Chapter9
Fed and I spent the rest of the weekend together, mostly in bed. Monday, I returned to work, although to my disappointment, I didn’t see Fed much that day, because he was holding meetings on a different floor. One of those meetings with members of the company’s human resources department, and afterward, Ted was fired. The office gossip was that Ted’s record of sexual harassment was more extensive that anyone had known about, and Fed wasn’t going to stand for his behavior anymore.
Fed had apparently communicated to Genevieve that although he wasn’t going to fire her, he wasn’t going to stand for her typical behavior, either, because she was just as nice as pie to me and Sheila all day. In fact, she even told me several times that I was doing a good job while we worked on a project in her office together. When Sheila came in to ask if either of us wanted a cup of coffee, Genevieve said, “Yes, please, Sheila. I appreciate that.”
Tuesday went by similarly, with me not seeing much of Fed until after work, when we went out to dinner, and then made love until nearly midnight, when we fell asleep in each other’s arms.
Wednesday after work, I made dinner for the two of us at my apartment, feeling a little sad and even a little anxious for some reason because Fed would be traveling to Paris in his private jet later that evening. Fed also seemed to be in a bit of a low mood, not really saying much while we ate our meal, except to compliment my cooking a few times.
I’d made peach cobbler for dessert, and although it was made from my grandma’s recipe and was absolutely delicious, I found that I just couldn’t do much more than pick at it.
Eventually, I just gave up and put my fork down. “Fed? Do you really think we can sustain a relationship with you in Paris for six weeks? I mean, I know you’ll be back to visit every couple of weeks, like you said, but….”
Fed suddenly put his fork down as well. “Why don’t you just come with me? Do you want to? Would you mind putting your work life on hold for that long?”
Stunned, I couldn’t speak right away. “I’d love to go to Paris with you. And as far as my ‘work life’…I think I could use a long vacation from it anyway.”
With his mouth curving in a slow grin, he took my hand. “I was really hoping you’d say that.”
The rest of the evening went by in a frenzy of activity with all the packing that I had to do and phone calls that I needed to make. While Fed made a few phone calls of his own out in the living room, I first called my building’s property manager from my bedroom, telling him that I was leaving my apartment for six weeks but would still be paying my rent in the meantime.
Next, I called my best friend Abbey, although I wasn’t really sure if we even were best friends anymore. In the past year, she’d gotten more and more into clubbing and partying, while at the same time, I’d moved further and further away from all that. I felt like we’d just kind of slowly drifted apart. Still, though, I still felt like I should call her and tell her what was going on, so I did.
She responded with surprise, asking me who I was going on “an extended vacation” to Paris with. I said my new boyfriend, Fed, and she said he must be really new.
“Because the last time we talked was like, what? Three weeks ago, or something? And you didn’t mention any new boyfriend then.”
Having a seat on my bed, I winced. “Well, he is really new. Really new. We’ve only known each other for about a week now, but we’re already falling in love.”
Abbey snorted. “Love? After just a week? Not possible.”
“Well, maybe I would have thought the same thing before this week, but trust me. It is possible.”
Abbey said, “Hmm,” still sounding extremely dubious. “Well, if this guy is taking you to Paris for six weeks, he must be doing pretty well financially. Are you sure you just haven’t started falling in love with his money? It happens to the best of us, you know.”
Incredulous, I scoffed. “Abbey do you even know me at all anymore? Do you know what I’m all about, or what matters to me?”
“Look. I’m just saying--” “You know what? Just never mind that I even called you. I have to go. I have packing to do.”
With that, I hung up on her, the first time I’d ever done so. I didn’t feel that bad about it, though. I was beginning to think that maybe our friendship was officially in the past.
The next call I made was a bit more pleasant. It was to my grandparents, who lived with my Uncle Charlie, who was their son, and my Aunt Denise, his wife. A couple of years earlier, because of poor health, my grandparents had to sell the farm and move to Illinois to live with Charlie and Denise. Fortunately, they seemed happy in their new home, and whenever I visited, they always delighted in showing me the vegetable and flower gardens that they’d planted behind the house with Denise. My grandma called the vegetable garden their “mini-farm.”
First, I spoke to my grandma, telling her that I was taking an extended vacation to Paris with my new boyfriend. Unlike Abbey had, my grandma seemed happy for me, asking me all sorts of questions about Fed, such as what he did for a living, how he looked, what he was like in general, and if he treated me well. Once I’d answered all her questions, saying that Fed owned a company but neglecting to mention that it was actually the one I worked for myself, technically making him my boss, my grandma asked how long we’d been a couple.
Not wanting her to think I was nuts to fly off to Paris with someone I really barely knew, I hesitated in responding. “Well…to tell you the truth, we actually haven’t been together all that long. We’re already falling in love, though, Grandma. We really care about each other, and we just had some kind of an instant connection.”
My grandma said she could believe that. “That’s what happened to your grandfather and I, too. We met, and it wasn’t long before we just knew. We fell in love within days of meeting each other. So, I know that it’s possible.”
As I’d expected, I was finding my grandma much more pleasant to talk to than Abbey.
After we’d talked for a while longer, she passed the phone off to my grandpa, and he was also happy to hear about my trip to Paris with Fed.
“Now, just don’t suddenly decide to tie the knot or anything while you’re there. I know it’s a romantic place, so it might be tempting for two young lovebirds to take a walk down the aisle, but remember that your grandma and I want to be there for that.”
I smiled, realizing how much I’d missed talking to him. “I know that, Grandpa…but trust me, Fed and I won’t be getting married in Paris.”
And maybe not at all, ever, I thought with a little pang, recalling what Fed had told me about him being sure that marriage would never be for him. However, I quickly brushed this thought to the side. While I didn’t think it was crazy for me to be going off to Paris with Fed, I thought that me having thoughts of marriage so soon in our relationship probably was pretty crazy.
After my grandpa and I had ended our call, I took a few deep breaths before making my next call. This one was to my mom, and I wasn’t really looking forward to it.
It ended up going just as well as I’d thought it would, which was to say, not well at all. Eventually, after I’d told her about my new boyfriend, only identifying him as “Fed,” and the trip we were going to take, my mom said it all sounded “absolutely insane.”
“Where are the two of you even going to stay for six weeks?”
“Oh…I’m sure Fed probably has some place very nice booked for us.”
“And how is he going to pay for it? Paris isn’t cheap.”
“Oh…Fed’s not really hurting for money.”
“What, is he a drug dealer or something?”
“Mom!”
“Well, I think it’s a very valid question. Most young men in their twenties don’t have the funds to just up and fly off to Paris for six weeks.”
“Well, Fed isn’t in his twenties. He’s about a decade older than I am.”
“Which sounds way too old to be taking six weeks off from work.”
“He’s not. This trip is really more of a business trip for him. He’s CEO of a company that has a location in Paris, and he’ll be spending most of his time working with his engineers on design for their product, among other things.”
“Well, I’m glad to hear that at least this Fed guy has a career, unlike you right now…because surely you realize that if you leave your job for six weeks, you’re probably not going to have one to come back to, right?”
I sighed, deciding to just tell my mom everything. “Mom, Fed’s company is actually--”
“Wait. I just realized something. Is ‘Fed’ short for Federico, as in, Federico Balducci, the billionaire CEO of the company you work for?”
“Yes, Mom. He’s my new boyfriend.”
She didn’t answer right away. “Well…well, this is good! He can help you climb to the top faster then.”
“Mom, I’m not using him to ‘help me climb to the top.’ I’m falling in love with him, and I don’t want or expect to give me anything more than his love in return. As far as my career, I’m really not sure that I even want one anymore, and I started thinking this even before I met Fed. Honestly, for months, I haven’t been sure why I’m working at Testera.”
My mom snorted. “Well, you’ve been working at Testera because you want a career. You’re trying to climb up the--”
“No, Mom. I’m not. You are, and that’s fine. But I’m starting to think that I want something radically different for my life.”
My mom snorted again. “’Radically different?’ Like what? You want something like…like, Grandma’s life? You want to be chained to a stove, popping out kids?”
“I don’t think Grandma thinks of her life that way, Mom. I don’t think of her life that way. I think of her as a woman who loved cooking, and who loved kids. I see myself as a woman who loves cooking and who loves kids…especially when I think about the possibility of having my own someday. And, see, unlike Grandma, I actually have a choice, which makes the choice I’ll make an even more powerful one. I think that I might actually choose the ‘old-fashioned’ choice someday. I think this is what might actually make me happiest.”
My mom didn’t answer me right away. “There’s a third way, Jasmine. You can have a career, but also have a child…or even a couple if you want.”
“So that I can have a nanny take care of them while I work in some job that I hate? Why, Mom? Just…why? I think the ‘third way’ is wonderful for some women…some women who are passionate about their careers and need them to feel fulfilled in life…but I just don’t think that I’m one of those women. In fact, I think you know damn well that I’ve never really ‘settle’ into any job and that I’ve never felt passionate about any career possibilities.”
“You watch your mouth, Jasmine. You don’t say the word ‘damn’ to your own damned mother.”
Slumping forward, I buried half my face in one hand, sighing. “Look, Mom. This is all such an utterly pointless discussion. Fed doesn’t even want to get married. He doesn’t want to have kids. He basically says that his career is his life.”
“Smart man.”
“I’m going to go to Paris with him for six weeks, and I’m going to have a good time. Then, I’m going to come back home to reality and my crappy job. After that, I don’t know what will happen. I don’t know what I’ll do.”
My mom didn’t answer right away. “You’ll be closing in on thirty soon. You’ll be able to do anything.”
This might have seemed like a strange comment to some people, but I knew exactly what my mom meant. And I didn’t want to talk about it.
“I think I’ll let you go now, Mom. I have more packing to do.”
“Don’t you want to be somebody, Jasmine? Don’t you want to build your own empire? Maybe you think your job is ‘crappy’ now, and maybe it is, but when you’re thirty--”
“I don’t want to talk about this right now.”
“Well, if not now, when? When are we going to figure out your life?”
“We’re not…because I think I’m finally starting to figure it out on my own.”
“Jasmine, please just listen.”
“Mom, I really have to go now. I love you, but I don’t think I’ll be able to call you much while I’m in Paris. I’ll be in touch when I get home.”
With that, I hung up on her, just like I’d done to Abbey. Also like with Abbey, this was the first time that I’d ever hung up on my mom. It didn’t feel good. However, at the same time, I felt somehow free on some level. I felt so free, in fact, that I found myself humming while I finished packing a while later. Fed came into my bedroom, giving me a little smile, just as I closed my last suitcase.
I gave him a little smile in return with my pulse accelerating. “I’m ready.”