The thing about running away is that eventually, you have to go back. And since I didn’t pre-plan my great escape, I rolled into work in my old high school sweatshirt and the skinny jeans I’d been wearing when I left.

Tyrell and Ron did a double take as I approached their desk.

“I know,” I said.

“What happened?” Ron asked.

“Gotta be a man,” Ty said knowingly.

“Nope. Totally me. You might not believe it, but I’m still trying to figure myself out.” My voice dripped with sarcasm. I was pretty sure they believed it.

Ron eyed me up and down. “Well, I hope you figure it out soon. I miss the suits.”

Tyrell slapped his shoulder. “You just miss the muffins.”

He laughed. “I won’t lie, the muffins are a big part of it.”

I started toward the elevator, calling over my shoulder, “Tomorrow, promise!”

In my office, I spent a couple solid hours working. It felt good to use my brain for something other than wallowing. I liked my job. I loved the people I worked with. I wouldn’t wish away any of what had happened since Monica stormed into my office three months ago.

I mean, if I were offered mutant powers, I wouldn’t say no to being able to wipe several people’s memories. But until that happened, I’d live.

That was it. I’d live my life. Because what else could I do?

Marcia popped in around lunchtime. I hadn’t left my desk, so I stood and stretched. Next thing I knew, Marcia was on the ground. I ran over to where she sat, shaking her head.

“I told you I’d fall over on the spot if you wore jeans,” she said.

I helped her stand up. “You are a crazy lady. And I promise, there were extenuating circumstances. This won’t happen again.”

She cocked her head, regarding me. “I don’t know. You look awfully cute. I think you could pass as about sixteen.”

I sputtered. “And that’s exactly why I won’t be dressing like this at work again! It’s hard enough to get respect in a suit.”

She crossed her arms over her chest. “What’s going on?”

I heaved a sigh. “The boyfriend found out about the old work situation.”

She winced. “And he didn’t take it well?”

I chewed my lip for a beat. “I left before I could see how he took it. But I’m back and I’m ready to face the music.”

She held up her hand for a high five. “That’s my girl. You look at your Audre Lorde quote hanging right there on your wall and remember it. Get your shit straightened out, lady.”

After she left, I stared at the quote hanging on my wall. “I am deliberate and afraid of nothing.”

I hadn’t been deliberate with Tom. I’d been impulsive and careless. But lately...I thought I’d changed. I’d grown up. I’d seen firsthand the ripples my actions had caused, and it was sobering.

And I’d been too afraid with Avi. First, I’d been scared to let him in, to try. And then I’d been terrified to reveal my seedy underbelly. To show him my imperfections and maybe not be accepted.

But there was no us without honesty. That’s who we were as a couple. And I fucking loved us. I loved him. That ninety-eight percent I gave him wasn’t enough. He deserved everything, and so did I.

I deserved him. Not because I was some amazing person, but because I was utterly confident I would love him with my entire heart. When his baggage got too heavy, I’d gladly carry it. And because he was Avi, he’d be pissed if I didn’t let him carry my baggage.

So, he was most definitely pissed at me. Because I hadn’t told him my load was too heavy. I’d schlepped it all on my own, even though my knees were buckling under the pressure.

I couldn’t think about what would happen if he didn’t take me back. I couldn’t let that be a possibility in my mind.

I stayed at work until five, then shut down my computer. When I approached the elevators, Alex and Nidhi were already waiting. They were being subtle about it, but their pinkies were linked as they stared at the down arrow, waiting for it to light up.

I stayed back, letting them ride down to the lobby alone. Nidhi was reluctant to label what was going on between them, but there was no doubt they were both smitten with each other. They were taking it slow because of the work situation, and they were both a bit gun-shy, but I knew there had been multiple dates and lots of kissing.

In the lobby, Ron and Tyrell called me over to the desk again.

“What’s up?”

Ron pointed toward the door. “Some guy was hanging around here. I think he mighta been the same guy you left with a while ago. I told him he couldn’t be in the building. He was giving me some intense vibes.”

“He growled,” Tyrell said.

Exhaling sharply, I looked over my shoulder, but didn’t see him, so I turned back to them. “If it was who I think it was, he’s fine. Intense, but fine. Thank you for worrying about me, though.”

He nodded, looking more serious than I’d seen him before. “You sure?”

I tapped the desk. “Absolutely. See you in the morning!”

As I headed across the lobby, my stomach started churning. I shouldn’t have put this off. I wasn’t a coward normally, but I’d behaved like one with Avi. Zipping my jacket up to my neck, I pushed through the doors into the late winter evening.

And there he was. Shoulders hunched, head down, hands stuffed in his pockets. I shouldn’t have noticed him, mostly hidden in shadow, but my eyes honed in on him immediately. That connection between us pulled me to him and jerked his head up.

“Avi.”

I was breathless as his eyes raked over me. There was a foot between us, but it could have been an entire universe. He was frozen in his spot, and I so badly wanted to go to him, but I didn’t know if he still wanted me.

Then he moved, wrapping me tight in his arms, and I was the one frozen. My arms were pinned at my sides as he held me for a long moment. He exhaled heavily into my hair and let out a soft, pained grunt. And then he was gone, the universe between us again.

“Avi,” I said again.

He shook his bowed head, turned, and walked away.

I could have crumbled. I could have given up. But I waited. This couldn’t be it. I refused to believe that. So I stood there, counting my breaths, counting his steps. We both got to ten. He stopped moving, and my lungs constricted.

Then he turned around, coming back to me, and I could breathe again.

“You can never do that to me again,” he said.

“I won’t, I won’t. Never.”

I looked down to see his hands clenching and unclenching at his sides, then looked back to meet his eyes. They were on me, studying me, as if he was trying to decipher me.

Touching his arm as lightly as I dared, I said, “Come home with me.”

He stepped back. “I have my car. I will meet you there.”

I’d see him at home. Hopefully it was still our home.