MY MOTHER REEKED of alcohol as she spoke into my face, “You can’t be serious!”
I’d made the mistake of filling her in on my trip to prepare her for the possibility that nothing would be going according to plan anymore. My mother had always strongly encouraged me to go ahead with the insemination in Germany, mostly for her own selfish reasons.
“I normally wouldn’t be telling you any of this, especially not when you’re half-drunk, but given the circumstances, you need to know where my head is at and that the Germany plans may not happen.”
“And what are those poor guys supposed to do now that you’ve changed your mind?”
“I haven’t closed the door one hundred percent, but I never promised them anything. I haven’t even met them in person, and I’m not the last woman on Earth with a womb. They would find another way.”
“Yeah, well, you’re gonna lose them as an option if you keep stringing them along.”
“Do you think I don’t know that? I spoke to them this morning and told them I would let them know my decision no later than next week.”
“You’re gonna end up with no one, and we’re gonna end up destitute!”
My blood was boiling. “Is that all you care about?”
My mother pointed her finger at me. “I shouldn’t have to worry about what I’m entitled to. Your whacky grandfather put us in this position—not me.”
“Stop being so selfish. We are talking about human life here.”
“No, we were talking about human life—you giving the gift of human life to a nice couple in need and getting us set for life. Now, we’re talking about some ridiculous love child scenario that is destined to end badly.”
“And exactly how do you know that?”
“Kendall, will you look at yourself for a moment? Think about how crazy this sounds from the outside looking in. You go on a trip, fall for the pilot of your goddamn plane…who now wants to father your child? Oh, and I’m sure it has nothing to do with the fact that you just told him you’re about to inherit millions of dollars! Sweetheart, wake up!”
“Carter is not after the money!” I screamed, startling the horses outside.
“Well, that’s what you want to believe, and quite frankly, I would’ve thought you to be smarter than that.” She stumbled back into her seat then said, “You have been planning a meticulous strategy for months with these nice men overseas. If you went along with the original plan, you wouldn’t have to worry about raising a baby that you don’t want. It would be in a good home. We would be set for life. Everybody would win. And yet…you’re considering doing the total opposite of everything we talked about just because some pilot stuck his face between your legs.”
“You are so vile.”
“Vile, maybe, but I speak the truth.”
“Well, I’m not so sure I want any of this anymore. I might just walk away from the ranch and the money for good. Maybe you’ll never see me again.”
“Don’t talk like that, Kendall. You wouldn’t do that to yourself.”
“I’m serious. This inheritance bullshit has caused me nothing but stress from the moment I found out about it. Don’t act like you really give a shit about me, Mom. You don’t see anything but dollar signs when you look at me now. It’s pathetic. I’m your daughter, not your meal ticket.”
“I’m only trying to help you get what’s rightfully yours.”
“So, I suppose you wouldn’t mind if I had a legal document written up saying you’re not entitled to any of it?”
Dead silence.
I nodded slowly. “That’s what I thought.”
Unable to handle any more of this conversation, I stormed out of the house and drove toward the city. Wiping tears from my eyes, I blasted the music to drown out the thoughts in my head.
When I finally stopped the car, I realized I really needed Carter. I immediately dialed him. Thank God he picked up.
His voice was low and sexy. “How did you know I was thinking about you?”
“Carter…”
He could tell that I’d been crying. “What’s wrong, baby?”
“I should’ve never come home.”
“Why are you upset?”
“My mother. She’s saying things to try to brainwash me.”
“Things like what?”
“She thinks I’m crazy for considering your offer. She thinks you’re only after the money.”
There was a long moment of silence before he spoke. The anger in his voice was penetrating. “I can’t even begin to tell you how irate that makes me. First of all, I wish this money situation never existed. Second of all, I’ll sign whatever is needed to prove I have no interest in that money. To be honest, the money part sickens me a little. I just want a life with you, Kendall. I’ll sign any dotted line to get that.” His voice cracked, “Just tell me where to fucking sign, Perky.”
I let out a long breath into the phone. “Just talking to you makes me feel better. I miss you so much.”
“You want me to come there? I’ll tell the airline it’s a family emergency.”
“I don’t want you to lie to get out of work.”
“I wouldn’t be lying. You are family to me now, the most important thing in my life.”
That made my heart melt.
“Thank you for offering, but I think I still need a little more time alone.”
“Okay, but if you start to feel like you need me, just tell me. I’ll be there in a matter of hours.”
“Thank you. That makes me feel better to know that you would do that for me.”
“I’d do anything for you, Perky. Anything.”
“Oh, I know. Even knock me up.”
“No, that would be for us. The more time that goes by, the more I want it. And I sure as hell am looking forward to working on it. God, that’s gonna be so much fun.”
When I laughed, he said, “Is that a smile I hear?”
“Can you even hear a smile?” I giggled.
“We’ll get through this together. I promise. And in case you didn’t hear me back in Florida, I’ll say it again. I love you. And if we have this baby together, nothing will matter more to me. I would never turn my back on my child.”
“Okay…I hear you.”
“Maybe give yourself a break from thinking about it for a couple of days. Sometimes, when you’re trying hard to figure things out, overthinking it makes you more confused. You need to stay away from your mother, go some place quiet and relax. The answer will come.”
Carter was right. I needed away from the ranch.
“I think that’s a good suggestion.”
“Guess where I am?” he asked.
“Where?”
“On the beach in Caracas. Missing the hell out of you and drinking our drink.”
“What’s our drink?”
“You don’t remember?”
“No?”
“Caipirinha. It may not be Brazil, but it’s a popular drink here, too.”
“Oh yes! Our drink from Rio. Say it again in your Portuguese accent, Captain.”
“Caipirinha.”
“Mmm.”
“I miss that little moan. You’re making me hard.”
“Hopefully, you’ll get to hear it again soon in person.”
“I’m living for the promise of that, baby.”
I ENDED UP TAKING Carter’s advice and staying for a few days at a hotel in Plano. It helped to get away from my mother and her strong opinions on the matter.
I knew in my heart what I wanted. I wanted a life with Carter, but would I agree to let him get me pregnant, or should I just abandon the inheritance altogether?
Why couldn’t I have it both ways—Carter and the money? It almost seemed like that was too good to be true, like it was too simple of a decision. At the same time, it felt like I would always be waiting for the other shoe to drop under that scenario. Nothing is perfect in life.
I’d stopped at one of the outdoor shopping plazas near my hotel for some ice cream and sat on a bench outside of one of the stores. I needed a sign from God.
Please give me a sign that the decision in my heart is the right one.
I continued to stare into space as I licked around the circumference of the ice cream over and over, forming smooth lines around the ball of soft serve.
When I got up to throw away the last of the cone, I looked up. Staring me in the face was a gigantic advertisement for baby clothes. It featured a large, chubby baby boy with rolls of fat on his legs. He looked exactly like the baby picture of Carter that he’d shown me. My heart seemed to expand with every second that I stared at the baby’s joyful smile. If this weren’t a sign, I didn’t know what was. In fact, I couldn’t think of a better one if I tried. That is, until I looked up at the name of the children’s clothing store.
Carter’s.
I WAS FOLDING MY purchases from the day when my cell phone rang. Frank Sinatra’s Come Fly with Me made me smile from ear to ear. I’d changed Carter’s ringtone after hearing that song in the car this afternoon. Another big sign. I couldn’t recall ever hearing that on the radio. Maybe on my grandfather’s CD player, but definitely not on any station I listened to. Yet today, there it was.
After throwing out my ice cream cone, I’d wandered into Carter’s to look around. It was honestly only the second time I’d ventured into a children’s clothing store. The first was for my cousin Harper who got pregnant when she was eighteen by her thirty-nine-year-old, married college professor. Us Sparks’ high society women truly were all smoke and mirrors.
“Hey, handsome,” I answered.
“You sound better than when I spoke to you this afternoon.”
I sighed. “I feel better, actually.”
“Any particular reason? Not that I’m complaining. But I’d like to know what it took to turn your mood around. Store that in my mind for a day that I might need it again.”
“It was you, actually.”
“Go on. I’m liking the sound of this story so far.”
I laughed. “Well…today I was doing some heavy thinking. And let’s just say that there were some ways that you were present with me.” I folded the little outfit I’d bought today into my suitcase. Not only had the store been named Carter’s, but inside I’d found a tiny navy suit with piping down the sides of the pants that looked almost exactly like Carter’s pilot uniform. I couldn’t help myself. I was at the register before it even registered in my brain that I was buying clothing for a baby I had just decided I wanted to try to have.
Outside the store with my bag in my hand, the sun seemed to shine brighter. The air breathed a little easier. My head and heart that had spent weeks in turmoil, finally came into perfect alignment. Oh my God. I was going to have a baby. A baby. With a man I was crazy in love with.
Feeling freed, I did what every well-bred Texas debutante would do. I went shopping. The strip mall had a dozen other stores, and I hit each and every single one of them. My bags were almost too heavy to carry by the time I reached the last store—an Army Navy store where I found a set of antique Airman wings.
Looking down at the folded suit with the wings pinned to the lapel, I could actually visualize a little dimpled boy wearing it as his Daddy held him proudly. His Daddy. Lost in dreamland, I almost forgot Carter was on the phone.
“Perky, you still there?”
“I am. Sorry. But I’m thinking that I’m going to hold off on telling you anymore about my day. I would much rather show you what reminded me of you.”
“Does that mean I’m going to be seeing you soon?” I heard the hope in his voice, and it made my palms sweat with excitement.
“It does actually. I was hoping we could meet up.” I finished zipping my suitcase and plopped down on the bed.
“Say the word. Where and when? I’ll divert my flight to Dubai in the morning if I have to. Hijack a 757 full of Arabs to Texas if you have some good news for me.”
I knew he was kidding, but there wasn’t much I would put past this crazy man. “Where will you be on Monday next week?”
“Hang on…let me check my phone.”
Thirty seconds later, he was back. “I’ll be in Miami Monday.”
That had to be another sign. “The airport we met in?”
“That’s right. I have a layover for the night, and then I’m heading back to Brazil again. Sounds like fate to me, beautiful. What do you say? Is it a date? Meet me in Miami. Same bar it all started at. I’ll book you a ticket that gets you in as close to when I land as possible?”
I took a deep breath of courage in and let out the rest of my fear. “Yes. I need to see you. I have a few things I want to talk about. But I also miss you like crazy.”
“You got it. You’ll have a ticket by morning.”
We talked for another hour after that. I didn’t tell him about my purchases or the decision I was pretty sure I made. All of that needed to be done in person. But toward the end of the call, I said, “I bought something today that reminded me of you.”
“Oh yeah? What’s that?”
“It’s a surprise.”
“You know, I probably shouldn’t tell you this, but I have something that reminds me of you, too. I didn’t buy it though. I sort of stole it from you before you left.”
I was lying across the hotel room bed diagonally, staring up at the ceiling and flipped over to my stomach. “What could you possibly….” Then I remembered what I thought went missing in the dryer when I’d washed my dirty clothes at home. All of my bra and panties were sets, and my red bra seemed to have been missing the matching underwear. “Oh my God…you didn’t.”
Carter took a deep breath in over the phone, and I knew he was sniffing. My hand flew to my mouth. Oh my God. “You have them over your face right now, don’t you?”
His response was a cross between a moan and a groan.
“Oh my God, Carter!” I giggled. “You’re certifiable. I cannot believe you stole my underwear!”
“Really? I would have thought it would be something you would come to expect by now.”
“I suppose that’s true.” I bit my lip. “Do you…”
“What are you asking me?”
“You know…”
“Damn right I do. But I want to hear you ask me anyway.”
Carter was definitely much more aggressive in the dirty talk arena than I was. That was something I probably needed to work on if I was going to be in a long-term relationship with a pilot, and we would constantly be separated. So I pushed past my normal comfort zone. My voice was low, it actually sounded kind of sexy. “Do you…touch your cock when you smell me?”
He literally growled. “God, the word cock from your mouth is going to make me explode hard.”
“Really?” I wiggled around the bed. “I was thinking your cock in my mouth would make you explode hard.”
“Kendall…” he warned.
“What? You started it.”
“Yes… and you can’t play with me like that.”
“I wish I could play with you right now.”
He chuckled. “I’m going to need to start traveling with some lotion for our nightly calls.”
“I think that’s a very good idea. Why don’t you pick some up at the airport store in the morning, and since I’m heading back home tomorrow, I’ll be able to have Jack for our call tomorrow night.”
“Jack?”
“It’s my name for my little rabbit vibrator.”
“Did we just make a date to jack off together tomorrow night?”
I laughed softly. “I think we did.”
“I’ll call you as soon as I’m checked into my hotel.”
“Okay. That sounds good.”
Carter’s voice grew serious. “I love you, Kendall.”
“I love you, too, Captain. Four more days, and we’ll be together again.”
Four more days.