I almost cancelled a scheduled appearance yesterday. A book signing at a major retailer in the city. Gavin assured me everything would be fine as he hired extra security. Even so, I was more than a little jumpy. Every dark-haired woman who approached my table had me shaking. My autographs and book personalizations were written with a trembling hand.
But now, as I stare at the letter I dropped onto the kitchen counter, I realize I had every right to be scared. She was there. She was there but didn’t approach me because of all the security.
I take a deep breath and read it again right before I call the police.
You have it all now, don’t you? A kid. A man. A perfect life. Why do you deserve it more than I do? All I’ve ever wanted was to be your friend. Why do you have to make it so difficult?
Two days later, Collin answers the door and brings me this week’s fresh bouquet of purple orchids. The note makes me blush as Gavin wrote of how he can’t think of anything else but what we did last Saturday night. In a playful mood, I text him.
Me: You’ll just have to read more of my books. Maybe you’ll get inspired again ;-)
Gavin: Ah, see, you made me hard right here in my office. Speaking of your books, Angie has read six of them already. She thinks we should buy the film rights. She said they are really great, Bay. She wants us to run them by some screenwriters.
Me: I’m flattered. But can we take this one step at a time? We’re dealing with enough as it is, Gavin.
Gavin: Sure, darlin’. Need to get back to my meeting now. See you tonight. I love you. Never forget that.
I want to text him back, but I don’t. What he wants me to say, I can’t.
I walk out into the living room right as Jake walks through the door with Callie and Maddox. “Why the long face?” Callie asks.
I shake my head at her letting her know now is not the time.
We all head into the kitchen and I put out some cookies and fruit for a snack. Callie, Maddox and I sit at the bar talking about his day at school. Just like we do every afternoon when he gets home.
He tells us about the science test I helped him study for last night. He talks about Amber and even shows us the adorable note she left in his cubby.
Then he frowns.
“What is it, buddy?” I ask.
“Tommy Parker told me today that he’s getting a new dad. He said his old dad took his clothes and left and he hopes his new dad is better.”
“Oh.” I peek at Callie and we share a look of concern, both wondering what’s coming next.
Maddox pushes his cookie around on the countertop. He blows out a long breath, causing his napkin to flutter. “Am I gonna get a new dad, too? If Daddy goes away?”
I can’t help the tears that well up in my eyes. I look to see that Callie is having the exact same reaction. She raises a judgmental brow and shakes her head at me disapprovingly. Then she pats Maddox on the head and leaves the room.
“No, Maddox,” I say. “He will always be your daddy. Forever. No matter where he is.”
He gives me a small nod. Then he gets up and walks out the back door to play soccer. He’s left me, along with his uneaten cookie, sitting speechless at the bar.
“You’re only confusing him, you know.” Callie appears from around the corner. “You’re confusing him and hurting Gavin.”
My eyes fall to the beautiful orchids in the center of the table. “What am I supposed to do, Callie—lie to everyone? I don’t know what I want. I don’t know what’s best for Maddox and me.”
“That’s bullshit!” she yells, walking over to me. “You’re supposed to do something, anything. It’s been two months, Baylor. You can’t keep stringing him along like this.”
“Ugh! I—”
“No!” she shouts, holding up a hand to shush me. “You’re going to sit your skinny ass down and listen to me. If nobody else has the balls to tell you this shit, fine. But you are going to hear me out.”
She looks pissed. More pissed than I’ve ever seen her. I stay silent. I’m pretty sure she would bitch-slap me if I didn’t.
“You have trust issues. I get it. We all get it. But Gavin never cheated on you. He never walked away from you. He never left you that god-awful note. He never did anything but love and take care of you. Then and now.
“All of your relationships since him ended simply because you couldn’t trust a man enough to let them in. I mean, come on, Bay, Roger was a catch. He worshipped you, he loved Maddox, and let’s face it, he was pretty damn easy on the eyes. But you pulled back so far, you put yourself out of his reach.
“Every time you get close to a man, it’s the same thing. But Gavin didn’t break you. Karen did. And you are letting her win again if you don’t let him in. She’s getting exactly what she wants, Baylor.
“Gavin loves you. He adores Maddox. You have a son together. You could be the perfect fucking family if you would just get your stubborn-ass head out of the ground and let it happen. For crying out loud, Baylor, you love him!” she shouts. “I know you love him. Everyone knows you love him. The only people that don’t know you love Gavin are you and Gavin.”
Tears soak my sleeve as I wipe them from my face. Everything she’s said is true. Karen wins if I don’t let myself love Gavin. She doesn’t deserve the satisfaction of taking away one more second of my happiness. My hand comes up to cover my heart. The heart that has now been ripped free and pulled away from the walls surrounding it. My tears turn from those of sadness to ones of realization that I can’t spend another day without Gavin. Without the man I love. Without the only man I’ve ever loved. I run past Callie down the hall to my bedroom and retrieve the shoebox from my closet. When I open it, I let my heart out. I let Gavin’s heart out. I grab the plastic Dave & Buster’s ring and place it in my pocket. Then I search around for the key card to suite 309.
I grab my purse as Jake and Collin stand up, one of them always ready to follow me. Callie, who has been silently witnessing my epiphany, finally asks, “Where do you think you’re going?”
“I’m going to get all his stuff from the hotel and bring it here. Where it belongs,” I say.
She smiles at me with glistening eyes. “It’s about fucking time!” she cries, striding across the kitchen to pull me into a hug.
When I walk towards the garage, calmness washes over me. It’s a feeling I’ve never experienced. Everything I had bottled up inside and pushed down to protect myself is bubbling up and cascading out of me. Suddenly, it all becomes clear. I turn back to Callie with a smile. “Want to move to L.A. with me?”
The last thing I see before walking through to the garage is Callie’s jaw hitting the floor.
I’m sitting on the couch when I hear the key turn in the front door. I’m excited. I’m nervous. I’m . . . happy.
Collin goes to the door to make sure it’s just Gavin, and then, as instructed, he walks through to leave for the night. “’Night, Mr. McBride,” he says on his way out.
Gavin nods at Collin, locks the door behind him and then puts his duffle bag on the floor of the entryway. He walks around the couch and sits on the coffee table so that he’s directly in front of me. He tries not to smile as he stares into my eyes. He’s waiting. He’s waiting for me to say it. And I know he won’t speak until I do.
When he got to the hotel tonight, he was given an envelope and told his bill had been paid and that he was all checked out. Inside the envelope was a key to my house and the Dave & Buster’s ring.
I’ve never been any good at staring contests. I lose every time. This time is no different. I break his stare, roll my eyes and say, “Fine! I love you, okay? I love you so much that it hurts my heart when you aren’t around. I love the way you love Maddox. I love the way you take care of us. I love our stupid little french fry game. I love the fact that you kept my keychain after all these years. I love that I kept the silly ring. I love that you have never complained about flying across the country every week for the past two months. I love the way you said you’d do it forever. I love all of that,” I say through my tears as I stare at his glistening eyes.
“Sorry,” he says in a husky voice. “Can you say it again, I didn’t quite get that.”
We laugh through our tears as he cups my face in his hands.
“I love you, you big cowboy.”
His eyes close briefly as he absorbs my words. “I love you, too, darlin’,” he whispers into my mouth as his lips softly take mine.
I let his lips possess me until I can no longer breathe. I break the kiss and tell him, “There’s more.”
“More?” he asks, distracted by his mouth going down to tease my neck with his tongue.
“I moved you out of the hotel,” I say.
“I know. They told me.” He smiles as he feathers kisses across my skin.
“But I’m not unpacking your stuff here,” I say.
He stops kissing me and looks up, confused.
I tell him, “You’re taking it all back to L.A.”
His eyebrows furrow and a frown overtakes his smile. But before he can get a word out, I explain, “Along with all of our stuff.”
His confusion turns to shock. “What?”
I smile and take his hand in mine. “That is, if you want Maddox and me to come with you.”
“You’re coming to L.A.?” he asks, incredulously.
“We’re not just coming there, we’re moving there,” I say. “I can write anywhere, Gavin. It makes perfect sense. Callie is from L.A., so she’s over the moon. We can make it work there. We’ll come back a lot to visit everyone,” I ramble. “What do you think?”
“I think I fucking love you, Baylor Christine Mitchell,” he says, picking me up to carry me back to my bedroom.
Uh . . . our bedroom.