Chapter Seventeen
Checking for bruises? And he was...sorry?
Olivia leaned on her elbows and took in Nate’s distraught expression. It was apparent he thought he’d been too rough. Though she appreciated the sentiment, disappointment churned in her belly. She’d figured once she got him to finally let go, he’d push past this mindset of not being good enough and the constant need to hold back.
Guess she was wrong.
She tried to school her voice calm when tears threatened. “Twice you asked if you hurt me and twice I said no.” Yes, his first initial thrust had caused a minor ache due to his size, plus she hadn’t had a lover in awhile. But it had also been amazingly intense. Within seconds, the slight twinge had dissolved and she’d never been more desperate, more turned-on in her life.
His throat worked a swallow. “You deserve better than that, than to be taken like an animal.”
“Did you hear me complaining?” She sat up, wanting to cover herself, but refrained. He didn’t respond, keeping his gaze trained on her throat, and her irritation mounted. “I didn’t hear you complaining, either.”
His gaze flicked to hers. “This isn’t about me.”
“Exactly. It’s about you and me. We agreed if one of us wasn’t onboard with an aspect, we’d say something.” She studied him, but couldn’t tell if he was even listening. “I taunted you, got you riled. I all but ordered you to take what you wanted. I’m still reeling from the orgasm and you’re...sorry?”
Insulted, she climbed from bed and started for the bathroom, but he grabbed her wrist to stop her.
A battle waged in his eyes as he stared at their hands, then his gaze slowly lifted to hers. “Don’t be angry with me for being concerned. It’s not something I have any control over and it’s an entirely new emotion for me.”
Her shoulders slumped. “That’s not why I’m upset. I love that you care, Nate. What I don’t like is that you regret what we did.”
“I don’t...” He closed his eyes a beat. “I should regret it. I really should. My past mistakes are a constant reminder why we’re wrong, but all my instincts are screaming for something else. For you.” He glanced away, the look in his eyes telling her he thought he’d said too much.
“I’ve never had passion like that before. There’s a time and place for lovemaking, but there’s nothing wrong with what we did, too. It was...barbaric.” And Lord, she’d loved it.
“Barbaric,” he repeated quietly. “I don’t know any other way.” His expression indicated he wanted to learn, to try. He opened his mouth to say more, but shook his head instead.
After a moment, his hands settled on her waist and he drew her closer to stand between his knees. Then, he dropped his forehead to her stomach, and tears threatened a second time. This side of him was hard to contend with, hard to face. He seemed to constantly fight his nature for caring.
A thought drifted in and out of her subconscious. Too fast to take root and she dismissed it immediately. Still, she brought it up, regardless. “Was it disappointing for you? Was I...unsatisfactory?”
She was no idiot. She knew when a man was enjoying himself, and Nate had been as into the sex as her. It didn’t hurt to throw the notion out there, though. Considering his history, maybe she wasn’t enough for him long-term.
His head jerked up so fast, she got whiplash. His seething glare had goosebumps rising over her arms. “No,” he growled. “No, no, and no.”
Well, okay. That settled that.
He sighed, his features relaxing. He stared at her a beat, then wrapped his arms around her and planted her on the bed sideways to face him. Reaching up, he smoothed her hair from her face. “Don’t be mad anymore.”
Lord, this man. “Quit assuming facts not in evidence and I won’t be.”
“All right. As long as you don’t ever label yourself unsatisfactory again.” His lips curved in a pained smile and he lowered his tone. “It’s never been like that for me, either.”
She smiled back to erase the little remaining tension. Tracing his stubbled jaw with her fingertips, she took in his golden-brown gaze and melted. He had such an expressive face at times and his puppy dog eyes were this side of aw-shucks. Soft, down-turned lids that contrasted the sharp line of his brows. Criminally long lashes.
Dropping her attention to his full lips, she pressed a kiss there and lingered. He smelled so good, like warm male and soap, and she wanted to burrow into him. There was something innately settling about being wrapped inside his embrace. More so knowing she was probably the first woman he’d held in that manner.
“Now what, baby?” He brushed his nose against hers and tilted his head, giving her a barely-there kiss. He moved over her cheek, feather-light, and stopped at her ear. His breath caressed the shell and she shivered. “I’m not sure what comes next. Typically, this is where I get dressed and leave.”
“Well, we have two options.” She ran her hand across his pec and down his rippled abs, earning a sharp inhale. “We can go to sleep or...” She caressed his growing erection with the back of her hand.
He groaned, sucking her earlobe into his mouth. “Or what, baby?”
“Or...” She nuzzled his throat, kissing and licking her way over his neck to the spot she found drove him nuts. Just to the left of his pulse and shy of the tendon now straining. “Or you can show me what other caveman moves you have in reserve.”
“I’m liking option two very much.” He tilted his head to give her better access and shoved his hand in her hair, panting. “Are you sure? So soon after—”
She rolled out of his arms, reached in the nightstand for a condom, and rolled back. She slapped the foil packet to his chest. “The only thing that hurt me was your behavior afterward. Take me again. Like you mean it this time.”
Nostrils flared, he stared at her like he was rearing to snap again. “I meant it the first time.”
“Prove it.” She traced his gluts and wove around to grab his rock hard backside.
A low growl rumbled from his chest to hers. “Don’t you want something slower? Less...?”
“Less like you?” She lifted her brows in question. “We have time for slow later. Right now, I just want you. The real you. I’m here because I want to be.”
Still, he resisted. He stared at her, gaze darting back and forth between her eyes, his mouth firm. “I don’t want to hurt you.”
Dang it. “Nate—”
“No.” Tossing the condom by a pillow, he slid his hand around her neck and into her hair, fisting the strands and forcing her to look at him. “I mean afterward. You said I hurt you and now I’m upset.”
Breaths heaving, he eased his face closer until they shared oxygen and his determined gaze pinned her immobile. “Let’s do this again, baby. I want to hear that sexy little noise you make in your throat when I pound into you. To feel your hot flesh gripping me. To watch your eyes lose focus and your cheeks burn from passion.” He nipped her lower lip. “There are an unspeakable amount of things I want to do to you. And when we’re done, I won’t hurt you like last time. Understand me?”
There. There was the man she’d been trying to find and bring to the surface. The one unhindered and unafraid and uncontained.
Every square inch of her skin heated and her breath stalled in her lungs. Her core throbbed and her breasts ached, and she succumbed to it all. To what he could give her. She was putty in his huge, capable hands.
“Yes,” she hissed and arched toward him, needing him on a level she’d never realized was possible. His lost to her found. His seeking to her waiting. A destination finally in reach. “Yes, Nate.”
His nostrils flared again, but he drew a measured breath, watching her through narrowed slits. Then, he rolled her to her back and straddled her. Hands braced on the mattress by her head, he hovered over her until she was completely, blessedly surrounded by him.
Direct gaze searing with temptation and promise.
Full, lush lips parted with shallow oxygen exchange.
Straining muscles covered in ink that rippled with tension.
Bulging biceps and coiled forearms.
Wide chest and pecs and six-pack abs that were more like a case.
Veins and tendons and dark skin.
Firm, solid thighs and, between them, his beautiful erection. Thick and long. Velvet over steel.
As if liking her attention, he rolled his hips, grazing her belly with the hard length. So badly, she wanted to touch him, but she sensed that might trip him over some kind of edge. Keeping her arms at her sides, she looked him over again, enjoying the view, growing wetter with the perusal.
He pressed his hand between her breasts, splaying his fingers, and eased it lower. Rough calluses deliciously grazed her flesh. Watching her, he made a path past her abdomen to her mound and cupped her heat. She bucked into his touch, but he merely tilted his head as if coming to a conclusion.
Rising, he sat on his haunches and reached for the condom. Gaze locked on hers, he bit through the foil and sheathed himself. “There’s a difference between want and need. Earlier, you asked me what I wanted and I said you.” He flipped her over onto her stomach and covered her with his body, settled his hips between her legs. While she was still reeling, he brought his lips to her ear and shifted behind her. His thick crown parted her folds. “Thing is, baby. I don’t just want you. I need you.”
He traced the shell of her ear with his tongue and brought one arm up beside her face. Ink and skin blurred together to create a hazy kaleidoscope. Soughing for air, for relief from the painful ache of desire, she rolled her hips.
He groaned and chuckled against her cheek, the sound low and strained. “Tell me what you want, what you need, and I’ll give it to you.”
She was going to die in a puddle of unspent yearning if he didn’t stop torturing her. “You...”
No sooner had she whispered the word and he thrust inside. Stretched her. Filled her. Stole her breath and sanity.
He stilled as if to give her a moment to adjust, then slid his arm between her and the mattress. His fingers scissored around where they were joined, palm pressing her clit, and tingles shot through her. She moaned, rolling her hips, but not getting much relief because of his weight. His other arm worked under her chest until he cupped the side of her face and cradled her head in his hand.
She blinked, completely leveled by the conflicting emotions his move instilled. The sweetness of holding her while he sinfully worked her body. Covered it. Surrounded her. And like before, she had no idea what do. She was entirely at his mercy, willingly so, and overwhelmed by desperation to ease her need. There was something utterly freeing and frustrating about it. Like hanging by her fingernails from a ledge and simultaneously letting go to plummet.
His breath caressed her cheek. “Tell me you want me.” The grated, whispered demand made her heart pound harder.
“I want you.”
He pulled out and thrust inside, his palm adding pressure to her clit. She cried out at the violent pleasure.
His nose brushed her ear as he tilted his head. “Tell me you need me.”
“I need you.” So, so, so much.
Again, he repeated his motion, and she pinched her eyes shut at the jarring satisfaction. “Then, I’m yours, baby. For as long as you’ll have me.” Another thrust. “You’re mine.”
Oh God. “Nate...”
He groaned. “I know, baby.”
This time, he didn’t thrust, he drove home. Swift. Brutal. With short, firm plunges, he pounded into her. Repeatedly. With each filling, his fingers slid along her folds and his palm added more and more pressure where she needed it most. She could do little more than lie there, taking him, completely submissive under his weight.
And she loved it.
He enclosed her body with his, stretched her to the point there was no room for doubt. Her breasts, crushed against the mattress, became more tender as her nipples peaked. Tension knotted her shoulders as she sought her release. His grunts fueled her on and a warning of an impending explosion clutched her midsection.
Fisting the sheets, she splintered. Light and kinetic energy blasted through her, rendered her motionless as she came on a silent scream. She trembled under him, felt the white-hot burn through her whole system. Again and again. Gasping, she opened her eyes.
He never let up. “You’re not done.” Harder, he pumped, and they drifted higher up the bed. His palm smacked the headboard as if to gain leverage. “Come again.”
The graceful motion of his body and shift of muscle against her contradicted the carnal, fraught way he took her. Savage. Dominating.
He dipped his head and latched onto her neck, swirling his tongue over the spot that made her eyes roll back in her skull. His fingers moved from her folds and flicked her clit, then he pinched the nub and...
She buried her face in the sheets, trying to chase yet another white light. With every retreat, he rubbed her sensitive flesh, and with each plunge, he filled her anew. Rhythmic. Beautifully jarring. A mating and a promise and a declaration.
He grew rigid behind her and pulsed deep inside her. Opening his mouth wide on her shoulder, he groaned. Loud. Long. “Now, baby. Christ, please.”
Knowing he was on the brink, holding out for her, and that she was the very thing standing between him and bliss, was enough to send her to the cliff with him. She whimpered and...
Something seismic ruptured inside her. She bowed and came a second time, the orgasm ripping through her. Muscle locked around bone and her cells liquefied. Unable to take it, she wailed into the mattress as quake after quake assaulted her.
He cursed a wicked streak and dropped his forehead to her nape. Froze. Shuddered. Rolled his hips. Pumped several more times. And...collapsed onto her with a grunt. He pulled out, rolling to his back beside her, chest heaving. They lay next to one another for long moments, obscenely panting.
Finally, an eternity later, he removed the condom and stared at it.
She could barely blink. “There’s a trash can on the floor beside the bed.”
He glanced over with a groan and discarded the condom. “Thank Christ. I don’t think I can move.” His brow furrowed and he gingerly bent his knee. Rubbing his thigh, he turned his head and looked at her. “Doesn’t look like you can, either.”
“Maybe next week. With proper motivation, that is.” Lord, she felt good. Sated and exhausted and properly sore in all the right areas. “What’s wrong with your leg?” He kept massaging it.
“The injury. Stiffens up sometimes. I’m fine.”
He probably needed fluids. Gearing herself, she shifted to the edge of the mattress. If memory served, he had a couple sports drinks up here from her fever.
“Where are you going?”
She paused on his side of the bed. “To get you a Gatorade. Be right back.”
“If you can walk, I did something wrong.” He patted the sheets. “I’m fine. Come here.”
Leaning over him, she smiled. “You did everything right. Now be quiet.” She gave him a brief kiss and made her way to the kitchen on shaky, spent legs. Funny, she’d never moseyed around her suite naked before. She snatched a bottle from the fridge and returned to find him sitting up, leaning against the headboard. “Drink. Rejuvenate.”
He smiled and took the bottle. “Thanks.”
She climbed back in and covered them with blankets. He downed half the drink before recapping it and setting it on the nightstand, then laid on his side to face her.
His gaze swept over her as he propped his head in his hand. “You’re goddamn beautiful after you come. All the time, actually, but especially after sex.”
The air seeped from her lungs. “That’s much better than I’m sorry.”
His brows pinched as his throat worked a swallow. “Would it be redundant to apologize for saying sorry? My intention wasn’t to hurt you. The opposite.” He tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, gaze following the movement. “I don’t know what the hell I’m doing, Olivia. Literally and metaphorically.”
The point being, he was trying. That’s all that mattered. He wanted to evolve and move on. “In the past, what did you do when faced with something uncertain?”
“Fight blind.” He twisted his lips in thought. “Or run. Depends.”
“Well, you’re not alone, so fight with another set of eyes. And I’ll catch you if you run.” She grinned. “I’m very fast.”
Amusement shone in his eyes. “Olivia Cattenach, are you telling me you’d chase me?”
She suspected she would, to the ends of the earth and back. He’d lit a spark inside her, and not just lust. His dark side called to hers as if reaching out for a mutual healing. Somehow, he was filling a need she didn’t know she had. Companionship. Strength. Safety.
“Are you thinking about leaving?” It hadn’t occurred to her, but there wasn’t anything tying him here.
Gradually, he sobered. After the longest pause, he cleared his throat. “If there was the slightest chance I was capable of leaving you, there’s a greater one I never will.” He closed his eyes as if frustrated. “I don’t understand how you get my thoughts out of captivity and sprung from my mouth.” He looked at her with a frown. “What I mean is, I plan on sticking around until you ask me to leave.”
“Because you promised Justin?”
“Yes.” But he absently shook his head in denial like he wasn’t aware he was doing it. “He said something once. We were talking about old girlfriends and I asked why he didn’t have a current one. He gave me that cheesy grin of his and replied, if you’re with someone who makes you a better person, hold onto them. I haven’t met her yet.” He huffed a laugh and rubbed his eyes. “Totally forgot about that.”
And he chose now, right this second, to remember. Because he thought she made him a better man. The compliment wove around her jugular and squeezed. “You’re a good person, Nate.”
He slapped his hand between them on the bed with a weary sigh. “I think you’re the first person to ever think such a thing. Definitely the only one to say it.” His brows rose as if solidifying his argument.
“Justin knew. He wouldn’t have sent you here, otherwise. Aunt Mae wants to adopt you, plus you have the respect of my ranch hands. You even managed to win over Amy and Nakos. No small feat with those two.” She rubbed her thumb across his lower lip. “I do believe you’re outnumbered.”
His hesitant gaze trailed a path over her face like he was trying to memorize her features. “I should get back to my room.” He leaned in and kissed her forehead.
“Why?”
He paused, blinking as if he genuinely had no clue how to respond. “Isn’t that what you want? Besides, the others will know something’s going on tomorrow morning if I’m up here.”
One step forward, two steps back. “First, you’ve been crashing on my couch for more than a week. Second, if they haven’t figured out what we’re up to, they’re blind. Third, I’m not ashamed to be with you. And lastly, no, I don’t want you to go.” She took his hand in hers. “How am I supposed to wake you up doing naughty things if you’re downstairs?”
His mouth opened and closed on a frown. “Are you sure?”
“Turn off the light. Yes, I’m sure.”
After a pause, he whistled for Bones, then reached over and switched off the lamp, flooding the room in moonlight. Once Bones jumped onto the bed and settled, Nate eased closer to her and reclaimed her hand, threading his fingers through hers.
She snuggled up to him, tangling their legs and burying her face in his chest. Hard and impenetrable as he was, he made a good pillow.
He sighed and kissed her hand. “Perhaps you could explain these naughty things you mentioned. To prepare myself.”
She smiled against his hot, scented skin. “Where’s the fun in that?”