CHAPTER 3
Josh
“Did you do the dishes?” I hear Satan yell to me, the very reason I’m in this hell.
How am I going to keep this up for eighteen years?
“Just finished. Why don’t you get off of your ass and start some laundry?”
I hear her sigh out loud and try to restrain myself from telling her to knock it off.
“You know I can’t do anything in my condition. Do you want something to happen to your baby?”
It’s always the same bullshit about her “condition”. It’s not a condition, you don’t have cancer I want to scream. I bite my tongue because I don’t want to cause her any stress during the pregnancy. She told me the other day the doctors were concerned about her blood pressure, preeclampsia I think it’s called. Well whatever it is, she uses it against me any chance she gets. The other day she even started bleeding after we had an argument. All I told her was to put the toilet paper on the roll. I tried taking her to the hospital but she refused saying she just needed to relax.
“I’ll go start it…” I mumble.
After I throw in a load I go to start dinner. She still barely eats which has me concerned for the baby’s health.
I bring her a plate of pasta and watch as she can’t hide the look of disgust on her face, not that she would even try. Marybeth is superficial, self-centered, materialistic and an all-around bitch. Just last week Savvy stopped by with Zander. She hesitated coming to dinner and I can’t blame her with the way things ended between Ashlyn and I. A half hour in, Savvy started getting a murderous look on her face causing Zander to drag her out the door before she said something she couldn’t take back. I ended up picking a fight with Marybeth over her self-righteous attitude towards my brother and his wife. But she grabbed her stomach as if in pain and blamed me for causing it. I'm pretty damn sure she was faking it but I can't win.
I’ve had a lot of time to think about Ashlyn when I’m not working or at the gym. It seems to be all I do these days. I hurt her so much and destroyed her trust in me. Comparing her to Marybeth always causes an ache in my chest. Ashlyn is everything. She is sweet, funny, smart and keeps me on my toes. How can I not think about her on a daily basis when I’m living with a raging bitch? I’m regretting my decision, but I won’t admit it to anybody.
I’m in the living room finishing up folding the laundry when Marybeth walks in wearing a tiny scrap of fabric that leaves little to the imagination. Why wear anything when you want to appear naked? I know these aren’t the normal thoughts of a man with a naked woman standing in front of him ready to be ravished.
“Joshy, why don’t you come to bed with me? All these pregnancy hormones are making me real horny and I need you.”
“Not tonight. I have a headache.” I inwardly chuckle.
Marybeth growls in frustration before storming to our bedroom. I should really call it hers because I sleep on the leather couch every night which isn’t comfortable. Every morning I wake up with my face stuck to the cushion.
As I rub my hand over my face, I stand up with the laundry basket full of clothes and walk to the bedroom to apologize. When I get outside I hear her talking in a hushed whisper. The doors cracked so I push it open a little more.
“I don’t know what to do anymore Candace, he won’t sleep with me. I’ve been trying since I moved up here and he won’t lay one finger on me. I can’t pass this off much longer, he’s going to find out soon.” She’s listening to the other person on the line. Find out what?
“You’re a genius! I’ll tell him I have a doctor’s appointment tomorrow then head to the bar and pick up someone. Nobody said I had to be pregnant with his baby. He’ll never know the difference if I pick someone that resembles his looks. I wonder if I can get Jayden drunk enough? What would I do without you girl?”
I throw the laundry basket to the ground as rage like I’ve never felt before takes over. As I shove the door open it bangs against the wall crashing pictures to the floor. “What the fuck?”
“Hey Joshy, um…how much of that conversation did you hear?” She hides the phone behind her back, batting her eyelashes with a sly smile.
“Enough. Pack up your stuff up and get out of my motherfucking house!”
“Can’t we talk about this J-”
I cut her off. “What? You hoped that the fact you lied and said you were pregnant is no big deal? I took you into my house because you said you wanted to make a life for something that never existed. You are a miserable bitch, now pack up your shit and leave your key on the counter. If you’re still here when I get back, I’ll have no problem calling the cops. Now get the hell out.” I roar causing her to jump back.
I leave the room, heading for the kitchen and grab my keys with shaky hands. My brain is scattered and I need to get out of here. The thought that I ruined my entire life for this woman all over a lie… I need to get away from her before I do something I’ll regret.
As I drive aimlessly around, the first thought that comes to my mind is Ashlyn. She’s the love of my life and I gave her up for no reason. Absolutely none.
When I pull into the driveway couple hours later I notice the house seems quiet. Thank fuck she didn’t put up a fight. I make my way up to the bedroom and see that all her things are gone in confirmation. Unable to wait another second, I strip the bed of all the sheets and blankets. Putting a fresh set on, I make the decision to burn the old ones tomorrow. I don’t want a shred of evidence that she was ever in my house and the smell of her too strong perfume is nauseating.
I lay down and reach over to my nightstand picking up my copy of the ultrasound picture. She must have gotten this off the internet, how could I be so stupid? I chuck it in with the pile of blankets and decide that it will be burned as well. As I roll over on my side I think about all the plans I had for my unborn child. I can’t help but grieve the loss of that little life that was never meant to be.
I know everything happens for a reason and I’m thankful I found out now before it was too late. God, just the thought of raising another man’s baby as my own, unassuming, makes me sick. I pity the poor bastard that bitch finally digs her nails into. And it won’t ever be me. I won’t ever fall for the same shit again.
*****
“Come on push it! One more Josh,” Zander cheers me on. I dig deep and do my last rep on the weight bench. My thoughts slip to Marybeth and I slam the bar down on my chest.
“What the hell man?” Zander yells as he pulls the bar up and sets it back in place.
I sit up on the bench and wipe the sweat from my face with my shirt.
“Sorry,” I mumble.
“What’s going on Josh? You haven’t said a word since you came in. Talk to me bro.” It’s evident that he’s concerned about me.
“Marybeth is gone…” Just saying her name puts a bitter taste in my mouth.
“What do you mean gone? Where did she go? What about the baby?”
“She lied to me. She wasn’t even pregnant man. I gave up everything for absolutely nothing,” I look down at my hands.
“What do you mean she lied about it all? Is this a sick joke?”
“Apparently, and the joke was on me. I caught her last night on the phone with one of her friends from home saying she needed to get knocked up. She didn’t care who the father was as long as I didn’t question if I was the father.” I stand up abruptly needing to hit something.
“Over here Josh.” Zander points to a bag in the corner and I let it rip once I reach it. I punch that bag with every last ounce of energy that I have in me until I can no longer feel my arms. Breathing heavy with sweat pouring down my face I welcome the exhaustion. Maybe it will shut my brain down for a while.
“Josh I’m so sorry. When you found out she was pregnant it wasn’t the ideal situation and I understand why you made the decisions you did, I really do. After having dad for such a short time I’d want to be under the same roof as my child too. But you know everything happens for a reason. I’m sorry that you had the hopes of being a father ripped away from you, but now you can get your life back on track.”
“Whatever that’s going to be. I need to do a lot of ground work to get to where I want, with who I want.”
“Ashlyn.” He states matter of fact.
“I love her man. Not one day went by that I didn’t wish I was in that situation with her. Isn’t that crazy? I actually wanted Ash to be pregnant with my child. I must be insane. I’ve never pictured myself with kids before.”
“That’s not crazy at all. You love her, of course you pictured your future together.”
“What could I even say? Hey, remember when I left you for my psycho ex? Well it turns out it was all a lie, let’s pick up where we left off.” I rub my hands down my face in frustration. I have thought all night on the perfect opening line when I talk to Ash and I keep coming up with nothing.
“Yeah I wouldn’t start with that. It will be a rough road, but I honestly believe you’ll get your second chance. You just have to be willing to get dirty man. Let her know you’re going to fight for her.”
“You’re right. I’m going to go and shower then head next door and see if she’s working. I have a lot of groveling to do, that’s if she’ll even listen to me.”
“All right I need to finish my workout. Good luck. If you need anything let me know bro. I’m always here.”
Zander always is. When dad died, he took over as father figure. Even with all of us grown, he still has our backs.
“Thanks, I appreciate it.” I pull him in for a quick bro hug and head for the showers.
As I let the water rain down on my sore body I feel a little excitement. Todays the day I start to rebuild my life. To get Ashlyn to start to forgive me. I will win her back.
*****
Ashlyn
While I’m lounging on my bed I press the buttons on the remote trying to find a show worth watching. Oh, a new episode of the Scientology docuseries I’ve been watching. It freaks me the hell out but I can’t stop watching it.
I’ve had the day off and got a lot done. I ran some errands and stopped at the baby store on my way home. It’s crazy to buy stuff this early, but I can’t help it. When I saw a little display of baby booties, I had to have them. I walked out spending over $100. This baby is going to have so much before they are even here.
My phone rings and I snatch it off my bed and check the screen. I smile when I see it’s Savvy’s dad. “Hey Mr. J what’s cracka-lackin?”
“Ash, I’ve talked to you about how you greet people on the phone. You sound like a hoodlum with your slang talk.” He’s always matter of fact.
“Oh alright. Hello Jack Jenks, how are you doing this evening?”
“Knock that shit off. Dee wanted me to call and invite you girls over for dinner before you all head to Vegas. I still can’t believe I wasn’t included…” He grumbles.
“Don’t be salty Mr. J, sometimes you need to cut the umbilical cord, let your babies fly.” I inwardly laugh. His complaining has nothing to do with me and Savvy going to Vegas and everything to do with being left out by the Cage men.
“People can’t be salty Ash. Where did I go wrong with you?”
I laugh. “I’ll be there with bells on, just let me know what night you guys were thinking.”
“Copy that.” Click.
I resume my position on the bed watching TV when I hear a knock at the door. As I look down at my sleep shorts and tank top, I don’t bother covering up for who I assume is Savvy on the other side. When I get to the front door I open it up and slam it shut all in the same motion. What the hell?
“Ashlyn, please open the door.” Josh pleads.
“Go away Josh!”
“I’m not going anywhere until you talk to me. Please, just give me ten minutes.”
I stand there and weigh the decision in my head. Josh won’t go away until he sees me. If I let him in it will get me back to my bed faster, decision made. I open the door and gesture for him to come inside.
“You have two minutes, I’m watching something important on TV.” I walk over to the couch and sit down, realizing he hasn’t followed me. When I turn around and look at him I get uncomfortable. He’s looking me over with an intense hunger in his eyes. Damn it, I should have covered up.
I clear my throat, crossing my arms over my chest. “I’m pretty sure you came in to talk, not ogle me.”
“Right, you’re right.” He shakes his head slightly and walks over and sits facing me, much too close. “Ash…I don’t even know where to start.”
“The beginning always works.” I snap.
“Okay. Last night Marybeth moved out, we’re done.”
Well, I wasn’t expecting that bombshell. I’m intrigued and I hate myself for it. It shouldn’t matter that he’s done with her. I told him if he left I wouldn’t be here to fall back on.
“And this has what to do with me?”
“This has everything to do with you Ashlyn.” He gets up and starts pacing. “I’ve regretted walking away from you every single day. I want another chance.”
“Please, explain to me why you broke up with Marybeth. Not that it’ll change anything.”
He lets out a frustrated sigh and rubs his hands down his face before looking me in the eye.
“She manipulated me, there was never a baby. Her plan was to convince me she was pregnant, then try to get me to knock her up while we were back together.”
“That’s awful and I’m truly sorry, but your breakup has nothing to do with me…I’m still your second choice.” I look down at my hands, unable to look him in the eye. “I’d like you to leave.”
“No Ash, I love you. I want to be with you, please, give me another chance.” He pleads with me and I can’t take anymore.
“Please. Leave. Now.”
“Alright, I’ll leave but I’m not going away Hellcat.” I close my eyes and cringe when I hear that name come out of his mouth. He used to call me that all the time because I’m feisty and don’t have a filter. “I’ll prove to you that I’m worthy of your love and fight with everything I am to show you that you’re the only woman for me. You’re all I’ve ever wanted.” Josh leans over and places a gentle kiss on my forehead before walking to the front door, closing it behind him.
As I hear his car make its way down the driveway, tears cascade down my cheeks. Part of me feels hopeful. We could be a family and be happy, have a real shot at the white picket fence thing. Then the other part of me remembers what I went through with all the other guys I’ve been with. They all ended in heartache for me and Josh being the worst. If he broke my heart a second time I don’t think I could come back from that.
I hear my phone chime and head down the hall to my bedroom after locking the front door. My phone lights up on my bureau.
Josh: I will do whatever it takes.
Part of me hopes its true.