Chapter12
Speechless, I just looked at Malcolm for a long moment. “What?”
“Marry me. Please just say yes, Jasmine. It’s the right thing for both of us; I just know it is.”
“Look. I don’t understand this. Why--”
“I’ll explain it all better later, but right now, all you need to know is that I love you. I made a huge mistake when I said that I didn’t want to get married yet. I’ve changed my mind, and now I know that this is the right thing.”
Still completely baffled, I looked into his eyes, seeing nothing but sincerity. However, I hadn’t forgotten what I’d told him after our breakup. I’d told him that if and when he ever came crawling back to me, I wasn’t going to be there for him. I’d told him that I would have long since moved on. I also hadn’t forgotten that I really had moved on, with Fed.
Acting instinctively, I began closing my apartment door. “Sorry, Malcolm. But this isn’t the right thing. I’ve moved on.”
Begging me to just wait, he stopped the door from closing with his shoe. ‘Just please give me a chance, Jas…just a chance to explain everything.”
“What is there to explain?”
“How much I’ve changed. How much I want to settle down with you now. See, the entire time I was out in LA, I couldn’t stop thinking about you. It was as if you were haunting me or something. And finally, I realized…’She’s the one for me. I can’t live without her. I want to make her my wife now.’”
I stood motionless, thinking about how much I’d wanted to hear those words from him once upon a time.
When I didn’t say anything after a few moments, he continued. “Just please say that you’ll at least think things over. I put my phone number on a card in the roses.”
Picturing Fed’s reaction if he were to come home to the current scene, I suddenly spoke, opening the door wide open again. “I won’t be calling you, because there’s nothing to discuss. You had your chance, and you blew it. I’ve moved on now with a man that I love.”
“But I don’t see a wedding ring on your finger.”
Irritated, I said that didn’t matter. “All that does matter is that my boyfriend loves me just as much as I love him.”
“But is he ready to marry you right now? Is he ready to start a life with you and have kids? I am, Jas. And I’m here right now, begging you to just think things over.”
“There’s nothing to think over.”
With his big brown eyes filling with sadness, Malcolm said that wasn’t true. “See, when two people are meant to be together like I think we are, it’s always worth taking some time to think things through. I did, and that’s why I’m here. I’m begging you to just give me a chance, and try to remember all the good times that we had. We could have those good times again someday, you know…only now, as husband-and-wife…with kids, maybe. I know I want them…and sooner rather than later.”
“It’s too late, Malcolm.”
“No…no, you’re wrong. It’s never too late.” He suddenly thrust the bouquet of roses out to me. “Here. Just take them, and take my phone number. Just think things over. That’s all I ask. Just think about all the good times we had, and think about all the good times we could have again. Think about the future we could have…with a big house, kids, and even that white picket fence you always wanted.”
I had always wanted a house surrounded by a white picket fence.
I thought for a few moments. I thought about what I wanted out of life; I thought about Malcolm; and I thought about Fed. And eventually, seemingly of its own accord, my hand reached out to take the roses from Malcolm.
Immediately, he smiled. “Thank you. I promise you, Jas…you won’t regret this.”
“But I just took the roses. This doesn’t mean--”
“No…no, I know it doesn’t. I know you still have a lot to think over. Of course. You’ve just shown me that the door isn’t closed, though…which, I think has made me the happiest man alive.”
I didn’t say anything, and he continued after a few moments.
“You know, while I was out in LA, I met this girl. She was beautiful, just like you, and she even had bouncy, curly hair, just like you. Her personality was the same in some ways, too, but at the end of the day…she just wasn’t you. And I think that’s when I realized that I’d made a huge mistake. That’s when I realized that I had to try to fix things and win you back.
Just then, my phone began going off from somewhere in the apartment, and I told Malcolm that I had to go.
“That’s probably my boyfriend calling.”
Malcolm said all right. “I’ll get going, then. But just remember…he may love you, but I do, too. We have history together. And I’m ready to marry you right now.”
With that, Malcolm turned and began walking back down the hallway. I watched him go, realizing that maybe I’d missed him more than I’d thought. I’d missed his deep voice, his smile, and even the way he walked, slowly and with purpose. I’d definitely missed his dark brown eyes.
When he had disappeared from view, I shut my apartment door and pressed my back against it, just trying to think. Just trying to process everything that had just happened.
It was only when my phone began going off again after a minute or so that I was finally able to move. After dashing out to the kitchen, I picked up my phone from the counter and saw that it was Fed calling. I answered right away, feeling strangely guilty for some reason.
After asking me how I was doing and receiving a pretty perfunctory answer, he said that he was just calling to see if I wanted him to pick up some Chinese food for dinner. “I thought maybe I’d grab your favorites…sweet-and-sour chicken and crab Rangoon.”
Those were my favorites, but at present, I could barely even think about eating. However, not wanting to get into what had just happened quite yet, I told Fed that Chinese for dinner sounded great.
“Good. I’ll grab the food and be home in a half-hour, then. Maybe I’ll even pick up a bottle of wine, too.”
“That would be nice.”
“I’m really looking forward to getting home to see you.”
“I’m really looking forward to seeing you, too.”
A few moments of silence ticked by before Fed responded.
“Is everything okay, Jas? You just sound really down or something.”
Now I couldn’t easily think of a response, so I said nothing, and Fed tried again.
“Are you still there, Jas? Are you okay?”
Still feeling guilty somehow, I finally forced myself to speak. “Yes, I’m fine. I guess I am a little…maybe just a little shaken up about something, but it can wait. I’ll tell you about it over dinner.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes…completely. It’s nothing urgent at all. I’ll just tell you while we eat.”
“Okay…if you’re sure.”
“I am.”
“All right. I’ll see you soon, then. I love you.”
“I love you, too.”
I ended the call feeling horribly conflicted, because I realized that there was a teeny-tiny part of me that possibly still loved Malcolm on some level, and maybe always would. And I knew that I definitely loved the idea of marriage, kids, and a white picket fence.