

He shook his head slowly, his nose barely missing mine with each pass. “Because I never know the answer with you.”

“We have a contract. Ironclad,” I whispered.

“I don’t really like rules,” he said.

I licked my lips. He followed the movement of my tongue with his eyes, the intensity in his face growing sharper.

“Avi! Get your ass down here!” came from somewhere down in the basement.

His eyes narrowed. “He’s so damn annoying.”

I dropped his tie and backed away. “You better go. Yo’s waiting for you.”

He sighed. “Are we painting tomorrow?”

I lifted a shoulder. “I like the orange. It’s growing on me. I wasn’t sure at first, but it’s kind of forced its way into my heart. But I do want to paint the kitchen.”

“The orange is good. I don’t have to work tomorrow. We’ll paint the kitchen.”

“Are we finally going to stare at paint swatches together?”

“Yes. And I will help you pick out tile.”

I started toward the stairs, absolutely exhausted from the long day. Without turning, I said quietly, “I’m not going to kiss you tomorrow!”

Behind me, I heard his soft chuckle. “We will see.”

Flopping on my bed, I starfished right in the middle. As tired as I was, I still wished Avi was in bed with me. The attraction I felt toward him was off the charts. I hadn’t felt anything like this in…well, ever. I’d let my affair be the answer to my libido, and the rest of the time, I turned it off, not even really noticing other men. Sure, I flirted, but I rarely acted on it.

And I had never been kissed the way Avi kissed me. It wasn’t some fumbling kiss to get to the main act. His kiss was of a man who wanted to taste and touch and savor my lips.

I couldn’t let it happen again.

I didn’t know what Avi wanted with me—if he wanted anything at all. What I did know was I wanted something real and lasting and he wasn’t ready. He’d barely broken up with the woman who he thought was the love of his life. And maybe she was the love of his life. Maybe we only get one of those, and he’d already claimed his, no refunds.

I had to forget what it felt like to be wrapped in him. I had to forget how good he smelled and the way he looked at me just now, like he could have eaten me alive.

He wasn’t for me.

And I wasn’t for him.

He’d never want me if he knew my truth, and I wasn’t going to go into any kind of relationship without honesty. We could be friends who kissed once and never did it again. There were probably tons of people like that. There was no need to get out my glitter pen and pink paper to write a diary entry with a heart over the “i” in his name about the longing glances he gave me. There would be none of that.

This didn’t have to be complicated. It certainly wasn’t a big deal. And if I kept telling myself that, I’d probably believe it.

I touched my lips, and the ghost of Avi’s lips was still there.

Maybe I did need to dig out my glitter pen and pink paper. But the longing glances would be coming from me.