Chapter Fifteen
Channing
I walked out of the shower and back to my locker. Somebody had sprayed cologne. It was starting to get to my head when I put on my shirt. By the time I had my pants on, I could feel like my body was getting lighter. I wanted to get out of there. It was too hot for the showers. I was already starting to sweat again, and my heart was still pounding from the workout.
Somebody tapped on my shoulder. I turned away from my locker. It was Mike. He was already dressed and ready to leave. “Are you ready for vacation?” he asked.
“It will be nice not to have to deal with classes.”
“Dude, we have a whole week off and you’re acting like the walking dead. What is wrong with you?”
“I’m too drained to care.” I slammed my locker shut. “They work us to the bone and expect us to lick their boots over a week off. It’s ridiculous.” I grabbed my bag and we walked out towards our table in the courtyard.
“You’re not staying here all week, are you?” he asked.
“I don’t have anything better to do,” I said, “and I’m definitely not going home. That’s the last place I want to be.”
“It’s better than here. I want real food, and a bed to sleep in, not some fucking mat.”
“I don’t see the point.”
“Suit yourself. I’m going home.”
“Tell me you’re doing well in your classes.”
“I’ve got it,” he said, “but I’m not studying during break.”
“You have to. We have a chem test the day we get back, and we both know that Hamburg’s going to start amping things up.”
“I’ll look it over when I get back,” he said.
“That’s a terrible idea. I’ve been spending all week studying for that test, and I barely know the material. What is wrong with you?”
“I’m prioritizing,” he said with a shrug. “I can’t handle all this work. I need to get out and get some sun. I suggest you do the same.”
“I’m going to be sensible.” I checked the time on my phone. It was 2 o’clock.
“Are you coming to the dining hall tonight? The guys wanted to meet up at the burger place. Freddy snuck a keg in the walk-in, so he’s been serving drinks.”
“I’m thinking of staying in tonight,” I lied.
“Sucks to be you.” He got up to go to class.
I wasn’t going to tell him or anyone else about my date with Ava. The second they found out, it would get around school, and people would start talking. They’d recognize her in the halls and whisper when she passed by. She’d be furious and never talk to me again.
Jason was sitting at a table on the other side of the courtyard smoking a cigarette with some of the burnouts. That man had made my life hell ever since he’d met me. He was always reminding me that he was just one bad test away from taking my place on the team. I knew that he didn’t have a chance with Ava, but I wanted to see the look on his face when he found out he lost the bet.
After Mike left, I retreated into a study room at the library and pulled out my chemistry textbook. I was just doing a quick review so that I was certain I understood what the book was saying. I hadn’t even begun to memorize it. In order to do that, and have the information stick, I was going to have to go back to the terms every day; otherwise, I’d just end up forgetting them.
Mike didn’t do any of that. He crammed as much information as he could in before the test. Then he regurgitated it and crossed his fingers. He might be able to survive like that during his freshman year, but sophomore year was going to be different.
The teachers were going to build on what we learned the year before. If Mike wasn’t learning the material, he was going to hit a wall next year. If that happened, he’d flunk out. I couldn’t let that happen to him.
By the time my eyes were starting to droop, it was time for me to start getting ready for my date with Ava. She had to know that it was a date by now. I could tell that she had no idea last time we went out. This time, I decided to make it special. I wore a nice dress shirt and jeans, and I wore my favorite white shoes.
I kept things casual. I didn’t want to alienate her, but I wanted to look good and show off my assets. I rolled up my sleeves and made sure that my shirt hung right, sitting on the belt buckle to add a little emphasis.
Ava didn’t look at me much. She was a great listener, and she always made eye contact, but I’d never seen her check me out. I needed that to change if I was going to get anywhere with her. It occurred to me that she wasn’t a very sexual creature, which must’ve been where she got her label.
I had to direct her attention and make sure she was focused on what mattered. Just dressing up wasn’t going to be enough. I had to move right, talk right, and act right. If I didn’t, I wouldn’t give off the right vibe.
Ava was very observant. She’d notice if I tried to rush things and get her in bed. I couldn’t play cheap tricks like buying her a drink or offering to show her something at my place. If I was going to get with her, then I’d have to find some way to make her lose control. Anything less would be a complete flop.
I wasn’t going to fool myself into thinking that I was going to get laid that night. If she was the prude that everybody said she was, and I believed she was, then it would take a lot more than a romantic dinner to get her in bed. We’d have to establish a rapport.
I didn’t want things to be fake with her, either. She was good and innocent. She thought that I really liked her, and she didn’t deserve to have her hopes dashed away. If I was going to do this, I had to treat her with dignity and make sure that her feelings were taken into account.
When I got into my car to drive to her apartment, I felt bad. I was using her to get back at one of my teammates. This wasn’t a date. It was a lie that I concocted to get into her pants, and now, I was leading her on.
I should’ve turned around and driven back to the dorms, but I didn’t. I wanted to see her, even if I was lying to her. I liked Ava. She mapped out everything it would take for her to get ahead and she was doing it. She didn’t get distracted by anything.
Maybe she was a virgin, but that just made her even more compelling. It was proof of how she lived her life. She cut through all the bullshit and personal drama. She didn’t let other people distract her. She didn’t care about parties or drinking. Her social life took a backseat to the things that really mattered.
That was something I was still working on. I went out with the team all the time. We stayed up at house parties and drank till dawn. It was wonderful, but there were so many productive things I could’ve been doing with my time.
Ava was dedicated to self-betterment. She saw the bigger picture. She knew that friends would come and go and that her work was the only thing that mattered, so she didn’t bother with all of the petty crap that young people get caught up in.
It was admirable. She was a human living among animals. That’s why I had to get to know her. She didn’t think like everyone else. She was systematic. She planned out everything in advance, even the schedule. She knew how long it would take her to do her work, so she planned everything around it. Most people our age were still struggling to get to class on time.
Ava lived in a gray high-rise within walking distance of the library. It was cheap but practical, with bars on the windows and a fenced-off courtyard. She didn’t keep me waiting long. I could see her hair bouncing when she walked across the courtyard and stopped to open the gate.
When I walked out, I was expecting her to be coy and shy. Instead, she was all smiles, confident and casual. She looked me over and strode up to the car. When she got in, the entire cabin smelled like a meadow, and a strand of her hair brushed against my shoulder.
“You look wonderful.” I had to take a second to drink her in.
“Thank you,” she blushed, and her confidence melted. She looked amazing, but inside I could tell that she was screaming.
I had to do something to make her at ease, or she’d shut down. I decided to give her a little control over her evening. “Where would you like to eat?”
“I don’t know.” She seemed to shrink in on herself.
I had to take the lead. “There’s this nice Italian place I like to go to.”
“Um…okay.”
I started the car and pulled out of the lot. I mostly kept my eyes on the road, but I couldn’t help but glance her way every once in a while. She was staring down at her feet, gripping the door with white knuckles.
The guys were right. I could see it instantly. She really was a virgin. I felt a sickly feeling come over me. That made me a predator, going after a girl’s innocence for $100. I couldn’t stand myself for what I was doing.
I turned on the freeway and kept my eyes straight ahead. I could find the next exit and turn around. I didn’t have to do this. I was hurting her. If she found out, she’d be scarred. She might play it off, and try to move on, but a girl’s first time was special. It should’ve been with somebody she cared about, not like this.
She was so scared. She was tapping her finger on the center console, and holding onto the handle above the door as if at any second a semi could hit the car. I had to say something, but I didn’t know what to say.
I was just as scared as she was. I wasn’t sure I could contain myself when the time came. I wanted her. I’d wanted her from the moment I saw her, and now I was going to have to have her, whether it was the right thing to do or not.
It didn’t matter that I was going to hurt her, or that eventually I’d have to dump her. It sucked, but my instincts were stronger than that, and she was too perfect. I couldn’t get used to the smell of her perfume. It was making my blood boil, and her hair. The cooler would catch onto tiny tresses, and they’d streak over my face.
The restaurant was on the edge of town, set in the hills overlooking the skyline. The drive was far too long to stay silent, so I spoke up while we were still on the freeway. “Are you excited to have a week off?”
“Dear God, yes.” She seemed to ease up.
“Do you have any plans?”
“None whatsoever,” she said. “I’m doing absolutely nothing. What are you doing?”
“The same. I’m going to binge watch a bunch of old horror movies and try to gain 10 pounds.”
“Do you remember when we were kids, and we thought that kind of thing was boring?” she asked.
“It’s sad. We used to like doing things. Now all we want is to do nothing.”
“I still like doing things,” she said. “In fact, I think I’m more excited about life than when I was a kid.”
“In many ways, I guess you’re right.”
“Do you like traveling?” she asked. Now she was starting to open up and show some interest.
“I don’t like doing it alone,” I said. “I like to have somebody to experience it with. Otherwise, it’s boring.”
“Where have you been?” she asked. “I mean, you must’ve left the country.”
“England, France, and all over the Mediterranean. I’ve never been to the Middle East, or Africa, aside from Egypt. Have you traveled much?”
“No, I’ve left the state, but that’s about it. My mom and I always talked about seeing the Alps when we were younger. It was always been kind of a dream of ours.”
“Oh, it’s gorgeous,” I said. “I’ve never been anywhere like it. They have some of the best countryside in the world.”
“I’d love to hike through,” she said.
“I love hiking.”
“You do?”
“God, yes. We took a trip out to Alaska before I started my senior year. The forest there is so thick, it’s like a jungle, and the mountains are spectacular. We went on a two-day hike around a mountain summit. It was one of the coolest things I’ve ever done.”
“Wasn’t it cold?” she asked.
“No, it was temperate. The summers there are amazing. The sun doesn’t set all day, and the forest blossoms. Everything was green. The trees were covered in moss; the rocks were covered in lichen. There wasn’t a single patch of brown, no dirt. It was like the forest itself was alive.”
“I’d love to see it.”
“It’s beautiful.”
We were passing the cornfields now, driving through rolling meadows, a sea of green that eventually gave way to pine trees, light brush, and lichen-encrusted granite.
“I’ve gotten used to being mobile. I couldn’t imagine not being able to leave the state, much less the city.”
“It’s not so bad. I’ve got other things to worry about now. I know people think I’m a shut-in,” she said, “but I’m sacrificing now so I can do all those things when I get older.”
“That’s one thing I admire about you. You have your goals, and you’re not going to let anything keep you from accomplishing them.”
“It’s not as easy as it sounds. Everyone is always trying to distract me.” She covered her mouth. “I mean, not you, I-I…”
“I totally get it. I can’t have a moment alone unless I hide. It’s terrible.” I turned to her. “I hope I’m not keeping you from work.”
“You’re fine. I’ve got all next week to study. Honestly, I’m glad to be getting out. I have to strike a healthy balance between my work and personal life. I can’t live in the library. My friend Nicole is always making fun of me for it. I usually brush her off, but honestly, I’m starting to think she’s right. I’ve got my classes covered.”
“I feel like I’m trying to develop the discipline you have,” I told her.
“You’re juggling football and your classes. That’s more discipline than I have,” she said.
The restaurant was once a 19th-century country home with its own private road. When we turned onto it, Ava watched as the trees lining the road faded and gave way to a clearing, where lavender and soft pink wildflowers were growing among clusters of lilies.
The restaurant was sitting on the far edge of the clearing, just outside the treeline. They had a small patio where vines of roses and honeysuckle traveled up the trellis walls. We took a seat in the corner, and I ordered us a bottle of wine. They knew me, so I never had trouble getting something to drink there.
“This place is amazing,” she said. “I’m surprised they get any business. They’re so far out of the city.”
“The owner, Morello, is known around the world for his sauces. People come to him, so he never has to worry about customers.”
“Really? A celebrity chef.” She took a drink of her wine.
“There are two kinds of celebrities,” I said. “Now I’m not talking about people who are famous because of circumstance, or anything else. I’m talking about your run-of-the-mill, red carpet celebrities.”
“Enlighten me.” She put her drink down.
“You think they’re all the same?”
“I think people that go around promoting themselves have big heads.”
“That’s the difference,” I said. “There’s the people that look for fame, and the people that get famous because they’re good at what they do. It’s easy to tell the difference. It’s all in the way they act. If they’ve got orange skin, and a half smile, they want people to look at them. They step in front of the cameras, talk to all the right people, and generally go around making idiots of themselves. If they’re low-key, and keep their heads down, they’re not famous for shameless self-promotion. They got famous because they are extraordinary people, recognized for their talent.”
“Would you say that one type is genuine, and the other is fake?” she asked.
“It’s more complex than that, but I always look for genuine people. That’s one of the reasons I like you.”
“Why?” She smiled into her wine glass when she took a sip.
“There isn’t a single fake bone in your body. You’re not out to impress anyone or ride on their coattails. You don’t even like people. It’s refreshing.”
“You like me because I don’t like people?”
“Oh, yeah,” I told her. “People try to be my friend all the time. Girls throw themselves at me. Half the female population on campus is fighting over me. It’s like every girl in the city thinks I’m the one, and it’s driving me insane.”
“It’s a bad cliché.”
“What is?”
“The girls throwing themselves at the quarterback. It’s so old it feels like something out of a different century. I mean, do people even do that anymore?”
“That’s exactly what I thought. You’d think that went out with the poodle skirt and the pompadour.” The waitress came by to take our orders, and we went back to our drinks. “How do you keep up with your grades the way that you do? Doesn’t it drive you crazy?”
She took a sip of wine. “I guess it’s baptism by fire. When you’re driven to succeed, you focus and get things done.”
“Maybe that’s my problem,” I said. “Everything’s already taken care of. I don’t have to worry.”
“Worry doesn’t even cover it. It’s a life struggle. My mom is breaking her back every single day. She works two jobs: one waiting tables, the other as a bartender. It’s hard labor, and she can’t even afford food for both of them, her and my sister. She has to steal boxes from the kitchen. Every single time I feel like giving up, I think of her. She never gave up, and she has to work a hell of a lot harder than either of us.”
“She can’t buy food?” I asked.
“No, and they never go out to eat. It’s pathetic. She’s going to be working like that for the rest of her life, and there’s no retirement, no vacation. If she gets too sick to work, she loses her job. Most people like her end up working until their joints give out, and they can barely stand. That’s what’s going to happen to her.”
“That’s why you’re doing this.”
“Oh, definitely,” she said. “I’m already sending money home to her.”
“That’s awesome. You know, most people would just walk away.”
“I never thought of it like that. Anyone that could just walk away from their family doesn’t deserve to succeed. If I have to, I’ll move them in and take over the burden. I won’t let them live like that.”
“You’re an amazing person, Ava.” She had her hand resting next to the salt shaker between us. I laid my hand on top of hers. Her skin was soft, and her touch firm.
She looked down at the table.
“I like you.” Maybe I didn’t have to use her. I could fall into this, and see where it led. She was worth the effort. “And I don’t think you’re a shut-in. You should know that. You’re doing the right thing by sticking to your studies. It doesn’t matter what everyone else thinks. You’ve got dedication. That’s a rare quality to find in a person. Nobody is genuine anymore, not in my world.”
“What is your world?” she asked. “What’s it like?”
“I have a lot of freedom. My parents give me whatever I want, and they take care of me. They send me things when I need them, and they keep track of my grades, so I have everything set out for me. I don’t think I could make it if I didn’t.”
“It keeps you disciplined.”
“Yeah, but I rely on everyone else for that. You don’t have anyone propping you up. You do that yourself. You’re your own support system.”
“You’re too nice to me, Channing.” She met my eyes. “I don’t know what you want from me. I’m not your kind of girl.”
“How do you know?” She trembled when I brushed my finger over her jawline. I didn’t know what my intentions were either. I just wanted to taste her lips and feel her peppermint breath flow down my face. Was it wrong to kiss her?
I didn’t care.
Her kiss was a thousand times better than I could’ve imagined. The breath was drained out of her, she gasped, and I slid my tongue through her lips. She had to hold onto my neck just to keep from sliding back into her chair. When I pulled away, the blood had rushed into her cheeks. She looked back down at the table.
“I’d like to be with you for now. Is that enough?”
“It’s a distraction,” she said, “and it worries me. I don’t know if I want to take the risk.”
“But you don’t want to walk away, either.”
“No,” she smiled, “not after that kiss.”
“I’m glad to hear that.”
The server brought out two steaming plates of veal with a light tomato sauce and pasta. It was traditional Italian in every sense, with fresh-made bread and soft, homemade noodles. The food wasn’t the main attraction, though. Neither of us could pull away. We naturally gravitated to one another. Our eyes met, our legs touched under the table, and the energy flowing between us was electric.
I rested my hand on hers when she finished her food, then took a moment to take her in. She was stunning, even without the makeup or the curled hair. She was naturally beautiful. It was refreshing to meet a woman that didn’t have to spend six hours in front of the mirror or inject herself with poison to boost her self-confidence.
She looked up at me, and I felt how vulnerable she was. I knew that she’d go with me; I could smell it, but I couldn’t do anything that would hurt her. If I took her virginity, I was making a silent promise not to just walk away. I couldn’t let her think of me as that guy. I didn’t want to be that guy. At the very least, I wanted to make this moment special, and in order to do that, I’d have to commit to following this through.
I couldn’t go into this without knowing that my intentions were pure. I had to want her, not just her body, but her mind, and I did. I wanted to spend all night on that patio learning everything about her.
I traced my finger down her arm and felt a shiver move down my body. She seemed to tense up, so I moved my hand away. “That’s not too much, is it?”
She didn’t answer.
“I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable. You don’t, do you? I could take you home if you want.” Maybe it would be better not to do it.
“Okay.” She stood up, and I led her back to the car. The second we got in, I felt the tension seething off her. She couldn’t look me in the eye. Instead, she stared out the window.
What I really wanted to do was pull the car over and take her right there. I could see myself shredding her shirt, and ripping off her panties. I needed to have her, but she didn’t look like she was up to it. She was too afraid, so I stayed quiet until we pulled up to her complex.
Then, when she started to get out, my hand lunged forward and grabbed her wrist. I didn’t even mean to do it. She froze, like she thought she was going to die, so I decided to move slow. I kneaded her shoulder just a bit to ease her tension until she softened up.
Her head fell, so I lifted her chin, and turned her head so that she was facing me. Her eyes were slammed shut, and she winced like she was about to take a punch, so I dropped her head. “If you’re not into it,” I said, “it’s okay.”
She pulled me forward and crashed her lips to mine. Then she wrapped her arms around my neck and drove her tongue through my mouth. I could feel her nails tracing the skin on the back of my neck, leaving goosebumps behind as she moved her finger down my neck and over my chest, exploring the mountains and valleys. Then she grabbed my crotch and slipped her hand up my shaft.