CHAPTER THIRTEEN
Lindy
“Hey,” I said softly, wheeling my rollerboard behind me. “I’m off.”
Chris looked up from his desk, blue eyes calm, taking me in, the jacket, the bag, the keys in my hand. There was something in his eyes that made my heart jump for a moment, made me think that he might say something, ask me to stay, but I was wrong.
Instead the big man got up, coming around the desk to give me a hug, enveloping me in those strong arms.
“Thank you honey,” he rasped against my temple. “These ten days have been magnificent.”
Magnificent didn’t even describe it. Mind-blowing, out of this world, a dream come true were more like it, but I couldn’t say those words, they were stuck in my throat. So I just let out a little squeak and forced myself to throw him a smile.
“Yeah, it was great wasn’t it?” I said lightly, trying to act casual, act like I wasn’t devastated our ten days had come to an end. “I better get going, my manager at Little Mo’s wants me to be there for the late shift tonight. You know, waitressing and all,” I said. I didn’t want to go back to that greasy spoon, didn’t want to go back to my classes, I wanted to stay here with Chris and live in his mansion, spend my days and nights wrapped around him, but that wasn’t my life. My real life was back at campus, going through the motions even if it didn’t fulfill me anymore.
And Chris frowned at me for a moment.
“Little Mo’s?” he growled in his throat. “Seriously honey, are you really going back to that place? You could sell any of the gems I gave you and it’d be enough for a year’s tuition,” he said with a wry smile.
Sell that beautiful emerald? The sapphire necklace he’d given me with the matching earrings? Or the diamond tennis bracelet? They were so precious to me that I’d rather starve before I sold one, they were from him after all, they were the only reminder that we’d had this illicit week together, this time of getting to know one another, exploring each other’s minds, bodies, and souls.
So tears filled my eyes and I choked, but I couldn’t let him know.
“Oh Chris,” I said playfully. “I like to work,” I lied through my teeth. “And I get free meals working at Little Mo’s, it’s not so bad.”
Oops that was the wrong thing to say because it only made the big man frown more. He strode behind his desk and banged open a drawer, pulling out his checkbook before scrawling out a check and handing it to me.
“Take this,” he growled. “I can’t stand the thought of my girl not getting enough food.”
Oh god, was I his girl? Did I belong to him, were we something more than a drive-by romance? But his gaze remained elusive, so my fingers just closed numbly around the check.
“Thanks,” I said, head down, taking a long time to put it in my purse so that he couldn’t see the tears welling. Get with it! I scolded myself. You knew this day was coming, you knew this was going to happen. Don’t be a weakling now that it’s over.
And I was right. I had to be strong, I’d done this for my dad, for my family, so that we’d have a place to live, food to put on the table, and I was being released from the shackles now, my chains were broken, and I was free to go. So why was I so sad? Why had I been dreading this moment in the back of my mind?
But it was really time to go now so I steeled myself before pasting a bright smile on my face.
“Thanks Chris,” I said merrily, not quite meeting his eyes. “I really, really appreciate it and come visit me on campus sometime, okay? I don’t think I’m gonna be back until winter break and you know that’s seven months from now, so you come to see me, alright?”
Chris’s eyes darkened momentarily for a moment, but I guess he could tell that my invitation was just words, there was no place for a forty-five year old man among undergrads.
“Of course,” he said smoothly. “I’ll miss you Lindy. And I mean it, I’ll miss you.”
“Not as much as I’ll miss you,” I said merrily, again with that fake smile pasted on my face. I probably looked like a mannequin, my lips pulled into a grimace while my eyes were filled with pain, but it was the best I could do. I couldn’t break down, not here, not with my bags packed and everything ready to go.
I turned, taking a deep breath, my hand already on the doorknob when suddenly Chris’s big hand landed on my waist, warm, almost hot through my sweater, pulling me back to him, spinning me around so that I was pressed against his chest, the breath gone from my lungs.
“Baby,” he growled deep in his throat, the blue eyes so meaningful, so sensuous, that I almost lost it then, almost broke down and cried in his arms, begged him to let me stay.
But all he did was push a tendril of my hair behind my ear, look at me closely, the trembling chin, the warm pools of brown, and sigh.
“Baby,” he started again. “I want you to know that these ten days meant a lot to me, that being with you was more than I ever could have imagined.”
Then ask me to stay, I cried inside. Ask me to put down my luggage, don’t let me walk out the door!
But Chris just shook his head, like he was clearing his mind, before seizing my chin in his fingers.
“And honey, you’ve opened up so many avenues to me, you can’t even imagine,” he said hoarsely. “I thought I knew everything, I was pretty much the alpha male in control,” he stopped for a moment, his voice rough. “But you, a nineteen year-old girl have shown me that I actually know nothing, that I have a shit ton to learn.”
What he was talking about? I had no idea, but my heart beat fast, pitter-pattering like it was on speed.
“Oh Chris,” I said merrily. “I’m sure I didn’t teach you everything. You taught me everything … in bed,” I added with a saucy smile.
There, make it about the physical again and I was in safe territory, a zone that I could handle.
But Chris wasn’t going there, he wanted to tell me something more.
“Baby, you think that this was all about our bodies, and you’re right, it started out that way,” he said seriously, still gazing deeply into my eyes. “But you’ve changed me in ways that I can’t even begin to process, you’ve made me into a new man, a new everything,” he said roughly. “And I’ll always treasure these ten days together. Always.”
My heart just about broke again, I wanted to scream. But what my heart felt and what I could actually say were two different things.
“I know,” I said lightly, with that fake smile still on my lips. “Me too.”
And with a quick peck on his cheek, I disentangled myself, pulling my luggage after me.
“I gotta roll now otherwise my manager is really gonna have my ass,” I joked. “Little Mo’s is going to be serving some Lindy stew if I don’t get going. Bye now,” I said with one last smile, and with that, I was throwing my suitcase into the backseat, jauntily opening the car door before blowing him one last kiss.
“Bye Mr. Jones!” I trilled merrily, hopping into my Jetta and zooming off. But as I drove down the long drive, I looked into my rearview mirror out of habit more than anything and saw the big man standing there, watching me drive off, his hands in his pockets, expression brooding, moody, his shoulders hunched, tense and still. If I wasn’t crazy, I’d think that he was miserable, that watching me drive off was like watching his heart roll away, the meaning of his life disappearing with each mile.
But I shook myself, forcing myself back to reality. I was dreaming, I was living in a fantasy land where a forty-five year old alpha male fell head over heels in love with a nineteen year-old know-nothing, and clearly that wasn’t happening. Chris was my dad’s boss, and I’d only agreed to our arrangement so that he wouldn’t be fired immediately, so that my family could save up a little while making the transition.
And suddenly, I really did break down. Right there, in the middle of traffic, my little Jetta going about twenty-five on a local street, the tears started rolling and a tearing, wrenching sob erupted from my chest. Because I’d left my heart behind with the big man … and there was no getting it back.