Sway began to wake, unable to describe the amazingness he was feeling. If this was all a dream, he didn’t want it to end. He teetered on the edge of consciousness. That in-between he lingered in when he slept like the dead and was trying to wake up. He was in the most comfortable bed he’d ever slept on and knew immediately he wasn’t at home. He was so warm and the covers felt so good. He turned his head and inhaled deeply, the smell of strong earthy scents filled his nostrils. Rosewood, suave patchouli and masculine pheromones. Moaning and stretching like a satisfied cat, Sway squeezed his half hard erection, because now he knew exactly where he was and whose bed he was in. He flipped onto his back and stared at the cool, industrial-type ceiling fan.

I bet he put that up there himself. Sway smiled and rubbed the cool, black sheets. It was obvious Brian had never gotten into bed with him. Sway wasn’t sure how he’d felt about Brian tucking him in before, but he’d fallen asleep so fast he hadn’t had long to be upset. But after waking and feeling like he did, he wanted to find the man and give him a decent thank you.

Sway reached down to the foot of the bed and pulled his cell phone from his jeans pocket. It was almost eight-thirty. I told him I only wanted to sleep an hour. Sway couldn’t even muster a scowl. He felt too good. Sway knelt in the middle of the bed and glanced around the spacious room. Was he going to find one thing about this man to give him pause? Even the home wasn’t what he’d expected. With Brian’s hours and occupation, Sway thought he’d find a kitchen with no food, only beer, protein shakes and take out containers in the fridge, a bedroom without a single decoration on the walls, a dresser used to store condoms and lube, clothes in piles in corners, and a bunch of weight lifting equipment. Sway rolled his eyes. He could really be a stereotypical idiot sometimes. He’d learned over dinner that Brian was brilliant, Annapolis-educated and gorgeous, not a damn meathead.

Sway climbed off the bed, moving slowly as if he missed it already and pulled on his jeans, leaving them unfastened. It was so toasty in the bedroom from the fire that he didn’t bother putting on his socks and T-shirt. He didn’t want to wait another second to see Brian. He wondered what he had planned for him. Sway was all smiles when he came out the bedroom, that warm and fuzzy feeling from being in Brian’s bed, still clinging to him like an ever-giving cloak. He glanced across the hall into the great room—he believed that’s what Brian had called it—but it was dark, only the faint lights in the wall shelves could be seen. There was a closed door at the end of the hall, so he turned and continued in the other direction. Most of the doors were closed, so he didn’t stop until he got to the large opening that led to the kitchen. He’d only taken a couple of steps in when he heard a loud crash and the sound of glass breaking somewhere in the house. Or was it outside?

“Brian!”

Without a second thought, Sway took off in the other direction. Moving blindly through Brian’s home.

“Brian, where are you?!” Sway yelled. He knew Brian couldn’t answer him but at least he’d know Sway had heard him and he was coming. Dammit, why didn’t I get the ten-cent tour before I took a nap?

He ran through what appeared to be a den, and up two steps before making a sharp right. He was getting more afraid by the second. If Brian had been okay he would’ve came out by now.

“Brian, baby. Where are you?!” Sway busted through the door to a spare bedroom, then a bathroom, then another half bath. He hurried back towards the front, swiveling his head back and forth when he got to a fork. Shit! Did I come from that way? There was an opening blocked off by an Oriental-style room partition but there was no light on in that room either. How many rooms are there? Sway stopped. He was getting frustrated and he felt he was failing Brian for every millisecond that he couldn’t find him. His heart was beating so frantically, he inhaled sharply through his nose in an effort not to pass out. He knew something was wrong. Had to be. Sway took a deep breath and tried to focus. He had to calm himself. Brian needed him. He stilled and listened. After a couple of shaky breaths, he finally heard soft music straight ahead.

Moving as if his ass was on fire, Sway nearly shouldered open the door, exploding through it, not caring if he was barging into a dangerous situation or not. He had to find Brian. Sway realized he was in the garage, or a room that had once been a garage. It was a big space full of lumber, slabs of woods, tools, complex machines and anything else that was sold in Home Depot.

“Brian?!” Sway moved through the high-stacked columns of wood until he found Brian curled up—as tight as his big body would allow—with his hands over his ears and sweat on his brow.

Sway dropped to his hands and knees and tried to pull Brian into him, but he was refusing him. Fighting him. He had his hands over his ears, but Sway didn’t know what sound could’ve triggered this reaction. He wasn’t sure what to do as Brian rocked and squeezed the sides of his head. His lips moved but Sway couldn’t make out what he was mouthing.

“God, baby. What do I do?” Sway felt so fucking helpless. There was no medical treatment he could perform right now. He was pretty sure Brian was experiencing a flashback. He knew what they were, his mom had battled them after the accident. He reached for Brian again, touching his hands but Brian yanked them away as if he’d been hit, his eyes squeezed closed so hard they had to hurt. Did he call his brother? Or, should he call Dana? He didn’t know.

“I’m here, Brian.” Sway got down even lower, putting his face so close to Brian’s he could smell the wine still lingering on his breath. His pulse beat rapidly beneath the strained skin on his neck. Brian’s body was strung so tight, Sway wanted to do nothing but touch him and massage it all away. He stared at Brian’s mouth, watching the repetitive movement.

“What are you saying, baby?” Sway whispered, his voice breaking at the sight before him.

When he got it he jumped up, almost knocking over a tall ladder that sat underneath a partially completed light fixture. Sway didn’t have time to care. He hurried over to the small radio, frantically searching for the off button. All he could see was Brian’s dry lips mouthing, ‘stop singing’, ‘stop singing’ and knew right then that’d it’d been the music. Sway didn’t know what the hell Marvin Gaye had to do with his past, but it was causing Brian pain, so Sway yanked the damn cord out of the wall when he couldn’t find the on/off switch.

He rushed back to Brian’s side and curled up on the floor with him. With the music gone Sway continued to murmur gently in his ear. It was a while before he felt Brian’s body start to slowly relax. “I’ve got you, now.” Sway said softly, wiping at the sweat on Brian’s forehead and down his temples. He pushed away a few strands of hair that had fallen to the front. “I’m not going anywhere.”

Sway thought he heard the faintest whisper of his name, or he might’ve just wished for it.

Brian

Why didn’t I just leave the fuckin’ radio off? Brian leaned his forehead against the hot tiles, letting the scalding water beat on his tense shoulders. He wanted to smash his fist into the steamed-up glass, but destroying his bathroom wouldn’t take away his humiliation. Brian wanted to sink down in the shower and stay there until he wasn’t ashamed anymore.

When Brian had finally come to he’d been wrapped in Sway’s arms while he hummed a soothing melody in his ear, between words of encouragement. He told him he was there for him and he wasn’t leaving him and Brian wished he could believe him. They always left, sooner or later. Usually Brian could hold off showing them his crazy to at least get a couple of dates in. Only he wanted more than just two dates with Sway.

Brian clenched his teeth and balled his fist. Of all the times, why now? Why’d they always pick the most inopportune times to show up? Then he remembered Colton’s words. ‘Is there ever a good time for a flashback to show up?’

Brian didn’t think there was when he’d asked the question but now his answer had changed. Yes, there was a good time… anytime he wasn’t with Sway.

His head felt as if he’d hit it on something but there wasn’t a knot there, only pounding. He’d broken the glass that’d been removed from the garage door when he fell. Glad it had only been trash. Other than that, he didn’t see any damage. Only to his ego.

After the flashback had receded, it’d taken him a minute to stand, Sway trying his best to help him, but Brian had at least seventy pounds more weight than Sway, so it only made him feel that much more pathetic to see Sway stumbling and straining to hold him steady. One thing was certain, Sway had refused to let him fall. He’d asked repeatedly if Brian wanted him to call someone for him, but Brian didn’t want Sway to do any more than he already had. He’d done enough. He knew he was just trying to pawn him off on somebody else. Brian and his baggage were another burden that Sway didn’t need in his already complicated life. He was going to be alone. He should just try to accept it and get used to it.

When the water finally started to chill, he realized he’d been in there almost an hour. Sway said he’d be there when he came out, but he knew it was a lie. The man had the face and heart of an angel, but he wasn’t a real saint. This was just too much for Brian to ask of anyone. He’d probably find Ford in his den or Dana with solemn looks on their faces as they tried to come up with a valid reason why Sway had to suddenly leave.

I hope he took his cheesecake.

Brian didn’t want to come out and see his foiled plans waiting in his kitchen. The cake thawing on the counter. One plate and two forks sitting on a bamboo tray with small coffee cups. He’d gotten a secret tip that Sway loved expensive coffee that he could never afford to buy, so Brian had splurged and got a bag of Harry David Tiramisu flavored coffee to serve with the cake. He’d meant to wake Sway with dessert in bed, but things rarely went as he planned. Which was to care for Sway so much that he craved it, depended on it. Until he needed Brian’s touch as much as Brian needed his. However, Brian had shown his needs way too soon and scared him off.

Brian tied the towel around his waist then braced both hands on the sink. He was about to clear the fog off the mirror, but he didn’t want to see himself. Instead, he stood there with his chin resting on his chest as if he was thinking, only he was really listening. Listening for any sign of life in his house. Any sign that Sway was still there. That his soft humming and strong arms were out there waiting for him.

Silence. He heard nothing. No voices, like always.

He wondered if Sway even closed the front door when he high-tailed it out of there. Brian had dated—well, texted and messaged—a man for about a month before he finally agreed to come over to his place. Brian hadn’t even done half of the renovations he had now, but he was still proud of what he’d built. He’d wanted to show it off. He should’ve heeded his brother’s warning that he was trying to move into a relationship too fast, but he’d waved him off. Brian had been so anxious to get everything perfect and to give the guy a good time that he’d blown it. One sketchy trigger had Brian curled up on the floor in the hallway in the middle of their date; locked in the past, screaming in his head for peace. When he’d woken up, his date had gone, having left so fast he hadn’t even bothered to close the front door. When Brian had tried to message him the next day to apologize and maybe ask for a redo… the guy had already blocked Brian’s number.

He stepped out of the bathroom, trying to avoid his bed, but he’d only managed a couple of seconds. He walked up on the platform and lifted the covers to his face. He smelled them, hoping they still held a trace of Sway’s unique scent. They did. Brian closed his eyes and inhaled again. Why, goddammit? He sat on his bed and opened his mouth to work his throat. If he could just—

“Hey. I already ate two pieces of the cake. You better come on if you want some because it’s going fast,” Sway said from just inside his bedroom door. “All I need now is some damn-good coffee.”

Brian lifted his head slowly just in case his mind was playing a trick on him. But it wasn’t. Sway stood there in the same T-shirt he’d had on earlier, but the flannel pajama bottoms were new. Brian’s tired eyes went to Sway’s bare feet. Had he really been there the whole time? Was he staying? Brian’s mind raced as his head screamed with pain.

Sway twisted his fingers together in front of him. “Brian, I’m sorry I was asleep. I’m sorry I didn’t get to you sooner. I shouldn’t’ve let that happen,” Sway slowly shook his head, looking as defeated as Brian felt. His promise was only a whisper, “I won’t let it happen again.”

Brian felt as if he was going to throw up. Not only had Sway not left him alone but he felt guilty for what had happened. Brian had managed to achieve the complete opposite of what he was wanting to happen tonight. He wanted to get Sway to relax and know what it’s like to be adored. Damn, he was fucking up bad. Brian still hadn’t moved.

Sway cleared his throat, his voice lowering a bit more with each word. “Do you want me to go?”

Brian wouldn’t lie. He was too much man to do that. Brian shook his head. “I’m so sorry you had to see that. It’s not what I wanted.” His hands felt too heavy to even sign. He hoped Sway was catching what he was trying to say.

“I know. It’s okay, Brian. I understand.”

It’s not okay. Not at all. I want more from my life than this. He couldn’t stand the pitiful regard in Sway’s eyes. “I thought you’d left,” Brian admitted.

Sway frowned. “Even if you would’ve told me to leave just now… I wouldn’t have.”

Thank you for not leaving me.

You should’ve run when you had the chance. The angel and devil said on each side of Brian’s shoulders. His body ached from the tightness in his muscles and his head was still pounding but he had enough strength for Sway. He got to his feet and came down the steps. Sway moved his eyes away from Brian’s chest when he stood over him. He gripped the small, fuzzy chin between his pointer finger and thumb and tilted Sway’s face up. Thank you so much, baby. Thank you for coming to me. He needed an action that would relay that. Brian snaked his other arm around Sway’s shoulders, caressing his fluttering pulse with his fingertips. He leaned down and placed a gentle kiss on Sway’s forehead, and down the bridge of his straight nose, to the tip, and then a chaste one on his parted lips.

“Please can I stay?” Sway asked, leaning harder on Brian. He wasn’t treating him like he was a fragile broken being, no, he was still leaning on Brian.

You don’t have to beg, angel. ‘I want you to stay.’ Brian mouthed to him and Sway read his lips perfectly because the relief became evident on his face. The worried expression quickly morphed into that shy smile Brian was coming to cherish.