It’s been two weeks since Evan and I went on our first date. I didn’t expect him to be how he was at the end of the night, I always thought he was this confident person where nothing could knock him down. But what he showed me had me falling for him even more. I can see it in his eyes: he’s damaged, just like I am.
Nobody is perfect, but people like to put a front on and pretend to be that all-American girl or boy. The kind where they’re naturally beautiful and have the immaculate personality that will attract everybody around them.
I’m not that kind of person, I know that, and neither is Evan. Sure people want to be around him, to listen to him when he’s joking around. But none of them really know him.
I have secrets: secrets which no one here knows about. They may know what was said in the paperwork when I was arrested, but they don’t know the full extent of what happened that day or following it. They know what he wants them to know and nothing more.
I see the pain in Evan’s eyes when he looks at me, a pain buried so deep I’m not sure it will ever come to the surface, but I won’t stop. I won’t ever stop being there for him because for me, he’s it.
He’s the one person who makes my heart sing and my soul dance. He makes me feel like a more beautiful, funnier version of who I really am.
I lean my head on my hand as I sit and watch him teach his self-defense class, the same class he teaches twice a week. His head turns toward the door, a smirk dancing across his lips before his honey eyes connect with mine. I can’t see them from here but I know that the gold swirls will be sparkling as he stares at me.
Butterflies swarm my stomach as I sit up straighter, my palms sweating as he moves toward the front of the class, only taking his eyes off me for a few seconds to tell them today’s session is over.
They all start talking to Evan, and soon I can’t see him against the women who are surrounding him.
“Ever thought about trying it?”
I jump at the deep voice, spinning around and coming face to face with Roy.
“You scared me!” I shout, my hand flying to my chest as nervous laughter slips out.
He’s been back for a couple of days. His sister passed away and he had to stay a week longer to arrange all of the funeral and everything else. The thought of a funeral has my good mood taking a nose dive; I never got to attend my gran’s, not being able to get permission for day release.
Instead, he took care of it, the one person she didn’t want anything to do with, the one person who made all of this so much worse for all of us.
“Sorry.” He chuckles, leaning on the other side of the reception desk, watching as all the women file out of the room and out of the main doors. “I need to talk to you and Evan.”
“I…” My eyes widen when he swings his gaze to me and then back to Evan as he puts the equipment away in the storage closet. “What… what about?”
I start to panic, my breaths coming faster the longer he’s silent. Does he know about us? It’s not like we’ve kept it secret, but neither have we outright come out and said we’re together.
Wait… are we together? We haven’t even had that conversation. Come to think of it, I haven’t got a clue what we are.
What if he only wants something fun? What if he doesn’t see me as girlfriend material?
I’ve lived on cloud nine these last two weeks, having fun with him and not thinking twice about being me. But not once have I thought about what we are, not until this moment. Now, as Evan walks toward us, pulling his t-shirt over his head which causes his muscles to ripple, my mind is full of doubts.
His gaze captures mine and he must see something he doesn’t like because he frowns before coming to a stop next to Roy.
“Hey, Roy.”
Roy answers him, but I have no idea what they’re talking about because I’m stuck inside my own head. Maybe I made the whole thing up? Maybe I thought it was more than what there really was?
I’m stupid, so so stupid.
I bring my arms around my middle, hugging myself and warding off the chill that starts to seep deep within my bones.
“As I wasn’t here to organize the fun day, I’ve rescheduled it all for in a month's time instead.” The sound of Roy’s voice snaps me out of my thoughts and I whip my head around to him.
“Fun day?” I ask.
Both Evan and Roy turn to face me. “Yeah, I think I mentioned it to you a few weeks ago. We put loads of different activities on. Evan does the barbecue, Elena brings animals for the kids to pet, there’s activities for everyone.”
“Oh…” I nod my head, not having a clue what he’s saying, or maybe I can’t process it all right now?
“Anyway,” he says, waving his hand in the air. “I need both of your help this year.”
“Of course.” Evan nods. “You know I’ll help fundraise for the center anytime.”
“You’re a good lad,” Roy says, patting him on the back before turning to face me.
“O-oh, me? Yeah… sure… of course.”
He nods his head and spins around, walking around the large desk and into the office behind it.
I look down at a pile of papers, filtering through them as I try to make myself look busy, when in actual fact, I haven’t got a clue what they are.
“Lex?”
I mumble to myself before walking from behind the desk and heading toward the kitchen, the papers still clutched in my hand.
“Lexi?”
I wave my hand in the air. “I’ll be here late, I’ll catch you later.”
I can almost feel the frown that he’s sure to be wearing on his face, but I don’t know what to do or how to act. All of this is new to me and he knows that.
I walk into the kitchen and lean against the wall, my eyes focused on a tiny patch of dirt on the opposite wall. The papers flutter out of my hands as they start to shake, my body giving up its fight as I slide down the wall.
Why did I do that? Why did I dismiss him like he was nothing?
I hear him and Roy talking and then Evan’s chuckle as they walk out of the door. “I’ll lock up behind us!” Roy shouts before the door closes and then the lock turns and I’m left all on my own.
Bringing my knees up to my chest, I wrap my arms around them and let my head drop against them as the first tear escapes, tracking its way down my cheek.
I don’t know how long I sit here, letting my body fold in on itself, but at some stage, I let myself fall to the floor, curling into a ball as my eyes close and my mind wanders back to the past. No matter how many times I try to not think about any of it, I never can stop it from rearing its ugly head. It’s on my mind constantly like a bad commercial on repeat, never letting me get a brief reprieve.
“I’ll make sure you go down for as long as I can.” His dark-brown eyes meet mine, evil showing in their depths.
He sits across from me, his expensive suit encasing his body and throwing everyone off the scent of who he is: what he is.
I know him better than anyone on account of him being my uncle and Gran’s power of attorney. There was a time where he would play in Gran’s backyard with me for hours. Though all that changed when I turned twelve. He and Gran had a big argument—I’m talking screaming at each other kind of argument that ended up in her signing some important documents that made him in charge of everything.
I remember him screaming about a will and how could she give it all to a child. At the time I had no idea what he was going on about, but as I grew up, I started to learn that he wasn’t the perfect uncle who would play hide and seek with me. He was the worst kind of human being.
The kind of person who hides behind a good persona when in reality he had evil running through his veins.
“Unc—”
“No.” He slices his hand through the air. “You don’t call me that, not after what you’ve done.”
“But it was for Gran, she needed her meds—”
“Is that what you’re going to say? You going to try and use her as your out?” He shakes his head, leaning back on the rickety chair. “I told her all those years ago that you’d end up just like your mother and father: a pair of junkies who couldn’t look after themselves.”
My nose tingles with the telltale sign of tears. I know very little about my parents, but what I do know is that they couldn’t look after themselves, which is why Gran took me in and raised me from the age of two.
“Please,” I beg. “I was trying to help.”
He laughs, full-on, throw-your-head back laughter as his eyes meet mine again. “Nobody will believe you that she didn’t have money for her medication.” He leans back, a smirk on his face. “I’m her power of attorney, I would have provided them for her.” He’s lying, he’d never give her the money for them. “You’ll never get her estate now.”
“Estate?” I ask as I bring my handcuffed wrists up to my face, wiping the tears away.
“As if you don’t know. You’re her sole heir… not anymore though.” He stands up, pushing his chair under the table and walking to the door. “I’ll be trying you as an adult. Adult decisions call for adult punishments.”
I gasp, realizing what he’s saying.
My eyes flutter open, my neck aching at the position I’ve been in for the last… I look up at the clock on the wall and see that it reads two in the morning. My gaze flits around the room, trying to work out what caused me to wake up.
When I don’t hear anything, I push myself up into a sitting position and pick the papers up off the floor before standing.
I jump out of my skin when I hear the office phone ringing. Why would someone be calling at this time?
Shaking my head, I continue toward the office and pick up the handset, bringing it to my ear as I softly whisper, “Hello?”
“Lex.” Evan’s voice sounds like a plea and I open my mouth to ask him why he’s calling but he continues. “Why are you still there?”
“I… erm…” I bite my bottom lip as I strain to hear what the noise in the background is. “I fell asleep.”
“Dammit! I knew there was something wrong before I left.”
“What? I…”
“Unlock the door.” My head whips around and my stomach bottoms out at the tone of his voice. “I forgot my keys.”
“Evan?” I ask, my voice a mere whisper, but he doesn’t answer because the line goes dead and then there’s a knock on the door.
“Let me in, Lex!”
My breath stutters as I place the phone in its cradle before slowly walking out of the office and toward the main door. His face comes into view, the light above the door illuminating his features.
My shaking hands reach out for the lock and as soon as I’ve turned it, he’s barging inside.
“You lied.”
I shut the door behind him, turning the lock before spinning around to face him. He paces the small area, his hands on his hips loosely.
“I… how did I lie?”
He comes to a stop a few feet in front of me. “You said no secrets: you lied. There was something wrong tonight and you didn’t tell me: you kept it a secret.”
I close my eyes slowly, taking a deep breath and shaking my head. “I’m not doing this right now.” I start to walk away, but his hand clutching my arm stops me.
“Yeah, you are. I’ve been going out of my mind since I left, knowing that there was something off, and then when I turn up at Livvy’s and you’re not there.” He huffs out a frustrated breath. “Do you have any idea what I thought? What I imagined? The things that ran through my head?”
“What?” I ask confused, not knowing what he’s talking about.
“I have enemies, Lex. It comes with the job. If anything ever happened to you, I wouldn’t be able to...” He trails off, his face filling with fear.
“Evan…” Lifting my hand to his cheek, I run the pads of my fingers through the scruff, the scratching sound echoing around us.
“I was worried,” he whispers. “And you lied.”
My gaze flits away from his, focusing on the potted plant that sits in the main foyer before bouncing back to him. “I… what…” I shake my head and let my hand drop from his face. “What are we?”
His head reels back. “What do you mean… ‘what are we?’”
“This.” I point my finger between us. “What are we? Are we a little fun? Because if we are, then I can’t do this anymore, Evan. I feel too much to be something you can throw away at any time.”
He stares at me for several seconds before he takes ahold of my hand, placing it on his chest and covering it with his large one. “You feel that?” he asks as I feel his heartbeat against the palm of my hand. “That beating? It beats for you. Only you.” I swallow against the lump working its way up my throat. “I can’t tell you what we are, because I have no clue what this is that I’m feeling. But if you want to put a label on it?” He stops for a beat, placing his hand on my hip as he brings my body flush against his. “You’re my everything, Lex.” He leans closer, his lips centimeters from mine before he whispers, “Everything.”
* * *
I stare at the silver case that sits on the passenger seat of my car before my gaze flits to the rearview mirror. I see the van a little ways back and I know that Luke and Dean sit in there, watching me in case anything goes down.
It’s been three weeks since Darrell gave me the chip and although I know I could have had this done for him in a day, I wanted to make him wait. After all, if I jumped when he said jump, I’d never have any control over this situation, and I don’t like to not have control when it comes to my work.
“Black SUV coming your way,” I hear in my ear through the small device that we’re all wearing.
After the last meeting and the way I felt like an easy target out in the open on my own, I haven’t once questioned Ty when he’s sent Luke and Dean behind me, much to Luke’s dismay having to sit in a confined space with Dean.
“I’ve got eyes,” I reply when I see the SUV coming.
It turns around, coming to a stop ten feet directly in front of me. I wait for Darrell to step out before I grab the briefcase and push my own door open.
“Evan.” He nods in greeting, his gaze moving down to the briefcase in my hand. “You did it?”
“Did you think I couldn’t?” I ask, a smirk lifting up the corner of my lips. “Of course I did it.”
He nods his head, his eyes shining like a man who hasn’t eaten meat for a month and is about to cut into a piece of perfectly cooked steak.
“Good, good.” He holds his hand out for the case, but I shake my head.
“Payment?”
“Wire it,” he shouts back to the car and a couple of seconds later my cell pings.
Pulling it out, I check that the money has gone into one of my accounts before immediately moving it into another account that is offshore.
Stepping forward, I hold the case out to him. “Nice doing business with you.”
I spin around, ready to get the hell out of here but halt when he calls my name. “The job is in four weeks, be ready.”
I turn my gaze back to his, but he isn’t looking at me anymore, he’s walking back to his car. I watch as he shuts the door and a couple of seconds later, the car is spinning out of the same lot that we met in last time.
“Is it done?” Luke asks in my ear.
“Yeah... but he said the main job is in four weeks.” I pull open my door, sliding into my seat and clicking my belt in the holder before starting the engine and peeling out of there myself. “I’ll see you back at the compound.”
I press a few buttons on my steering wheel and then listen to the ringing tone that comes through my speakers.
“Seb,” the gruff voice answers.
“Meet me at the compound in an hour.” I don’t say anything else before I press the button to end the call and speed back toward the warehouse.
It’s normally a two-hour drive any other time, but I keep my foot to the floor, trying to shave as many minutes off the journey as I can.
My mind is on anything but the job right now. It’s on Lexi and the way she looked at me the other night at the center.
I’ve never been good at words or reading women, but I knew something was off when I left her there and I’ve kicked myself ever since I walked out of those doors without checking on her.
We’ve had so much fun over the last few weeks, taking things slow and trying to build a relationship.
It wasn’t until then that I realized I need to open up to her: share all of my past with her. We promised each other there’d be no secrets, so that’s what I’ll give her.
My fingers start moving of their own accord, the ringing coming through the speakers for the second time as I wait for the call to connect.
“Hello? Livvy speaking.”
“Hey, Livvy, is Lexi there?”
“Sure, one second… Lexi!”
I wince as her voice rattles through my speakers.
“Hello?” My whole body sags in my seat when her soft voice sounds over the line.
“Hey, Lex.”
“Evan.” I can hear the smile in her voice, and when I catch my reflection in the mirror, I see my own grin spreading across my face.
“Come to my place on Saturday? I want to cook for you.” I leave that hanging in the air, but it’s more than that. I want to share my space with her, I want to talk to her with the knowledge that no one else can hear.
That’s one of the problems when you do what I do. No matter how much you block people’s signals, if you’re not in a secure place—like my cabin—then you can never be sure someone isn’t listening in. Like this phone call, it’s a landline, not one of the cells that I adapt.
Why the hell haven’t I given her one of my cells? That’s another thing I’ll be rectifying.
“I… what time?” she asks.
“About seven?”
“Okay.” I hear her gentle breathing over the line and I lean back in my seat, letting my hand rest lightly on the side of the steering wheel. Having her on the other end of the phone has me relaxing like nothing else ever has.
How can someone have this kind of effect over another person?
I start driving up the road that leads to the compound and sit up straighter. “I have to go, baby. I’ll see you on Saturday, okay?”
“Yeah,” she breathes. “I’ll see you then.”
I click the button to end the call at the same time as I hit the button for the gates to open.
When I pull up into my usual space, I spot Seb’s car and a few minutes later, Luke is pulling in on the other side of me.
“What was the rush?” he asks as he climbs out, Dean following behind him from the other side.
“He gave me a rough date, I want to know what Seb and West know.”
Luke nods his head in understanding and then follows me into the warehouse where Seb and West sit at the meeting table with Ty, Kay, and Kitty.
“What’s going on?” Seb asks, standing up.
“I just met with Darrell.” I sit down in my seat, leaning my arms on the table in front of me. “What do you know about this job?”
“Nothing we haven’t already told you,” West answers, his gaze meeting mine and narrowing slightly. “It’s the gallery, something to do with them.”
I nod my head slowly before opening up my laptop that I left on the table before I left. My fingers flying over the keys, searching for any shipments that are scheduled. The piece of art still hasn’t arrived, which must mean that Darrell got word on when it would be arriving.
“There’s nothing here,” I say out loud. “He must have an inside person in the gallery to know when it’s happening.”
“Wait… what are you talking about?”
I move my gaze from my laptop screen before meeting Seb’s eyes. “He told me the job is in four weeks’ time. He knows something that we don’t.”
Seb turns to West, both of them sharing something silently through their eyes. “He hasn’t told us anything yet.”
I tilt my head to the side, my gaze flitting between them both as I assess them. Why wouldn’t he tell them but would tell me? They’re the ones who have been working with him all of this time, yet he hasn’t said a word. I huff out a breath coming to a conclusion. “He doesn’t trust you.”
West’s head reels back before he pushes his chair back, his hands clenching into fists. “What the fuck are you talking about?”
I lean back in my seat, watching as a vein in his neck pulses.
“He’s right,” Dean interrupts. “If he trusted you, you’d be one of the first people he’d tell about the date… not Evan.”
I hook my thumb toward Dean. “What he said. The question is, why? Why doesn’t he trust you?”
The room is silent for several minutes before Kay clears her throat. “He knows about you both, he knows who you are.”
West swings his head around to her, fire in his eyes which causes Ty to stand up, lifting to his full height as his eyes flash a warning at him.
He slowly sits back down beside Seb, his face turning red as his anger overtakes him. “He can’t know, we’ve been fucking careful.”
I close the lid of my laptop, pushing my chair back and picking it up off the table. “Let me do some digging, if I find anything, I’ll let you know ASAP.” With that, I walk out of the warehouse and back to my cabin where I head down to my safe room so that I can do some digging without anyone being able to get into my system.
If Darrell knows who Seb and West are, then why are they still partially in the loop? I know they’re doing side jobs for him, so he must trust them at least a little. Unless it’s all a setup and he wants them to think he still trusts them.
I frown. He trusts me because he gave me the date, right now that’s all that matters.