It’s strange, yet oddly comforting, to have a bodyguard standing on the sidelines at Maddox’s Thursday night soccer game. I’m actually surprised Callie didn’t join me for the game. She’s completely smitten with Collin. I can’t really blame her. He looks like he could be a body double for a young Arnold Schwarzenegger. And poor Callie, he barely gives her the time of day, focusing all his attention on protecting Maddox and me.
Last night, Chris and my family came to the house to meet our new protectors and get a rundown of the situation. My dad feels guilty. Says everything is his fault. He thinks that if he would have done the right thing eight years ago and broken his promise to me to track down Gavin, that none of this would be happening.
My big strong father has begged for my forgiveness. He has asked the same of Gavin. I swear he treats him just as he does Chris, like the son he never had.
My breath hitches when I spot him walking towards the bleachers. Gavin. He’s a day early. The huge smile that overtakes my face isn’t nearly as surprising as the tingles coursing through my entire body. He locks eyes with me and in this moment we share something. Lust . . . longing . . . hope?
He breaks eye contact with me to look around the sidelines. He walks up to Collin, saying something to him as they shake hands. Do they know each other?
From the middle of the soccer field, Maddox spots Gavin and yells a greeting, prompting many parents, especially the women, to turn their heads in Gavin’s direction. They know who he is by now. Maddox has made sure of that. The women sit up a little straighter and fix their hair. Men roll their eyes at them. A few of the single moms have even had the gall to ask me if he’s available. Yes, Gavin’s gorgeous. He’s built. He doesn’t even look small standing next to Collin, like all the other dads do. But it’s not the other women Gavin is looking at as he talks to Collin. It's like he doesn’t even know anyone else is here. His eyes burn into mine and his intense stare heats me to my very core.
By the time he makes his way over to the bleachers, my panties are shamefully damp. Damn him.
I make room for him to sit next to me and he leans down to kiss my cheek before he takes the seat. It’s the first skin-to-skin contact we’ve had in a month. My flesh burns where his lips claimed me and I struggle to keep my hand from reaching up to touch my cheek.
I have to remind myself that he’s only here a day early because of the circumstances surrounding Maddox. Not for me. “You’re early,” I say. “Maddox will be thrilled you got to see his game, even though it’s only because of the whole debacle.”
“What?” He breaks his concentration on the game to look at me. “I didn’t come early because of that.” He nods at Collin. “I trust the guys to watch out for you,” he says. “I already had my ticket before it even happened. I just can’t stay away.”
He looks back at the game, following Maddox’s every move with his ice-blue eyes.
“Well, he’s pretty easy to love,” I say. “That kid grows on everyone.”
Gavin knocks against my shoulder with his. “Not just him, darlin’,” he says.
What does that even mean? Not just him. Not just him who grows on everyone? Not just him who’s easy to love?
He hasn’t said it. Gavin hasn’t said he loves me even one time since that first night at the hotel. He says a lot of other things. Nice things. Romantic things. But not that one thing.
Maybe he’s changed his mind. Maybe it finally occurred to him what I knew all along—we are different people now.
I don’t even realize I’m not watching the game until the bleachers shake and everyone around me jumps to their feet, cheering.
“That’s my kid!” Gavin shouts, pointing at Maddox proudly, earning him pats on the back from some of the women sitting around us.
Maddox sports a face-splitting smile as he glances up at Gavin while he and his team exchange high-fives when they run off the field after his game-winning goal.
Gavin takes us to dinner after the game and then drops Maddox and me off at the house without ever getting out of the car. “Hey, partner,” he says to Maddox, “do you think Mommy would mind if I bring over a movie and pizza tomorrow night?”
Maddox looks up at me with excitement and I shrug. “The new Spiderman movie?” he asks Gavin.
Gavin nods at him. “If that’s the one you want, you got it.” He looks over at me. “Six o’clock okay with you?”
“It’s fine.” I try not to sound disappointed that he doesn’t want to spend the day with me while Maddox is at school.
“Bye, Daddy,” Maddox says, leaning in to give Gavin a hug and then trotting up the front steps.
I start walking away but then spin around when I remember something. “How did you know it was Collin at the soccer game? Do you know him?”
“No.” He quiets his voice so Maddox can’t hear. “I told the agency I needed the biggest, baddest motherfuckers they had to protect those I love.” Then he winks at me and backs out of the driveway.
Around noon, frustration sets in. What’s he doing? Why isn’t he texting me or calling me? Why is he even here a day early if he doesn’t want to see me?
I call Skylar at the restaurant in the city. “Hey.”
“What’s the matter?” she asks.
“Why does anything have to be the matter for me to call you?” I ask. “I just called to see if you’ve heard anything from Piper lately.”
“You’re full of shit, big sister,” she says. “I know you are sitting at your house right now sulking over the fact that Gavin is in town but not pining over you.”
I sit up straight in my office chair. “How do you know Gavin is in town?”
“Because I’m looking at his gorgeous-ass face right now. He and Dad are having lunch together out front.”
“He’s what?” I yell into the phone.
She laughs. “Yup,” she says. “I can see them laughing. Maybe they’re talking about you. You’re pretty funny looking.”
“Skylar!” I chide her. “Why is he even there?”
“God, Baylor. You are so dense,” she says. “For someone who writes about love and shit for a living, you’re pretty fucking clueless. The guy obviously has it bad for you. All he talks about is you and Maddox.”
I don’t even know how to respond, so I don’t.
“He talks to Dad a lot, you know,” she says. “Calls him from L.A. I guess they’re friends now or something.”
“You’re kidding!” I say.
“Chris told me he calls him, too,” she says. “The man is seriously trying to immerse himself in your lives, Baylor. He’s making a huge effort while you sit there with your thumb up your ass until you can figure out if he’s worth it.”
“Ugh!” I gasp.
“All I’m saying is that if you don’t hurry up and throw him a bone—and by bone, I mean, get on top of his—he’s gonna bail. Not on Maddox, he adores him, but Jesus, Baylor, do something. Put the man out of his misery. Hasn’t he suffered enough? Haven’t you?”
I spend the rest of the afternoon thinking about that phone call and staring at the delivery that came to the house earlier. It’s a bouquet, but not of flowers. It’s a bouquet of DVDs. Every single DVD that we watched together for our film studies class. The bouquet is threaded with my favorite kinds of candy. And of course there was a note.
Baylor,
Some of my best memories are of our movie nights. I can’t wait to have another one with you tonight.
Gavin
Maddox is so engrossed in the movie that he has no idea what’s happening around him. He sits right in between Gavin and me on the couch, holding a gigantic bowl of popcorn with his eyes glued to the T.V.
Every time I reach for some popcorn, Gavin reaches out at the same time, brushing my hand with his, sending electricity shooting through my fingers up to the rest of my body. He has his other arm on the couch behind Maddox and his fingers play with a lock of my hair, twisting it so that my hair tickles the back of my neck, sending shivers down my spine.
My feet are perched on the coffee table in front of me and he stretches out a leg and runs it along my calf before putting his feet up next to mine. Other than the kiss on my cheek yesterday, these are the only purposeful touches he’s given me in a month. Every miniscule movement he makes has my body humming. Every small gesture has my insides quivering with desire.
I am aware of his every move. His quickening breath. His smoldering stare. I finally turn to look at him over Maddox’s head and his eyes capture mine. They tell me all the things his words can’t say with our son between us. I don’t mean for it to happen, but my eyes betray me and reveal how much I want him. We stare into each other, disclosing all our secrets, oblivious to the outside world.
He breaks our trance and nonchalantly places a pillow over his lap as I try to hold in my giggle.
The movie can’t end fast enough. He’s won. I can’t resist anymore. I want him. My need for him consumes every fiber of my being.
The second the credits are scrolling down the screen, Gavin picks up a sleepy Maddox and carries him back to his room. A minute later, he does the exact same thing with me, carrying me back to my bedroom, his powerful biceps rippling under me. He locks the door behind us and places me on the bed.
“I will die right-fucking-now if you don’t let me make love to you,” he says, with an achy rasp that burns through me like a thick wave of heat.
I pull him towards me and his mouth devours me with a rush of frantic kisses.
I don’t know if it’s the month we spent not touching, or the years we spent apart, but we both put so much emotion and passion into our lovemaking that I almost cry the first time he makes me come with his skillful tongue. I have to muffle my screams with a pillow the second time. And the third time, when he is inside me and our orgasms synchronize perfectly, we stare into each other and make declarations with our eyes. Then Gavin makes his with words as he empties himself into me. “God, I love you, Baylor. I love you so much,” he says, sighing breathlessly into my shoulder.
Tears escape my eyes at his proclamation.
Tears escape my eyes at the absence of mine.
He rolls off me and we lay still for several minutes, catching our breath until we can speak.
“Tell me about them,” he says out of nowhere as he removes the condom, discarding it.
“About who?” I ask.
“About the ‘few’ you’ve been with.”
I raise my eyebrow. “You really want to hear about other men while we’re lying in bed together?”
“Yes.” He sits up and leans back against my headboard, gathering me up in front of him and wrapping his strong arms around me. “As long as I’m the one in your bed, I want to hear about all the others who aren’t.”
I lean my head back onto his shoulder and gather my thoughts. “David was the first,” I say. “Maddox was two years old. He had recently started a pre-school program and David was a single dad I met in the parent pick-up line.”
“There was a place there to pick up other single parents?” he asks, incredulously.
I laugh, shaking against him. “No, silly. After school, we would pull our cars in the loop to wait our turn to pick up our kids. Sometimes we would get out and talk if they were running behind.”
“Oh,” he says. “I guess that makes more sense. So what happened with him?”
“We dated for a couple of months. Then we just grew apart, I guess. He wanted more. I didn’t. I think he ended up marrying one of the other moms from the same preschool a couple of years later.”
He brushes my hair away from my head and places a kiss on the back of my neck. “And the next guy?”
“Tony,” I say. “He was a friend of Chris’s. Chris set us up on a blind date about three years ago. He was a free spirit and we were more like friends with benefits than boyfriend/girlfriend.”
“Chris’s friend, huh?” he asks. “He still around?”
I grin at his jealousy. “No, he took a job in Virginia or somewhere, and when I wouldn’t follow him there, it ended.”
“Hmmm,” he mumbles. I can almost hear the cogs in his brain spinning as he tries to analyze me.
“And then there was Roger.” I shake my head thinking back to what was my most significant relationship.
Gavin’s arms tighten possessively around me. “Roger?”
“It was over two years ago,” I tell him. “Roger works with my publishing group. We met when he came out to go over some new promotional ideas with Jenna and me. We hit it off pretty well, so he asked me out.”
“You liked him a lot, huh?”
I nod.
“You . . . loved him?” he asks wearily.
“No, I didn’t,” I say. “But he wanted me to.”
“How did it end?” he asks.
“We were together almost a year. He wanted me and Maddox to move in with him in the city. I didn’t want to, so he broke up with me.”
Gavin sighs into my hair. “You can’t trust anyone, can you? Because of me.”
“What? No,” I say.
“God, I’m so sorry,” he says, kissing my hair.
“Quit saying that. It’s not your fault and I’m fine,” I lie.
I wiggle out of his hold and sit on the edge of the bed, grabbing my silk robe off the back of the chair next to me. Putting it around me, I say, “You should go. Sometimes Maddox wakes up to use the bathroom. He’ll be scared if my door is locked.”
Gavin huffs and quickly puts his clothes on. “Are you ever going to let me back in, Baylor?”
“What? You’re here now aren’t you?” I say.
He walks around the bed and stands directly in front of me. “I’m not talking about your bed, Bay.” He puts his hand on my chest, over my heart. He stares at me for a minute and then he unlocks the bedroom door and leaves.
His words echo through my head. Are you ever going to let me back in?
Good. Fucking. Question.