Chatter surrounds the ladies from my Friday self-defense class as they file out of the door. My gaze lingers on the hallway, knowing that Lexi is close by. I haven’t seen her since Tuesday at the family meal. I don’t know if it’s a conscious decision or not. Whether I’m pulling away, afraid that she’ll see me differently after everything that I told her.
I don’t want her to think I’m weak: I’m not that same child who begged to be fed to no avail. I like to think I’m a different person now, but sometimes I feel just as scared as I did back then. Scared that I’ll lose her, that she won’t want to be with me now that she knows how my life started out.
Once they’ve all left out of the main door, I dip down, grabbing one of the mats and rolling it up as I try to quiet the thoughts that are bashing around in my head.
A throat clearing gains my attention, and I whip my head up.
“Hey.” Lexi smiles, leaning on the doorframe to the room and watching me with knowing eyes. She opens her mouth and I prepare for her to call me out for avoiding her, because that’s what I’ve been doing, not wanting to confront the possibility that she won’t look at me the same way she did before. “Teach me.”
I frown, not understanding what she’s saying until she steps toward me, stopping a few feet away.
“What?”
“Teach me some self-defense.”
I tilt my head to the side, studying her. What is she doing?
“Lex, I’m sor—”
Her finger lands on my lips, effectively shutting me up before she shakes her head, her eyes shining with understanding.
“Show me some moves.”
I swallow, placing my hand around her wrist and bringing it up to my lips, planting a soft kiss there and not taking my gaze off hers. I watch as her eyes flutter shut before they open back up.
“Have you ever done any self-defense?” I ask, deciding that if she wants to not bring it up then I won’t either.
She shakes her head, her eyes glazing over as she stares over my head. “No.”
I want to ask her what that look is for but I can see she’s inside her own head, so instead, I place my hands on her shoulders, spinning her around to face the mirrored wall as I stand behind her.
“I teach people the easiest and fastest ways to get away from a possible attacker. Injure them enough to escape and call for help.”
“What if you can’t run away?” she asks, her voice low as she meets my gaze in the mirror. “Never mind, continue.” She waves her hand in the air, cutting me off.
I’m silent for a beat as I study her before I take a breath. “There’s several body parts that are considered the weak points, these are three that I teach first.” I point to her eyes. “The first are the eyes.” I hold my hands out in front of me, thumbs out sideways. “You push your thumbs into them as hard as you can.”
I take her hands in mine, placing them in the correct position before letting go and placing my hand on her stomach under her breasts. I watch as her breath falters, her eyes flicking down to where I’m holding her.
I push closer, letting my front touch her back as I say, “The second is the solar plexus. One hard hit will knock the wind out of someone, giving you time to flee.”
Her eyes come back up to mine, hesitating. “Okay,” she says on a breath. “What’s the third?”
My other hand grips her hip as I step even closer to her, feeling the curve of her ass pressed against me. I hold her still, soaking her in. Her legs shine with a slight tan, the white ripped jean shorts making the color pop. My hand on her stomach fists the pale-yellow flowing top, wanting nothing more than to feel her skin under the palm of my hand.
Her teeth sink into her bottom lip as she watches me, her hand coming to rest behind her on my thigh. I stutter a shaky breath at the contact.
“Groin,” I finally say, my voice deep and gruff. My hand wanders over her shorts, laying my palm flat against her. “A kick to the groin,” I barely manage to choke out.
The room spins as we stand here, holding each other up. Images of the last time we were in this room with my hands on her assault me. The sounds she made, the way she fit so perfectly against me.
I dip my head down, placing a soft kiss where her shoulder meets her neck all the while staring deep into her eyes in the mirror. “Lex.”
“Mmmm?”
“I’m sorry.” She frowns as I lift my head up, moving my hands and wrapping them around her waist from behind. “I’ve been avoiding you after—”
She spins around, cutting me off. “I know,” she says softly. “I understand.”
I work my throat, trying to swallow against the building lump. “I’ve never… I’ve never told anyone.”
The palm of her hand cups the side of my face, her thumb brushing along the top of my cheek as she stands on her tiptoes, pressing a soft kiss to my lips. “Thank you for telling me.” She pulls away slightly, letting her breath fan over me and eliciting a shiver to roll through me. “For trusting me.”
A sound escapes my throat as I crush her body to mine, holding onto her like she’s a raft and I’m in the middle of the ocean stranded. She’s the thing that will bring me to safety: make sure I stay afloat and not drown in my memories.
“Come to Sunday drinks,” she whispers in my ear, holding me just as tight as I’m holding her.
I pull back slightly. “They still do Sunday drinks?” I ask, chuckling to myself. Ever since I can remember, Dad, Pop, and Livvy have had Sunday drinks.
“Yeah.” She lifts her hands up, capturing my face. “Will you come?”
My nostrils flare as I try to hold in my laughter. I could make a joke here, it’s on the tip of my tongue, but I refrain. Her eyes shine with apprehension as she waits for my answer.
“I’ll come… to Sunday drinks.”
A breath whooshes out of her at my answer before she steps back. “I need to finish cleaning.” She hesitates a second before shaking her head. “You’re so distracting.” She walks past me, letting her hand trail along my arm before leaving me standing in the middle of the room, wondering if I’ll ever get enough of her.
* * *
I busy my hands, cutting tomatoes and placing them with the rest of the salad in the bowl before moving on to the coleslaw that needs to be mixed. I can hear everyone sitting outside, laughing and drinking as West fires up the grill again. It’s like every other Sunday—only it’s not. This one is different because Evan will be here any minute and then we’ll be with his family and mine.
The last time we were in the same room with his dad and pop, he was with Geena and I was just the girl who had come out of prison. It’s different now: I’m not just that girl, I’m me—Lexi—not a statistic, not another number within the system.
I mix the coleslaw together, setting it in a dish and looking around the kitchen for something else to do, something to keep me busy.
Maybe I could make some brownies?
“Lexi?” I jump at the sound of Livvy’s voice coming from outside. “What are you doing?”
I clear my throat, placing my shaking hands in the pockets of my maxi skirt, trying to get my nerves under control.
“I—” A knock at the door cuts me off and I take a deep breath, pushing my shoulders back and making my way through the house before pulling the door open.
My eyes scan him: slogan t-shirt, dark denim jeans paired with his trusty combat boots and a huge grin on his face.
He steps forward, wrapping his arms around my waist and picking me up, walking inside and shutting the door behind him.
I chuckle when he places his lips against my neck and blows a raspberry on my skin, his throaty laugh surrounding us as he continues to walk with me, my feet a few inches off the floor.
“Where are you taking me?” I ask, staring into his eyes as I clutch his shoulders.
“Seb said you haven’t come out of the kitchen for three hours.” He raises a brow, walking us through the kitchen as a blush rises on my cheeks.
“How did Seb—”
“He texted me.”
“Oh.” I squirm in his hold, my eyes flitting away from his. “I was nervous. Last time we were both with your dad and pop…” I trail off as he stops a few feet from the door that leads into the backyard.
I bring my gaze back up to his as he tilts his head, his mouth opening and closing. “Ahh.” I expect him to let me down, but instead he squeezes tighter and brings his forehead to mine, resting it there. “This is different,” he says.
“It is?”
“Yep… I want to be here with you. I want to be with you all the goddamn time, if I could chain you to my side then I would.” He shrugs. “But I think it may be frowned upon so I won’t do that… but… I would if I could.”
“Wow.” I snort. “You want to chain me up?”
He pulls back, his eye widening. “I didn’t mean it like—”
I shake my head, grinning wide. “I know what you meant.”
He blows out a breath, shaking his head at me before planting his lips onto mine with a quick kiss and then we’re moving again, the fresh air hitting my back before Evan starts to sit, turning me around and placing me in his lap.
“Finally!” Livvy shouts. “I thought you’d never come out of that darn kitchen!”
I shuffle on Evan’s lap, stopping when his hands squeeze me, silently telling me to stay still. I don’t feel comfortable sitting like this with everyone watching, but when I look up, all I see are happy faces that aren’t taking any notice of us.
“I was making coleslaw,” I say, trying to defend myself but we all know that I’m nervous. Why the hell am I so nervous?
“Mmmhmm.” Livvy gives me a knowing look before she stands, walking into the kitchen and coming back with a bottle of beer and a bottle of water, placing them in front of us.
“Thanks,” Evan’s deep voice rumbles from behind me as he picks it up. “How’s the shelter going, Dad?”
Mal leans forward, his eyes sparking. “It’s good, we’ve just had our plans approved for a new block so we’ll be able to house another twenty people.”
“Yeah?” Evan asks, sitting forward and resting his chin on my shoulder. I try to forget about the fact that his breath is skating across my skin as I wrap my hands around the bottle of water and try to listen to one of the conversations going on around me.
“We’re at full capacity all the time at the moment, we had to let a woman sleep in the main room last night.” Mal shakes his head, his mouth in a grim line. “We need more space and quick.”
“I’ll help with the build, and I’m sure the guys will too.”
“Wait,” I interrupt. “What’s this?”
“Dad runs a women’s shelter,” Evan says in my ear.
“You do?” I ask Mal. “I didn’t know that!”
He winks. “I’m a jack of all trades.”
I smile at him, leaning back against Evan as they keep talking about the shelter and the new plans. Evan suggests having a room that can be used for teaching. I lean the back of my head on his shoulder, looking up at him upside down. He gives me a smile: the kind of smile that only I get before he drops a kiss on the end of my nose.
I close my eyes and sigh before lifting up and scanning the backyard. Seb and West stand in front of the grill, flipping burgers and laughing with each other, Cal and Livvy are in deep conversation about trains—I have no idea why they’re talking about trains.
A contented feeling of peace washes through me.
I never thought I’d have this. There were times over the last few years where I was sure I’d never see outside of those walls, yet here I am now, surrounded with people who care about me.
Seb and West carry over the burgers, placing them in the middle of the table before sitting on either side of Evan. I go to stand up but Evan’s arms tighten before he reaches forward and picks up a burger, handing it to me before grabbing one for himself.
We eat as the conversation continues to flow. By the time the sky has darkened, the table is littered with beer bottles and an empty bottle of sherry that Livvy and Mal have been drinking. I keep quiet as the subject turns to when Evan, Seb, and West were kids.
“I’m sure I still have action figures planted down by the plum tree,” West says as he stares toward it, but we can’t make it out now because the bottom of the yard is pitch black.
“Don’t even think about it.” Livvy points at him, her eyes widening. “You’re not to go digging in my yard! I’ve only got the grass growing properly these last few years after you decided that you wanted the grass to be orange and painted it.”
I snort. “You painted the grass?”
“I told you, Gran! It wasn’t me who painted it! It was Evan.”
Livvy’s eyes skirt behind me, her brow raised as she watches Evan. “You little rascal! It was you!”
“Evan,” Cal says, his voice deep. “Did you paint Livvy’s grass?”
I shake my head, not believing that this is the conversation going on right now. Who the hell paints grass?
“I may have wanted to experiment,” Evan says sheepishly. “But Seb was the one who found the paint in the shed and brought it out!”
“You tattletale,” Seb grits out.
“That’s it!” Livvy shouts, standing up and wobbling. How many sherries has she had? “You’re all grounded, go to your rooms,” she reprimands seriously as she points toward the house.
There’s a beat of silence before everyone breaks out into raucous laughter, the sounds of five men surrounding us as they lose all their inhibitions and give way to it.
Livvy tries to move back a step but stumbles to the side as Cal stands up to steady her. “I think you’ve had one too many.”
“I have not!” Livvy stares at him outraged.
“Come on, let’s get you to bed.”
“I don’t need you to put me to bed, Cal. I’m not a toddler.” She stumbles again, gripping onto his arm. “Whoa, have you been working out?” She stares up at him wide eyed as her hand grips his arm. “Your muscles have muscles.”
“Hey! Get your hands off my man.” Mal stands up, much the same way that Livvy did.
“What’s the matter, Mal? Afraid that Cal will want a piece of this.” She waves her hands at herself, dipping to the side. I’m sure she’d be on the ground if it wasn’t for Cal keeping her upright.
“Come on,” Cal encourages, helping her inside with Mal at his back.
“Wow,” I whisper. I look down at the grass, imagining what it would look like orange. “What did it look like?”
“What did what look like?” Evan asks, his hands wandering down to my thighs as he pulls me flush against him.
“The grass.”
“It was the best grass in the world!” West shouts, standing up as his eyes widen. “We should paint it again!”
Seb and Evan groan. “Don’t you dare,” Seb warns. “She’d kill us all if she woke up tomorrow and her grass wasn’t green.”
“You’re such a Debbie downer,” West moans. “And on that note, I’m hitting the hay.”
“I better get going too,” Evan says, his voice low. I nod my head even though the last thing I want is for him to leave. “I have something for you in my car.”
I lift up off his lap, following him into the house and starting to clear up the kitchen as he heads outside.
I’ve placed everything in the dishwasher and wiped all the sides down when he comes back in. I lift my head up, a smile on my face that drops when I see the thunderous look shadowing his eyes.
“Evan? What’s the matter?”
He closes his eyes and when he opens them back up I can see that he’s slammed his walls down as he steps closer. His body is stiff as he leans down and places a kiss on my lips and hands me a small box.
“I didn’t want to do it like this.” A muscle in his jaw ticks. “I’ve got to go, but I saw this and thought of you.” He places another kiss on my lips before spinning around, the sound of the door shutting vibrates through the house a couple of seconds later.
I stare at the door, frowning, wondering what happened for him to be so angry. I step forward, about to follow him out when I remember the box in my hand.
I run my finger over the black velvet material and open it up. Tears spring to my eyes when I see a silver chain with two hearts intertwined hanging off it.
The last time I was given a gift was the day I turned fifteen from Gran. My thoughts tumble as I remember the look on Gran’s face as she handed me a butterfly charm to add to my bracelet that was overflowing with charms that captured memories.
I rub my wrist, knowing that I’ll never see that bracelet again, but the memories will always be with me.
* * *
I pour myself a cup of coffee, leaning against the counter in Dad and Pop’s kitchen, my teeth clenched and a muscle in my jaw ticking. Narrowing my eyes at my reflection in the oven door, I clench my hand into a fist, needing to let some of the anger flowing through me out.
Last night was perfect, spending the evening with Lexi, Dad and Pop, but that came crashing down when I went to my car to get the gift I bought Lexi. I didn’t get to see her reaction because I knew I had to get my car from the curb before anyone saw what had happened and asked any questions.
My front tires were slashed and a note pinned under the wipers. My goddamn car had been messed with!
Pushing my hand into my pocket, I pull out the note, reading the words for what feels like the thousandth time.
A bad attitude is like a flat tire: you can’t go anywhere until you change it, pumpkin.
I ball the note up, pushing it back into my pocket before taking a sip of the now lukewarm coffee.
“Son?” I startle at the sound of Pop’s voice. He heads to the coffee pot, pouring himself a cup, already dressed for the day in his three-piece suit. “Did you stay the night?”
“Yeah.” I pull my cell out as it vibrates and push it back in my pocket, dumping the coffee down the sink. “I didn’t want to risk driving last night.” The lie rolls off my tongue with surprising ease.
“Ahh.” He nods in understanding.
“I better get going.” I push forward, wrapping my arms around him, knowing that I need to get out of here before he realizes that my car isn’t out front. “I’ll see you later,” I tell him when I’ve pulled away.
“Be safe!” he shouts after me as I walk out of the house and down the path to Luke’s SUV that’s idling next to the sidewalk.
Pulling open the door, I lift up into the seat before slapping my hand on the dash. “Let’s go.”
He pulls away from the curb, eyeing me in the same way I’m staring at him.
He has dark circles under his eyes, his muscles tense as he grips the steering wheel so hard I’m afraid he may pull it off. Looks like two of us are pissed.
“What happened?” he asks, his voice a growl.
“Someone slashed my tires, Eric picked up my car last night, I need to head over to see how much damage is done.”
“You know who did it?”
I grind my teeth together, crossing my arms over my chest, knowing it was Geena—she’s the only person who called me pumpkin. “I have an idea, but I need to check my cameras.”
Silence surrounds us as we make our way to the auto body repair shop that did my custom paint job.
“What’s up with you?” I finally ask after ten minutes of silence.
“None of your goddamn business,” he growls back.
“Whoa.” I hold my hands up, my head whipping toward him. “Your time of the month?” I ask, trying to lighten the mood.
He growls again, lifting his hand up and smashing it into his steering wheel over and over again.
“Luke! What the fuck?”
He ignores me, his nostrils flaring as his chest heaves up and down before he comes to an abrupt stop at the shop.
“Luke?” I try again.
He turns to face me, his ice-blue eyes staring daggers at me as he grinds out, “I need to—” The sound of his cell beeping distracts him, and he looks down, opening a message and throwing his head back in frustration.
I wait, knowing that he won’t tell me what’s going on with him but needing him to know that he can talk to me if he needs to.
“You know you can talk to me,” I tell him.
“I know.” He sighs, scrubbing his hand up and down his face before he turns back to face me. “My mom is on my back about...” His eyes flicker with something but it’s gone as fast as it came. “I need to go and see her.”
I tilt my head. “You need me to come with you?”
“No.”
Well, okay then.
“Thanks for the ride, I’ll see you at the compound.” He doesn’t acknowledge me as I push out of the car and head inside to find Eric, leaving the sound of his tires squealing in his wake.
I stare at the back of his SUV as he speeds away. Luke is almost always broody, but that was a whole other level of broodiness.
I spin around and spot my car right away, fresh with four new tires on complete with a frowning Eric staring at the side of it.
“Eric?”
He whips his head around, coming forward with a sly smile on his face as he shakes my hand. “You really pissed someone off,” he says, pointing to the side of the car.
“Are you fucking kidding me?” I groan, crouching down and running my finger over the scratch that runs along the entire side. “How much?” I ask, looking back up at Eric.
He runs his hand through his black hair, his dark-blue eyes flitting away before connecting back with mine.
“When do you need it for?”
“Today.”
He pushes his arms inside his coveralls that are covered in paint splatter and car oil. “I can have it done in a few hours, but it’s gonna cost a pretty penny.”
I stand up, pushing my hands into my pocket and gripping the note tightly. “Money ain’t a problem, I need it done ASAP.”
He nods, heading into his office and throwing a set of keys at me. “You can use mine, be back at three and it should be sorted.”
“Thanks.” I walk out and head toward his lime-green sports car, my body vibrating with anger.
How dare she destroy my property, she knows I could have her arrested for criminal damage.
I start to formulate a plan in my head as I drive back to the compound, there’s no way that I’m letting her get away with this. She knows—she fucking knows what that car means to me.
Goddammit! She’s been so quiet, I thought it was over. I should have known that Geena wouldn’t let it drop, she always gets her own way. The only question now is—what does she want?