Chapter Nine
Maverick
“Dude, where are you going?” Travis asked as I dumped my tray in the cafeteria.
“Mr. Lee posted the cast for the musical,” I answered.
Out of all my athletic buddies, Travis was probably the closest one to a real friend. The other guys seemed to follow my lead because they all looked up to me as if I was some hotshot athlete, but Travis hung around because he actually liked me. It wasn’t only sports talk with him.
Travis walked beside me, bouncing a bit on his heels like he did before a big game. “Ah, man. You got this. I don’t know much about the whole singing thing, but there’s nothing you can’t do.”
“Thanks.” I watched him with amusement as he continued to do the pumped-up thing. The guy was a nut. “Is that your way of encouraging me?”
He smirked, making his green eyes crinkle around the edges. “Maybe. The other guys don’t get why you’re so into the drama thing, but you’re my friend, and although I don’t get it either, friends support each other, right?”
“Yeah.” My chest warmed as it hit me that maybe some people did know the real me, and not just see what they wanted. “Thanks, man.”
Before we completely left the cafeteria, I looked around the room and caught Avery’s eye. He smiled, and I did too. We hadn’t talked much since the night we hung out, and I wasn’t sure why. In history, we had chatted a little before class, and sometimes in biology as well, but I got the impression he was distancing himself.
Not wanting to be a pest, I had let him.
Travis and I exited the building and were greeted by the sun. Warmth seeped into my bones, calming the frantic nerves shooting through me, and I peered upward, loving the sight of clear, blue skies. The performing arts center was in the building nearest to the shore, so we walked a small distance before reaching it.
The cast list would be posted backstage, so instead of cutting through the main auditorium, I turned down the hallway and went toward the backstage entrance with Travis in tow. After going through the doors, I saw people gathered around the news board. Most of them I recognized because they were in drama class, but others were from choir, and I didn’t recall their names.
Sarah saw me and worked her way through them before running up to us. “I got Belle! Ohmygosh, I’m so happy.” Her gaze landed on Travis, and she calmed down, looking like she was trying to play it cool or something. “Hi.”
Travis grinned. “Hey. Congrats on getting the part.”
“Did you see mine while you were over there?” I asked, feeling my stomach turn. Pretty sure my palms were sweating too. When her face fell, I knew it was bad news. “Shit.”
She adjusted her pink glasses before wrapping an arm around my waist. “It’s not all bad news, Mavy. You did get a part. Just not the one you wanted.”
I looked at the crowd of people near the posted list. A lot were leaving once they’d looked and gushed over it, so it shouldn’t be too hectic to reach the front.
“I’m going in,” I said before unraveling from her hold and heading that way. Disappointment filled my every step, and I wasn’t sure if it was more the fact that I didn’t get the role of the Beast or if it was because I’d failed in a sense. Possibly both.
Finally in front of the sheet, I started skimming down the cast list.
Belle- Sarah Robertson
Beast- Peter Swaim
Gaston- Maverick Blake
I scoffed when I saw Peter got the part I wanted, but jealousy wasn’t a good look on me, so I accepted that he was just better for the role. However, being Gaston was like another blow to my self-esteem. Yeah, it was one of the main parts, but once again, I was the ‘arrogant, tough guy’ character.
Last year, I’d gotten the part of Brom in the production of Sleepy Hollow. I’d thought it was funny, and I had enjoyed the role, but now it just seemed like a pattern I desperately wanted to end.
No matter what I did, I’d always be viewed that way.
Sarah attacked me with a hug, saying how she couldn’t wait to get started. I tried to be excited about it along with her, but I was certain my excitement level missed the mark.
“I think some of the guys are in the courtyard,” Travis said as we left backstage. “Wanna go see what the shitheads are up to?”
“Sure.” It’d be nice to have a distraction from my melancholy thoughts, and hanging out with a bunch of jocks was the cure for that, mostly because they talked a bunch of crap, joked around, and made me laugh.
When we were back outside, Travis and I began walking over to the group, but I stopped when I noticed Sarah wasn’t going in the same direction.
“Hey, chick,” I called to her. “Where’re you goin’?”
Surprise showed on her lightly freckled face, but before she could respond, Travis chimed in.
“Yeah, what’s up? Too much testosterone for ya?”
A smile touched her lips, and she approached us again. “Not even a little bit. I grew up with three older brothers. I know how to handle men.”
“Good to know,” Travis said with a wink.
I narrowed my eyes at the two of them, not sure what was going on. Last I heard, Travis was banging some cheerleader, so my protective side would be coming out if the flirting went further.
Sarah was like a sister to me, and friend or not, I’d kick Travis’ ass if he hurt her.
Once we’d reached the other guys—who playfully harassed Sarah and she put them in their place real quick—we settled in with them. Conversation was thrown into the gutter almost instantly, going to partying and hookups.
Losing interest, I started looking around the yard and saw Avery sitting at a table in the shade. Ben from bio class was with him, and they were talking. Avery smiled at something Ben said, and it did something strange to my insides, like a jostling sensation in my stomach that fluttered up into my chest cavity.
I was glad he’d made a friend, since he’d said he never really had any before. And of course that line of thinking made me remember that night in the car with him. Of how the small space between us had made me want to scoot closer and close that distance. To bury my face in his dark hair.
Crap. I had it bad.
I knew I wasn’t being fair. I had a boyfriend, and yet, I couldn’t help but be drawn to Avery. In my heart, I knew I’d never act on those feelings while still dating Chris, but it didn’t make me feel like any less of a jerk.
But it was just a harmless crush, right?
***
A few days later, I grabbed some textbooks from my locker before going outside to the student parking lot. I tossed the books in the backseat of my car before getting in and starting it.
With me being cast in the school musical, I needed to go to Brew Emporium and talk to my boss.
The scripts were nearly ready to be passed out and rehearsals would begin the next week. It was the one downside to it all. Rehearsals would be after school Tuesday and Wednesday, with the occasional Friday thrown in closer to the first performance, so I’d need to work that around my work schedule.
It shouldn’t be a problem because my boss was awesome, but I didn’t like that I’d be cut hours.
Mr. Lee hadn’t told us when the opening show would be, but I estimated probably in November. Bigger theater companies usually rehearsed four to six weeks before opening night, but since we were a high school, I assumed we’d at least have two months or more.
I drove to work and parked in the employee area before walking inside.
“Hey, loser,” Garrett greeted me. “I thought you didn’t work tonight.”
“I don’t.” I approached the counter where he was making a latte. “Just need to talk to Derrick about my schedule. Rehearsals will start soon, and I’ll need certain days off.”
“Congrats, man,” he said, placing the drink on the pick-up bar and then calling out the order. A cute guy with bleach blond hair and glasses came and grabbed his coffee before walking back to the table with two girls. Garrett watched the guy a moment before turning back to me. “D-Man should be in his office.”
“Cool. Talk to you later.”
As expected, Derrick was cool with it and blocked off the days on the schedule that I couldn’t work from the next week and on. He congratulated me as well, and I thought it was pretty cool that he was supportive.
If only my dad could’ve been like that.
Once I got home, I told my parents that we’d start after-school rehearsals next week and that I’d had to take off work. Mom was excited for me, saying I needed to have as much fun in school as I could.
Dad, however, scoffed into his cup of coffee.
“What?” I asked, even though I already suspected the reason.
“Saying you’re gay is one thing,” he answered, shaking his head in dissatisfaction. “But do you really need to play it up this much?”
“William!” Mom chastised him.
And yeah, I know. My dad’s name was William Blake, like the poet. But the same name was as far as the comparison went.
“Dad, I know you don’t realize it, but you sound like a freaking homophobe right now,” I pointed out. “I don’t say I’m gay. I am gay. I’m sorry that’s disappointing to you, but it’s who I am. Playing sports isn’t going to change it either.”
He exhaled and set his cup down on the counter. His short sandy-brown hair lay flat, apart from one area near his ear that jutted out a bit. He must’ve just gotten off work by how tired his eyes looked, which also explained why he was drinking coffee at nearly five in the afternoon.
“I’m sorry, Mav,” Dad said in a weary tone. “You know I support you with the gay thing. And you’re aware of my college days when I—”
“You don’t have to mention it again,” I interrupted.
He pressed his lips into a line before saying, “I just don’t see why you have to blow off playing football so that you can sing and dance in theater. I thought you being in it last year was just a one-time thing.”
“I enjoy it,” I told him, seeing his expression change from slight irritation to confusion. “I’m still playing baseball in the spring, so I haven’t just given up on sports. But even if I had, that’s my decision. I love you, Dad, but you gotta let me live my life.”
I didn’t comment on his gay thing remark, because I knew there was no changing his mind. He believed it to be a phase and refused to listen to reason on the matter.
Impasse, remember?
Dad came over and pulled me into his arms. “I love you, kid. Whether you date guys or girls, it doesn’t matter. I’ll support you and that love will never change. I’m just tired and my words came out wrong today.”
I returned his embrace, feeling like I was five again by how much his hug meant. He rarely hugged me, so it was a big thing. He wasn’t a touchy-feely type of guy.
“I understand,” I said as we pulled apart, forcing back the tears threatening to fall. “I’m, uh, gonna go to my room.”
Mom said dinner would be ready in about thirty minutes, and I nodded before going up the stairs. In my room, I tossed my books on the desk before collapsing on the bed and putting an arm over my eyes. Not sure if I was just blocking out the light, or more so, trying to block out everything, but I stayed that way, unmoving.
Avery and I had talked a bit more that week.
On Tuesday, I’d stood by his desk before history and we’d made small talk. Then before biology started, I’d done the same thing. He seemed to be relaxing more around me at school, which I took as a good sign.
When it was just me and him, he seemed comfortable enough, but at school, he always looked as if he expected someone to hurt him. That was slowly changing the more I approached him. We might not have said anything too deep, but casual talking could bring friends closer too, and I considered him a friend.
Wednesday, I’d asked him and Ben to sit with me at lunch. They stayed there for a few minutes, but when Travis and the other guys plopped down at the same table, Avery’s posture changed and before I could say anything, he grabbed his tray and went back to his usual spot in the cafeteria. Ben had followed him, and that’d been the end of that.
Even if we’d never be anything more than friends, I still wanted to be around him. Avery looked at me differently than others did, as if he saw the jock, but also the inner science and drama nerd too. He didn’t judge me.
My phone dinged, and I jolted at the sound. My movements were sluggish, and I realized I’d become so lost in my thoughts that I’d been falling asleep. I blinked a few times to help clear my hazy vision. Before I checked the text, I looked at the time, seeing only fifteen or so minutes had passed.
Sarah: Hey, Mavy. U okay????
Me: Yeah. Why?
The dots moved on the screen as she typed her response, then they stopped for a bit before picking back up again. She was either texting back a massive reply or she was unsure of what to say.
Sarah: I take it u haven’t been on Insta yet?
I had almost all of the social media apps, but I wasn’t obsessed with them like some people. Instagram was one I checked maybe once every other day.
Me: No…. why? Did you take more pics of your Hello Kitty keychain and post them everywhere?
I’d gotten her the keychain a few months ago, and she liked to place it in random places when she went out, take pictures of it, and post all over social media.
Sarah: HAHA no. But really, Mavy. It’s bad. If u need me 2 come over b4 u look, I will. Just let me know.
A sinking sensation started in my stomach.
Me: Going to look now. I’ll text you after.
I wasn’t even sure what I was supposed to be searching for, but her vague message and the boding tone of it unsettled me. After taking several breaths to steady my nerves, I exited out of our chat box and clicked on the Instagram icon.
The first few posts were from Sarah: one was a selfie using the black and white filter, and she looked beautiful, and the other was of her dinner. One post was from Travis at the gym, showing off his muscles in the mirror with like a million fitness hashtags beneath it. My nerves calmed a bit as I continued to scroll through them all. So far, there hadn’t been anything upsetting, and I wondered why Sarah had seemed so weird.
Then I saw it.
Chris had posted that morning. In the picture, he was holding the phone in selfie fashion and smiling as another guy kissed him on the cheek. It was just from the collarbone up, but I could tell they were in bed and shirtless. The text beneath it read “waking up with this guy makes every morning perfect.”
I dropped my phone.
My vision blurred with tears right before a strangled sob left my lips.
I had suspected he was cheating, but coming face-to-face with the truth was entirely different. So many emotions went through me: anger, sadness, confusion, and more anger. Instead of just telling me he wanted to break-up, he’d had to keep leading me on with the scattered texts while he was out with another guy.
Enough was enough. I called him.
“Hey,” he answered after only three rings.
I was taken aback at first, not expecting him to actually answer. I’d been planning on leaving him a pissy voicemail and had been running over what to say in my head. Hearing his voice though? The anger washed away and all that was left was the heartache.
“Just saw your post. Why didn’t you tell me?” I managed to ask through my pain.
A sigh followed, and his breath caused some static on the line. “Mav… I… I didn’t want you to find out like that. I—”
“Then you should’ve told me sooner instead of hiding it, Chris!” The anger was back, but now it was fueled with the pain of a broken heart. “Making me find out you’re cheating like this is just a lowball move and you know it. You’ve been distant with me, and I suspected something was up, but I didn’t want to believe it.”
“I’m sorry,” he said, and his tone reflected his words. “But the long distance thing just wasn’t working, and I was too afraid to tell you. You’re such an amazing guy, and if things were different, you’d be the one I want. But I can’t do it when you’re literally on the other side of the country. I love you… I’m just not in love with you anymore.”
I nodded, even though he couldn’t see.
I didn’t know what to say. The impulsive side of me wanted to scream at him, call him awful names, and make him feel like crap for being such a lowlife cheater. However, the bigger part of me—the one that hated conflict and was too soft-hearted—just sat there in silence.
“Please say something, Mav.”
We had been each other’s firsts for everything. My first kiss and first time having sex would always belong to him. His betrayal was an all-consuming sadness that reached into my chest, grabbed my heart, and crushed it into pieces. It wasn’t so much the breaking up that hurt, but rather the secrecy and stabbing me in the back.
I’d had thoughts of Avery that were more than friendly, but I would’ve never done what Chris had.
“Bye, Chris.”
He started to say something, but I hung up the phone, not in the mood to hear it.
I didn’t call or text Sarah like I said I would. Doing anything in that moment other than lying on the bed like a sad, pitiful lump was too much.
Mom came to tell me dinner was ready, and I told her I’d eat later. My appetite was shot. She gave me a strange look, but accepted my answer and left.
I didn’t cry. Maybe I’d shed enough tears over Chris in the past few months, so there weren’t any more to shed.