The doorbell rings at 1:57 p.m. My heart races. Maddox’s eyes light up. Callie smiles.
Callie hangs back in the living room while Maddox accompanies me to the door. He has grabbed my hand and is holding it tightly. He never holds my hand anymore. Claims he’s too old for that now. He’s scared. Or nervous. Or both. I’m about to throw up myself, so I completely understand. Our lives are about to change forever as soon as I open this door.
I take a deep breath and give my son a reassuring smile. Then I open it.
Gavin stands on the other side of the threshold, mirroring my apprehensive expression. He’s holding a couple of gift bags in one hand and a bouquet of flowers in the other. For a second, Gavin looks about as sick as I feel. Then he closes his eyes and quickly takes a breath, shaking whatever feeling he had away. He gives me a confident smile and a wink before looking down at Maddox.
He puts down the bags and holds a hand out to him saying, “It’s really nice to meet you, partner,” in that alluring southern drawl of his.
Maddox looks up at me for approval before reaching out to shake Gavin’s hand. “You, too,” he says quietly.
“Hi, Gavin,” I say.
“Baylor,” he replies, holding my eyes. I can tell he wants to say more, but we both know this meeting is not about us.
I step back and say, “Come inside. I’ll get us all something to drink.”
Callie comes around the corner. “I’ll do that. You guys go sit.”
I introduce Gavin to Callie before she scurries off to the kitchen. The three of us walk over and take a seat in the living room. The uncomfortable tension that ensues is disheartening and I hope it isn’t setting the tone for the entire afternoon. What am I supposed to say to facilitate conversation between Gavin and his long-lost son?
Luckily, Gavin must have taken a page out of the what-to-do-when-meeting-the-son-you-never-knew-you-had manual, and he puts the two gift bags in front of Maddox. “I brought a few things for you. Do you want to open them?”
Maddox again looks at me for permission. “Go ahead, buddy,” I say.
He reaches into the first bag, carefully removing some tissue paper. He pulls out a cowboy hat. He turns to me and states the obvious, “It’s a cowboy hat.” He looks over at Gavin. “How come you got me a cowboy hat?”
I give Maddox a punishing stare as I chide him. “Maddox!”
“No, no, it’s okay,” Gavin says to me. Then he addresses our son, “In case you haven’t noticed from the way I talk, I’m from Texas. And everyone in Texas wears cowboy hats.” Gavin shoots me a brief seductive look and I just know he’s remembering that day I wore one in his room. Naked.
“Oh, yeah. Is that why you talk funny?” Maddox asks, as I try to hold in my giggle. “But my mom said you were from California.”
Gavin nods at him. “Yes, I am. California is where I live now, but I grew up in Texas and I’ll always consider it my home. Just like how you’ve grown up here and no matter where you go, Maple Creek will always be where you are from.”
Maddox studies the hat. “Did you ever ride a horse?” he asks.
“I sure did, partner,” Gavin says. “In fact, when I was your age, we had horse stables out back at the house where I lived.”
“You had horses in your back yard? Cool,” Maddox says.
“It was pretty cool,” Gavin tells him. “And maybe someday, if it’s okay with your mom, we could go riding. I’m sure we could find a place around here. But you’d have to wear the hat, of course.”
Maddox immediately puts the cowboy hat on his head and Gavin leans over to adjust it.
“Thanks,” Maddox says. “Can I open the other one now?”
“Sure.” Gavin moves the empty bag out of the way.
Maddox rips through the packaging, more excited about this second gift, now that the ice has been broken. A smile stretches from ear to ear when he pulls out a brand new soccer ball adorned with autographs. “Wow!” he exclaims. “Who signed it?”
“The L.A. Galaxy soccer team,” Gavin says.
“Really?” Maddox looks at him with wide eyes. “The whole team?”
“All twenty-five of them,” Gavin says. “When I told them I was coming out here to meet you for the first time, they insisted I bring this. They also said that if you ever come out to L.A., they’ll get us V.I.P. tickets to a game.”
“Mommy,” he turns to me, “did you hear that?” His eyes are about to pop out of their sockets.
Score one for Gavin. I crane my head around Maddox and Gavin gives me a wink. “Wow, that sounds incredible,” I say.
Gavin and Maddox spend the next few minutes discussing the players that signed the ball and I’m surprised that Maddox knows so much about them. I raise my brow at Callie who has come back in the room.
“Hey, we watch a lot of soccer when you write, so sue me,” she says, depositing a tray full of glasses filled with lemonade on the table.
When they are done discussing the ball, Gavin gets all serious. He looks Maddox directly in the eyes. “Your mom said she explained everything to you about who I am and why I’m here?”
“Yes,” Maddox says. “She said that it was a mistake a long time ago was why you didn’t know about me.”
“That’s right,” Gavin says. “Did you ever have two friends tell you something totally different and maybe you believed the wrong one?”
Maddox thinks on it. “Like when the time Drew said he saw Brody take my football, but then Brody said Drew took it?” Maddox says. “I thought Drew took it ‘cause he was the last one I saw with it, but it was really Brody that took it. Then Drew was mad at me for a long time.”
“Yes, exactly like that,” Gavin says. “Your mom and I both believed something that wasn’t true, and because we did, I didn’t know about you and your mom didn’t know I wanted to be your dad.”
“What did you believe?” a curious Maddox asks.
Gavin and I share a look before I say, “Maddox, it’s not important. It was a long time ago and we just need to forget it and try to make the most of the way things are now.”
Gavin puts a hand on Maddox’s shoulder. “I want you to know that I would have been here for everything if I had known about you.”
Maddox looks at the floor. “That’s okay,” he says. “Uncle Chris is here. He does stuff with me when dads are supposed to be there.”
“I’m so glad that he has been here for you,” Gavin says. “He’s a good man. But now that I’m here, I hope you’ll let me do some of those dad things with you.”
Maddox looks up at him, surprised. “My mom said that you might not be here so much and that Uncle Chris would still do stuff with me.”
“Well, yes, I’m sure your Uncle Chris will still want to hang out with you, but I want you to know that I’m going to be around, too,” Gavin assures him. “I know I have to be far away in California sometimes, but I’m only a plane ride away. And you can always call or text me whenever you need to.”
Maddox’s eyes go wide. “Text?” He looks at me and I shrug.
“Sure, why not,” Gavin says. “I want you to be able to reach me anytime day or night if I’m not here. But I plan to be here as much as I can, okay? We have a lot of time to make up for.”
Maddox nods. “Do you want to see my room?”
Gavin sighs. “Yes, I’d love to see your room, partner.”
I let the two boys go off by themselves. I sit stunned on the couch. It’s actually going pretty well.
“Well, what did you expect?” Callie whispers behind me, making me jump in my seat.
“I don’t know,” I say quietly. “I guess I thought we’d all sit around and stare at each other uncomfortably.”
“Breathe, Baylor,” she says. “Maddox is excited. I can tell. This is a good thing.”
I try to hear what’s going on down the hall. They stay in his room for a good ten minutes. When they emerge, Maddox takes Gavin out back to show him where he practices soccer. Gavin starts dribbling the ball with him and soon they are both laughing and smiling.
Me—I’m crying.
Callie wraps her arms around me. “Well looky there,” she says, staring out the window over my shoulder. “And just like that our Mad Max has a daddy.”
Watching father and son at the soccer game was surreal. Gavin was beaming and couldn’t have been prouder of Maddox. I think I even saw his eyes tear up a few times. And Maddox was constantly looking up to see if Gavin was watching him.
Apparently, I’m now chopped liver.
After the game, which was a shutout, Gavin suggested we celebrate by going out to dinner at Maddox’s favorite restaurant.
So here we sit. A family after all these years. In the middle of a steakhouse in Maple Creek, Connecticut. I couldn’t wipe the smile off Gavin’s face with a mop.
When our drinks arrive, a large basket of fries come with them. I look over at Gavin, who shrugs innocently at me.
“Awesome, fries!” Maddox says, reaching for some.
Gavin says, “Uh uh.” He waves a finger in front of the fries and Maddox retreats sheepishly.
I smile. I know what’s coming.
“Want to play a game?” Gavin asks Maddox.
“A game?” Maddox asks, confused.
“Yes. It’s a question game,” Gavin explains. “Your mom and I used to play it when we were young. Every time you answer a question, you get some fries.”
“Okay,” Maddox says, eyeing the humungous pile. “Do I get to ask you any questions?”
“If you want to,” Gavin says.
“Okay,” Maddox says.
“Do you want to ask first, or answer first?” Gavin asks.
“I’m kinda hungry after the game,” Maddox says. Gavin and I laugh.
“Well, okay then, partner.” Gavin narrows his eyes at Maddox and works a hand over the stubble on his face as if trying really hard to come up with a question. “What’s your favorite color?” he asks.
“That’s easy,” Maddox says, rolling his eyes. “Blue.”
Gavin holds the basket out to him and Maddox grabs a few fries. He shoves them in his mouth and asks, “What’s yours?”
“Mine?” Gavin says. “I’m not sure mine has a name, but it’s brown with little bits of blue and green mixed in.” I’m reminded of the same answer he once gave me. He looks over and gives me a wink as he grabs a french fry and pops it in his mouth.
“What’s your favorite holiday?” Gavin asks.
“Christmas,” Maddox replies, reaching for another.
“Um . . .” Maddox thinks hard. “Who is your favorite guy on SpongeBob Squarepants?”
Gavin rolls his eyes at Maddox. “Isn’t Patrick everybody’s favorite?” Gavin asks, grabbing a fry and dipping it in ketchup.
“Who is your favorite soccer player?” Gavin asks.
“Beckham,” Maddox says. “Duh.” He grabs a fry. “Is he yours, too?”
“Duh,” Gavin says, reaching for another bite.
The game continues long after we order. I sit in amazement as I watch father and son get to know each other
“Do you have a girlfriend?” Gavin asks.
Maddox blushes and chews on the inside of his cheek, prompting Gavin and I to share a look.
“Well, there is this girl that I like in my class, so I guess so,” Maddox answers shyly.
Oh? This is news. I want to stop this silly game and grill Maddox about the girl. Who is she, what’s her name, who are her parents? Is she nice to him? But I keep my mouth shut. This game isn’t about me.
Gavin reassuringly pats my leg under the table. He knows it’s killing me to stay quiet.
“What about you,” Maddox asks. “Do you like someone?”
Gavin nods and his eyes briefly flash to mine. “Yes,” he says. “I love someone.”
“Who is she?” Maddox asks.
I catch the tiny smirk on Gavin’s face before he says, like a petulant child, “Hey, no fair. That was two questions in a row. I get to ask you another one.”
“Oh, sorry,” Maddox says.
“Okay, we’re almost out of fries and I have one very important question to ask you,” Gavin says, getting all serious. Maddox’s eyes go wide as he anticipates the question. “What do you want me to call you, Max or Maddox?”
Maddox cocks his head to the side and thinks it through. He looks down at his soccer shorts and picks at them before he answers. “Well, only my family calls me Maddox.” He looks over at me and I shrug my shoulders letting him know it’s entirely up to him. “So, I guess if you want, you can, too.” Then he softly adds, “Or you can use that other name.”
“Other name?” Gavin asks, then it dawns on him and he smiles. “Oh, you mean, partner?”
Maddox nods shyly and grabs a fry.
“You got it, partner,” Gavin says proudly. “So, Maddox, there’s only one fry left. Do you want me to ask you another question so you can have the last one?”
Maddox eyes the french fry then says. “No, it’s okay, I’ll ask you one.” Then he pauses and gets fidgety. He looks around the restaurant at the other families before looking back at Gavin. He’s nervous.
“Uh . . . is it okay, um, would it be okay if I, um, call you Daddy?”
Gavin grabs my hand under the table and I turn away so that Maddox doesn’t see the tear rolling down my face. I hear Gavin say, “I would like that more than anything in the world.” He drops my hand and gets up from the table. He goes around to where Maddox is sitting and pulls him into a hug.
“Ooof,” Maddox says. “You’re squeezing me too hard . . . Daddy.”
I catch Gavin’s smile. I think it’s about the brightest smile I’ve ever seen on a man’s face. His eyes glisten when he chokes out, “Sorry, partner. I’ve missed a lot of hugs. I’m trying to make up for that, I guess.”
I finally get to re-join the conversation and we talk and laugh and joke around until we are all sufficiently stuffed. I’m pretty sure this was the best dinner of Maddox’s life.
And I wonder, just maybe, if it wasn’t the best dinner of mine.