Chapter 20
“Planning on sleeping in here,” asked Roger, entering the lounge room.
The lights were off, but the fire provided a dim light.
“No. Tabitha wants to keep things normal for appearances sake. I wanted to give her time to fall asleep before I came up.”
“Can I pour you a scotch, son?”
Freddie nodded. In a different mood, he’d have thought it amusing that he and his father were dressed in identical Hastings-Bass suits with differing shades of grey.
“Scary, isn’t it?” remarked Roger, passing a glass to Freddie and sitting opposite him.
“What?”
“Falling in love.”
The two men stayed silent.
“Did you love mother?”
“I did love her, but I wasn’t in love with her. When I met Carmella in the office. I wasn’t attracted to her because she was beautiful. I was drawn to her energy, her passion for the company, her admiration for what I’d achieved and her commitment to the future. It was the first time in my life that I found something outside of work that satisfied me.”
“Doesn’t say much about Izzy and I being sunbeams in your life.”
“What it says Freddie, is that I didn’t know how to love before Carmella. Once she taught me...”
“You started a family with her.”
“I didn’t want to, initially. I thought I could only love Carmella. Of course she took the time to let me learn that I could love more than one person, there were different types of love and that each special person in my life was rewarding to me on a different level.”
“Izzy doesn’t know that.”
“Isabella does know that. That’s why she’s unique and holds a piece of my heart no one else will ever claim. I messed up with you and Izzy. I regret it. I didn’t invest the time in the two of you when were young and after the divorce I refused to buy into Carmella’s vision of a blended family. Once the twins were born and their older brother and sister became so involved with them. It opened up the door for me to become part of your life again. You were so much more unforgiving than Izzy.”
“Izzy’s a soft touch.”
“Izzy’s a family girl. When I finally saw all the missed opportunities I’d had with my two older children, it was Izzy who left the past where it belonged. You didn’t. You treated me as if our relationship existed only because of blood ties. Izzy wanted me to be her father. It was all she wanted. I adore her for it and was thrilled to have a second chance to be the father she deserved.”
“It’s easy to adore someone who loves and asks for nothing back.”
“It certainly is, isn’t it Frederick? How often do you call your sister? How often do you initiate plans to see her?”
“I spend a hell of a lot of more time with her than you.”
“But you’re a man and you’re lazy and because Izzy is sociable, outgoing and bossy, we tend to let her take charge and go along with what she suggests – mainly because they’re great ideas. Ask Izzy if I’ve ever ignored her calls or name a time when I’ve failed to agree to meet her and I think the answer will surprise you. I can never come between the two of you. I know you acted as a parent to her when I should’ve been doing that role. You two are close as a result. Sometimes, Freddie, I think the only thing we have in common is a love of your sister and the fact that we work at the same company. I’d love it to be so much more than that.”
“Should’ve thought about that years ago when you insisted we go to boarding school and see our alcoholic mother in the holidays,” Freddie retorted childishly.
“I should’ve. I can’t turn back time. I accept that it has severely impacted on me developing a strong bond with you. Fortunately I’ve been luckier with Izzy.”
“What do you want, Father? Why did you tell Tabitha this situation was on you?”
“Because I don’t want you sitting here in fifteen years’ time, regretting an important decision that you could’ve easily changed. We can open a branch of Hastings-Bass in every country in the world, but it won’t give you a modicum of the happiness that I know Tabitha gives you. Don’t let work become your life. Open you heart up and take a chance.”
“I’ve done that, Dad. The end of our relationship is Tabitha’s call, not mine.”
“You opened your heart up, but you didn’t take a chance on her. If you did, you’d have told her about Christmas and Samantha. She strikes me as the kind of girl who would understand the history of the two families. The relationship will only end if you give up on it. Take a chance on Tabitha. Fight for her. Don’t walk out the instant she says it’s over. That demonstrates no qualities she’d want in a future partner.
Take a chance and show her the best side of you, Freddie. Don’t waste years like I did, when you can get it right first time. It would’ve been easy to keep Carmella as a mistress, stay in my safe marriage with two kids. I took a chance and separated from your mother. Now I’m as in love with Carmella as I was when we first met. I’ve got four great children and I love the work I do, but it took a long time for me to get there.”
“Why do you care? Why now are we having the father and son talk?”
“I care because I love you. We’re having the father and son talk because I believe you’ve found the right woman and you’re in love with her. I should’ve stepped in to help out years ago, but I didn’t because I was too closed up to appreciate the people who wanted to love me. This might be my only chance to ever interfere in your life again. Don’t just love Tabitha, let her love you back. Fight for her and be the man she knows you are.”
*
“Do you hate me?”
“No,” Tabitha replied to Izzy’s question. “I’m hurt that you didn’t tell me.”
“I hoped that Freddie would.”
“You’re one of my closest friends, but it just goes to show that blood is thicker than water.”
“Don’t be like that,” said Izzy.
The two girls were standing on the front steps of the house. It had snowed during the night. Although it wasn’t heavy, the virginal white blanket covering the grass on Russell Square made for the perfect Christmas morning.
“It hardly ever snows in London. How strange that it has this Christmas.”
“Anyone looking in at the picture in this house will soon see the snow globe’s been broken,” said Tabitha sourly.
“You’ve every right to be cross at me.”
“I’ll get over it,” promised Tabitha amiably. “It’s Christmas after all, and I do believe in what this time of year stands for.”
“So does Freddie.”
“Izzy, please. I love you and I love him dearly, but don’t defend his actions. I’m hurt and humiliated. If he hadn’t been devious this could’ve been avoided.”
“Freddie wasn’t being devious. Did you ever think why he wanted to be alone with you for Christmas?”
“To avoid telling me he was previously engaged to Samantha.”
“That’s too simple an answer and you know Freddie isn’t a coward.”
Tabitha stomped in her Ugg boots. She knew she looked sloppy and self-indulgent in her pink velour tracksuit with a long cardigan swathed round her, but the inclination to appear glam and Christmassy for Freddie’s family departed her the second she heard Samantha’s voice at the front door.
Izzy stood next to Tabitha and wrapped her blanket round them both to get warm.
“Samantha and her father have been coming here for Christmas since her mum died when she was six. The last thing Freddie would want is for Samantha and Cooper to be without their family on Christmas. I also know the last thing he’d ever want is to hurt you and that’s why he pushed for a private Christmas with you.”
“It’s a convenient excuse,” said Tabitha slowly.
“There’s no love lost between me and Samantha; not after the way she treated Freddie. I insisted we go to the family home for Christmas because I wanted Samantha to understand how Freddie felt last year when she cheated on him and then turned up and insisted on staying with us. My Dad loves Freddie. He didn’t invite Samantha because he wanted you and Freddie to have the freedom and space to become fully involved with the family.
Tabitha – I stirred this up because I wanted to annoy Samantha. If I hadn’t told Freddie that Dad wasn’t planning on inviting Samantha, he’d have turned up yesterday, accepted the change in the usual situation and got on with Christmas. Because I blabbed he wanted to do the honorable thing by my dad’s best friend and daughter.”
“He put honor before love,” stated Tabitha. “At least he put his loyalty to Samantha ahead of any feelings he had for me.”
“I’m not sure that was it. If memory serves correctly, Freddie was insistent he spend Christmas with you. He was content to sacrifice a family Christmas to devote himself to you. Thanks to Samantha’s unexpected arrival you’ll never know whether Freddie intended on telling you or not about his past.”
“Are you coming in for breakfast?”
Poppy’s face appeared at the door.
“As soon as we’ve had breakfast we can do the Christmas tree,” she squealed excitedly.
Hugging briefly, the two women followed the young girl in.
“Make my excuses,” whispered Tabitha into Izzy’s ears. “I...need to think.”
“Of course.”
Tabitha went to the bedroom. She wasn’t sure when Freddie had come up, but he was fast asleep next to her when she woke. There was no sign of him in the bedroom now. Getting under the covers, she curled up and rested her head on the pillow Freddie used and inhaled deeply to memorize his scent.
Falling asleep she was disturbed by a knock on the door.
“Sorry you’re sick,” said Lily quietly. “It’s awful to be unwell at Christmas. You missed the tree, but mum said I could bring the presents up for you to open when you’re ready.”
As Lily placed the stack next to Tabitha, Poppy slipped in and both girls sat on the end of the bed eager to see her unwrap their presents.
“Mind if we join,” asked Freddie by the door.
“Course not,” Tabitha replied with a fake smile.
She forced herself to keep the smile on her face when she saw Samantha follow Freddie in like a faithful puppy.
As they watched her with interest, Tabitha began tearing at the paper, hoping to get everyone out of the room as quickly as possible to permit her to continue wallowing in self-pity. For her efforts, she was rewarded with a cashmere scarf from the twins; a Harrods hamper containing expensive and luxurious food, drink and bathroom goods, from Roger and Carmella; a voucher to the lavish Victoria Secret’s lingerie shop from Izzy; and a pen from Samantha.
Samantha went all out on that gift, thought Tabitha as she thanked Samantha for the drab item.
“That’s everything,” she announced.
“Except for Freddie’s present,” said Samantha slyly.
“I’ll open that in private.”
“Open it now, I’m sure the twins are dying to see it,” insisted Samantha.
Tabitha gazed up and caught Freddie’s confident stare. He didn’t look away. He nodded.
“Open it. I’d have liked you to have done so in private, but Samantha’s right; the twins will love it.”
Instead of ripping at the paper, Tabitha took her time unwrapping the paper from a small cardboard box. Pulling off the top she saw a beautiful bauble for a Christmas tree.
“Oooh it’s like mine,” gushed Samantha. “You got them when we visited the Christmas market didn’t you, Freddie?”
“It’s not quite like yours,” clarified Freddie, as he saw Tabitha noting the similarities between the two baubles. “If you twist yours, Tabitha, it comes apart.”
Samantha made a show of twisting hers only to discover, while exclusive and pretty, it was nothing more than a fancy decoration for her to hang up next Christmas on the tree.
Tabitha twisted hers. It came apart easily. Lying inside the bottom of the lower half of the bauble was a simple white gold ring with a diamond set in it.
“I know you said no rings this Christmas, but you’d hate me if I behaved exactly how you wanted me to. This isn’t my ideal setting. I’d planned it slightly different in my head.”
Freddie’s face was flushed as he moved into the room to Tabitha’s side of the bed and dropped to one knee.
“Will you marry me? Will you take a chance on me? I need you. You make me a better person and I want to take a chance on this relationship and I want to do it properly with you. I think it’s best to do that in an official capacity. I can’t ever see me sharing my life with anyone else, so I’m hoping you might help me open up and accept your love completely - as man and wife. I only want to love you, Tabitha. I know I get it wrong. The ring in the bauble, Samantha being here, the twins mooning over you, a terrible night’s sleep – it’s all horrific, but it hasn’t changed how I feel. Whether it was us having Christmas together in your flat, in private by the Christmas tree before breakfast, or here as it is now with a full audience to embarrass me, I was always going to ask you to be my wife.”
“Freddie?”
“Yes.”
“Stop stressing. I was always going to say yes.”
She leaned down and kissed him. The twins wolf whistled at the electricity between the couple.
“Scoot,” ordered Freddie. “I need a little quality Christmas time with my wife-to-be.” Everyone fled the room in varying moods. Sliding the ring on her finger, Freddie kissed her.
“Thank you loving me.”
“You don’t make it easy Freddie, but you do make it worthwhile.”
“Merry Christmas, Tabitha,” he murmured before crawling on top of her to make up in a more sensuous way.
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