Chapter Eleven
Olivia leaned against the stall door in the barn Nakos had just closed and heaved a sigh. “I’m so over today it’s ridiculous.” She rubbed her sore left shoulder and dreamed of a hot shower. And ten pounds of chocolate. Add a glass of wine, and the day might end on a good note.
Gary, their vet, had been out to the ranch for a six-month visit on the horses. She adored the man, but hated check-ups. Some of the horses spooked easily when it came to exams and it was a never-ending parade of in-out, in-out. When things had begun running late this afternoon, she’d barely had time to jog up to the house—on Nakos’s insistence—to grab a sandwich for an early dinner because she’d skipped lunch.
“You okay?” Nakos dropped his hands on his hips and frowned, gaze assessing.
“Yeah. Just a stunner, I think. Firestorm jerked when Gary gave him his shots. Tugged my arm a little.” For a thoroughbred, Firestorm was a big baby. Then again, he was a male.
Nakos nodded. “Let’s get you home, then. You can take something for the pain and soak in the tub.”
“Good plan.” If she made it that far. The bale of hay in the corner was looking perfect.
They locked up and headed down the path in the fading daylight, rounding a pile of shingles from the third barn. Nate had been tasked with stripping the roofs and re-shingling, something she’d been meaning to hire someone to do. When he’d caught wind, he’d insisted he could do it for her.
“He got a lot done, didn’t he?” She nodded her approval and breathed a lungful of humid air as they walked. Spring was finally settling in and she was grateful. Winters around here were long.
Nakos grunted. “He’s efficient. I’ll give him that.”
She studied him in her peripheral. “You guys seem to be getting along better. I haven’t heard death threats in at least a week.”
He stopped and faced her, short black ponytail catching the breeze under his cowboy hat. “Anyone who puts himself on the line while a dickwad threatens your life is solid in my book.”
“He wasn’t the only one who came to our rescue. Have I thanked you?”
A corner of his mouth quirked. “Only eighty times. And it was a knee-jerk reaction. I’d do it again.”
“I know.” And that was why he was one of the best people she’d ever had the pleasure of having in her life. She sighed, fondness tightening her throat. “I’m going to hug you and you’re going to let me.”
In answer, he opened his arms and she stepped into them. She pressed her cheek to his chest and closed her eyes a beat as he enveloped her.
“I love you.” She inhaled his scent of hay and sunshine. He’d always been there for her and she didn’t have a clue how she’d get along without him. “I don’t say that enough.”
“Ditto, little red.” He tugged on her braid, something he used to do when they were kids.
“I’m sorry about what I said a few weeks ago.” It had been eating away at the lining of her stomach, and it was high time she faced her mistake.
“I understand, but listen to me.” He pushed her away and held her shoulders. “I would’ve taken you up on that offer or made one of my own years ago if I thought it’s what you really wanted. But that’s not the case and we’re fine. We’ll always be good, just as we are. I’ve known for a long time I’m not the right man for you.”
“That seems to be a mantra.” She pouted.
“Let me guess. A certain ex-military, Harley-riding individual is trying to keep his attraction leashed?”
She laughed. “Yeah.” And she knew why, too. Or she had an inkling, anyway. She didn’t know how to relay to Nate that she didn’t care about his past, other than to slowly chip away at him until he heard her. “Does it bother you? Him and me, I mean.”
“It shouldn’t matter what I think. But no, it doesn’t bother me.” He offered a contemplative smile. “Know why? Because if you feel half as much for him as his eyes say he does for you, then that’s the person you should be with.”
Well, damn. “When did you get so wise?” Except, she wasn’t so sure about Nate’s feelings. It seemed like mostly lust on his end. If there was something more, it was buried under a heap of other emotions he refused to acknowledge.
“I’ve always been smarter than you.”
Laughing again, she walked with Nakos the rest of the way to the house. Bypassing everything and everyone with an exhausted wave, she headed up to her suite, popped a few ibuprofen, and sank into her bathtub full of steaming water. By the time she emerged, Mae and Amy had retreated to their rooms, so Olivia hunted down Nate on the porch.
She eased the door open and stepped partially out, propping the screen with her shoulder. In the corner rocking chair with Bones at his feet, Nate stared out at the dark ranch with a tranquil ease to his expression she’d not seen often. His thumb idly tapped his jean-clad thigh as he laid his head back, and she took a moment to watch him.
More than anything, she hoped he was getting a semblance of peace his past hadn’t seemed to allow. She’d been accumulating broken fragments of his history, and what she’d gathered made her heart ache. And memories were obviously eating away at him. For a man who looked as beautifully strong as him, he sure didn’t appear to think very highly of himself.
Her gaze wandered over the tattoo sleeves covering his corded forearms to his bulging biceps until they disappeared under his tee. She outlined the hard ridges of his abs and pecs through the fitted shirt, remembering the feel of his hot skin under her hands. The way he’d reacted had her wet and achy, even now. He’d been so responsive.
A day’s worth of outgrowth shadowed his jaw and she smiled at the fullness of his lips. They said the damnedest things, those lips. Sometimes a heart-stopping memory, often a dry or witty comment, and on rare occasions, something so utterly alpha-sexy she had to clench her thighs. They’d been few and far between, those remarks, but when he let his hunger rise to the surface, she was one-hundred percent lost. His.
No one had ever spoken to her like that before—with guttural, commanding need.
Since he seemed to be enjoying the quiet, she went to go inside, but he turned his head and looked at her. Trapped by his gaze, she froze in the doorway, surprised by the lack of censure in his eyes. He’d allowed blips of openness when she could tell what he was thinking, but those had been atypical. Not like now.
No guards. No walls. Just...him. And his many contradictions.
Desire and loathing. Affection and repentance. Optimism and despair.
This wasn’t the first time he seemed to crave. Seeking, almost. Her, maybe, or perhaps something on a deeper level he couldn’t trust himself to go after. Her heart beat in shallow flutters behind her ribs, because she wanted nothing more than for him to reach out and take. He was able to uproot so many responses from her, often without trying, but she could only do so much if he wouldn’t believe he deserved something good.
And they could be so, so good together.
“I won’t disturb you.” She offered a smile and nodded her goodnight.
“You’re not disturbing me, and what’s wrong with your arm?”
She hadn’t realized she’d been absently rubbing her shoulder again. “Just a muscle strain.”
He paused, staring as if contemplating a reaction. “Come over here.” He leaned forward and patted Bones’ head. “Look out, boy.” After the dog rose and moved to the other side of the chair, Nate pointed to the floor between his legs and looked at her.
Letting the screen door close behind her, she made her way over. His gaze took in her shorts and tank top, his jaw tight. He seemed to have a love/hate response to her PJs every time she wore them. At his nod, she sat on the porch in front of his chair, her back to him, and flanked by two solid thighs. She mentally bitch-slapped the happy bubble in her chest that he’d initiated interaction this time.
Two large, warm hands settled on her shoulders and she inhaled. His thumbs dug into the muscles of her neck, working their way down across her shoulders and back again in a circular motion.
Her eyeballs thunked the back of her skull. “Oh my God. Don’t stop.”
A quiet chuckle, and he dipped under her shirt straps to keep massaging. Lord, his hands were amazing. Rough, slightly calloused, and huge. There was nothing sexual about his touch, but her skin heated and her nerves sizzled, even as her muscles went lax. The strain and tension from the day drained out of her in five seconds flat.
She moaned and he stilled. “Too hard?”
“Lord, no. Keep going. I’m going to be comatose soon.”
Another low chuckle, and he continued his ministrations. “Never done this before. Let me know if I’m hurting you.”
A pang hit her belly. Not only had he made the first move and asked her to join him, but he went outside what was obviously his comfort zone in order to try and make her feel better. His own sweet, clumsy way of taking care of her. She wondered if he realized the amount of character he displayed with the simple act.
Closing her eyes, she rested her cheek on his knee, giving him better access to the side that hurt. He smelled good. Denim and grass and soap. He had this way of surrounding her, either by his size or his scent or his presence. She’d been raised in wide-open spaces and with plenty of breathing room, so she was shocked being around him didn’t cause suffocation.
“You’re not falling asleep, are you?”
“I might.” She hummed as he worked the upper part of her arm and back to her shoulder. “You’re freakin’ awesome at this.” Bones set his head in her lap. “Someone’s jealous I’m getting your attention.” With a grin, she scratched behind the dog’s ears.
Nate grunted. “Where I go, he goes. Strange how he follows me everywhere.”
“It’s not strange. He likes you.” She sighed and breathed in a lungful of humid air. A slight breeze wafted and, in few hours, the temperature would probably drop. For now, it was a perfect night. “Are you sleeping better since he can come and go from your room?”
“Yes, actually.” The low rumble of his voice made her shiver. So yummy. “Are you cold?”
“Nope. Your voice is sexy.”
“My voice is...” He stilled an extended beat as if processing. “What?”
“You heard me. Sexy. Continue what you were saying.”
“I forgot what we were talking about.” The confusion, amusement, and shock in his tone made her laugh.
“The dog in your room,” she cued.
“Right. He’s caught me on the cusp of a bad dream several times and I’ve been able to go right back to sleep.”
Lord, that was music to her ears. “Repeat after me. You were right, Olivia. I shall listen to you about everything from now on.”
Gently, he cupped her jaw and tilted her head back until she stared at him upside down. With his face inches from hers, his somber, dark eyes swept over her face like a caress as his thumbs stroked her cheeks.
After a careful assessment, he sighed. “You are downright adorable sometimes. It’s maddening.”
She grinned.
He grunted and kissed her between the eyes, then brushed his nose against hers. “You were right, baby. I shall listen to you—within reason—from now on. Better?”
“Define reason.”
A grin split his face so fast she doubted he even realized he’d done it. Holy damn. It changed his whole appearance, infused the golden flecks in his eyes, and gave her a full-body tingle. From the inside out. His hardened edges disappeared, transforming sully and brooding into charming and approachable.
“I was right,” she breathed. “Your grin is panty-melting.”
He flinched, his brows furrowing.
“Boo. And there it goes.” She shrugged, feeling the loss all the way to her toes. “I’ll bring it back eventually.”
He shook his head. “What in the hell am I going to do with you?”
“Anything you want.” At the narrowing of his eyes and flare of his nostrils, she smiled. Seemed a certain unmentioned male’s armor could be breeched. “Oh, you meant that rhetorically. My bad.”
He growled, snapped his eyes shut, and released her. “Go to bed, Olivia.”
Satisfied she’d chipped away at him a bit, she rose to her feet and stretched. The pain in her shoulder was mostly gone. “Do you like sci-fi?”
“What?”
“Sci-fi. The genre?” Teasing him was becoming her favorite pastime. She gestured between them. “Resistance is futile.”
“Christ.” He pinched the bridge of his nose. “And she quotes Star Trek. What next?”
She turned to leave when something in the corner caught her eye. “What’s that?”
He glanced at the tin bucket and back to her. “Something to shut my brain off before I go to sleep.”
Okay, now she was curious. Kneeling, she dragged the bucket over and peeked inside. There were a few tools that looked like extravagant ice picks, along with a couple knife-like things. She removed a large freezer bag and paused.
Figurines. Interesting.
Opening the bag, she smiled as she pulled out a carved replica of Bones, no bigger than her thumb. “You did these?”
He nodded, strumming his fingers on his thigh.
“They’re good.” Another one of her dog, a horse, a tree, and a few horseshoes were also inside. She remembered the box he’d crafted containing Justin’s things and looked up at him. “That’s some talent, Nate.”
“Hardly. Like I said, whittling shuts off my mind.”
She tilted her head. “Amy said that about her photographs, too. That she was just fooling around. She’s wrong and so are you.”
He only stared at her in response, and she got the impression he was carefully measuring his breathing in order not to react. Why? Had no one paid attention to see he was really great at this? Complimented him? Noticed at all?
Suddenly sad, she glanced at Bones. “Look, it’s you.” She showed the dog the figurine and grinned when he barked. “Bones likes it.”
“He licks his own ass and sniffs crotches, too. Pardon my lack of enthusiasm.”
She rolled her eyes. “Can I have this?”
“You can have them all if you really want them.”
“I do.” Rising, she put the items back in the bucket to grab later and set it aside. Hands on the arms of Nate’s chair, she leaned close. “I’m going to kiss you goodnight.”
He offered a lazy blink.
“What? No argument?”
“I’ve stopped fighting you. There’s no point. I just go around in circles.” His throat worked a swallow. “The same reasons for not doing this still apply, Olivia. We shouldn’t. Period.”
His struggle was waning. She could tell in the slight amusement in the curve of his lips and the lack of tension in his frame. She was getting to him. Good. He’d had her interest since day one. But he wasn’t at the point where he was ready to grab what he wanted. Until then, she’d keep at this pace.
“Are you saying I make you dizzy?” She brushed her lips against his and he watched her through narrowed slits. The few times they’d kissed, he’d kept his eyes open, too. For a few beats, anyway. She wondered why.
His fingers tightened on the chair arms, turning his knuckles white. “If by dizzy, you mean frustrated as hell, then yes.”
She smiled against his mouth and climbed sideways in his lap, earning a sharp inhale. Holding his jaw, she added pressure to his lips.
A furrow of his brows, and he closed his eyes. His mouth widened, spreading her lips so he could dip inside, and she moaned at the first shallow stroke of his tongue. As if holding back, he remained rigid, searching only with a kiss for her reaction.
He drew a rapid breath and pulled away to look at her. Gaze seeking, burning into hers, he shook with something she could only call unfettered energy. Instantly, like the decision had been made for him, his arm covered her to keep her against him while the other slid up her spine and into her hair.
Then, he tilted his head and sealed the gap, devouring her with fierce lashes of his tongue. His fingers fisted her strands and his groan rumbled from his chest to hers like his control was a thin tether. His kiss turned angry, harsh, and her arousal consumed. Every cell awakened—a part of herself that had been asleep, unaware this kind of heat existed.
He took and took and took from her everything she had left, only to seemingly give back pieces of himself in exchange. Punishingly, he urged her jaw wider, thrust deeper, and need raked her raw. Unrefined power vibrated from him, but he wouldn’t snap the leash. Just tugged until...
Panting, he pressed his forehead to hers, eyes pinched tightly shut. “I’m sorry.” His ragged breath fanned her face and he shook his head. “Christ, I’m sorry.”
“For what?” And why? Please, whatever that was, he needed to do it again.
“That was no goodnight kiss. It wasn’t even human.”
She buried her face in his neck and closed her eyes. That was more passion than she’d ever known, and he wanted to apologize? “I’m only sorry you stopped.”
“Damn it, Olivia.” But the curse was a half-hearted muttering. “I don’t do that very often.”
She lifted her head, confused. “Do what?”
“I don’t do intimacy. Making love, sex, foreplay? Not at all. Kissing included.” He frowned with that look in his eyes, telling her he wished he’d never brought up the subject. “Forgive the term, but I fuck. That’s it.”
Understanding dawned. She’d suspected as much after the first time they’d kissed, but hearing it from him was...a reality slap. “Do you enjoy it when we’re together?”
“I nearly swallowed you whole and you’re asking me that question?”
She offered a reassuring smile. “I repeat, I’m only sorry you stopped. Let’s make a deal. If you push too hard, I’ll tell you. If you need time with an aspect of us being together, you’ll do the same.”
“This is wrong, you and me. I don’t care how right it feels.” He cinched his arm tighter to draw her closer to him and, after a moment, set the rocker in motion as she put her head on his shoulder. “I thought you were going to bed.”
The gentle sway of the chair, combined with his warm body cradling hers, had her drugged and headed toward oblivion. “I’m working on it.” She yawned.
“Your ethic needs improvement.”
She smiled against his skin and hummed. It was the best she could do, considering.
He kissed her temple. A hearty sigh, and he dropped the back of his head to the chair.
With his thumb stroking her arm and fingers of the other hand lightly running through her hair, she gave in to the sweet darkness pulling her under and the safety he invoked.
And she woke in her own bed the next morning with the figurine of Bones on her nightstand.