Chapter Seventeen
Xander
Bailey was acting strange. I was aware that I was being distant, but I wasn’t ready to deal with Liam’s judgement of the situation. I knew he’d tell me exactly what I was already feeling: it was wrong, I was taking advantage of her, and that I knew better. I did know better, but I couldn’t explain it. She done something to me, something different, something I truly loved.
“So, she’s all healed?” Liam asked, leaning in to keep his voice low.
Bailey had been in bed for a couple hours, maybe more. Hell, we’d finished the rest of that bottle of whiskey over an hour ago. I hadn’t seen her move in a while, and I assumed she was sleeping, but I still didn’t want to chance talking about her too loudly.
“Almost,” I responded, not wanting to admit I thought she could make it down the mountain.
“So, nothing was broken then?” Liam pushed.
I shook my head. “Just sprained and bruised pretty badly.”
“Can we talk?” Liam asked, his tone turning serious.
Liam was always the philosopher in the group, the one who analyzed everything to death. I knew he’d already analyzed this situation, and he had plenty to say. I wasn’t looking forward to hearing it, but I certainly didn’t want Bailey to hear it.
“I need to get some more fire wood. You wanna come out and help me split some logs?” I suggested.
Liam agreed, standing from the couch and grabbing his coat and gloves. When I stood, I was a little tipsy, not accustomed to drinking that much anymore.
“Let me get dressed,” I excused myself, moving over towards the bed.
I picked up my jeans, a flannel, and my gloves that were on the ground, careful not to wake Bailey.
The blanket was pulled up, just to her shoulders. That sweet part of her neck was peeking out, and it took everything I had to refrain from pressing my lips against it. Liam was standing by the door, already wrapped up and ready for the cold, so I quickly slipped into the bathroom, changed clothes, and followed him outside.
I had enough wood split to last for a week, but I grabbed two more logs and stood them on the stump.
“So things have been going okay?” Liam asked.
I picked up the axe and swung down hard on the log, splitting it halfway through with the single hit.
“Things have been great,” I replied, not making eye contact with my friend.
“You two seem pretty cozy,” he added with a chuckle.
I looked up, resting the axe by my side and sighed. I knew where this was going, and even though I wasn’t ready for his warnings or advice, there was no stopping it. I knew that.
“It’s been nice having company,” I admitted.
“Has it?” he questioned.
“Yeah,” I smiled.
“That’s just so unlike you. I mean, hell, you came out here in the middle of nowhere to be alone,” he pointed out.
“True,” I sighed.
“So, this girl, she’s got a hold on you?” he hesitated.
I took another swing with the axe, splitting the log all the way through. I wasn’t sure how to answer his question, or if I even wanted to answer it. I leaned down, picked up the split pieces, and tossed them on the pile.
“Xander, have you two been sleeping together?” Liam asked.
I stood up, stared at my friend, and felt the blood rushing from my face. He knew me, almost too well, and lying to him was useless.
“We have,” I admitted.
Liam’s head dropped, and a deep sigh rolled from his mouth. When he looked back up at me, his eyes were filled with concern.
“She doesn’t even know who she is,” he pointed out.
“I’m aware of that. You can’t tell me anything I don’t already know. It’s wrong, it’s stupid, yeah, I’ve already beat myself up. But there is something about her, something I can’t explain,” I rattled.
“What happens when she leaves, when she remembers?” Liam asked the question that had already gnawed a hole in my soul.
I shrugged, picking up another log and placing it on the stump. As I started to lift the axe, Liam gripped my arm, pulling it down to my side.
“Xander, I’m serious,” he warned.
“I get it. She’s going to remember, and she’s going to leave. I’ve already came to terms with that,” I lied.
“What about her? Will she be able to come to terms with it?” he asked.
I stared into Liam’s eyes, trying to find the response he was looking for, but came up empty. I hadn’t thought about how it would affect Bailey. I just assumed she’d be the one to take off, not look back, and be fine. I was the one that would be left alone, left to shake off the feelings I’d developed for her.
“I mean, don’t you think it’s weird that she doesn’t even want to go home?” Liam questioned.
“Well, she doesn’t know what she’s going home to,” I defended.
Liam was silent for a moment, shifting his feet in the deep snow. I watched as he lifted his eyes to mine, dark and distant. There was something he wanted to say; that was obvious by his body language.
“Maybe she does know what she’s going home to, and that’s why she’s avoiding it,” Liam uttered.
“What do you mean?” I queried.
“Well, she hasn’t made any attempt to get help, didn’t seem even slightly interested in the information I had, or didn’t have, and she said she hasn’t remembered anything. I mean, c’mon, she would have remembered something. She didn’t hit her head that fucking hard,” he accused.
“She wouldn’t lie to me about that,” I snapped.
“Really, because you know her so well?” Liam snarled.
He was right. I didn’t know her that well. But he wasn’t right about her lying. Bailey was sweet, innocent, and different from any woman I’d ever met. What we shared was real, wasn’t it?
“Why else would she not be interested in going home, or at least finding out where home is?” Liam pushed.
“We’ve become pretty close, so maybe she’s just afraid of leaving me,” I suggested.
“So she’s staying here for sex?” Liam chuckled sarcastically.
“It’s more than sex,” I grunted.
Liam’s stopped half-snort, looking up at me with a surprised expression.
“More? What do you mean?” he asked.
I didn’t answer. I lifted my axe and dropped it down hard on the thick log, splitting it in two with one hit. I picked up the pieces, tossed them towards the pile, and then felt Liam’s hand grip my arm tightly, pulling me back towards him.
“You have real feelings for this woman?” he questioned.
As I struggled to find the words to respond, I realized that yes, I did have real feelings for Bailey. I hated the thought of her leaving me, and a part of me wished she could stay forever. It was ridiculous, I knew that. I mean, what the fuck? She didn’t know who the hell she was, so how would she have any idea of what she wanted? Fuck, this is why I should’ve followed my gut, and never let things get to this point in the first place.
Liam’s eyes were burning through mine, and it was obvious he had his answer without me uttering a word.
“Buddy, what the fuck?” he gasped.
I dropped to the log below me, sitting before my legs gave out from under me. What had I done?
“She’s different,” I sighed.
“You’ve really fallen for this girl, haven’t ya?” Liam asked, sitting beside me.
His arm wrapped over my shoulder as he pulled me towards him for a side hug. It was good to get my emotions out in the open and off my chest. For the last few days I’d had that chest-caving feeling that nearly took my breath away, and I knew it was the feelings I had for Bailey that I was trying to bury.
“How’s she been with your nightmares?” Liam asked.
I looked up, surprised that he mentioned the nightmares, that he knew about them at all.
“I’ve stayed with you before, trust me, I know how rough your nights can be,” Liam offered, patting me on the back gently.
“At first, they were still here, every night,” I sighed.
“And now?” Liam pushed.
“Well, since I’ve stayed in the bed with her at night, holding her, they’ve been gone,” I smiled.
Liam grinned, squeezing me towards him and let out a joyous laugh.
“Well, that’s amazing. So, now maybe you’ll be ready to find a good woman,” he smiled.
I already had a good woman. I had the best woman. I had Bailey.