Chapter Twenty-Five
Maverick
Sitting in biology that following Monday morning, I couldn’t concentrate, which was unheard of for me because it was my favorite class. My attention kept drifting to the massive distraction to my left.
Avery.
He was paying attention. As Mrs. Brown lectured, he jotted down notes. I watched the way his brow furrowed as he listened and how he’d quickly write something down before looking back up. When he wasn’t taking notes, he chewed the top of his pen.
And that didn’t really help my focus because I zeroed-in on his mouth, remembering how soft it’d been against mine.
When he’d kissed me Saturday, I don’t think I’d ever been more stunned. Prior to that moment, I’d wondered how I’d approach kissing him again, and then he’d gone and initiated it out of the blue. Honestly, it couldn’t have been more perfect. It made sense for him to be the one to go for it.
As if feeling my eyes on him, Avery looked over at me.
I smiled before looking away, embarrassed. Then, I glanced back up and saw him smiling too, and I wondered if his mind was where mine was—on our date Saturday.
I’d had no destination in mind that afternoon. I had only wanted to get away from my house. Away from my dad. Following the road out of my neighborhood, I had then turned on Boulder Street, which had taken us to his train tracks. I called them his because they were in essence.
They were his safe place.
We’d pulled off the road and had gotten out of my car. The amazing weather had continued, and it was only a little chilly. Hand in hand, we’d sat in his favorite spot in front of the tracks, just talking. Trees were all around us, but there was an opening above where the sun shone through, warming our skin.
About an hour after we’d arrived, a horn had sounded in the distance, and I’d never seen Avery’s face light up so quickly.
The lights at the crossing had flashed in warning, signaling that a train was on its way.
“We need to get back or we’ll get hit,” I’d told him before standing and pulling him up with me.
After getting back a safe distance, I tugged him to me, trying to do one of those awesome spin things that dancers did. But instead of him coming into my arms with ease, he smacked into my chest, which had caused me to stumble a bit too.
We’d laughed once we were steady.
I’d stared down at him, loving his smile. It was a rare sight most days, and I always felt a sense of pride when I caused it. One second passed—then two—as we just stared at each other. That’s when he’d kissed me again. Not as passionate as earlier, but tender and so freaking amazing that my knees had nearly buckled.
As we kissed, the train had whooshed past us. The air from it had ruffled his hair, and he’d broken away to watch the passing compartments. His pale blue eyes met mine and his mouth moved.
The rickety sound of the train on the tracks was so loud that I couldn’t hear what Avery had tried saying. All I’d seen was the expression on his face as he’d said it—so ecstatic. Happy.
I wish I could’ve captured the moment, but it hadn’t occurred to me at the time.
We sat back down in our spot after the train had passed, and I’d put my arm around him. For several seconds, we’d just sat there like that, but then I’d had an idea.
After grabbing my phone and clicking open the camera, I held it up in front of us in selfie-mode and snapped a pic. Avery had tried swatting it away once he realized what I was doing, and he’d buried his face in my neck to hide.
I snapped another pic.
And the second picture was actually my favorite. Enough of his face was showing to see his smile, and I was laughing in it, looking like a goofball. It was better than any posed smile because it was real. The picture immediately became my lock screen on my phone.
Everything about that afternoon was still so vivid in my head as I sat in class.
Mrs. Brown asked a question and Ben raised his hand to answer. I didn’t hear the question or the answer. It was like watching a movie but pressing the mute button. Selective hearing: the classroom edition. I stopped trying to pay attention because it was pointless.
My mind was stuck on the Avery channel and there was no chance at changing it.
After the bell rang, I gathered my things before going up to Avery. He smiled up at me—looking shy as ever.
“Hey, you,” he said, gently bumping my arm with his. “Wanna walk me to my next class?”
“I thought you were walking me,” I said, arching a brow. When he playfully snarled at me, I offered him my arm, which he accepted. Out in the hall, we veered toward his class. “What kind of sorcery is this?”
“You love it,” he said, peering up at me with amused blue eyes.
“Maybe.” I held his arm a bit tighter as we neared his Study of Fine Arts class, not ready to say goodbye. “See you at lunch?”
“Yep,” he answered, releasing my arm. In a flash, he was back to his awkward self again as he stepped out of the way for a group of people to walk past.
That screamed to my protective side, and it took all of my self-control not to pull him into my arms.
Around me, his timid behavior mostly went away, but he was still extremely introverted around others. His mom had basically come out and said he’d been abused. And the little I knew about people who’d suffered abuse, Avery fit that personality to a T.
I waited until he went inside the room before I walked to algebra.
Sarah attacked me as I got to class, wanting a play-by-play of Saturday.
I had told her the basics of how it went through text, but I hadn’t sent her the pics I’d taken of me and Avery at the tracks. Not because I wanted to hide them, but because I felt… I don’t know… protective of them. Like it was a day between me and him, and I wasn’t ready for other people to see.
“Did you kiss him?” she asked in a bubble of excitement once we were at our desks, resting her chin on her hand in one of those swoony ways. The bell had rung, but other people were still talking, so we did too.
“No,” I said before smirking. “He kissed me.”
“Ohmygosh!”
“Don’t ask me to kiss and tell, though,” I said in a matter-of-fact tone. “Not happening.”
“Know what else isn’t happening?” Mr. Davis said from behind me. I sharply turned and looked at him. His hands were behind his back, and his already puffy face looked puffier. “This conversation. Now stop talking in my class and get out your homework from over the weekend.”
Sarah and I pulled out our homework and avoided looking at each other.
If we made eye contact, we’d start laughing and wouldn’t be able to stop. We’d probably end up in detention, and that would put a damper on my plans with my boyfriend after school. He didn’t know of the plans yet, but I was taking him to dinner.
Thankfully, I made it out of algebra class detention free and met Avery in the hallway before lunch. We stopped at my locker so I could toss the evil math book inside, and then we headed toward the cafeteria.
“How was your art class?” I asked as we stood in the never-ending lunch line.
“Interesting,” he answered, leaning against me. It seemed to happen naturally now, as if we just gravitated toward each other once in close range. “We’re learning about Picasso right now and how he constantly changed his painting style, going from realistic portraits in his younger days to his more abstract works.”
“Maybe he just hadn’t discovered himself yet early on,” I said and went forward a few steps as the line moved. “People change as they grow.”
That couldn’t have been any truer in my case. When I was younger, I’d just done whatever my dad wanted. Being the perfect little sports buddy and just wanting to make him proud. As I got older, I found that while I still liked playing sports, I had other interests too. Ones he didn’t approve of.
After what felt like eighty-four years, we finally got our food and sat at our table.
Sarah, Travis, Ricky, and Ben were already there, as were a few other people from drama class that Sarah had invited to sit with us. They were all laughing about something, and I took a moment to just kind of take it all in.
It was the one table in the cafeteria where popular kids and ones labeled as nerds and drama dorks all sat together. I liked it.
Ben scooted over a seat, so Avery could sit beside him, and I sat on Avery’s other side.
“Where’s Chelsey?” I asked Travis, not seeing Queen B at the table.
As if I’d spoken the name of Voldemort, Travis flipped around and quickly scanned the nearby table before looking back at me. His green eyes were wide as he whispered, “Do not speak of such evil.”
I laughed. “Damn. That bad, huh? What happened?”
“Dude, I don’t even know.” He shook his head and looked down at his already empty tray. He was like the human garbage disposal. “We were just hangin’ out one night, and she got all freaking crazy on me like she always does. And I had enough. So I left. I did a lot of thinking—”
“Scary,” Ricky interrupted.
Travis shoved him before continuing, “Anyway, what I was sayin’. I thought about it. About being in a relationship that made me want to beat my head against the wall, and I decided that, you know what? I’m too young for this shit. Life’s too short to be miserable, no matter how great the sex is.”
Sarah averted her eyes at the last part, and her face pinched in an unpleasant way, causing her neon pink glasses to wiggle on her nose. She was definitely jealous.
“I know there’s a better girl out there for you anyway,” I said, winking when Travis looked at me. His eyes immediately flashed to Sarah before focusing on the table. “Is everyone ready for Noah’s party this weekend?”
Noah being Noah—aka one of the nicest guys ever—he’d invited almost everyone. Well, the seniors anyway. By the sound of it, there was going to be a lot of drinking there, so the invites had gone out to a lot of people, but still within reason. Like definitely no freshmen.
“Hell yeah!” Ricky exclaimed, clapping his hands. “I’m going as a prince, bitches. All the ladies are gonna be all over me.”
“Pfft.” Travis rolled his eyes. “Which prince?”
“Prince Naveen from that frog cartoon,” Ricky answered with a smirk. His hazel eyes narrowed when Travis mocked him again. He picked up a fry and tossed it at him, hitting Travis in the forehead. “You’re just jealous.”
I bet Ricky hadn’t even watched the cartoon, but I had with my mom. Along with watching musicals, we also had a thing for Disney. Ricky could certainly pull off Naveen with his caramel skin tone and dark hair.
“Fine,” Travis said with a defiant gleam in his eyes. “My costume has just been changed. I’m now going as a prince too. It’ll be Battle of the Princes. Winner is who gets more dances at the party.” He looked around the table. “Any suggestions of which one?”
Sarah giggled before going, “Oh! You could be Prince Phillip from Sleeping Beauty. He’s so swoon worthy.”
“Did ya hear that, Ricky boy?” Travis cocked his head toward Ricky and nudged him. “Swoon worthy. You don’t have a chance.”
As they continued to bicker, I rested my hand on Avery’s side, and he leaned into me. We didn’t have to say anything to know we were on each other’s mind.
Noticing I hadn’t started eating yet, I picked at my greasy pizza with my free hand, but I lost my appetite a few bites in. Maybe it was the excitement of this weekend or perhaps I was still on a high from the previous one. Whatever the reason, I just wasn’t feeling the whole eating thing that day.
Seeing that Avery had already finished his, I placed my barely eaten pizza on his tray.
“You’re going to make me fat,” he said, skewing his brow. But he picked up the slice anyway and started eating it. At my pleased look, he stopped eating. “What? I don’t waste food.”
“I think you’d look adorable with some chubby cheeks,” I said before lightly pinching his.
He glared, and it was too cute. I knew he was capable of some menacing scowls—because I’d gotten plenty of them when I’d first met him—but the one he gave me just then looked like he’d break out into a smile any second.
“How are things with your dad?” Avery asked as concern reflected in his eyes.
“Haven’t talked to him much,” I answered, feeling a shift in my mood along with the shift in topic. “He came up to my room Sunday and apologized. But I doubt he’ll ever change.”
“Sorry I caused conflict.” Avery looked down. “I shouldn’t have said what I did about the sacrifices. I was just nervous and kind of pissed that he was looking at me like I was a pariah.”
“You didn’t do anything wrong,” I told him, rubbing his side.
“What are you two going as?” Ricky asked, nodding to me and Avery.
“It’s a surprise,” Avery answered, not meeting Ricky’s gaze. Talking in front of them was a huge step, though, and I was proud of him. “Mav wants to keep it secret.”
He and I had talked it over on Saturday, and I was more than excited about it. When I suggested the characters, he’d gotten the biggest smile on his face, and I knew it was a done deal.
Our costumes were going to be awesome.
“I don’t even know what they’re going as,” Sarah said, showing her irritation at the fact. “And Mavy tells me everything.”
Travis’ stare flashed to her, and the smile that spread across his face was so freaking telling that he had a huge thing for her. He’d told me he liked her, but he hadn’t told anyone else yet.
Anyone with eyes could’ve seen it right then. Fortunate for him, everyone was oblivious.
The rest of lunch was more nonsense. Even Ben chimed in, and he and Ricky got into a pretty heated debate about who would win a fight between the Black Panther and Superman. Being a huge superhero lover, it took everything I had not to give my two cents.
I mean… Marvel beat DC any day of the week. So that right there should’ve solved it.
When lunch ended, Avery and I walked to the performing arts building together.
“Time for you to get your Gaston on,” he said once we were in the auditorium and going toward the stage.
“And you to get your art on,” I replied, holding his hand and swinging our arms between our bodies. “Hey, do you wanna get dinner with me after school?”
“I’d love to,” he answered.
Since we were still rehearsing for the musical, our classes were rehearsal times as well and was treated just like the after school ones. Before we started that day, Mr. Lee called us all to the stage to give us some updates.
“Opening night will be November ninth,” he said after getting everyone’s attention. “The show will run the following weekend as well. We’ll do another one the weekend after Thanksgiving. So all in all, three weekends total.”
Excitement spilled out amongst us, and people started chatting all at once. Other than a few costumes and some of the backdrops, we were ready. The band knew the songs—and they’d have sheet music anyway—the choir knew the backup parts, and we’d rehearsed the dance numbers, songs, and lines so much that I could do it in my sleep.
Honestly, I probably had done it in my sleep if the disarray of my blankets and pillows in the morning meant anything.
“Okay, that’s all I have,” Mr. Lee said, unrolling his script from when he’d rolled it up while talking. “Let’s start with scene six with Gaston and LeFou in the tavern.”
“Looks like I’m up,” I said, turning to Avery.
“No one sings like Mav and no one stomps his foot like Mav,” Avery answered in a dramatic voice, mimicking the song.
“Those aren’t the lines, dorky.” I gave him a quick peck on the lips before walking backstage to get in place.
I heard him chuckle from behind me and my heart fluttered at the sound.
***
“Try this on,” I said, handing the costume to Avery.
He gave me the look—the one that said I was an idiot—and scoffed. “Ricky and Travis are doing the prince thing. Not me. Unless there is an emo prince I don’t know about.”
With a defeated sigh, I placed the Prince Charming outfit back on the rack.
Rehearsal hadn’t taken as long that Wednesday, so we’d decided to go out to dinner and then hit a few shops. It was only a few days until Noah’s party and we hadn’t bought our costumes yet. We’d decided on what to be already, but I wanted to try on crazy outfits just for fun.
“Are you seriously pouting?” Avery asked, peering at me over the top of the next aisle.
“Maybe.”
“Fine. Hand it over.” He snapped his fingers at me. I grinned as I took the prince costume back from the rack and handed it to him. “It’s a good thing I like you, big guy.”
His famous last words before disappearing into the dressing room.
We had seen each other after school every day that week. Monday, I’d taken him to dinner. Tuesday, rehearsal had taken a little longer than usual, so Mr. Lee provided pizza again. But we had taken a drive afterward before stopping near the water and just sitting out there, car off, and talking. Maybe some kissing happened too.
Okay, a lot of kissing. Nothing past that, though.
I’d explored a bit of his body with my hands as we’d made out—across his small chest, down his back, and around his sides—but something weird had happened when I’d tried gripping his thighs. He’d jerked out of my hold with such fear in his eyes that I’d started apologizing even though I’d had no idea what I did wrong.
I had taken him home after that. And things had been weird.
“I’m not coming out,” Avery said from the dressing room, bringing me back to the present.
I leaned against the door. “Babe. I think you already have.”
He snorted. “I don’t even know how to respond to that.”
“It’s a miracle,” I said, smirking. “Now, don’t be shy. Let me see.”
The handle turned before the door slowly creaked opened. When I saw Avery standing there in his white jacket, gold shoulder pads, and red pants, I laughed. Hard.
“You officially suck, Mav,” he said, cutting his eyes. “Just for that, you have to try on the Mother of Dragons one. Wig and all.”
His plan backfired when I actually did try it on. I came out of the dressing room, wearing the low-riding skirt, leggings, and crop top, and I flicked the long, silvery-blonde hair of the wig. Avery tried to roll his eyes at me, but when I started saying lines from Game of Thrones in my girly voice, he laughed mid-eye roll and covered his mouth in the cutest way.
After more goofing around, we finally tried on the costumes we went in there for. I handed Avery his before taking mine into the dressing room. He was in the stall next to me, and I heard him grunting as he tried to put his on.
“Should I come in and assist you?” I asked, using my superhero voice. I even put my hands on my hips in the iconic stance, even though I was in a dressing room… alone… and no one could see.
“Stay in your own room, God of Thunder,” he said from the other side of the wall separating us. “I can dress myself.”
I grinned and looked at myself in the mirror. I was the Ragnarok version of Thor, so I didn’t have the blond wig. My arms were showing, and I flexed my biceps, making sure they looked okay. The chest piece fit like a glove, and it hugged my torso perfectly. The red cape swooshed behind me, and the pants really showed off the muscles in my legs. Thank you, leg day at the gym.
Not to be vain or anything, but I looked good.
“Okay,” Avery said. “I think I’m ready.”
We walked out of our rooms at the same time, and I honest to god gawked when I saw him. So much for me looking good… Avery was mouthwatering.
He was one sexy as hell Loki. The black bodysuit clung to his thin frame, and his green cape drifted behind him as he walked toward me. All he needed was the headpiece, and he’d be set.
“Are you sure this is a good idea?” he asked as his cheeks darkened a shade. “I feel silly.” He looked me up and down. “Wow.”
Pulling him into my arms, I said, “Wow to you too. You may feel silly, but you look amazing.”
“Thanks.” Avery buried his face in the crease of my neck, and I felt him smile.
After we changed back into our regular clothes and I paid for our costumes, we left the Halloween shop and walked down the sidewalk. My car was in the lot a few blocks over, so we had a small distance to go before reaching it. The sun had set already, but the streetlamps and lit-up window displays in the other stores gave off enough light. Not much, but enough.
I wasn’t ready to leave him yet, and by his slow pace, I got the impression he wasn’t ready either.
“Can I ask you something?” I said, taking his hand.
“Sure.”
My heart raced in that moment, because I knew it was probably something he didn’t want to talk about. But I had to know.
“When we were in my car last night… why did you move away from me?”
Avery stopped walking, which caused me to tug him a little before I stopped too. I turned back to him, and his expression was exactly as I’d thought it’d be: guarded.
“Remember when I said I was complicated?” he asked. “That’s part of it.”
The cryptic answers were understandable. Not everyone opened up about their problems. But I’d thought he and I were at a point now where he could tell me those kinds of things. If not all of them, then at least some.
I was afraid he didn’t feel the same as me. That he might’ve liked me, but not nearly as much as I did him.
“Are you ever going to give me real answers?” I asked, hearing the hurt in my voice. “I’ll be patient as long as I need to be, but it sucks being left in the dark.”
Avery watched me and didn’t say anything. The guarded expression slipped from his face as his pain showed through. Pain and perhaps fear.
“You won’t want me anymore if I tell you,” he choked out, and when his voice broke, the same echoed in my chest. “You’ll see how screwed up I really am, and you’ll run.”
I stepped toward him, not able to stay away when he was hurting. When I grabbed him, he shrugged out of my hold.
“Why are you pulling away from me?” I asked, hating the way my insides coiled. He wasn’t just physically pulling away, but emotionally as well.
His normally pale blue eyes appeared darker in the poor lighting, and the eyeliner around them only made them more so. It also seemed symbolic, as if the shadows he kept locked inside were reflecting in his eyes.
“I just want to go home,” he said in an emotionless voice.
Knowing I wasn’t going to reach him that night, I nodded and started walking again. I wasn’t going to force him to talk to me. His footsteps sounded from behind me. Strange how footsteps could seem sad, but his did.
When we reached my car, I unlocked his door and opened it for him before going over to my side.
On the whole ride to his house, we didn’t say anything. Music played softly through the speakers, and neither of us moved to turn it up. Just the low rumble of the engine and occasional quiet guitar solo filled the cab of my car.
I tried to think of something to say to turn the night around. It had been going so awesome before I’d opened my big mouth. But the only thing on my mind was: why wouldn’t he talk to me?
“Thanks for today,” Avery said, breaking the silence, once I pulled up to his house. “See you tomorrow.”
“Wait.” I snagged his attention before he got out of the car. He stopped moving, but kept his hand on the door handle. “I don’t want to end the night like this. With us being weird. It nearly killed me last night. I can’t do it again.”
Avery lowered his gaze. “I’m sorry, Mav. Sorry for keeping you at a distance and for all my mood swings. I… I don’t think we should do this anymore.”
“What?” I asked as my heart dropped into my stomach. “You want to break up?”
He nodded. “You deserve better than me.”
“Stop saying that,” I snapped, causing his eyes to flash to mine. Anger surged in my chest. Not at him, but at the situation. “I don’t want anyone else, Avery. I want you. Not going to lie, it’s hard, but I want to make it work. Because somewhere along the way, I think I fell in love with you.”
Tears sprang to his eyes. “You wouldn’t say that if you knew the real me.”
“Then show me the real you, dammit,” I said in a broken tone. “Because you’re kind of breaking my heart here.”
I couldn’t read his expression. He stared at me before looking away.
“I don’t want to break up,” he whispered. “But I need more time. I’ve gone my whole life keeping this stuff locked in my head, and it’s not easy confiding in someone.”
“Okay,” I said.
Relief replaced the fear knotted in my gut, but I knew things wouldn’t be the same between us. Not anymore. I had to believe we were headed in the right direction, though.
Hesitantly, Avery leaned over and touched his lips to mine. He was trembling. I returned the kiss before pressing my forehead to his. We stayed that way for seconds—minutes. When he eventually pulled away, I let him, and he got out of the car before walking through the grass toward the porch.
I waited until he was inside before driving home.