Charlie
A TEAR FALLS FROM MY cheek onto the plastic that protects the three-year-old photo of Rain in light khaki pants and a white collared shirt. Our wedding photographer captured the perfect shot of water lined on his bottom lash and looking down the aisle at me. Nicole and Mom helped me find a dress that was perfect for the wedding by the pond. It took forever for me to start showing, but even with my small bump, you could barely tell I was pregnant in any of the photos. The deep V-neckline was made from scalloped lace. A wide band wrapped around just under my breasts, and the tulle fell freely from there. I didn’t want the bottom of the dress to get ruined, so I picked one that barely touched the ground. The pond is my favorite spot on this land, and I spend a lot of time there, so Rain suggested it might be the perfect spot and, of course, he was right. It was a warm evening, and the sun had cast a perfect hazy glow as it set during the ceremony. It was simple and everything I could have ever wanted.
Nicole and Zach stood up for us and signed as witnesses. Sara and her husband came, too, and I cry more as I look at the picture of Sara hugging me. She was so happy that I got away from Austen and that my nightmare was finally over. We talk about once a week on the phone and have remained friends. There’s a picture of Rain and his dad shaking hands, both with a happy smile on their face. Rain’s mom is in the background, looking proud of her son. There’s a copy of the picture that I have framed on my desk of my mom standing next to me as we look over the pond holding hands. I lose every ability to control my crying at the picture of the empty seat next to my mom where my dad should be sitting. In his place is a picture of the two of us at the beach. Our last trip together.
I can’t believe our wedding was three years ago.
I’ve been on a cleaning and organizing spree lately. The album was in the pile of things I was moving to the shelves in my office that Rain just hung for me, and suddenly, I found myself on the floor happy crying into the book of memories. Thankfully, I didn’t open Phoenix’s baby book or I would really be a mess.
It feels like it’s been so long since I was pregnant with Phoenix that I forgot how much I cry during pregnancy. Things that normally wouldn’t make me cry are wreaking havoc on my emotions right now. After a bit of a struggle, I pull myself off of the floor and switch the laundry from the washer to the dryer. I’ve been working all afternoon, so I head to the living room, but find it quiet. I throw on a coat and my slip-on shoes before heading outside to the garage.
“I’m going to the pond,” I shout into the garage.
“Bring—”
“I know. I know. I’ll get him.”
I walk to the edge of the trees and whistle loudly.
“Hey, buddy.” I ruffle the black fur on top of his head.
“Good boy, Atilla.”
Coming out on the other side of the trees, I take a deep breath, inhaling the pure air. Atilla runs straight for the pond.
“Atilla, no!”
My commands are no use, and Atilla goes with a flying leap right into the water. He is the least graceful animal I have ever seen in my life.
Like I do every day, before I reach the bench, I stop to visit Luther. It was obvious that this pond was his favorite place. Rain suggested we lay him to rest here, next to the bench where he would lay his head on my feet. We lost Luther shortly after the wedding. I’ve seen Rain tear up here or there, but he’s always been able to keep it under control. The day Luther went to the Rainbow Bridge in the sky, Rain cried. At first, he wanted nothing to do with getting another dog. Then Atilla took his big tongue and swiped it right up Rain’s face and he was a goner. After Luther, I don’t think I could ever be without a Giant Schnauzer again.
The pond used to be my peaceful place. With Atilla running around like a fool, barking at everything from squirrels to moving leaves on the ground, it has become more of a place for entertainment.
It feels like I’ve been out here for only a few minutes, but according to the alarm on my phone, it’s been just over an hour. Time to get the laundry out of the dryer.
“Come on, boy. Let’s go get Daddy.”
Atilla knows what Daddy means, and he goes running ahead of me. Just as I’m passing the garage, I hear Rain yell, “No, Atilla! Bad dog!”
Atilla was soaking wet when he ran into the garage. He’s half dry when he runs back out and looking as dopey as can be. I know he just unloaded all of his water onto Rain, and I laugh the entire way back into the house.
As I sit in the rocking chair, surrounded by light-pink walls, I fold tiny onesies on my large belly. Nicole gave us my favorite one that is white with little pink flamingoes all over it. The taps on the roof start slow and grow to a steady pace as I finish folding. I scan the room, looking for something that needs to be cleaned or moved, but everything has already been done. I forgot how much energy I get in the third trimester. The distressed white crib sits against the far wall. Above it are matching white letters, and tears come again as I read our daughter’s name. Talia.
“Are you crying again?”
The sound of Rain’s voice startles me. He chuckles as he comes closer and wipes away the tear from my cheek. His lips touch mine, then he bends further and kisses my swollen stomach. He takes a look around the room. Rain wanted to build the addition onto the house himself. But it would have taken too long, so we hired a contractor, and it drove him nuts the entire time. He’s always looking for nail pops or imperfections to fix.
“Want to go out for dinner?” he asks.
“Sure. I’ll be done in a few minutes.”
I laugh as he runs his hand over the wall just before he walks out of the room. Everything has to be perfect for his little girl. Taking the basket of fresh and new baby clothes, I place all of them neatly in the dresser. Before I turn the crystal chandelier light off, I look around this perfect room. I can’t believe that this is my life.
A few years ago, I never would have imagined it could be like this. I have love that is truly unconditional. Love that doesn’t hurt.
Making my way through the living room, I smell the flowers on the table that Rain gave me for our third wedding anniversary. Peeking out the window, I see Rain’s head and the top of a little umbrella next to him. All I can do is smile and shake my head.
“Are you ready to go?”
Rain turns to say something, but gets interrupted before he gets the chance.
“No, Mommy! I stay in rain with Daddy,” Phoenix says, the straw to his juice box still stuck in his mouth.
When Phoenix was born, all of my fears disappeared the second I laid my eyes on him. The first time Rain was alone with Phoenix in the hospital room, he thought I was sleeping, but I heard his promise to our son. “I will never let you down. I promise to be the best daddy you could ever wish for. I’ll love you no matter what.”
My boy, at only two and a half, is already obsessed with the weather. His favorite is the snow. We went up to the mountains a few months back and he won’t stop talking about it. I think he might be a mountain boy. Rain was so excited the day Phoenix wanted to stay with him outside, he bought our son a tiny chair and attached an umbrella to it to keep him dry.
“We have to eat dinner, buddy,” Rain says.
“Five more mins.”
“Okay, five more minutes,” I tell him.
Ever since Phoenix started talking, he always says five more mins. And because I think it’s so adorable that he says mins instead of minutes, I usually cave.
“Yeah!” Rain shouts, then holds his hand up for a high-five from Phoenix.
He turns to me and winks with a smile while patting his knee. I sit down and he pulls me into him. Then Phoenix crawls on, and Rain makes a grunting noise from being squished by the two of us.
“I’ll get up,” I laugh.
“Don’t you dare,” he says.
Holding onto our son and his pregnant wife as the rain gently hits our skin, he sighs.
“Heaven’s got nothing on this.”
The End.