CHAPTER 1
Ashlyn
“Did you just spank me?”
A stinging on my ass is the only answer I receive. Fuck, I never thought being spanked would turn me on but with every measured smack my body thrums in anticipation. Josh lays his whole body atop mine with his now hardening erection laying between the cheeks of my ass.
“It’s so sexy seeing your ass all red. I’m not done with you yet,” he growls into my neck, leaving goosebumps in its wake.
He pulls back, forcefully grips my hips and pulls them back to where they’re met with his eager tongue. Oh god!
“Josh.”
When I rock back against his mouth he pulls away. I groan out in frustration needing more so I try pushing my hips back and I’m met with resistance.
“Hold still or I’ll stop. I’m controlling your pleasure tonight, Hellcat.”
The grit in his tone and his tongue returning to my aching clit nearly pushes me over the edge. As he continues to push me closer and closer to my orgasm he adds two fingers making me break apart. As euphoria crashes over me, Josh’s mouth leaves me and he impales me in one forward thrust. Christ, his fevered pace adds to my orgasm as my body continues to shake.
“Josh.”
“Another,” he growls.
“I can’t.”
“You will.”
When he cups my breast, and pinches my taut nipple, the orgasm I didn’t feel coming sneaks up on me and I know I’ll be completely lost to it.
“I’m going to come.”
“Not yet.”
Is he fucking kidding me? It’s not like I have a say in the matter with him pounding into me. When he angles his hips and starts hitting the perfect spot inside of me, I bury my head in the blanket.
“I have to...”
“Not yet.” I feel another sharp sting on my ass.
Collapsing onto the bed Josh covers me as he continues to drive into me.
“Come now.”
He bites my shoulder and…
A loud horn brings me back to the present. As I look at the stop light in front of me I see it change from green, to yellow, then red. Shoot, I missed my turn. Every time I think about that night with Josh it messes with my head and I just wish it would stop. He left and I need to remember that, not the way it felt when he whispered dirty things in my ear or held me tight while we were sleeping. Certainly, not the spanking.
I’m already so freaking late for my doctor’s appointment, this sets me back even further. When I look at the clock on my dashboard I groan. I was supposed to be there two minutes ago and I’m at least five minutes away.
The asshole behind me starts honking his horn again and it’s overkill if you ask me. The light is red, what does he want me to do? As he lays on the horn for a good ten seconds, I start seeing red.
I roll down my window and stick my head out. “Slow your roll asshole! Want me to skip another one?” I flip him off after giving him the stink eye.
I put the window back up already feeling the perspiration forming at my temples. It’s hot as balls out and I can barely tolerate it. I’ve never believed half the stuff people preached about pregnancy. Come on, are you really that miserable all the time? Hot flashes, peeing like a motherfucker, eating like your life depends on it. Check, check and check.
Just thinking about this pregnancy still freaks me the hell out. I’m only 23 years old and I still have so much I want to do with my life. Well, maybe that’s a lie. The bar and owning my own home are pretty up there for me as far as accomplishments go. But I still want to travel, hit up Disney one more time, maybe go to England and have high tea wearing a big floppy hat with a giant gaudy bow. Not to mention meet the Queen.
The light turns green and I put the pedal to the metal. I’m really anxious for this appointment and being this late makes it worse. At least my current predicament is taking my mind off of what I’m about to go through, my first ultrasound.
As I pull into the parking lot I cut the engine and speed walk to the front door. My doctor’s office is in one of those buildings with a million offices so I have to ask where to go. When I get to the waiting room I’m out of breath as I approach the receptionist. I opted to run up three flights of stairs instead of waiting for the elevator like a sane person.
“Can I help you?” she eyes me.
“Yes,” huff “I’m Ashlyn Cox,” puff “I have an appointment for an ultrasound.” I take a few deep breaths trying to stop myself from sounding like a 70-year-old smoker. You’d think being an avid runner would help me run up a few flights of stairs.
“You’re late.” She narrows her eyes.
I can’t catch a break, of course I get nurse hard ass. “I know and I’m really sorry. Traffic was a bitch, then I was day dreaming about someone and missed the green light. Then some asshole was honking at me and the light was red.” What the hell is wrong with me? Am I going to cry right here in front of the receptionist? I dig my fingernails into the palm of my hand to distract me from my emotions. I don’t cry, ever.
“Aw sweetie, take a seat. They’ll call you back in a few minutes.”
Good to know all I have to do is turn on the water works to get some sympathy in this place. I walk over to the chairs and grab a magazine before taking a seat. When I open it to the middle, the first picture I see is of a woman using a breast pump. Huh. Doesn’t look comfortable or appealing at all.
“Ashlyn.” I raise my head from the torture devise in the magazine to see the technician waiting for me. Bending over, I grab my purse and follow the tech to the exam room.
When we get in the room she tells me to take everything off from the waist down and cover myself with a blanket. Hmmm…what the hell?
Doing as I’m told, I wait patiently half naked sitting on the exam table. She comes back in a few moments later and tells me to lie back.
“Why did I have to take my pants off? I thought ultrasounds were done over my stomach?”
“That will be the case later in pregnancy, because you’re so early we need to do an internal ultrasound.”
“Um… okay let’s do this.”
She reaches over and grabs this giant dildo looking thing. That thing has to go inside of me? Son of a bitch.
“Do you want to insert it or do you want me to go ahead and do it?”
“It will be awkward as hell if I do it. Have at it.” I bend my knees and spread my legs open. Kill me now.
She chuckles slightly before lubing up the wand and sliding it inside me. The image on the monitor changes when an image appears.
“It doesn’t look like much, but that’s your baby right there.”
It’s hard to believe the blob on the screen is a baby, but I’m not about to question her, I’m sure she knows what she’s doing. She zooms in on something and a quiet whoosh whoosh whoosh fills the room.
“That would be the baby’s heartbeat. Nice and strong at 160 BPM’s.”
“My baby? That’s its heartbeat?” I ask in amazement.
“Yup. Now let me see…you are measuring right at eight weeks and five days.” I don’t tell her that I’m actually eight weeks and six days, close enough.
When we’re finished the tech hands me some pictures then leaves to let me get dressed. I exit and she leads me into another room where I’ll meet the doctor. Before the tech leaves I ask if I’m going to be violated in any other way today. I wasn’t prepared for the probing so I’m trying to prepare myself for the next phase of this appointment. She assures me the violation portion of the appointment is over. Thank god.
I look down at the picture of my blob and think back to the day I found out I was pregnant. It still hasn’t fully hit me that there will be a baby in my life soon. I remember battling back and forth with myself over what to do. Termination was never a thought in my mind, ever. But the question’s always there. Am I ready to be a mother? Can I take care of another human being and protect them from harm? Can an innocent life depend on me? I smile at the blob. I may not be the perfect mother, but I will try my hardest.
Someone lightly knocks on the door and seconds later my doctor enters the room with a warm smile on her face. I chose her because her picture online screamed I can deliver your babies and I can do it well. Also, her last name is Cook, it’s like a match made in heaven!
“Hello Ashlyn, I’m Dr. Cook, it’s nice to meet you.” She reaches her hand out and I accept it.
“You too.”
“Is there anyone else here for this appointment?” She looks around the room as if someone’s about to jump out from behind the trash can.
“Nope, just me…” Why am I so nervous? Surely, I’m not the only single mother to ever come in here.
“No problem. Let’s get to it, shall we?”
We talk about what to expect in pregnancy and I ask all my questions.
“Have you started taking prenatal vitamins?” Dr. Cook questions.
“No. Was I supposed to?” I need to get a freaking book. There must be manuals out there to tell me what I should and shouldn’t be doing.
“Just stop at the drug store when you get a chance. Most of the mothers I see swear by the Gummy Vites, they say they’re easier on the stomach.” She winks at me and bids her farewell.
Man, I love my doctor. She definitely lived up to her picture and reviews on Yelp. Looking at my phone I groan when I see how late it is. I’m already running behind having been late for my appointment, but I shot a quick text off to Savvy already warning her of my late arrival.
That girl watches one too many cop shows because I know she’s on to me. She’s been looking at me funny and trying to line up time for girl talk. I’ve avoided it by putting myself on the night shift every time I work. No matter what shift she’s working I have an excuse. Sorry Savvy, I’m working tonight and can’t hang out. If she’s working the night shift, we’re both so busy we barely have time to say two words to each other. But I can only put her off for so much longer.
I make a quick detour and pull into the local Walmart to grab stuff from the doctors list. I’m oddly hyper aware of everyone in the store as I reach out and grab a giant bottle of prenatal vitamins. Of course, the gummy kind, I don’t need anything else upsetting my queasy stomach. As I look around I feel like everyone knows, they know and they’re judging me. Poor thing, she’s knocked up and heading into single parenthood. This is how I felt when I was 17 and buying condoms for my date with Brad Winthrop. I reach over and grab a basket deciding I need to get a few more things to offset the vitamins. Tampons, that’ll throw them off, so I grab three boxes.
With my errands done I pull into the bar. When I walk through the door I see my best friend behind the bar slinging drinks and as I walk closer I see Zander sitting on a stool in front of her as they make googly eyes at each other. They’re still in the nauseating newlywed phase. Gag.
“Savvy knock that off, you’re going to scare our customers away.” I walk around the bar staring Zander down, lovey dovey is not what I need to see right now when my love life is currently in shambles.
“Are you jealous Ash? Do you need a big smooch from me too?” She puckers up her lips.
“I’ll never turn down a good make out session, but that would be like incest. Although, I might settle for a little leg humpage.”
“Good to know I still have it. What’s going on? Where were you this morning?” She walks up to me and throws her arm around my shoulders.
“Oh, you know kicking ass and taking names. I had a couple errands to run.” I smile thinking about my appointment.
When I look at Zander, it disappears when I see the look he’s sporting. Surprisingly for a fighter he has a horrible poker face.
“Something the matter Hitman? What’s with the look of constipation?” I brace myself knowing this isn’t gonna be good.
“Babe I told you I’d tell her later…” Savvy tries to whisper.
“Just tell me now.” I whisper just as loud.
“Fine.” She huffs. “Marybeth moved up here yesterday. We wanted to warn you because you might see her around.”
“We? I’m pretty sure this was all me.” Zander says causing Savvy to roll her eyes.
Marybeth. The sole reason why Josh left me is now living in the same town, my town. She’s traipsing around living out the life I should be living. Able to talk to people about her pregnancy where I’m forced to keep mine a dirty little secret. I didn’t think hearing her name would be like a punch to the gut, but the fact that she’s actually up here now hits me harder than I thought it would. I stop and try to school my expression, nobody needs to know my internal struggles right now. I’m trying to deal with my inner turmoil about the baby already, lets add more crap to this never-ending pile.
“And I would care why?” I look down ripping little pieces from a napkin in front of me.
“Ash-”
I cut her off. Kind words will push me over the emotional ledge right now. “Lots to do today. I need to get to the kitchen.”
Quickly I turn around and high tail it out of there. I didn’t need this today and I don’t need Josh’s drama to rain on my parade.
I put my purse in the office and head to the kitchen to catch up on what needs to be done. After a few minutes, I look up and see Savvy hesitantly staring at me from the doorway of the kitchen. She walks over and props her hip on the counter before she crosses her arms over her chest.
“What’s going on Ash? You’ve been acting strange lately, well stranger than usual. I understand what happened with Josh was horrible, god knows I’ve debated crushing his balls more than once.”
Nausea picks the worst time ever to rear its ugly head. I hold my hand up as if to ward off demons and sprint for the bathroom. Crashing the door open, I barely make it to the stall as I drop to my knees and vomit. As I’m puking I feel my bladder let go on a particularly bad heave. Did I really just piss my pants?
When I finish emptying the contents of my stomach I get up to assess the situation. I’m relieved to find just a small trickle. Thank god, but still fucking gross. I inwardly high five myself remembering that I always leave spare clothes in the office.
I flush the toilet before exiting the stall and I’m startled when I see a concerned Savvy perched on the counter not looking even slightly amused. “Talk.”
“I think you already know the answer super sleuth.” I walk up next to her and wash my hands.
“How far along are you?”
“Almost nine weeks, I had my first appointment today.”
“Wow, so you’re really pregnant? I definitely didn’t see this coming, does Josh know?”
“No and you won’t be telling him, or anyone else for that matter. This situation is seriously insane and I need time to work it out in my head. I’m still coming to terms with the fact I’m going to become a mom in seven short months.”
When I put a timeline on it, my anxiety rushes back. Damn, seven months to get so much stuff done. I need to plan out the baby’s room, figure out what I even need for a baby and most importantly, talk to Josh.
“I won’t tell anyone, but I think you should tell him sooner rather than later. Secrets like this always backfire on TV.”
I nod my head and exit the bathroom with Savvy in tow. After a quick pit stop in the office, I work the rest of my shift without anything else major happening. The way everything’s been going, I half expected death eaters to storm the building and suck out my soul.
When I arrive home a little later I’m dead on my feet. If I feel this tired at nearly nine weeks, how the hell am I going to feel at 36? I prop my feet up and put on an old episode of Friends. Vegging out is what I need right now. I stand up and head for the kitchen when I remember there is something I wanted to do tonight.
Opening a kitchen cabinet, I reach up on my tippy toes and grab a bag off to the side behind my bowls. I’ve been hiding this picture frame so nobody would see it. It’s a cute frame that’s the perfect size for an ultrasound picture. When I scheduled my appointment two weeks ago, I went to the store and bought it. I slide the picture into the frame and am thrilled by how it looks. Love, I’m already so in love with my baby. I know I said earlier that this pregnancy hadn’t hit me yet, well its sunk in like the Titanic now. The picture looks perfect on my bedside table, I smile knowing it will be the last thing I see before bed and the first thing I’ll see in the morning.
As I sit back down on the couch I place my hand on my flat stomach and daydream. I picture a little boy with Josh’s toothy grin or a little girl with big blue eyes like her daddy.
Soon, I think. Soon I’ll tell Josh my news.