Chapter Nine
Marynne
I didn't know whether to laugh or cry as things started to really sink in. Had I really just refused Grandmother's orders? I survived dinner by occupying myself with helping Ian with his food. The lettuce and cherry tomatoes in the salad refused to cooperate for him. After dinner, I kept my mind strictly away from Grandmother as I cleaned up the kitchen while Sam bathed the kids and got them settled for the evening. He came to help me finish up while Ian watched cartoons, tucked beside Johnathan in a big recliner, and Janna sat on the floor banging two blocks together.
He leaned close as he put the last plate away. "For what it's worth, I'm proud of you. I know standing up to her took a lot of courage." That's all it took. I practically threw myself into his arms, sobbing. "Hey, it's okay." He held me close and stroked one hand in a soothing pattern along my spine. He waited, rocking me gently, until the worst of the storm subsided. "Come on, walk with me."
Outside, I gratefully let the darkness cover the ravages of my breakdown. I must have looked horrid, but Sam tactfully said nothing of the sort. "I'm sorry. I don't normally turn into inconsolable mush." I tried to joke away my embarrassment.
He chuckled and put his strong arm around my shoulders, tucking me close to his side. Despite everything I knew about men, I liked being so close to him, and this time, I didn't push away. "I happen to like and admire inconsolable mush. I meant it, Marynne. I know that was rough. I also know it hasn't all sunk in yet, but you got this. You're going to do just fine without that old bat hanging around your neck. Dad's wrong, by the way. She's not proof of dragons. She's proof of vampires. She sucks the very life out of everything she touches. And that's what she was doing to you."
Those words settled into my mind with the force of a meteor strike. He was right. She was a vampire. Already, I felt stronger for being free of her. "I just hope you're right, that I can succeed without her help. I appreciate your kind words, and your father's. I know the job thing was just your father's way of coming to my rescue, but I'm grateful for the effort."
He chuckled. "Is that what you think? Sweetheart, he was serious as a heart attack. We do need your help. I can't keep up with the cattle and the horses while Jake's gone. And when he gets back, we'll go directly into the last of the haying and rushing to get everything done before winter hits. Jake always has to take several weeks off training then, which puts him behind. If you can handle even just the basics with the horses, it would take some of the pressure off us all. But I have a feeling you can handle a lot more than the basics."
He sounded sincere, even while I doubted his words. "What about your brother's wife? I'm sure she'll help?"
"Ande takes care of the house. And she's got another job now, besides taking care of Ian and Janna too. She's carrying my nephew or niece. By the time things start to slow down again, she'll need help in the house. She'll be getting too far gone to do everything herself." The quiet rumble of his words gave me hope.
Maybe there was a place for me here. "I'll think about it."
"Think really hard about it." He gave a short laugh. "As much as I figured I didn't like you to begin with, and as much as I gave you a hard time, I have to admit, you've grown on me." He stopped walking and faced me. "I don't want you to leave, Marynne." He bent, slow and gentle, giving me plenty of warning, until his lips brushed mine. "Stay."
The silky glide of his mouth across mine stopped my heart, then jolted it back to life. I stared up at him, unable to process anything at the moment. All of Grandmother's warnings about the dangers of men, and how they wanted nothing from me but sex, replayed through my mind. I ducked my head and stepped back. "I should get back inside."
He caught my arm. "Don't run from me. She just got right back in your head, didn't she?" He frowned. "Let me guess. She was saying nobody would want you, and men want nothing but sex. You think that's what I'm after."
The accusation in his voice, and maybe some hurt, made me pause. But then I remembered watching other young women at college, and how often they wept over being dumped by their crush of the week, right after they gave in and had sex. The hazy memories of the one time I actually rebelled and attended a party rushed in, as well. At fifteen, I thought I knew everything, so when I slipped from the house for a big party at a friend's house, I was sure everything would be okay. The whole thing went blurry right after someone pushed a drink into my hand. I vaguely recalled Grandmother's driver carrying me out of the party. Later, I learned I had been drugged and the nice boy I'd been talking with intended to rape me. The experience left fertile ground for the daily warnings.
"Isn't it?"
"Not gonna lie, Marynne." He pulled me close, plastering my body against his, and pressing the evidence of his arousal against my abdomen. "I want sex with you. A lot. And then more. But more than that, I want you to be happy, and safe. What that woman did to you, that was abuse. Pure and simple. She might not have left bruises, but she left some deep scars. When you were with the horses, I saw the real you, not the you that does whatever she says. I like the real you. A lot." He leaned down again, brushing his nose along my jaw. "Now, I'm going to kiss you again. For real, this time."
His lips settled over mine, gentle and patient, but demanding. And then he swept the tip of his tongue along my lower lip. Shock made me gasp, and he took advantage, stroking the inside of my lip and setting my world on fire. The sparks he ignited with that single touch soared through my blood, awakening everything within me.
But he didn't stop there. His tongue met mine, and when I pulled back with surprise, he took his lips away. Only a short distance, but still, away. "Have you never been kissed like that?"
I bit my tingling lip and looked down, ashamed for him to know the truth. "I've never been kissed any way."
A groan rumbled from his throat. "God have mercy." This time, he demanded, took, and plundered, and I gave willingly. Anything he wanted, he could have. He explored my mouth, and encouraged me to return the favor. Finally, he drew back, breathing hard. "How in hell did a woman a beautiful as you stay untouched?"
The fading shame came back full force. "Grandmother never let me date. She insisted I had to save myself for my husband, and that I wasn't missing anything anyway." I pulled out of his arms. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have encouraged you. I know men can't control their lusts." Fear settled in the pit of my stomach. God, what had I done? Would he stop, even though I'd led him on? That boy at the party wasn't going to stop all those years ago.
"What are you talking about, sweetheart?" He tugged me back into his arms, and the fear turned to terror. "You're shaking. Marynne, I'm not going to hurt you. I won't do anything you don't want me to do." He released me. "What the hell did that old bitch tell you?"
I wanted to die in the face of Sam's anger. I knew the time I spent with him earlier was too good to be true. Men were not to be trusted. I forced air into my lungs. "I…I didn't mean to lead you on."
"You didn't lead me on. I kissed you. Nothing more. I'm not going to turn into some ravening beast and deflower you because you allowed me a kiss." He shook his head. "I thought...Nevermind." He slid his arm around my waist and started us back toward the house. "She was wrong. Most men don't just take what they want. I won't touch you unless you want me to. And even when I do touch you, all you have to do is say no, and I'll stop. You have my word."
We stepped up on the porch while I tried to absorb what he said.
"You have nothing to fear from me, Marynne." He brushed his lips across mine again, then quickly released me. "Go on inside. I'm going to go check the barns and make sure everything is set for the night."
I followed orders without question, and hurried on into the bathroom, where I leaned against the door, shaking. What had I gotten myself into? Bad enough I'd pushed Grandmother away. Now I'd leapt from the frying pan into the fire. And I knew without a doubt, this fire would consume me, leaving no trace behind.
I had to leave. First thing in the morning. And I'd better get a quick start, too. Sam wasn't the kind of man to give up when he wanted something. He clearly said he wanted me. I hurried with my shower and slipped back to my room.
When I finally fell into a restless sleep, it was to be tortured by dreams of Sam's touch, first having it, and then losing it. In the dream, I drowned in him, in his intoxicating presence, but then he was gone, and I found I couldn't survive without him.