Charlie
“GIVE ME THAT,” I HEAR Sara snip at Zach while she takes the phone back. “Maybe now he’ll be happy since he’s talked to you. He’s been hounding me on trying to find out where you are. We couldn’t be more proud of you for getting away from Austen. That took real guts. So if you ever decide to come back to Portland, you have a bodyguard ready.” She laughs.
“I’m starving, so I’m about to head out to get something to eat. Once I get in the elevator, I’ll lose signal.”
“Okay. We love you,” Sara says.
“Love you, too.”
I hang up with the woman who saved my life. I’m not sure if I actually would have had the guts to run, much less the money if it weren’t for her help. We’ve been really close ever since she found out about Austen. Her husband, Zach, has taken it upon himself to become involved as well. It’s really sweet how close we have all become. I couldn’t have asked for two better friends.
After eating the mediocre continental breakfast in the lobby, my stomach begins to gurgle. I’ve never been able to eat this early in the morning, but for some reason, I was starving when I woke up. Now, I’m suffering for it. I’ve barely entered my room when I feel it coming. I race to the toilet and throw up. For a big fancy hotel, you would think they could at least have real eggs. I knew they tasted like crap, but I ate them anyways. It feels better once it’s all out of my system.
The knob in the shower squeaks as I turn it on. Stepping in, the water covering my body is almost torture. All I can see are visions of water running down Rain’s chest in front of me. His smoldering eyes boring a hole straight into my soul. I wanted to stay. I wanted to stay so bad it hurt. But I can’t ignore the conversation he had with Nicole about how much he loves it out there alone. He’s never had the intention of sharing the rest of his life with someone else, not to mention that I have an agenda I have to accomplish before I do anything else. It will be snowing in hell the day I depend on a man for my every need again. But there’s a need seething inside. One that I can’t fulfill. And it wants Rain. Every single drop of him.
Today is a day I’ve been wanting to come just as much as I’ve wanted to sleep right through it. It’s time to go to the cemetery where my parents were laid to rest to try to right all the wrongs. In my heart, I know it’s too late. But maybe, it will make me feel like less of a horrible person for treating them so poorly. As I leave the hotel and see Rain’s perfect car sitting there, my heart takes a little hit. Then it turns into a full-blown wallop as I open the door and the fresh scent of citrus enters my nose. It makes me miss him even more and I hate him for that.
For about an hour, the cemetery sign stares at me from across the street. Every time I’ve imagined coming here, I knew exactly what I was going to say. But now standing in reality, I’m speechless. What could I possibly say that would make what I’ve done okay? I don’t blame myself for the abuse. That’s on Austen. But I do blame myself for not listening to everyone when they began to warn me. There were warning signs. I chose to ignore them and listen to the devil instead. I listened when he told me they were all jealous of what we had. And when he told me that they just needed time to accept us. And again when he told me they were only trying to spread negativity and that I shouldn’t allow that in my life. Austen manipulated me into isolating myself from the ones who loved me. Now, they’re gone and there’s nothing I can do to make that right.
Something about the sound of my footsteps against the pavement on my way into the cemetery reminds me of leaving Austen’s house. The moment that I gathered my courage and freed myself. Hopefully, I’ll leave this place feeling that same kind of freedom.
Round gray stones stacked over five feet high boast the words ST. PAUL’S CEMETERY on both sides of the entrance. It’s eerie walking through a cemetery alone, no matter the time of day. There are no cars driving around. No one sitting on the benches under the sporadic trees. Taking a calming breath, I begin walking amongst the headstones and grave markers. Many pass by with names I’ve never heard of. Then one catches my eye, and it paralyzes my feet from taking another step. A beautiful granite headstone. A shiver passes through me as the warm wind brushes my hair along my arm. I kneel down right next to the stone, so that I can be as close to her as possible. My fingers sweep across the bumps and ridges in her name. CHARLOTTE DAAHLMANS.
“Lolly,” I whisper.
She always hated the word “grandma” and Gramps always called her Lottie. She loved to tell the story about when I was little, so I copied him one day, only I said Lolly instead of Lottie. That was it. She was Lolly from then on, and she loved it.
After sitting with my Lolly and talking to her as if she were sitting next to me, with my head in her lap and her hand stroking my forehead, I feel a little better. She had a way of doing that. The world could be coming to an end and Lolly would guide me onto the couch, tap her lap for me to place my head, and say, “Come, child. Come here and tell Lolly about it. I bet it isn’t as bad as it seems.” Even though if she were here, I think she would agree this is as bad as it seems. Lolly knew the right things to say and when to say them, but she was a realist. “Today may have been terrible, but it was only twenty-four hours. Tomorrow is a brand-new day.” I can almost hear her voice.
It doesn’t take long for me to feel peace with Lolly, so I begin my search in hopes to make peace with a few other people, too. One by one, I read the names inscribed on the granite stones marking each place in the cemetery. Not one of them had the name of my mom or dad. I’m disappointed and confused as to why my parents aren’t in the same cemetery as Lolly. They should be here, and anger begins to build. Whose decision was it not to have them buried in the same place as Lolly? I’m sure Aunt Nora had her way. I wasn’t there to say anything against it, after all.
I get into Rain’s torture mobile and head to the next cemetery.
This time is much easier to walk through the entrance of Ellis Cemetery. All of the unease has vanished and is now replaced with determination. It takes forever to go through every gravestone in the last cemetery, but this one is a little smaller. I hustle in, because the day is passing quickly, and I sure as hell don’t want to be wandering around a cemetery at night. I don’t find them.
“What the hell?” I say, slamming the car door shut a little harder than I should.
There’s only one other cemetery that I know of that they could be buried in. I can’t believe they weren’t here. Growling comes from my stomach, and I accept that I’ll have to go looking again tomorrow.
Sitting in the corner of a hotel lobby, you can see some interesting things. I saw a newlywed couple, still in their wedding dress and tux. They radiated sheer happiness and excitement for their new life together. Couldn’t keep their hands off each other all the way to the elevator. Then a mother and daughter checking in together. I overheard them talking about the getaway they do every year, just the two of them. I hate that I feel sorry for myself for being painfully aware that I’ll never have that. But those pitiful feelings are short-lived, and I can barely hold in the snicker as I watch a young couple, barely eighteen, checking in. They are nervous and fidgety at the front desk. I want to scream out, “Don’t do it, girl,” but all I can do is sit quietly and watch the world.
I flip through a few of the restaurant menus that I got from a display of things to do in Ellis. Finally, I make the decision for steak and call in my order for pick up.
Halfway to the car, my phone rings.
“Hey, Nicole.”
“How could you? He trusted you.”
“What are you talking abo—Help—” I try to scream, but the air gets knocked right out of my lungs. The phone falls to the ground as arms forcefully wrap around my body from behind. Even though every ounce of me wants to panic, all I can think about is what Rain taught me. I step to the side, wrap my leg around his, and push his knee out. It’s all going so fast that before I know it, he’s going down and my elbow lands right on his jaw.
“You shouldn’t have done that, bitch,” he says as he recovers much quicker than I thought. I didn’t even have a chance to run before he’s up and running after me. He’s bigger, he’s quicker, and he’s stronger. He catches me. No. Goddammit, no.
“Why are you doing this?” I cry as he has me restrained tighter than before with no chance of getting loose this time.
The sound of his evil laugh will haunt me for the rest of my life. It is low and slow and deep. “I’m not the one you need to worry about.”
The fear has to have been all over my face. His face is jarringly calm as he shoves me into the back of a black van and into the arms of another large, menacing man. He isn’t so gentle with me. I see it coming. His arm is lifted just above his head, his hand holding onto something that’s about to connect with some part of my body. I close my eyes and pretend it’s raining just before everything goes black.