Charlie
OVERCAST SKIES AGAIN WELCOME IN the day. Sleep didn’t come easy to me last night. I kept hearing Rain’s voice telling me that he’s not the man I think he is and that he’s a criminal. The pond normally calms me, but today fog rolls across the almost still water, and it feels like an omen. Thinking about my car being almost done makes me so sick that it’s messing with my stomach. I place my hand on my gurgling gut. Breakfast was untouchable this morning. Rain was not happy that I didn’t eat, but my nerves are a mess. While Rain took a shower this morning, I used his phone to figure out where all the cemeteries are in the area where my parents used to live. After the emotional toll I put on my mother, my aunt doesn’t talk to me anymore either. I can’t say that I blame her. As much as I want to blame Austen for isolating me—for everything—it’s still ultimately my fault. I let it go too far when I knew I was stepping into the quicksand. Sara told me it’s normal for people in my situation to blame themselves when it isn’t our fault. I’m trying. Every day I’m trying to remember that he tricked me. He trapped me. But I am trapped no more.
Luther jumps from his place at my feet. He positions himself in front of me and the hair along his spine stands straight up. I try to stand up, but Luther pushes his body against my legs, forcing me to sit back down on the bench. I hear footsteps coming from the trail I use from the house to get here.
“Anhalten!” Rain commands, and Luther immediately lies down. The fur on his back relaxes and he goes back to looking content. My heartbeat, however, is still firing at a rapid pace. Rain walks up to us and kneels to Luther. “Good boy. That’s my good boy.”
“He scared the hell out of me.”
“He did exactly what he thought was right. I startled him coming out here and he didn’t hesitate to protect you. That’s what he does. And now you know why I want you to take him with you. He’s as loyal as they come. He’ll die protecting those he loves. Not too many things with heartbeats would do the same.”
“Something tells me you and Luther have that in common.”
Rain sighs as he sits on the ground next to me. “You have no idea what you’re talking about.”
“Then tell me.” I’m not even sure why I feel the need to know. Our time is limited and I’ll be leaving soon. As dangerous as Rain seems, I’ve seen how he protects. He gives a slight shake of his head as he ruffles the fur on the top of Luther’s head.
“Later. Thought you would want to know Nicole is on her way,” he says, then he gets up and disappears back into the woods in the direction he came from.
“I wish there was a better story. Rain had a good childhood. Most would call it normal.”
Nicole takes a sip from the hot tea I made for the two of us. When she pulled up, Rain gave her a quick hug and then went right back into the garage.
“He keeps saying he’s not the man I think he is. But I have a hard time believing it could be that bad. He’s taken me in, he spends all his time fixing my car, and he wants nothing in return. He refuses to take the little bit of money I’ve offered him for the work and parts on the car. What kind of person does that for a complete stranger? Anyways, I guess I shouldn’t care. It’s becoming more obvious by the day that he’s ready to have his house and dog back.”
“No, that’s the last thing he needs. I don’t want you to go. I think you and Rain need each other. He needs to be able to trust again, and for the first time in years, I’ve seen him put his life in someone else’s hands.”
“How was his life in my hands?”
“He let you drive his car. He won’t even let me drive him anywhere. Always tells me he doesn’t like not being in control. Yet there you were, driving his brand-new baby with him in the passenger seat.”
“Staying here was never the plan. From the minute I opened my eyes and saw Rain standing over me on his couch, I was out of here.”
“Plans ruin perfectly good opportunity.” Nicole smiles as she digs into her purse. She holds a small square against her chest as if she were reliving the memory right there. Then she hands me the picture of a little girl with blonde hair standing next to a young, tall, dark, and handsome Rain.
“My mother took this picture of Rain and I outside of my house the day after I met him. I’m sure he didn’t plan on driving to his father’s mistress’s house to try to get to know his long-lost half-sister. He wanted to be there for me. It didn’t matter what our parents did. We are family. That’s the kind of man Rain is. No matter what he’s done, that’s the man he is in his heart.”
“What do you mean what he’s done?”
“That isn’t my story to tell. I’m not sure he’ll ever tell anyone. He just needs to realize that was in the past. It was years ago. He deserves to move on.”
Her words only heighten my curiosity. It sounds bad, and if Rain didn’t frighten me before, I’m a little frightened now.
“What are you two in here talking about?” Rain steps into the kitchen. His white t-shirt and jeans are smeared with oil.
“How you should stop being an idiot,” Nicole says.
“Always such a ray of sunshine, isn’t she?” Rain asks me.
“Well, I’d be much happier to see you happy.”
“Nic, stop.” Rain commands.
“No. This is getting out of hand. You talk to nobody other than me, and it’s not healthy It’s only fucking your head up more by being out here alone.” Nicole’s voice gradually gets louder as she speaks. “Everyone has moved on except you. Dad asks me constantly—”
“Enough!” Rain’s voice booms against the log walls. “I’m not like you. I like being alone. I don’t need anyone! Maybe if you could keep your mouth shut, you’d finally be able find someone to put up with you and you’d leave me the hell alone.”
I’m thankful for the chair I’m sitting in, because the weight of the air would have pushed me to the floor. My wide eyes fly to Nicole as she stands and walks toward Rain. “Fuck you,” she whispers as the tears run down her cheeks. The door slams as she bolts out of the house. Rain stands in place with his eyes closed. Nicole revs her engine and slams on the gas, shooting dirt and twigs against the metal of the garage. Looking back to Rain with my eyes wide and mouth still hanging open, he shows no remorse. I’ve seen that look before and it makes me angry. Slowly, I walk up to Rain.
“Maybe you are the man you think you are,” I say quietly.
Piercing cold water penetrates my skin. I’ve been in the shower for so long that I used up all the hot water. I had to get away from Rain. Not only was I angry with him for the way he treated Nicole, but it also confirmed that he wants me out of here. I didn’t want to fall in love with Rain. He warned me that he was cold and dead inside, but I saw so much more in him. Then again, I should’ve known better than to trust my instincts. Finally unable to handle the cold any longer, I shut off the water and step out. Is that a woman’s voice? I get dressed quickly and open the bathroom door to see who is in the house.
“Nicole? You’re back?”
“Rain chased me down and apologized profusely. He insisted I come back, but then he went straight into the garage.” She smiles awkwardly and shakes her head. “He’s never talked to me like that before. I think something is up with him. I’m worried.”
“He made it clear that he wants his space. I think my time here is limited.”
“Don’t say that,” she says.
“I think it’s just time for me to go. I want to find my parents and, even if it’s to the dirt that’s covering their caskets, I have to tell them how sorry I am for not listening to them. Then, I’m going to start a new life. I’m going to get a job and an apartment of my own.”
Nicole’s face softens. “Rain told me what you just came from. I’m sure it took a lot of courage to leave.”
“You’ll have to come visit me.”
“Charlie, if you call me, I’ll be there the next day. For any reason. I mean it. I have a lot of acquaintances but not many real friends. You’ve become a very good friend to me in the short amount of time that we’ve known each other. I’ll be there for you no matter what.”
Nicole means a lot to me, too. I smile way too big as we stand and give each other a hug. A sniffle or two may have escaped from both of us.
“What happened?” Rain asks as he walks into the house.
“Nothing,” I say curtly. Purposely trying to avoid him, I walk right past him.
“We’ll be right back,” Rain says to Nicole. His gentle but firm grip takes my hand, and he pulls me out to the porch. The cool breeze gives me goosebumps, but Rain closes in and blocks the wind.
“I’m sorry,” he says.
Those words mean nothing to me anymore. I’ve heard them repeatedly and behind them, no regret. It’s hard to look at him. I’m afraid he’ll have the same empty eyes as Austen always did. His hand reaches up and he cups my cheek. He squats a little so that he is eye-to-eye with me.
“I’m. Sorry.”
Looking into his deep brown eyes as they search mine, there’s more than remorse. There’s shame. A lot of shame.
“Forgiven,” I whisper.
The relief that washes over his face is overwhelming. It probably matches mine.
A few hours later, Nicole leaves and in a much better mood. Just before she walked out the door, Rain stopped her and gave her a hug. He whispered something into her ear, and she smiled. Then she smacked his arm, called him an asshole, and left laughing.
Now, I hear the shower shut off as I wait for my popcorn to be done in the microwave. The timer beeps, so I reach in and take out the hot bag of popcorn. I turn to head to the living room, but Rain is standing in front of me. His hair is still wet, and a few drops of water still linger on the top of his shoulders where his shirt should be if he were wearing one. His dark-gray sweatpants hang dangerously low on his hips, revealing almost too much but at the same time not enough. I don’t even realize how bothered I am until I use far too much force to open the bag of popcorn and the kernels go flying all over the kitchen floor. The girl a few weeks ago would have fallen to the ground in survival mode. His deep laugh makes me lose any hold I had on my laughter. We both kneel to the ground, still laughing at the mess I made. Rain picks up a few kernels and, instead of placing them in the bowl I brought down from the counter, he throws them at me. So, I take the handful I have in my hand and throw them back at him. Pretty soon, both of us are laughing and throwing popcorn. He inches closer to me, and suddenly, his arm is around my back. After a slight hesitation on both of our parts, he finally makes a move and presses his lips against mine. His hand travels the length of my spine until he reaches the back of my neck. His tongue sweeps across my lips before entering and colliding with mine. A quiet moan escapes my throat into his mouth. He stops abruptly and his eyes pierce into mine as he sits back onto his heels.
“Fuck. I knew I should have kept my hands off of you. Knew that the minute I touched you, it would be a mistake. I wouldn’t want to stop.”
“There are no mistakes. Only lessons and regret. Do you have regrets?”
“In life, many. With you? Not one.”
Despite the rapid thumping in my chest, I decide to lay it all out. “I don’t either. You’ve helped me bring out strength I didn’t even know I had anymore. I’ll be grateful forever for what you have done for me. For the first time in over a decade, I feel free.”
Rain stands from the ground and begins to back away. Maybe I’ve said too much and it freaked him out. He jogs up the stairs and disappears into the loft. Luther is on the couch, so I snuggle up to him. I follow Rain as he comes back down into the living room and then to the side of the couch. He kneels next to me, and there’s a jingle coming from his hands. My stomach drops. Car keys.
“Promise you won’t argue with me?” he asks.
I prop myself up on my elbow. I’m certain the panic I feel is all over my face right now. I know I heard keys, but they are still gripped tightly in his hands.
“Argue with you about what?”
“Just promise me.”
“Rain, I have no idea wha—”
“Charlotte. Please.”
My heart stops from the sound of my full name flowing from his mouth. For the first time in years, it’s not painful.
His large hand raises and peels open my fingers. Then he drops a set of keys into my hand.
“No,” I say curtly. “Nope. No. No way.”
The sweat begins to bead on my forehead. In my loosely open hand sits a black keychain with an oblong silver key with the words PORSCHE across it.
“Remind me not to believe your promises anymore,” he says sarcastically.
“I can’t pay for that car!”
“Didn’t ask you to. You want true freedom? You have it now. The car you came in is too risky. If someone is looking for you, they’re looking for that car. Is your name even on it?”
“No.”
“Grand theft auto, Angel. You’re not leaving here in that car.”
“I can’t just take your car. I mean. It’s not even like this is a normal car, which would still be outrageous. How long have you been working on this? Two years now?”
“Three. Look, there’s nothing to do all the way out here, so I need a new project. It’s just a car. I can get another one. You need it more than I do.”
There it is. I knew this time would be coming and that I have to go. The combination of not knowing where I’ll end up and leaving Rain and Luther rattles me. Then there’s the fact that Rain just gave me the lifeline I need. I can’t stop the water that gathers in the corner of my eye. Slowly, it falls, gliding over my cheek as my eyes close and I take a deep, calming breath. But calm never comes. With the pad of Rain’s thumb skimming the surface of my face, it heats. There’s no way I can open my eyes right now. I’m scared Rain’s eyes might show pity or relief. Both are frightening. But there’s no doubt how Rain is feeling when his warm breath tickles my ear.
“Dance with me,” he whispers.
I open my eyes to see if what I heard was correct. He gets up on his feet and holds his hand down for me to take. I must look like a complete idiot because, as much as I want to, I can’t move. He backs away, grabbing the remote, and the sound of the TV disappears. A stereo I didn’t even realize he has turns on. The slow beat of a ‘60s’ soul song matches his footsteps toward me. He holds his hand out for me to take.
“Dance with me.”
My hand disappears inside of his as he pulls me up from the couch and into the middle of the living room. The house is dark except for the light still coming from the muted TV. I swallow the lump in my throat as he pulls me into him. One hand on my hip and one hand holding onto mine, we sway. As the chorus hits, he places my hand on his chest as he pulls my body in closer. My head rests on his shoulder as pressure from his embrace in the middle of my shoulder blades squeezes us together. This dance means so much more to me than he’ll ever know. I’ve waited so long. Years. Rain rocks me gently to one of the saddest love songs I have ever heard, matching how I feel in this moment perfectly. Sadly in love.
Rain’s hand begins to move across my back as I grip tighter to his shoulder. His head dips low, then his lips press against my neck. Darts of energy shoot through my body and I inhale sharply. Rain’s cheek rises against my jaw as he grins.
“There is nothing like the way you react to me.” His voice is hushed but feral. “The way you come undone with a simple kiss.”
He moves his head around to the other side. I lean mine the other direction, giving him full access as he places another kiss there. His hand on my nape softly tugs my hair back as his warm, wet tongue drags across the front of my neck, then up to my chin. His mouth takes mine so slowly it’s brutal.
Heat rises as my hand drags up his sides, feeling his hard body under my touch. My fingers dip in and out of each valley in between his working muscles. I’m desperate to feel his warmth before the cold sets in tomorrow. I glide over and across his lower stomach before I kiss his chest. My hand moves below the waistband and over his hardened arousal. His head flies back, and a guttural sound releases from his throat. The pressure from his hands on my shoulders grows hard as the rhythm of my hand on him increases. Suddenly, he pulls my hand away, and his lips fervently take back control. His arm snakes around my back and he lifts me off my feet. He walks us to the couch and delicately places me onto it.
“How does anyone not treasure this? Worship you?”
His eyes graze over me, before he closes in and kisses my torso dangerously low as he pulls my long sleep shirt up to my chest. His hand goes under it, palming my breast and teasing my nipple. I pull the shirt the rest of the way off, and Rain immediately encloses his mouth around the bud of my breast. The flick of his tongue sends signals below before he brings his mouth up again to meet with mine. My hips move, rubbing against his erection.
“Please,” I whisper against his lips. “I need you.”
Rain wastes no time removing what’s left of our clothes. He grabs protection from his wallet that he had placed on the coffee table, puts it on, and repositions himself. Slowly, he pushes his way inside.
The song plays on repeat, but I can no longer hear the words. Only the beat to which Rain is rocking into me and the ravenous sounds coming from him. I surrender to the intoxicating explosion as my muscles tense. Rain picks up the pace, and my moans echo through the tall rafters as my body peaks with pleasure I’ve never known. It only takes a minute before the sounds that come out of Rain drown mine out with his release. We stay connected long after the rush has left our bodies. Both holding onto each other, the end of whatever this is evident.
After I clean up, I wait on the couch for Rain. He comes out of the bathroom, scoops me up, and carries me to bed. I know he was getting ready to go back to the couch, but I can’t bear the thought of lying alone tonight.
“Sleep in here tonight. Please?”
Without hesitating, he climbs in and pulls me into his side. I press my head against his jaw and close my eyes, trying to memorize his every exhale against my hair. Every second his heart beats beneath my palm, until it’s etched into my senses. Tomorrow, this will all be gone and these last few weeks will only be a memory. But tonight, I got my dance.